✨Am I The Asshole (AITA) Polls✨

Reddit’s AITA (Am I the Asshole?) but in Tumblr poll format!

[aita-polls]

Welcome to AITA polls! A place where you can submit your personal situations to the court of public opinion ✨

Submissions are open; all submissions will be anonymous unless clearly stated that posting off-anon is okay. Please try your best to give both sides of the story; all submissions will be assumed to be asking the question AITA (am I the assh*le?) and as such will followed by a poll with the following answers:

YTA — you’re the a-hole (the other party is not)

YWBTA — you would be the a-hole

NTA — you are not the a-hole (but the other party is)

YWNBTA — you would not be the a-hole

JAH - you are the asshole but it’s justified

ESH — everyone sucks here (both parties are the a-hole)

NAH — no a-holes here (neither party is at fault)

INFO— not enough information presented

This blog is a WIP but as a general rule submissions that are overtly racist, homophobic, transphobic, body shaming, etc are subject to be deleted from the queue. Please try to keep all conversations civil! As a tagging system begins to be used this post will be updated so that relevant tags can be followed or blocked from your feed. Thanks!

Update: I will start tagging longer questions with #long post in case anyone would like to filter longer asks from their feed. If you would like me to add any tags please feel free to let me know!

Polls that have no apparent conflict or are questioning their feelings about a situation will be tagged as #no conflict and/or #feelings poll so that people who wish to filter out these types of submissions may do so.

Due to the nature of this blog, sometimes heavy topics will be discussed. I do my best to add relevant TW tags, and in some cases particularly triggering topics will be posted under a [Read More] cut, but sometimes I may make a mistake or overlook something. If I mistag anything or if you feel I missed a TW please don’t hesitate to let me know!

[aita-polls]

Am I(26f) the Asshole for losing my temper at my sister(21f)?

So, context. I live in a household of six, formerly seven people (my grandpa passed in April). There's me, my two aunts, my dad, my brother, and the subject of this post. My sister and I have always had a pretty rocky relationship- I constantly pushed her away when I was little because I hated being touched (and she was an extremely touchy kid), and I once accidentally shut a door on her hand which resulted in her finger getting hurt really badly (an incident that I will emphasize was an accident).

I really regret being so shitty to her when we were kids, because I was genuinely an awful sister for a long time- There's no excusing that. As adults, we have done a lot more to try and repair our relationship, but it's shaky often. I generally feel like she doesn't tolerate me more than she has to, and I'm a lot closer to her brother, but we have stupid sibling in-jokes and things we do together when she has the time- Which isn't often these days. She's going to college for a degree, and I was unemployed for a long time because I was helping with the care of our grandfather until he passed- I have a job lined up now. This will be important later.

So, my dad likes to take us on vacation a lot- We've seen many of the states together, and it's usually fun when we do- But since my sister and I start work on the 15th, we chose to not go. I, instead, went with my older aunt to watch a friend's dog for a week, and my sister got the house to herself for that time. Hooray.

Due to a mix-up, my aunt and I wound up coming home today. Immediately when I walk through the door, I notice a few things- There's some trash and a dirty plate on the table, the sink is full, and every light in the house is on and has been for lord knows how long- My aunt called my sister, and apparently she was out with a friend. Sucks, but okay! I clean up the mess.

My sister got home at some point, bringing that friend (a stranger to me, I do not know this person). She comes up and tells me that she told this friend they could use a switch game I own. Keep in mind, I bought both our switch and every single game on it- I was annoyed about this, but I brought it down to her friend and told them to have fun, because they were told they could play already. I headed downstairs when they were playing and noticed there was more in the sink, so I asked her 'hey, do you mind cleaning your dishes up before you go to bed'. She openly scoffed when I asked her this, and I didn't say anything about that. I did, however, ask my sister if we could talk once this friend left.

About an hour ago, my sister messaged me on discord to tell me her friend was staying the night in our living room, with no heads up or warning, and I snapped at her. I told her that she'd been inconsiderate, that it wasn't fair for her to leave us a mess, to tell people they could use MY things without asking me first, and that it wasn't fair for her to expect me to do her dishes. I asked her to return my game to me by morning, too.

She, instead, brought up my previous unemployment and accused me of contributing nothing (when I was directly helping with our grandfather's end of life care while she was going out drinking every night, and cleaning up after her and our father), and that she 'didn't realize I hated people so much'.

I will post the messages I sent to her afterwards verbatim:

"I don't hate people, I am pissed off that you did something inconsiderate And I am asking you to for once FOR ONCE acknowledge that you did. I have nothing against your friend Just one fucking "hey, sorry I left a mess in the kitchen" or "hey, sorry I told someone you don't know they can use your things without asking you first" because if you just. ASKED me I would be fine! Or if you just said like "hey, I'm really tired, do you mind doing it" wrt the kitchen I WOULD. Because I GET that you work hard, but it is STILL shitty of you to do those things And you not thinking "hey, this will really make her upset" when you do something like that doesn't make it not inconsiderate! And look, I get I was mean expressing my frustrations- I'm sorry, I shouldn't snap at you I love you, when you get this, I'm just frustrated" So, was I the asshole for this? I want a positive relationship with my sister. I try to be a good sister now, but I just got really pissed off tonight.

