I was lost long ago in the maze of life. I thought I had found exits, escapes, or at least something to fill this infinite void. But I've been left with the harsh bitter cold of Winter
Elijah closed his eyes and let out a breath as Aylin’s hand took his. Words slipped out of Aylin’s mouth but Eli had yet to consummate a response as the emotions drifted through the warmth on his palm. He could feel Aylin’s mixed flurry of emotions press forth as Elijah felt his push back. He let his content and joy find its way through the bond and into Aylin’s heart. Eli could feel some of the worry seep through, as well as the slight shock from the news make it through the surge. Eli had been worried, and this new information he had yet to discern how it made him feel. “And? Do I have her approval to be seeing you?” Eli joked as he opened his eyes and re-focused on Aylin’s face, gently gliding his gaze down to his adams apple.
Aylin gave a sad smile at the humor. He hadn't really thought about it, but he was sure she knew of Eli though they hadn't talked on him. He gave a light shrug. "What's there not to approve of?" He asked, still not making eye contact. He felt the warmth of their hands, though the usual flow felt muffled. Perhaps it was his own emotional numbness towards the whole thing, amplified and sent back to him. Though it was his own, the feeling felt foreign, distasteful. It felt like his wall, crafted over his lifetime, albeit in a more crude and mundane form.Â
Taking a deep breath Aylin headed on with the conversation. "Yeah... So that was unexpected. I thought she had died-... well i suppose she had but. Anyway. That's why I've sort of disappeared for awhile. But that's... not mainly why I wanted to talk." He let the statement linger, waiting for Eli to respond and letting the silence fill his courage.
Hannah looked at Aylin, shuffling her feet as she looked around nervously, not sure if he could fix this, “A situation….” She asked a tad panicked, her hand covering her mouth a moment, fingers tapping against her lips, “Uh..okay okay.” She nodded as she took a deep breath, keeping herself calm, not wanting to make him more upset, “Your sister and you, why…why would that be the place…” she outwardly thought as she shook her head, “How much do you stand behind that theory?” She laughed as she looked at his hand, taking a breath and taking it, allowing him to tow her along, wanting to be his support, seeing that he was struggling with processing this all. “Going to need a bottle of wine when we are done.” she joked, trying to make his mind ease,Â
Aylin shrugged. "It's our best chance I think..." He smiled and nodded, thinking some alcohol would do this nice and well, but didn't respond otherwise. They had finally come across the young Aylin, though his sister wasn't to be seen. The boy stood next to a small, lazy stream as he looked around frantically. He heard him call out, "Ensel?!" but there was no response. She had disappeared suddenly, and though Aylin knew that he would find her, alive and well, the memory still struck home. He was left unable to process, anxiety gripping his core and pulling him down.
His breathing deepened as he looked around and he slowly forgot what was happening, reverting into the young boy. Aylin looked around in worry before finally resting his eyes on Hannah. He gave her a look of worry, asking for help though unable to form the words. He wasn't sure what was happening, how the vision was affecting him so much, and he needed to get control back before it consumed him. He looked momentarily to the boy before returning to Hannah, hoping she would be able to do something.
Elijah gave a slight grin, but continued to stare up at the sky. “Had I known you were such a romantic back then, I am sure the conversation would have gone a bit differently.” Eli stated as he thought back to his not so subtle advances on Aylin. With a slight chuckle he looked over to the blond. “Glad you found me, but you took your time.” He said with an eyebrow raise. He was beyond curious as to why Aylin had been distant, but he figured he could let the vampire speak for himself. His emotions were a swirl it seemed, and without a direct form of contact Eli would not be able to sort through them without a great deal of concentration.
Aylin smiled, quirking his head. "Oh? How different would it have been?" He inquired. He wasn't sure how accurate the romantic part was, but he wouldn't contest it. He shrugged. "Perhaps time is what was needed..." Aylin looked down. He hadn't really told anyone what had happened with himself and his sister, and he wasn't really sure how to go about approaching the topic. Reaching out across the gap, he took Eli's hand in his own, lacing their fingers as the wind softly swung them. He let the connection speak for itself, saying only a few words. "My... sister came back." He didn't make eye contact, but looked back up to the lazily drifting clouds instead. He felt one with them, moving without aim, high above the ground and waiting for his time to disappear as his sister had.
