This is where it all ends for me.
I loved you. I loved you so much that it consumed me, I loved you so much that it broke every part of me, I loved you so much that I was willing to do things that I don’t normally do. It hurts still, at least a bit, seeing that you’re already living a life away from me, that someone has already and officially took my place. I was there for a long time. It was me who made you want to be committed again. It was me who helped you become the better version of yourself. But now, not anymore. My greatest fear when it comes to our relationship has come, that someday, someone will take my place, that someone will be there instead of me, that I will no longer be the one.
I get it. You chose her. You chose gentle breeze over wild fire. Who wouldn’t, right? You chose a quiet soul over a vibrant one. I will never be her. And at the same time, that also means that she will never be me. We’re on the opposite poles. We’re different in a lot of aspects. I made you crazy, she gives you calmness.
But why? Why still talk to me? Why still ask what I’m doing? Why still bother to ask how my life is? Why? You already chose her. Why are you still doing this?
All of the things that you wanted me to be are probably in her. The gentle soul, the quiet one, the tame one. I can’t be like that. I can’t be controlled. I need no master. I am my own master. I know what I’m doing, you can’t command me what to do. In contrast to that, she’s all you ever wanted. She’s the one who adjusts, she’s the one who follows, who listens, everything.
Then why? Why do you still care what I’m up to? Is it because you need the fire that is within me? Is it because you’re longing for a wild soul yet protective and strong. Given the circumstance that you’re currently in, do you feel like you need a stronger one with you right now in addition to what you have, the one that is safe and convenient?
Well, I’m sorry but I can’t play that part. It’s either you have me or you don’t. This is where it all ends for me, a total ending to what we had.
Face the life without me. Face it, because that was your decision, right? You can’t come to me running every time your world shatters down. I am not your home anymore.