Is anon the asshole?

YTA (you’re the asshole)

NTA (not the asshole)

JAH (justified asshole)

ESH (everyone sucks here)

NAH (no assholes here)

INFO (more information needed)

Remaining time: 6 days 9 hours

[aita-polls]

WIBTA (or the weirdo?) if I commented on someone’s YT video that I found through their comment on another vid?

The original vid (not theirs) was about saying a slur, and their comment was like “I had to leave an online group because of this. I wish I were less sensitive to this stuff sometimes because then I wouldn’t be lonely as shit. (more comment) I am alone, but at least not around these people.” Very paraphrased. I left out what I forgot; they only mentioned being lonely and alone twice and it was a longer comment

but I think they sound kind, and I went to their YT and found some vids with a few views that I think are funny, (they’re meant to be)

I responded to their comment and basically said like “I relate, as another alone person I get you, I really think there are good groups out there, etc.” Trying to be like optimistic.

Anyway, I probably won’t do this, but I want to comment on one of their videos saying like “omg hilarious” or “that’s crazy” or whatever. Or subscribe to their channel.

Would I be the asshole? Like, is this stalker-ish? I am probably even more lonely than them so I don’t know how people actually make friends. But I know it’s not in the comments’ sections of random youtube videos. I don’t want to be inappropriate/weird. I was going to see if they responded but there’s not much to respond to and I miss YT notifs all the time. I am almost definitely the asshole the more I think about it, I don’t want to be a creepy friendless stranger 😭

Would anon be the asshole?

YWBTA (you would be the asshole)

YWNBTA (you would NOT be the asshole)

JAH (justified asshole)

ESH (everyone sucks here)

NAH (no assholes here)

INFO (more information needed)

Remaining time: 6 days 8 hours

[aita-polls]

Would I be be the asshole if I got a restraining order against my half-sister, despite my Dad's wishes?

Im going to try and keep this brief. For context, I am 20.

My dad has another kid (K, aprox mid 40s). She was born decades before me and her mother did not want my father to be present in her life. (For context, K's mother told my dad she was medically incapable of having children, but she actually wasnt and she knew this). K has met my father maybe a handful of times. I did not know she even existed until I was in my mid teens.

(K) has a long criminal history. True crime podcasts about her exist. Criminal nickname and everything like a damn serial killer. She's been in jail countless times, mostly for stalking and harassment. A few physical attacks.

She has a pattern of lying and making things up to get people on her side, including to and about my father. Multiple times, and over things with severe legal consequences. Her pattern is to fixate on men and attack the women that "stand in her way".

A few years ago before she went back into jail (where she is at the moment), she came to my house. She came uninvited, and refused to leave until my father gave her back some non-essential things she had manipulated him into storing for her. She tried to jump our gate, physically attacked my father (just a few violent shoves nothing major), and kept shoving cameras in his face to record him while screaming about how HE assulted HER (Not true). Cops were called after she blocked our drive way and refused to leave until we let her in. She tried to lie to the cops, but i had recorded the majority of the fight from inside the house and could prove she was lying.

The cop recommended we get a restraining order.

My father, who refuses to do anything to paint her in a bad light, will not get a restraining order. Mostly because he doesnt want to hurt her or whatever, but also because he worries that it would be "like waving a red flag at a bull".

On the other hand, I never want to see her again, and feel threatened by her. I worry that once she gets out, she will come back to my home. I worry about her doing something horrible to my father.

Between prison stays, she was attending my university. I worry that she will figure out I go there and find me while I'm attending classes once she gets out.

She has recently tried to claim association with my family online and to coworkers, which I fear will cause us to come into contact again or damage to my family's legacy. (forgive me for being vauge but she is very easy to google, as is the family member who she is claiming to be close to, who was a public figure). I am certain she never actually met the man she is claiming to have. He died in 2012. I suspect this is due to her obsessive need for attention.

In the fight when she came to my home, she expressed hatred for me. We have never met, nor have I ever had ANY interaction with her. My father has never mentioned me to her because he knows she is unstable.

My father does not want me to get a restraining order, but now I am a legal adult I can get one by myself. He's got the half completed forms in the office desk.

So would I be the asshole if I got one?

Would anon be the asshole?

YWBTA (you would be the asshole)

YWNBTA (you would NOT be the asshole)

JAH (justified asshole)

ESH (everyone sucks here)

NAH (no assholes here)

INFO (more information needed)

Remaining time: 4 days 13 hours

[aita-polls]

Would I Be the Asshole for wearing noise cancelling headphones at my sister’s house because she has like 3 dogs and a baby?