"Finicky?" She asked a little confused in his wording as she looked around them, this was a memory from his own mind and though she would want nothing more but to eave, to walk away and have him work this out himself, but she felt like she needed to stay, to make sure we was okay. she pulled her hands away, one falling to his forearm as she watched the two kids run, "Hey Aylin!" she shouted after him as he started to walk toward them, not sure if they were separated what would happen, "What no..you have to have a way to like switch it off, like clear your mind or something." she said, desperately, having taken precautions to make sure nothing supernatural happened to her, but she had walked right into this one.
She followed reluctantly behind him, looking around them as she allowed her feet to carry her behind Aylin into the woods. She didn’t know what to feel, scared, worried, sympathy, it was a mix of it all as she looked up as he turned to her, “Better then doing it alone I guess?” She said, sighing, walking up and hugging him with one arm, “Who are they?” she asked, not being able to see them anymore but seeing the emotional reaction just seeing them brought to Aylin.
"Well.. you'd think." Aylin shrugged, looking down at his hands. "There was a... situation of sort that messed up my power. At least I think." Aylin could tell that Hannah was nervous and reluctant to be there, and felt sorry that she was forced to come along on this. Looking off into the woods, he was silent for a moment before replying. "They're... It's me... Me and my sister." He took a deep breath, staring off before moving forward again. "I think if we follow them it can lead us out..." He said, looking back and offering Hannah his hand. Though it certainly wasn't winter in Beacon Hills anymore, a chill was setting into this late autumn setting, and it was nice to have a bit of human contact to power through it. He could hear they were approaching the children, and he tried to build a wall to make it though, giving Hannah a reassuring and thankful smile.
It had been a while since Aylin had made it out and had much human contact. His encounter with Hannah was enough to cause a resurgence of loss, and he didn't want that same strange problem to happen to someone else. But after saying he would find Eli, he knew he would have to hold true to that, and he deserved to know why he had been so shut away.
He tried the flat first, but no one answered. He wandered around town a bit looking for the vampire. He tried the hilltop park where they'd met up after that other world. He glanced in a coffee shop before looking at the back hiding corner of the library. Finally, he found his way to the small park where they had first met. Elijah sat, swinging and looking up at the sun worn sky. Aylin smiled slightly. He should have assumed he would find the vampire here, after he had told Eli he would find him. He walked over, sitting on the swing next to him. Without looking over he spoke quietly. "It's truly beautiful here." Aylin said, mimicking Eli's first words to him.
Hannah shrugged off his apology once more before she looked across his face, seeing confusion and then almost a slight panic cross in his eyes, his forced smile making her almost nervous. She was expecting something bad to happen, but what she got was something much different, though it still freaked her out. Her head turned, looking around them as the blizzard swirling around them almost became claustrophobic, her feet taking a step toward Aylin in fear that something would emerge from the snow, but it dissipated as soon as it started. She was growing scared, she didn’t trust Aylin with her mind like she did Dameon, she didn’t know what he was doing or trying to do, but the more things changed and got further from current reality, she grew more and more scared.
She shook her head, her chest rising a little too quickly as two kids ran in the distance. She was panicking, she didn’t trust this, she didn’t know who the kids were or who’s mind he was tapping into, and she was afraid if he dug enough he’d pull things from her own mind. “What do you mean you lost control?” She looked at him frantic, taking a step back, turning, watching the kids playing in the new field they stood in. The little boy looked familiar, her eyes following he kid before rising to Aylin and seeing the pain in his eyes, this was his..possible memory, she felt like she was intruding, but then the fear she was stuck here was still very present. “Aylin focus..Hey.” She cautiously walked to him and took his face to look at her, though it was a little difficult due to his height, “Focus on the present, this isn’t real.” She felt weird trying to comfort him, when he’d taken her here, but she also felt bad for him, with the underline and very powerful need to go back to the present.
Hannah's words went through him, barely registering as he looked on at the place in the woods where the children had disappeared. He shook his head slowly. "It's no use. M-my power has been a little finicky lately. This isn't anything I can control, we'll... have to see it out." He finished quietly, glancing to Hannah before starting to walk towards the woods. Â His sister's reappearance and loss was still affecting him, but this vision was something so much deeper and startling that Aylin was just left empty, unable to process. "We're stuck here for now..." He said, half as an attempt to make sure she followed him. He wasn't sure he could do this alone.
