The above is a reference to a strange, absurd, two sentence meme from the early twenty-first century: "His wife has filled his house with chintz. To keep it real, I fuck him on the floor."
The original meme is generally understood to be a very strange depiction of a case (homosexual) adultery. There is a disparaging attitude towards the wife and her obscure decorations (the 'chintz'), which is placed in strange contrast with the rough act of sex without furniture. There is a strongly implied preference for the roughness of the visceral adultery as a form of being "real" as opposed to the "fake" comfort implied by the "chintzes" which presumably cover the bed and other furniture. The passivity of the husband in respect to the decorations implies a level of alienation.
In the above, the poster is describing the same situation with different implications and motivations, with the changes highlighted by capital letters. It comes across in tone as someone harshly correcting a misinterpretation.
First, "his house" is replaced with "their (husband and wife's) house." This emphasizes a shared source of responsibility and ownership. The wife and husband both own the house and contribute to its existence, rather than the wife's choices being an imposition on the husband.
Second, "chintz" is replaced with "antique." "Chintz" is an eclectic word (part of the reason the meme attracted attention), which originally referred to a specific, high quality style of fabric, and later became used to refer to the cheap and gaudy imitations of said fabric, and finally became associated with chap and gaudy things. It is similar to tchotchkes: cheap things whose only purpose is to look impressive (which subsequently fail when one identifies how cheap they are). The word "antique" implies real value, care, and curation. It is a far, far more positive word to describe a given decoration.
Third, the reason "to keep it real" is replaced with "avoid damaging her valuables." This changes the motive for sex on the floor from being a raw rejection of the decoration to consideration for the materials. This is still strange, given the implications of adultery persist (the husband is still married to someone else). The poster clarified in a tag that it is meant to be consensual with the wife's knowing, but that would not generally come across in the early twenty-first century by default, because no relationship is presented between the speaker and the unnamed wife.
The "antiques" are still the possession of the wife in this retelling, rather than being shared with the husband. The antiques are still external to the husband.
Most people in the early twenty-first century would be unaware of the meme and would be quite confused. This is a form of referential humor to an in joke. Some of the humor comes from how the harshness towards the wife are removed from the statement... without removing the galling act of the extramarital affair.
vaporwave
ellievsbear
tangentwithtanner
pixelskylines
izzy806