Our parent and I are visiting her for a big event. I hate dogs and can’t stand dog noises, or them touching me, and I also am stressed by kids’ as they make unpredictable noises as well. Background I guess I should mention I have diagnosed autism spectrum disorder.

I know everyone in the room would think I was rude and/or wanted attention or something. I’ll probably have to end up just bringing earplugs, but I cannot stand hearing my own breathing, heartbeat, swallowing, and voice, all of which are the only things I can hear with earplugs on.

I’m told I would be the asshole because the baby is my niece and the dogs are “just dogs.” My niece isn’t even two yet so I don’t see how it could personally offend her? And obviously dogs aren’t offended by headphones. And I don’t care if I offend them by not wanting touched/sniffed/jumped on; one’s tried to bite me multiple times and people shouldn’t let their dogs do that when they know you’re uncomfortable with it (I have made it known.)

Thoughts? Maybe you thought I wasn’t the asshole but now you don’t like me because of my writing tone or dislike of dogs, that is usually what happens :’) If it means anything, my anxiety of dogs stems from this same sister abusing one (not hers currently) for over a year when I was a kid 🤷 And my tone stems from. Me being autistic, idk. I didn’t get the quirky fun kind :/

Would anon be the asshole?

YWBTA (you would be the asshole)

YWNBTA (you would NOT be the asshole)

JAH (justified asshole)

ESH (everyone sucks here)

NAH (no assholes here)

INFO (more information needed)

Remaining time: 4 days 7 hours

[aita-polls]

would i be the asshole for ignoring my brother until he moves out?

my brother (26m) and i (25f) have always lived at home with parents and our siblings cause the economy sucks. he's found a place w/ his gf and is moving out in july though and has decided that any mess he personally didnt make is not his problem. We've always had a system of "if you make a mess, clean it up. if you see an obvious mess, clean it up" even as kids. This has been the case since we were kids but as the only daughter, theres always been a greater expectation on me to cook and clean especially when my parents are gone. They leave for weeks to months at a time sometimes for trips (which is totally fine because we're all adults now obviously) but that leaves me to cook for my siblings basically every meal or else they don't eat or waste their money on take out. i'm already cooking my own dinner so i usually don't mind taking on the exrtra cooking in exchange for not doing the dishes. since finding his own place, my brother has been getting less caring about cleaning up anything he specifically didnt make.

the other night i made dinner for everyone under the same conditions (i cook, they clean) and my brother refused to clean his share of the dishes (a few bowls and a handful of cutlery that we had used to eat) I eventually got sick of asking him and did it myself. this has been going on for the last three months or so. yesterday, our youngest sibling (20yo, mentally disabled) had some oatmeal and honey and left the honey bottle sticky. My brother then used the honey for some tea and didnt wipe the bottle clean either. this was the straw that broke the camels back as it were. I asked my brother if he used the honey (yes) and why he didnt wipe it clean afterwards (not his problem. he didnt make the mess. it was like that when he found it) i dont remember the specifics but he ended up yelling and naturally, i got frustrated and told him he can fuck off, put in my headphones and ignored whatever else he was saying. since then i havent acknowledged his existance. i've asked other ppl in the home if they want something while im in the kitchen etc. and specifically didnt ask my brother. I was talking to some friends (only children) about it and they think i should suck it up and go back to talking to him. i plan to simply ignore him until he leaves. my friends think it's too harsh but they also dont have siblings so they dont Get It you know?

i think 26 years old is old enough to suck it up and wash a few dishes or wipe up a mess you didnt make etc. and i think i'm in the right to be done with him after several months dealing with this. would i be an asshole?

Would anon be the asshole?

YWBTA (you would be the asshole)

YWNBTA (you would NOT be the asshole)

JAH (justified asshole)

ESH (everyone sucks here)

NAH (no assholes here)

INFO (more information needed)

Remaining time: 4 days 1 hour

[aita-polls]

Aita for telling my friend to not listen to a certain album because I always get a migraine?

My friend really likes this one album, but every single time she listens to it, I get a migraine. We don't even have to be in the same city or on the same *continent* for it to happen. Whenever I get a migraine, I ask if shes listening to a song from that album and she always is.

Having a migraine triggered by a link to another person is a known thing, and many people with migraines have talked about it. Most of the time, our experiences are dismissed as impossible, or people will try to gaslight us and say its just a coincidence. I don't think that my friends desire to listen to a certain album is more important than my desire to not be bedridden and in pain, and I don't think its unreasonable to ask her to avoid songs from that album when its possible. Obviously she can't do anything if she's out in public and one of those songs come on, but she can take them out of her spotify.

Is anon the asshole?

YTA (you’re the asshole)

NTA (not the asshole)

JAH (justified asshole)

ESH (everyone sucks here)

NAH (no assholes here)

INFO (more information needed)

Remaining time: 2 days 17 hours

[aita-polls]

WIBTA if I stopped talking to my grandma?