Aylin walked towards the woods, hearing the distant echo of laughter. He held back tears, waiting to process his emotions once they had gotten out of this mess and he was finally alone. He felt bad for Hannah getting sucked into this. He wasn't sure what had really caused the malfunction, but assumed it was something left over from his sister's use of it. While he was feeling much better, he still felt a little off. As they stood at the first line of trees, Aylin turned back and nodded at Hannah. "Sorry to bring you into this mess..." He said with a solemn look.Â
She laughed, looking back at the bench she’d been sitting on and sighing, nodded before saying a quick goodbye to Dameon. “Thank you so much.” She smiled, going and taking it from Aylin’s offering hand, warmth spreading up her hand from where her fingers had brushed against Aylin’s hand “It’s good to see you too, I think the last time was you were in my house acting all funny. How are you doing now?” She brushed off his hesitation from her being on the phone, would have had a fit when she got home and didn’t have her jacket with her, “You weren’t interrupting anything, just said I was on my way home, You’re fine.” she laughed, smiling up at him
Aylin smiled, feeling a warmth spread across his hand at her touch. Quickly though, the feeling escalated, turning into what felt like an electric charge, running the length of his arm. He tried to focus on her words, pushing out the sensation and replying to her, though not sure what she had asked. "Oh yeah, it's alright. Don't worry. But yeah... sorry to interrupt." Aylin's brow furrowed. He felt his power start to activate and tried to calm it. What was going on? Had his recent encounter with his sister left his power out of whack? Aylin saw Hannah smile and tried to smile back, but as soon as he did he lost control.
Spiraling around them, a whirlwind of snow erupted. Though the cold could not harm them, the wind bit as if out for blood. Aylin grimaced, moving forward to grab onto Hannah. He had to make sure she stayed calm, didn't run off. He wasn't sure what was happening, and if she left who knew what the vision would do. Perhaps it may follow her. The sudden storm died quickly, but instead of standing in the park as they had been, the pair was standing in a wide field, the sun shining down and glistening off of the morning dew that clung to trees. Aylin knew this place. This was his home, where he had come from so long ago.
Aylin turned to Hannah, looking concerned. He wasn't quite sure how to explain. "I-Hannah don't panic. This is... I think it's an extension of my power, creating images that aren't really. We're still in the park, but...." he trailed off, looking around. "It seems I've lost control of this... I can't do, well... anything. We'll have to play this out." Something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. Running just past them. As he turned, he saw a young boy and girl disappear into the wood. It was him and his sister. At the sight, Aylin tried to build up a wall, but the sadness struck him hard.
Aylin reached down, turning the handle to his apartment and sliding in. It’d been a few days since the beach trip with Elijah, and he was still gaining back his energy after all the swimming, goofy dancing, cooking, and everything. They’d stayed longer than Aylin had expected, and the only reason he really decided he needed to come back when he did was because he had run out of clean clothes and other supplies. After tossing his coat onto the hanger, he set down a bag of groceries on the counter, deciding to rest a moment before sorting them. Aylin plopped onto the couch, taking a deep sigh and closing his eyes. Thoughts of the trip didn’t seem to usually be far from mind, but today had been a long day and before long Aylin was slowly starting to drift off, his mind empty.
He felt it. That same strange crawling feeling as if someone were watching him. Aylin had felt it before, first arising the day he had stumbled upon Hannah’s house. But this time, something felt different about it. It felt stronger. As if someone where there in the room with him. Calming his breathing, Aylin slowly opened his eyes, trying to get a sense for what was happening to him. He knew no one was really there. After all these years, had he finally broken? Started to go insane?
But something took ahold of him. It wrapped it’s hands around his mind, and though it felt strangely comforting Aylin went into a panic. He tried to shove it all away, tried to push it out and run – but there was no running from this. Aylin jolted up, trying to stand.
Just as Aylin got to his feet, the world went dark.
He wasn’t sure how long he had been out when he finally opened his eyes. Aylin lay there on the hardwood floors feeling completely drained. What was it that had come over him? He started to lift himself up, using the table as a support. Turning his head, Aylin looked back up to the couch from where he had fallen.
That’s when he saw her. Sitting right where he had fallen from
It was his sister Ensel.
