How About No.

Ash

[writing-in-the-grave]

I think I might have a new horrible, terrible, fucking amazing story idea.

[writing-in-the-grave]

Okie dokie it took a very disturbing turn very quickly but here's the idea;

Imagine the tiniest, most wimpy, pathetic, pitiful dragon you possibly can. She's got blunt horns and blunt teeth, and her claws aren't very sharp! She's a little smaller than your average house cat! Her name is Altheria. Her hoard consists of;

One dirty gold coin

That's it.

And she's so little she can't even hold the coin in one paw. It's not a big coin, she's just little and doesn't have thumbs! 👍

So the other dragons are all bigger and greedy, and very mean to her. She's struggling to hold onto her one pathetic coin, and these other dragons are fucking HUGE with caves full of gold, yet they're super greedy and want all the gold they can get! So one of them sees Altheria's single little coin and steals it. She tries to fight back, but they're so big compared to her that they just bat her out of the sky like hitting a fly with fly swatter.

So she's lost her entire hoard in one night, and she's feeling pretty pathetic, when she sees a poster!

HELP WANTED - RESCUE PRINCESS ELIZABETH - REWARD 15,000 GOLD

and she gets a very bad idea, but she's pretty desperate and stupid so she does it anyway!

So the story follows Altheria as she blunders her way through this quest to save the kidnapped princess (so tragically taken days before her wedding!!!) And she kinda sucks at it. She mostly skates by because everyone looks at her and goes "She's so small!!! She's harmless!!!"

And there's this thing called The Gift that people are born with. Only people with The Gift can understand dragons, so no one knows what the fuck she's saying anyway. Everyone just ignores her!

Well Altheria makes it to the bandit infested fortress where the princess is only to discover....

Drum roll please!!!!

The princess wasn't kidnapped. She ran the fuck away because she was not vibing with that whole marriage thing. She's taken over this small army of bandits and become their leader. She's plotting to take over her father's kingdom and become queen instead of being sold off to some prince. She's building an army.

Elizabeth has offered every would-be rescuer to show up a choice; join her cause, or die. Out of 37 would be rescuers, only three have joined her. The other 34 she defeated and killed in single combat. Because she's a badass.

She then ransomed the bodies to their families for a shit load of money.

So Eliza has The Gift, and gives Altheria the same choice but with some added sugar; if Altheria joins up, she can be Eliza's treasurer.

Altheria takes one look at the 35,000 gold Eliza has built up, and Eliza promises they'll get even more gold if they can take over the kingdom... And Altheria is 100% on board!!!!

But the reason dragons need gold is simple; the more gold a dragon possess, the larger they grow. That's why Altheria was so small. She only had one coin! But now she has 35,000 that she (kinda, she shares with Eliza) owns.

Altheria starts growing again. Throughout their quest to take back the kingdom in Eliza's name, she gets bigger, her teeth and horns get sharper, her fire gets hotter... She becomes a fucking badass, just like Eliza.

That's as far as I've gotten so far.

[oumiyuki]

This story is badass. hehe~ Imagine Eliza and Altheria going around defeating the other dragons that bullied Altheria before (in the sense of robbing; unless dragons do “fair and square” matches to get the Gold) and Altheria just becomes this extra huge, extra strong, extra badass dragon and the rest are now the tiny fly treatment dragons. XD hahaha

[writing-in-the-grave]

I have this image in my head of Altheria eating the alley cat that was mean to her in chapter one, but this works too

[artfromthevoid]

OP can I 🅱️lease draw fanart

[writing-in-the-grave]

I would die for you if you did

[artfromthevoid]

Bless

And you know I had to draw my favorite part

[writing-in-the-grave]

I'm actually crying oh my god I can't see the screen anymore my eyes are too blurry with tears in my god oh my god oh my god do you understand you're my favorite person now? Holy shit holy shit holy shit I love you she looks so little and perfect it's exactly how I pictured it thank you THANK YOU THANK YOU❤ ❤ ❤

[writing-in-the-grave]

I hope you know I've been sitting here in hysterics repeating SHE'S GOT A LITTLE FORK SWORD SHE'S GOT A LITTLE FORK SWORD SHE'S GOT A LITTLE FORK SWORD OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SO MUCH OH MY GOD