Potential trigger warnings about topics of children, family and touching of private parts together. Sorry I don't know how to tw it better...

So, recently I have been thinking about my grandma, but more specifically about my childhood with her

When I was a little kid I'd spend a lot of time at her apartment because my parents were busy. I remember not liking it there THAT much, but not like I hated it. Sure she was a bit annoying, but she had a pc which I loved. I don't remember not wanting to go there, only wanting to go home while I was there already

But then I started remembering the showers. When I was very little, like maybe five, I'd shower at her place and she'd always make it clear I need to wash my "kitty" too. She'd ALWAYS say it, multiple times, which even then made me uncomfortable. And I think sometimes she'd even clean it for me, but the memories of it are vague and I don't want to lie, so take it with a grain of salt. So yeah, I HATED showering with her because of it, I was always uncomfortable (but mostly annoyed in a kid way that my privacy wasn't respected) doing so

I also remember that she'd sleep top naked. We were sleeping in the same bed and I'd put my hands under her chest because it was warm there and as a kid I thought nothing of it

Now, as a teenager, she sometimes visits us and when I'm forced to hug her she usually touches my butt, patting it. My parents think nothing of it, but It makes me really uncomfortable . It's happening to this day

After getting all of there memories back, I started to hate the idea of seeing my grandma. I have a history of being very sensitive to topics of SA and this is triggering it. But I don't even know if she did anything inappropriate! I mean, I was a kid and it's normal to wash little kids cuz they usually do a bad job at it. I don't know if I can even call her actions bad, but even so I just don't want to see her. It helps that she's not a good person in general, but I still can't help, but feel dramatic...

Would anon be the asshole?

YWBTA (you would be the asshole)

YWNBTA (you would NOT be the asshole)

JAH (justified asshole)

ESH (everyone sucks here)

NAH (no assholes here)

INFO (more information needed)

Remaining time: 2 days 13 hours

[aita-polls]

wibta if i didn't share hypothetical lottery winnings w my wife

me and wife are short on money and have had to get free food from churches etc and falling behind on bills. i have been buying lottery tickets which she has been angry about and we've gotten in arguments because she thinks it's wasting money while i think they're cheap and could potentially win us a ton of money and help our situation.

i told her this morning i was going to go buy some more and she sighed and made a comment about how when her last partner was a gambling addict (on video games) at least he was actually getting virtual items for it. so i said "fine, if i do win like ten thousand dollars or two million dollars or whatever you won't be getting any of it since you think it's so stupid" and she shrugged and said "okay because you won't"

so frankly i think i would be pretty justified in not giving her anything if i do win something someday

Would anon be the asshole?

YWBTA (you would be the asshole)

YWNBTA (you would NOT be the asshole)

JAH (justified asshole)

ESH (everyone sucks here)

NAH (no assholes here)

INFO (more information needed)

Remaining time: 2 days 11 hours

[aita-polls]

WIBTA if I reported my ex to the police when I don't strictly need to?

I (26) was previously engaged to this person (30). We were together from ages 21/25 to halfway through last year. While the first 3ish years of our relationship were ones I saw as pretty happy at the time, there were continuous issues with her lying to her friends about me, manipulating me, faking suicide attempts to me (which she admitted to after the fact), spending our money on gambling and gacha games to the point I was unable to afford food, crossing my sexual boundaries, etc. The final straws were a combination of

Finding out she told a massive lie about our financial situation that directly affected our future and an application we'd been making at the time that we now couldn't afford, especially the fact that she'd let me sit down with a lawyer and fill in all these forms for us while knowing she had spent the money we needed.

Finding out that her lies to her friends were severe enough that all of her friends absolutely hated my guts because they thought I'd done all of these things that had never happened in our lives. For example, one issue we had was a night she'd been gaming on my laptop and not talking to me much so I asked her if she'd be okay if I went out with a friend. She said yeah that was fine. I stayed out for maybe 2 hours. When I got back, I saw she was upset, so I asked what was wrong, and she said she hadn't wanted me to go and she felt ignored and abandoned. I apologised but said that I wasn't a mind-reader and that if she tells me something is fine, I'm going to believe her and think it's fine. Later, I found out the way she'd told her friend about this was "I was having a screaming crying panic attack and he left me to go out with friends for hours". So, obviously, her friend thought I was a huge asshole, and I can't even really blame them. But that straight up did not happen, there's not even a way she could have reasonably interpreted it that way.

Her getting angry one day because she was frustrated over a video game and punching me.

So I broke up with her. I have now moved on and am in a new relationship, all of our mutual friends distanced themselves from her because they witnessed her behaviour first-hand, etc.