Aylin sat there dumbfounded. Before him sat his sister – the sister he had traveled 20 years and across Europe in an attempt to find…. Over 800 years ago. Aylin stuttered, unable to form a sentence. Ensel just smiled, her radiance lighting up the room. And when she spoke, it lifted Aylin from the ground, his eyes brimming with the hope he had lost.
“Hello, Aylin.” She said softly, her pronunciation twisted by the Germanic language they had once spoken. Aylin slowly reached a hand towards her, unsure if this was reality but unable to avoid the hope that his sister was finally reunited with him. “I…..E-Ensel…..” Aylin sputtered out, a teardrop finally falling across his cheek.
“Yes…” She nodded, a reluctant smile sitting on her face. “It’s… really me I suppose. This isn’t a dream dear brother.” She moved to take his hand in hers, but Aylin moved forward to embrace her. Aylin wrapped his arms around his little sister, pulling her close and muffling his sobs into her shoulder. He felt her warmth, her arms around him as he released decades of loss. “I…I t-thought I’d lost you… for so long.” He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself as he slowly pulled back.
“Well… you did, and you didn’t…” Ensel said, holding onto his shoulders as she gave him a somber smile.
Aylin’s heart sank at her words. “How…. Are you here?” Was she supernatural somehow? But she certainly wasn’t vampire, and he wasn’t sure what else could live so long. His brows furrowed as he waited for her answer.
Ensel sighed. “Sit… It’s a long explanation…”
-
As they sat, she turned to her brother, biting her lip. “Oh, brother… I’ve missed you so much.” As tears welled up, she fought them back. She had to be strong through this, and she knew the time was limited and they had a lot to get through. She placed her hand atop his, seeing the hope and loss, regret and love breaking across his face with each moment. This was harder than she could have imagined.
“I am not… truly here. You see me, hear me, feel me because… For now I am an extension of you, I think.” She cleared her throat, looking down to avoid what she knew was a look of defeat. He did not have his sister back. This was only a forgotten farewell. “A specific set of factors led me to be here… The discovery of your power was a large one.” She looked up with a smile, proud of her brother and his abilities. “I guess… I should start from goodbye, shouldn’t I..?
“I was devastated when we got word that your group was sold off, killed, or worse. And that was of course after… a few years of waiting at least. It was so hard, that loss. I would cry out in our woods, and sometimes Gregor would… follow. To torment me. It broke me that he never seemed to care you were gone. Our parents only grieved for so long before moving on. I couldn’t take that place anymore. Everything reminded me of you but no one seemed to remember. I was trapped.
“So I ran away. I was lost for so long before I was picked up by a… traveling crew of sorts. They all had these weird… powers of sorts. The kind that the people in this town have.” She gazed off into the couch, remembering her story. It was so long ago, but she had run through this moment for so long that the words came with ease. “They said I had powers like them. It took me forever to believe them.” Her story progressed, her sentences fractured and stumbling in parts where she was unsure of the word. “Until they discovered death followed me. They abandoned me. Called me a banshee. I was devastated, and stranded in the middle of some large island off the coast of France….
“It wasn’t long before I died….” She trailed off, a teardrop breaking through her wall as she cleared her throat. “But something kept me here. Perhaps it was my relationship with death. After chasing me for so long he decided he no longer wanted me. I was lost all over again, but somehow I ended up with you. I opened my eyes one morning, and there you lay before me. It had been… a couple hundred years by this point. I was so confused until I realized.” She said, with a small, knowing smile. “And somehow I grew a connection to you. You were my home base.” She lightly tapped his chest just over his heart. “I wandered around, found our parents graves, explored where I was never able to… and every few years I would wake up wherever you found yourself.”
Aylin shook his head, silently crying as he listened to her story. He must have been a wreck, knowing his sister had been so close all alone. She rubbed his arm. “I.. found Gregor too. He was turned, as you were, but he is a very different man. He… lets the bloodlust consume him…” She trailed off. Aylin started to speak, but Ensel cut him off. “No… I don’t know where he is, and… I-I don’t think you want to see him Aylin. I’ll leave it at that.” She looked into his eyes, unable to read the emotions that lay there.
