hello, i’m cielo! i made this blog to write and read fanfiction for trigun, jjk, csm, arcane, hq, and genshin impact!
✵ masterlist
most recent works:
to break first: meljayvik x reader | messy relationships, angst, happy ending ✵ nsfw-ish ✵ one shot
my heart, your song: kaeya alberich x afab!reader | fluff, hurt/comfort, some angst, happy ending ✵ nsfw ✵ ongoing series
god of my hunger: zhongli x afab!reader | smut, hurt/comfort ✵ nsfw ✵ one shot apart of an upcoming series
some upcoming fics i’m working on:
*note that all titles are subject to change*
into the hush: vash the stampede x reader, nicholas d. wolfwood x reader | when a band of mysterious strangers show up on your father's ranch, you want nothing more than to get rid of them. little do you know, they'll change the very course of your life forever. (canon compliant, western gothic, angst, hurt/comfort)
worldeater: millions knives x reader | as a child, you spent your days chasing the twins the way the sun chases the moons. when you fall to earth, you end up with nai, and three times vash tries to get you back. (canon compliant, angst, hurt/no comfort)
An analysis and opinion on the current state of fandom and pop culture.
In a world where few feel safe in their day-to-day lives, we’ve tried to carve out this safety online—we’ve learned that our experiences online are up to us, that it’s our job to follow, block, ignore, and engage with all the ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ materials that will give us the perfect feed. The perfect, safest experience. The cleanest dash ecosystem. You don’t have to see or hear from anyone you don’t want to online, especially here on tumblr, and especially in fandom spaces.
And I do still believe it’s good to curate your experience online—to not seek out material or people you actively hate. You wouldn’t (hopefully) do that in person, so you shouldn’t do it online.
But that does lead me to my next point: it’s impossible to create a fully “safe” space in person. And I don’t believe we should have them online, either.
Actually, I think even the language around “safe spaces” bothers me a little. Originally, I believe the term “safe spaces” came from the late 60s/early 70s LGBTQ and feminist movements, where they labeled gay bars or places as “safe spaces” to be themselves in a world that ordinarily rejected, abused, or killed them for who they are. They carved out a tiny slice of the universe that would allow them to be themselves for just a an evening, a moment in time. Of course, it still meant anyone could show up in most cases. Perhaps there was some precautions put in place to try and weed out bigots or danger, but for the most part, anyone was welcome.
The term “safe space” like many other phrases on the internet that were once apart of civil rights, activist, or social theory has now been mutated, transformed, and I believe, has come to die.
Or perhaps, should die. We should kill it.
(And before anyone jumps at me—I do still believe in the importance of “safe spaces” in its original form. I do believe it’s important for marginalized people to have real, in-person, safe spaces to be in whether to just exist, connect with other members of their community, celebrate, etc. I believe it is an okay thing to have some of this on the internet too.)
Now, carving out a “safe space” on the internet and especially in fandom means to immediately block anyone that doesn’t make you feel incredible, have all the exact same opinions as you, and never once ruffles your feathers. It means to never see a gif of that ship you hate or artwork you find distasteful. It means taking everything personally and being sensitive and hypervigilant. And breaking friendships and mutuals quickly, over very, very small things. It means never being able to debate or have conversations of analysis. It means to never disagree, to never step outside of your own perspective.
It means to become hyper-individualistic. To create your own, tiny, fragile world. And if anyone or anything disturbs that in any way, you annihilate it immediately. You have no tolerance for anything other than something that gives you immense joy, satisfaction, and reassures your view of life or fandom. (My partner calls this “sugar in your mouth all the time” and what they mean is you always want sweets, but to feel better, to be healthy, you need vegetables, too.)
Creating a safe space now means losing community and only tolerating, engaging, and encouraging people who bolster you specifically. And yes, you may bolster them in return, but it becomes transactional. Warped. It is all only ever about you. And how you feel. And how that person or people or community makes you feel.
I think this is why we’ve seen an uptick in intolerance for differing opinions in fandom spaces (or online spaces in general). No one is allowed to disagree with each other—you should block and move on. If you do disagree with an opinion, that person assumes you think they’re an evil, awful idiot and becomes defensive. Or now you’re starting drama. There’s an inability to add to discussions. Or jump off of each other. Or to disagree in a way that isn’t mean-spirited or condescending. In college, during discussion based literature classes, I was allowed to disagree with my classmates on the text and we rarely got heated or upset with each other. Occasionally, of course, there were personal topics that sparked larger emotions or a misstep, it’s always possible.
But no one was ever unsafe.
Which is why I dislike the phrase “safe space” on the internet, in the modern era.
You’re not in danger, you’re just uncomfortable.
On a more specific level, I think this is also why there’s been such an uptick in selfshipping in our corner of fandom. We’ve curated our spaces so far that it truly is just about the individual and their individual self ship. Gone are the days of sharing and connecting—unless you’re willing to engage with someone’s selfship, they will not engage with yours. It leaves us all to play dolls separately, rather than together. There’s been a decline in fics, especially longer ones. There’s been a decline in just general content. Now everything is individualistic. Tailored so specifically to you and only you, that it sorta leaves you isolated.