However, for almost the entire year since I left, she's been posting making incredibly serious false accusations about me online and to her friends, including several people who I wouldn't call mutual friends exactly but are people I was friendly with and see around on a regular basis. She has told them I'm a rapist, pedophile, abuser, groomer, basically everything under the sun. A couple of people outright reached out to me about these things and I was able to provide concrete proof what she was saying wasn't true, but many people who didn't know me that well didn't ask me before assuming it was true and cutting me off, and I can't exactly go and chase people about what they've heard because that makes me sound weird and desperate.

I've had her blocked on every platform this entire time and it hasn't stopped her. I've ignored everything and not responded, except privately when people directly approach me to ask about them, and it hasn't stopped her. I've thought about responding publicly to clear things up, but I think that would just make stuff worse.

I've been going over my options on how I could possibly deal with this and the one I keep coming back to that would actually have some sort of effect is calling the police. I don't know if I could do anything about harassment charges - I definitely can't go on defamation because that's a civil case rather than criminal and I don't have the money to pursue that - but I could certainly do something about her punching me, as I have evidence of her admitting to doing that. I'm also considering filing for a restraining order - this is because she once told me a story about how her previous partner broke up with her and she got on a plane and flew to his country to turn up at his door and beg for him to take her back. She has also made threats to me in the past, like telling me she'd break my legs if I ever left her, kill whoever I moved on with, that she wanted to smash my head in an elevator door when she was angry with me, etc.

The thing is, I don't think she is like, a physically abusive person, exactly. I don't think she's going to go around punching future partners willy nilly, and I don't really fear for my safety - I don't think she WILL turn up at my door, and I don't think she's going to punch me again. I think it was probably a one-off that she didn't realise was as serious as it was. (Or maybe it's not as serious as /I/ think it is, who knows?)

This would pretty much entirely be me using it as a way to show people that she was the one in the wrong without having to try to convince everyone one by one personally, and also if I'm being honest to get some sort of revenge against her for saying all of this about me and all the harm she caused me.

So I don't really know if it would be wrong of me to do. Just because there IS something I could have her arrested for doesn't mean it's RIGHT for me to pursue it, y'know?

Would anon be the asshole?

YWBTA (you would be the asshole)

YWNBTA (you would NOT be the asshole)

JAH (justified asshole)

ESH (everyone sucks here)

NAH (no assholes here)

INFO (more information needed)

Remaining time: 1 day 21 hours

[aita-polls]

AITA for sleeping on the couch because my husband got us new bedsheets?

So my husband has a thing for randomly changing and buying new things for no particular reason. It's not that he doesn't like the old things, he's just kinda always been an impules buyer and likes New Stuff. The other day, my husband approached me and said "Hey, I thought I'd ask because I know you're autistic and have a thing about textures. How would you feel about satin bedsheets?"

I immediately wrinkled my nose and said I don't like them. He kept pressing, and I said "No, I wouldn't like sleeping on them", he kept telling me they're 'good for your skin' and kept telling me they might help with my acne etc, I said I didn't think so because my acne is from me being on testosterone and hasn't budged with anything I do including pretty heavy-grade medical treatments, I'm just gonna put up with it until my hormones settle. He shrugged and dropped the subject. I think I was very very clear that I did not want these bedsheets.

Yesterday, he mentioned that he'd ordered them and they'd be getting here soon. I asked why he would buy them when he knew I didn't like them, and he acted surprised. He was like "You didn't say you didn't want them", and I said "I absolutely did". He was like "Well you weren't clear, I remember you saying something like 'I don't know'". While I can't remember word-for-word everything I said, I KNOW that at no point did I say I 'didn't know', I absolutely said I DID NOT like them and did not want them for our bed.

Then today he said "Oh and I'm going to change the bedsheets today." I said no you are not, and he said "Well they have to be changed, it's been a while", so I said "I'm fine with changing them over to new sheets, but not the satin ones", to which he responded "I told my coworker that you don't like them and she said it was silly, which it is, and she said it's good for your skin. I can't believe you're annoyed with me over bedsheets", and I said "I'm annoyed because why would you bother to ask me how I felt about them under the pretense of caring about my comfort with textures only to ignore my answer", he once again said I hadn't been clear that I didn't want them, I said "Even IF I wasn't clear I am being very clear how I feel right now and you're still doing it AND you called my autism silly, I will straight up sleep on the couch if you put these sheets on our bed" and he said "Fine, sleep on the couch then".

So ¯_(ツ)_/¯ I have been. And now he's annoyed that I'm sleeping on the couch because he's not getting cuddles at night. I am annoyed and upset that he asked me how I felt under the pretense of caring about my autism only to disregard what I said (I KNOW I said I didn't like them at the time) and then just steamrolled me and called my feelings silly, especially just a few days after we had a conversation about me feeling like he disrespects my disabilities for a completely different issue.

Is anon the asshole?

YTA (you’re the asshole)

NTA (not the asshole)

JAH (justified asshole)

ESH (everyone sucks here)

NAH (no assholes here)

INFO (more information needed)

Remaining time: 1 day 12 hours

[aita-polls]

Am i the asshole for assuming someone's mood based on the way they text?