[if-i-am-not-for-me]

I would absolutely buy this if it became a novel

[headspace-hotel]

I LOVE IT EVEN MORE NOW

[arandomthot]

Glad to know that Alexa’s so forgiving 

[omgtsn]

apple breaks up fight between two magnets

[redheartgrenade]

its just played backwards

[xeppeli]

your truly ignorant. this apple is a hero; a pacifist

[midtown-parker]

[midtown-parker]

credit

[chokesngags]

FRAME WORTHY

[potentcombinations]

That spider man poster is TOUGH!

[futureblackwakandan-deactivated]

That Bisexual Guardians Poster tho

[jovan]

[pleatedjeans]

[10knotes]

im so glad i didnt die before i saw this

[fandom]

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y! What a day! The cosplay bar has been raised, cleared, and is now well out of reach.

After playing an untitled Goose game with Captain Marvel, we came across an aesthetic, athleisure-clad Thanos, a couple of Ineffable Wives, some demons, spirits, vampires, and even some travellers all the way from Middle-Earth!

Today’s the final day of New York Comic Con—let’s get it!

[classichollywoodstuff]

Fred Astaire offers his ideas on women’s fashion in Roberta (1935).

[asluttybasilofbakerstreet]

it’s time

[bemusedlybespectacled]

they were making jokes about this in fucking 1935

[catchymemes]

Sick Tiger Cub Gets Rescued From Circus, Makes Incredible Recovery And Finds Love

[deapseelugia]

SHES BLEPPING IN THE LAST PHOTO HELP ME

[chocolatequeennk]

Since so many “tiger rescues” aren’t really rescues at all, I did some googling on this one. 

Good news: This is a legit rescue, carried out by Tigers in America. This organisation rescues tigers from horrible situations like this.

If you’re an animal conservationist looking for an organisation to support, Tigers in America is worth looking into.

[hotvampireadjacent]

bro stop chanting in dead languages you’re scaring the hoes

[antigone-lesbian]

im summoning the hoes fool

[sifu-kisu]

[imsoofuckingsad-deactivated2018]

it’s like i always say: fuck

[betterthankanyebitch]

[cumonthevoid]

why did they give this line to the villain

[honey-harper-official-deactivat]

To make it seem like a bad thing to young girls

[beadubb]

But it’s legit some real advice.

Bitches need to take it.

It’s me…

I’m bitches.

[pokemon-personalities]

she snooze

[floralfirewitch-blog]

I raise you a sleepy boi

[pokemon-personalities]

thank you so much….

[vulpinemage-deactivated20221220]

I also have a sleepy boi

[pokemon-personalities]

BLESSED

[logan-berrii]

I too have a sleepy boy

[pokemon-personalities]

soft…

[prismia]

me too!!

[pokemon-personalities]

;____;

[littlestwolf234]

My sleepy girl!

[pokemon-personalities]

look at her go…

[riinchuu]

i also have a soft,  sleepy boy

[pokemon-personalities]

c o z y

[megchan87]

I have a soft baby boi

[pokemon-personalities]

we’ve almost collected the entire family c’:

[lormaggot]

cold girl here!

[pokemon-personalities]

SLEEPY FAMILY COMPLETE!!!!

[chrissongzzz]

[milky-katzchen]

They tried it

[shining-wizard]

Don’t think that my boy Andy doesn’t know that neither

[zmtn]

[image: You’re walking in the woods. There’s no one around and your phone is dead. Out of the corner of your eye you spot him - drawing: woods, hint of a bear trap and cabin, and of course, the head of the horrible goose]

i realized something very important about the syllables in “shia lebeouf” and “horrible goose”

[strawbebbynya]

@directium

[wertheyouth-blog]

Infographic: Legally Married and Legally Fired, Center for American Progress

[veggieheather]

THIS THIS THIS

[rosalarian]

I’m continuously terrified that people will think LGBT rights is a finished fight as soon as marriage equality passes nationally. There’s still so much extremely important stuff to get to. Marriage is not an end goal.