“You were traveling with a woman at some time…. Cass? When you were stabbed, I was pulled back to you. It gave me power, somehow…. I felt myself in ways I hadn’t in years. It was like your loss of life was pulling me back through, taking me away from death… So when you were stabbed again….” Ensel looked to her brother, gauging where he was sitting with all of this. He looked on at her, the tears drying as he tried to process. “I was pulled back to you… But your new powers sustained me this time. Gave me substance. I could feel again. And slowly I came back…
“But I started seeing what it was doing to you… Always looking over your shoulder. Your powers going crazy… And you never fully healed.” She said, a look of sadness reaching her as she ran her fingers over the scar across his chest that should have healed. “So... I am using your power. Perhaps this is all that I needed, but I can’t do this to you anymore. And I feel… I feel a pull. One I’ve never felt before.”
She reached out and hugged Aylin, holding him close.
“Death will take me soon. Finally.”
She let the wall release, tears falling as she held her brother. The reunion they had always wanted was finally here, but it was overflowing with bittersweet. She laced her fingers through his hair, remembering how the sun used to glow through the trees and make him into an angel.
“So this is hello… And goodbye. The goodbye we never had.”
-
Aylin’s heart shattered.
His sister was so close. She was here in his arms, but she said she had to go. He couldn’t lose her again, he couldn’t lose his best friend, the one he always fought for in his soul. “No… Ensel there must be some way. Can’t… C-can’t you stay like this?” As he asked, he knew it wasn’t true. As she stayed here, he lost more and more energy.
The sadness was almost tangible in the room. Ensel shook her head slowly. “No, Aylin… It’s you or me. And I can’t let it be you. I could never let that happen.” Despite her sorrow, a look of determination came over her. The kind Aylin once saw during their games in the forest. Even after all this time, he remembered every nuance of her movements, the rise of her words, the strength of her being. He didn’t know how he would be able to lose this all over again.
“I-It’s almost time Aylin… The tipping point is near. But I’ve always been here for you, brother.” She squeezed his hand. “And… though most of me will be gone, I’m sure there’ll be a way for some of me to stay here with you, forever. Who knows what’s on the other side… I’ve spent so long running from it.” She smiled. “But I have a way with death is seems.” As she spoke, Ensel reached out with her free hand, placing it once again across the scar on his chest. This time, Aylin felt a warmth. A comfort despite this sorrow. It felt like he was home.
Aylin looked on at her. “Ensel… I-I’ve missed you for so long…” And she’d always been so close. Always been with him. The things she must have seen that would break her. He held so much respect for his sister. He knew if it was possible, if anyone could do it, his sister would find a way back. It was the only conviction that made if possible for Aylin to do this. To say goodbye. To put it behind him.
Aylin had found his sister.
As he looked up, tears in his eyes, he saw that his sister was starting to fade. This was it. “Ensel… my sister… I don’t know how to… To say how much you mean to me. I will always love you.” He placed his hand over hers on his chest. Their eyes met as Ensel softly spoke. “This is goodbye brother…” A sad smile slid across her face, bisecting the tear stains on her cheeks. “Remember…” She was started to disappear faster, her warmth leaving. “I’ll be here. Always…” Her last words echoed within him, a soft whisper that Aylin barely registered. As she disappeared, Aylin reached out in one last attempt to hold on to her, but he was met with empty air. She was gone.
-
Aylin didn’t sleep much. Fatigue wore him down but her words echoed through his mind every time he tried to lie down. He had stayed there alone, holding on to nothing for hours after she left. He had felt empty, melancholy, lost. And as he lay in bed he felt it all over again. Reaching up, he rested his hand on his scar, feeling the warmth of his skin. Laying back he closed his eyes, and somewhere within him a contentedness grew. A feeling of home. And Aylin slept.
Elijah: Yes! Whenever and wherever you'd like. You don't have to abduct me to a beach to get time with me, or see me half naked for that matter. [chuckles]
Aylin: [chuckles quietly] You're a character, Eli... And I have a lot I'd like to talk about. How about tomorrow? I'll find you
Elijah: No, it's fine. What kind of stuff are you talking about?
Aylin: I...Well it's complicated... And hard to explain over the phone, but I'll tell you when I see you next? Which... is soon I hope [reluctant chuckle]
Hannah was royally embarressed from what she’d done a night ago, drinking to the point she needed to call, no Carter needed to call Dameon to come get her drunk ass. She was just getting out of work, she’d parked in the far parking lot but she needed to get off her feet for a moment, setting down her stuff and calling Dameon she was on her way home, having gotten into the habit after Evan had died, the second time. She was getting up and leaving when she heard someone shout from behind her, she instantly stilled, fixing her bag on her shoulder and peaking behind her before letting out a sigh, “Aylin. What can I do for you?” She said slightly loudly as she moved toward him.