When someone rarely uses punctuation in regular day-to-day chatting, and then suddenly uses punctuation on short messages (for example "it's fine." or "ok." when they otherwise would write "its fine" or "okay"), is it fair to assume that they are mad at you? Am i overthinking shit or is a change in chatting style a potential sign that they are mad? Specifically when they usually never use punctuation for short, single-sentence messages otherwise?

I always feel guilty for asking people if they are mad at me, so i generally perfer to leave them alone and to not bother them if they are, especially since they often seem to get more mad if asked about it.

Is anon the asshole?

YTA (you’re the asshole)

NTA (not the asshole)

JAH (justified asshole)

ESH (everyone sucks here)

NAH (no assholes here)

INFO (more information needed)

Remaining time: 15 hours 1 minute

[aita-polls]

(tw incest)

Would I be the asshole for going no contact w my cousin?

I (27NB but i’m not out to my family so F as far as they’re concerned) have a pretty good relationship with one of my cousins (mid 30s M). We talk semi-regularly on facetime calls for several hours even tho there are periods where we’ll go weeks or months without talking just due to life. Today he called me while I was doing my hair and we were having a normal conversation until he admitted to me that if I wasn’t his cousin he would want to…. have relations with me. This unfortunately did not come as a surprise as I started suspecting something similar a few months ago but thought that I was reading too much into it and that we were just comfortable with one another. He asked if I would treat him differently and I told him that I still loved him and that we could still talk as we regularly do (while making a mental note to cover up more when we talk on the phone. I always put on a shirt before I answer the phone if i wasnt wearing one or I turn off my camera but I do not typically wear bras unless I am going to the gym or am wearing an outfit that would require one but I do have large breasts so I feel like even tho I always get dressed before we speak that I may have inadvertently given him the wrong idea by not wearing a bra 😞)

As the conversation continued however he told me that if I did ever want to have sex with him he would say yes (he didn’t actually finish this statement, he trailed off but he knows I know what he was saying) and later indirectly asked to see my breasts (which I of course said no to). He asked if he had gone down in my list of favorite cousins (not an actual list of course, just the few people in the family I communicate with) and I admitted he had which he was upset by. I told him that I still loved him (PLATONICALLY! FAMILIALLY ! ) as evidenced by the fact that I was still talking to him but he still felt upset that he had ‘gone down’ on my unofficial ranking.

He said he suspected that I knew and had been “testing” me the last few months to see if I felt that same until he decided to just ask me straight up. I have no idea what these tests were and how I could’ve failed them to the point where he thought this conversation would have a chance of landing and it kinda upsets me to think about, honestly.

He said he would never do anything without my consent or try to push for anything physical with me and that he wouldn’t make it weird when we see each other in person (which will happen one day of course since our mothers are sisters [ :,) ]) but as the conversation went on I couldn’t help but feel more uncomfortable and overwhelmed to the point I turned my camera to my ceiling bc I started crying from feeling disgusted and betrayed by one of the few people in my family I thought I could trust. Thankfully my phone died before I could come up with an excuse to end the conversation amicably.

The reason I’m worried that I’m the asshole is because I told him that our relationship wouldn’t change and that I would still talk to him and answer when he calls but that was before he kept adding details and switched it from “IF we weren’t cousins” to “if you ever change your mind…”. And because even though I was getting more and more uncomfortable as the call went on I failed to express that to him and was instead reassuring him that I don’t hate him bc I hate confrontation and default to people pleasing in uncomfortable situations which I am trying SOOOO very fucking hard to work on but it is a long journey that I am making progress on excruciatingly slowly. >:,(

At one point he asked to come to a mutual agreement that “we won’t purposely trigger each other” to which I clearly stated that I was not going to be triggered by anything he does nor would I try to purposefully trigger his feelings for me for any reason??? Which a) came as a shock to me bc he asked me earlier what would I do if I was in his position to which I responded “I would never be in your position and if I was I’d take those feelings to the grave” (I still told him I was glad he was honest and told me tho… bc I am glad I know I just hate it so bad ): ) and b) made me feel as if I accidentally led him on in some way??? My family is very open about discussing sexual things (with the sole exception of my mother and my grandfather) so we would talk about our relationships and people we were seeing with each other but I thought it was just talking to talk and never suspected he would see it another way. I also feel like maybe by not wearing a bra when we talked it maybe gave him the wrong idea I stupidly didn’t think anything of it bc I usually just have the camera pointed at my face unless I’m eating and even then I didn’t think my breasts were visible enough under my clothes to be a focal point even tho he did occasionally make comments about their size which was just me being dumb again. I disregarded those comments as offhand with the excuse of “every woman in our family has larger breasts than me, he probably makes the same jokes w his mom/sisters”, which is a very flimsy excuse in retrospect and the main reason why I started suspecting something but brushed it off.