Or leaves many members of the community isolated.
It’s become fractured and lonely. Uninspiring and an echo chamber of voices that all, always, agree and love and play and talk and adore each other, by themselves.
It leaves no room for difference, uniqueness, community, or even creativity. It leaves no room for discomfort. It leaves no room to learn how to regulate yourself over something small, like a differing opinion or someone else who enjoys that same character, differently. It’s crucial that you know how to let things roll off of you in order to be in community with each other.
Community has disagreements, it has diversity of thought and art and personhood. That is a good thing. It’s possible to disagree with someone and still maintain respect, kindness, and even curiosity for them.
Beyond that, the internet, no matter how much tailoring you do, is never just for you. If you post an opinion on your blog, someone is allowed to disagree or add to that and it doesn’t always mean they’re trying to destroy and kill you mentally. And beyond this, fandom is not just for you. Fandom has always been about community. And community should not all look, talk, act, think, and agree exactly like you.
This is dangerous and indicative of grander socio-political trends in our world and capitalism. But that conversation is for another day.
I say all of this mostly to get my opinions on the matter out—and to perhaps change minds or get people thinking. I want us to be reflective on our spaces and on ourselves. If you enjoy being in fandom spaces, it may be good to reflect on why! I think part of the reason I haven’t enjoyed it as recently is because of this hyper individualistic trend. I always enjoyed fandom as a community and place to discuss analysis, art, writing, and The Characters, together. And that just doesn’t feel as possible anymore in the xreader world that I currently live in.
Feel free to disagree with me or raise different points or thoughts, promise it won’t make the space unsafe.
yes okay but consider how tao would be the most languid kisser -- nothing rushed, nothing fevered (at least not at first), she'd be so pleased to take her time with you, kiss you slow and full and deep, maybe chuckle when you try to nip at her lips, pull back ever so slightly to breath the word "patience," against your kiss-bruised mouth before pushing back in for another, and then another.
she'd definitely use your eagerness against you, tease you till you're so, so, so desperate for her, for more, for anything -- till your whining, crawling into her lap but she's stronger than you, holds your hips still, even though you can taste the curl of a smirk at the edge of her lips.
"easy... i've gotta go out later. you'll ruin my lipstick."
"it's already ruined anyway," you say, pouting, leaning in to try and chase her lips even as she gently pulls away, a finger pressed to your mouth to stop you.
"c'mon, kitty, we'll pick this up later."
you resist the urge to whine, to clutch at her and maybe throw a tantrum, but she soothes you with another kiss, her thumbs rubbing circles into the softness of your hips. and then she's lifting you from her lap to plop you down on the couch next to her.
you sigh, letting your head loll back on the cushions as she stands up to make for the slightly cracked windows for a smoke. after digging around her pocket for a moment, she turns her gaze back to you, an eyebrow raised.
"don't be petty now," she says, holding out her hand.
you crinkle your nose, shooting her hand a half-hearted glare before reaching behind you to grab the lighter you palmed from her pocket earlier. she hikes an eyebrow even as she leans down to touch the tip of a fresh cigarette to the flame in your hand.
"hm, you managed to do that while we were makin' out?" a thin tendril of smoke curls from the corner of her mouth.
you drop back onto the couch, shrugging.
the next second, you're being tipped back, tao's mouth slotting against your own, and it should be awkward -- this angle she's kissing you in -- your head tilted back, her bending over the back of the sofa, but somehow, the friction sends electricity sparking across every single nerve-end in your entire body. the friction of her smoke-ridden tongue gliding over yours making your stomach go liquid inside you, an ache pattering to life between your thighs.
"there," she says, pulling away with a satisfied grin, her lighter back in hand. you blink, unmoored and little confused as to what just happened.
tao chuckles, tucking her lighter back into her pocket as she grabs a jacket and makes for the door.
"i don't like knowing you can still think when i'm kissin' you like that. alright, see you later -- we might be late for dinner, so don't wait for us, kay?"
you lick your lips, still a bit breathless as you watch her go. she never looks back when she leaves. but sometimes, you think as she turns away, you can spot what looks like the shadow of a smile.
hello cielo!!!!! just wanted to say that i loved your godmaker series so so much!! i read it back in the end of 2023 and havent stopped thinking about it since. i stumbled upon on it yesterday and i read it all again and im still enamored by it the same way <3 you really have a way with your words and i aspire to write like you one day!
i had a question: are you still writing that story ?
hello friend!! thank you so much!! i’m so glad that you enjoyed it and it’s so sweet of you to take the time to come on here and tell me 😭💗
in theory, yes. in practice, no. LMAO. and what i mean by this is like, never say never! it’s possible i finish at some point….but also i don’t have active plans this very moment to finish it!
Hi, do you have an updated master list? I’m looking for a v specific fic called coin toss…I’m not even entirely sure if you’re the original author but if you are plzzzzz tag me in it 😭🫶
hello! my masterlist is pretty up to date i believe! but you can find it on Ao3 here too.