"Oh!" Aylin exclaimed, somehow not having realized the girl had been Hannah. "Hey. You just left your jacket on the bench back there." He half turned and nodded towards the bench, turning back with a smile as he started to extend it out to Hannah with one hand. He didn't want to interrupt her phone conversation, so he just gave a polite, "Good to see you." Quietly, looking to the phone and back to imply he didn't want to intrude as he waited for her to take the coat.
Recently it seemed like the town was dead. Aylin went out a few days in the last week and found hardly anyone he knew or anyone to stop and talk with. Making another attempt, Aylin found himself walking through the main town square, taking in the scenery and looking for stores and shops to explore. As he neared the center, he saw a person stand from a bench, talk on the phone and start to walk away. Noticing that the person had left behind their jacket, Aylin ran over, picked up the jacket and moved to follow the person. "Excuse me!" He called after them to try and get their attention as he grew close.
It'd been awhile since Aylin had been able to get out and just play music for awhile. it was something he missed. He also had a bad habit of buying new hobbies and finding interests to get into, and then getting caught up in something completely different and never getting around to the initial activity. During his move to the apartment, he'd found an old guitar in the back of his storage container, never used. Figuring it was time to start up something new, he grabbed the guitar, some random guitar pages from a book he discovered, and headed to the back corner of the city park.
Aylin had always been able to learn new activities and lessons very quickly, so it was only a few short hours before he was able to pluck through a couple songs with relative easy. Taking a break and leaning back against a wall, he sensed someone moving closer before stopping next to him. "Hello there." Aylin said without opening his eyes to see who had arrived.
Eli was laughing as Aylin hit his face, halting his removal of his underwear. He continued to chuckle as he fell over into the sand on his side. “You’re pretty cute when you get nervous.” Eli exclaimed as he hopped up off the ground, his underwear now hanging scantily lower on his hips. “Sure, let us satiate our appetities.” Eli chuckled with a wink as he turned to walk up to the house with a chuckle. He stopped for a moment to stare at the sun, its bottom now touching the horizon of the ocean. Eli took in a steady breath as he watched Aylin’s form start to walk up to him. With a warm smile on his face he wrapped his arm around Aylin and spun him slightly so he was staring at the horizon, but both of Eli’s arms were wrapped around his torso. Eli gently rested his head on Aylins shoulder as he looked to the sun. “Just a bit longer, if that is okay with you.” Eli queried, his voice warm and mellow as he enjoyed the sight and the feeling of his hands on Aylin’s hips. The blonde smelled of salt and sunshine, his hair tickling the side of Eli’s head.Â
Aylin smiled slightly and blushed, but didn't respond to the comment. As Eli walked ahead of him, flaunting his hips Aylin couldn't keep his eyes from wandering, seeing the low ridding, sand covered underwear. The way Eli made the statement, Aylin felt like there was some sort of hidden meaning but he couldn't quite pick up on it. And knowing Eli, he figured he didn't want to ask. Eli spun Aylin around, and he grabbed on to Eli to maintain his balance, his hand resting at the top of the hip. The red remained in his cheeks but he didn't move his hand even after he had regained himself, finding comfort in the heat and smooth skin. He felt Eli's head on his shoulder and relaxed, feeling a wave of comforting emotions vibrate through their connection. He smiled softly. "However long you'd like..." He rested his head on the top of Eli's, feeling the warmth between them. Aylin hadn't quite felt anything like this before. A warm, intoxicating feeling that slowly spread to his limbs. He felt like he never needed to leave, never had to get rid of this.
- January: sexuality/preferencesUm well I don't really know. Why does it have to be labeled? I mean i guess everyone i just people... And I have a lot of preferences, doesn't everyone? It depends on what you're talking about. I prefer animals and fiction mystery novels I suppose
- August:Â crush namesI'm not really sure what defines a "crush"...? I have two guesses. If it's "like" then... I'm interested in a man named Elijah. If it is "who i would like to crush" that's mean and I won't tell you who