I accidentally deleted some paragraphs bc the tumblr app is stupid so I might edit this again w more info if I remember something else but…. would I be the asshole for going back on my word and going no contact?

Would I be the asshole? (ू˃̣̣̣̣̣̣︿˂̣̣̣̣̣̣ ू)

YWBTA (you would be the asshole)

YWNBTA (you would NOT be the asshole)

JAH (justified asshole)

ESH (everyone sucks here)

NAH (no assholes here)

INFO (more information needed)

Remaining time: 2 hours 4 minutes

[aita-polls]

Am I in the wrong for a falling out with one of my “friends” ? (Huge tw for csa and sexual stuff, nothing too in depth just a quick explanation)

So I meet this girl through one of my friends a year ago. She seemed really sweet at first and I bonded with her over having similar csa/cocsa trauma. Fast forward a few months she got with a guy and would rarely text me etc. she is one of those people who will drop everything for their lovers. In the beginning I tried to be forgiving about it bc I used to be the same way. But when I met her and her boyfriend It was really obvious that she liked me and was kinda forcing into it as well. Also for a bit of backstory I’m a trans guy and I do fluctuate between dressing fem and masc. when I met her bf I was pretty fem. I later find out her bf is really transphobic and only liked me bc I was presenting fem. Later on they asked me to be in a polycule with them. They were really weird with constantly complimenting me but then being off if I didn’t say anything back (I just didn’t know what to say). The whole relationship seemed really 2016 wattpadish. It was just so obviously fake and hard to watch at times. They would also send nvdes in the group chat which I didn’t really wanna see but I didn’t say anything about it because I didn’t want to start anything. The girl knew about my trauma and how I did explain how I have a harder time saying no to sexual stuff sometimes. Her bf wanted us all to jèrk off on call. It didn’t last long because the girl had to do something. Idk I don’t really remember it because I just don’t want to. I really didn’t like the guy that much and it was obvious that he hated me bc I was trans. We’d get in small fights and it almost seems like the girl enjoyed it ngl. We broke up. They had planned to leave me after a school dance. Before I was told the girl was overly sexual the whole night and trying to get me to touch her chest. Also the bf was a few year younger then us. I really felt uncomfortable over it and that’s one reason why I didn’t want to “fight” to get back with them.

Fast forward a few months and im still talking to the girl and I found out she’s cheating on her bf. I told her she needs to tell him and while she’s at my house they have this whole dramatic phone call and the guy threats to come over to my house since he lives so close. I told him not to come and semi threatened him. (In my opinion it shouldn’t have done that I just didn’t know how to respond to that). She told me she broke up with her bf. Fast forward a month. She shit talks her “ex” bf constantly and is flirty. She was at my house again and we played a version of truth or dare. I don’t remember this well because again I don’t want to but luckily I did write all of this down because I had a bad feeling about it. She kept asking questions like “do you like anyone” and is making it really obvious that she liked me. At one point she dares me to strip and I can tell where this is going. In my mind I thought maybe she’d actually get with me. We end up hooking up and I find out the next day that she’s actually still with her bf. I text him about it and he blows up on me. I later find out she told him that I sa’ed her that night. I dropped her after that.

Her and her bf broke up later and I find out that they were trying to get in a polycule with an ex that was horrible towards me. The bf did end up dating the ex but the girl went with the guy she originally cheated on the bf with.

I think I am at least partially in the wrong here. I should have noticed the red flags sooner but I do think she also used some of my issues to her advantage. Idk how I feel about it. From what I hear from my other friends she’s constantly complaining about how we don’t talk anymore and how she wished we were still friends. She hasn’t tried to reach out to me and I don’t want her to. I do feel like I was kinda harsh by just dropping her without explanation tho.

(Sorry for any grammatical errors)

Is anon the asshole?

YTA (you’re the asshole)

NTA (not the asshole)

JAH (justified asshole)

ESH (everyone sucks here)

NAH (no assholes here)

INFO (more information needed)

Remaining time: 57 minutes

[aita-polls]

Would I be the asshole for leaving an anonymous letter in the mailbox of my doctor’s office about fish care??

I don’t even know anything about fish. But they’ve got this like 1.5 foot fish with like 15 other little ones in a tank only big enough for it to swim like 2 feet forward turn around and go back.

It’s a big tank, but it’s a huge fish. it looks depressed. my grandma said it’s been there for like a decade. so it’s been in like 3 feet of water for a decade… I don’t even know if the issue is that I would be the asshole, I think the real issue is that they wouldn’t even do anything about it… idk. there’s not like a Fish Protective Services I can call

and please don’t say just say it in person, the people working the front desk are not in charge of the fish and have no say, also my doctor’s office already doesn’t like me :|

Would anon be the asshole?

YWBTA (you would be the asshole)

YWNBTA (you would NOT be the asshole)

JAH (justified asshole)

ESH (everyone sucks here)

NAH (no assholes here)

INFO (more information needed)

Voting ended onJun 5

[aita-polls]

Hi! It’s New Year’s Eve anon again.

Thank you for posting my ask. I did get a lot of insight from reading the comments. Surprisingly I felt relief on being told I would be the asshole. Didn’t expect that myself.

I learned most of what I needed and I think you could take down that post and my added ask now. I don’t wanna read comments questioning something that was traumatic for me. (Especially by one who didn’t even read the post well enough to get the chronological order of events right. Or the one that deleted their comment within moments). Just because I couldn’t bear going into depths of how that ties back into decades/a lifetime of being rejected constantly, alone and abused by peers, teachers and people I thought were friends. One of which sexually assaulted/raped me when I was 6yo. I know what trauma is and I don’t use that word lightly. It’s weird how you have to prove the validity of your own experiences and how that made you feel. It isn’t a competition, I’m sure there’s sadly a whole lot of people that has had it way worse than me.

Thank you to everyone who corrected me kindly or were constructive in their critique.

Thank you OP but please take the posts down. You can post this if you want.

Heard and understood! 🫡 The posts have been deleted. Thank you for following up, I hope all is well!

[aita-polls]

AITA for being upset with my transfemme sibling for not using my (nonbinary) pronouns and literally ignoring me telling her I’m nonbinary?

So I am nonbinary (they/she/he, but I tell people they/them or they’ll just use she/her.) My older sibling— I’ll call her “Kitt”— is transfemme (she/they). I am in my early twenties and she is in her late twenties. I was without a doubt the most supportive when they came out.

I’m not trying to be egotistic by saying that, I really believe it. They don’t live near our family so I basically had to take on the role of “lgbt liaison” (I am openly lesbian) and explaining everything to everyone. Before anyone says it, I know I could’ve declined doing this. But I love Kitt and would prefer they asked me those things instead of making assumptions, because none of them felt comfortable asking Kitt. (Also, I did encourage them to ask and told them she wouldn’t be offended.)

Here’s my first thing: When they came out to me, they told me about how they had kind of brought up being trans when they were a late teen, and our parent basically ignored it. I responded by relating to this, saying the same thing happened when I told that parent I was nonbinary at age 12/13. They didn’t really respond (to the story or me being nonbinary) so afterwards I stressed about it like “I hope I didn’t monopolize their coming out!” It was never brought up, figured I’m fine.

Then last year I texted on a groupchat with Parent, Kitt, and another sibling saying “Happy international pronoun day!” (on that day) and Kitt responded along the lines of “lmao that’s stupid, why do they make holidays for everything?”

I responded, defending it and saying it’s not, like, a federal holiday?? It’s just for fun. It’s harmless. And they disagreed and I eventually said that I use they/them pronouns and I like the holiday. They never responded to that.

Meanwhile, Kitt messaged me one time (months/weeks later) saying basically that I should use “she” more often instead of using “they” more for her. I had only been using they more because when they came out my first question was which they preferred and they said that one. I wouldn’t ordinarily care and I obviously just did what she said, her pronouns aren’t the issue.

But now I have been harboring pent up anger/disappointment/upsetness that she feels okay not only telling me her pronouns but also nitpicking the frequency of which I use each (again, I wouldn’t ordinarily care about that! I like they/he/she using alternating for me! I’d be a hypocrite if I cared) BUT won’t even call me by they/them even though I told them those are my pronouns, and they’re even in my Discord profile (we talk there mostly) right next to my name.

She has also had debates and made comments about how she supposedly supports non-physically transitioning trans people but that they should be separated from the rest (not socially, supposedly, but legally). That’s honestly above my pay grade. But they’ve never even asked me if I plan on medically transitioning at all. I wear a binder every day, I don’t wear any makeup but to cover acne, and I wear completely neutral outfits (pants and shirts). It’s not my fault if people assume that I’m a woman because of my face or because I have long hair. If a cis guy wore the exact same thing and had long hair, no one would assume he was a woman.

Anyway, I don’t even think she meant this against me, because she literally just does not think of me!! I almost wish it had been a slight, because then I’d know she actually thought of me!

She’s actually even mentioned in the past she has friends that are nonbinary but aren’t on HRT. She genders them correctly.

This is petty, please know I’m aware. But I have been going by they/them and being out at school since I was 12-13. So it’s been about 9 years. Nobody in my family has ever acknowledged it even when told. She has only been going by she/they for about 2.5-2 years and (discounting one transphobe) our entire family switched over immediately. This obviously isn’t Kitt’s fault, but she herself won’t acknowledge me. I don’t get it. I really don’t.

AITA?

Is anon the asshole?

YTA (you’re the asshole)

NTA (not the asshole)

JAH (justified asshole)

ESH (everyone sucks here)

NAH (no assholes here)

INFO (more information needed)

Voting ended onJun 3