The week long seminar on Companies Act, 2013 and Audit at ICAI, Bandra Kurla Complex was already 3 days old. By now most of the 200 strong audience member had taken the long plus expensive commute to the ICAI premises and the perverse commentary of the Keynote speaker in their stride. A break for tea had been announced and a sizeable crowd had left for the canteen. I did not much enjoy the tea or the coffee being served in the canteen and also the fare being charged for the same. I rather walked across to a few friends seated in the first row of the auditorium and began narrating the various predicaments life had strewn at me. Well my predicaments managed to bring cheer to the motley audience comprising of Harsh, Radha, Amantran, Narendra and Puneet. Just then I noticed a pretty face seated a few seats away trying all her might to contain her laughter. She tried stifling it with her hands to cover the laughter. She had almost won the battle but still a smile managed to sneak through and well caught my attention. Motivated by the returns of my predicament and the general cheer around, I threw another to draw a much enhanced smile.
You hardly find young ladies in Mumbai dressed in Salwar Kameez. In Chennai- universities, offices and other institutions reckon this piece of Indian attire as a measure to ensure male colleagues and classmates are attentive and dedicated towards their work. Having stayed, {purportedly} studied and worked in Chennai for a decade plus, it took some time to come to terms with the Salwar Kameez having a dwindling patronage in Mumbai. The Mystery Smile was however attired in the Salwar Kameez- I do not remember much of the hues and the design to discuss about the same at a greater detail. Pretty, fair, hint of freckles on her cheeks, oval face, hair bound into a single long plait were the only features I could gather in my first sight. And then it struck me- the lady looked like or was rather a version of Manisha Koirala.
I have never been quite a fan of Manisha Koirala as a child. The only movie of hers I gather of watching would be Mani Ratnam's Bombay. However what interests me about Manisha Koirala who hails from the neighbouring country of Nepal, that she has played Pan Indian characters. We saw her as a Tamil village belle in Bombay, a separatist in North East in Dil Se, a Goan in Khamoshi, a freedom fighter in 1942- A Love story and the likes. She was the original North Indian "Banno" whose akhiyan was akin to Surmma Daani. That is quite a feat actually that you can be identified with women across India given the fact that you are not actually from India.
Buoyed by the prospects of interacting with the Manisha Koirala of the seminar at ICAI-BKC, I conveniently reached the venue early the next day and placed my bag on a seat besides the lady. No one would suspect a thing or did suspect a thing. She was seated on my right and on my left was the Man of the House- Amantran Gupta. He is a Bong- can read Mandarin, has travelled far and wide across the globe and his gray hair reminds me of a younger Rajdeep Sardesai. This guy has swag and knows stuff to discuss unabated for hours. However our Manisha Koirala seemed to be in slight discomfit to be seated next to two/too loud Bongs. She looked slightly perturbed as she would stare at her voluble neighbours. To do away with the discomfit, I enquired of something and she replied something with a thick Gujarati accent in her slightly husky voice.
"Tamey Gujarati Chhe??". I enquired again. I took a quick look at her and concluded that she hardly looked like the regular Gujarati lass. She nodded her head with the pride and confidence I know of most Gujaratis exude suggesting yes they (Gujjus) rok, roll and rule.
This was a bit of pleasant news given that I have always found it difficult to make Gujju girls laugh. They seem too highbrowed for my variety of humour. I wondered for a while whether Manisha Koirala had ever played a character from Gujarat.
Meanwhile the lecture had commenced and as the perverse commentary of CA Abhishek Bansal introduced us to the roles and responsibility of Independent Directors passed a remark which drew an exasperated remark from my neighbour- "Ya Allah".
Despite my puportedly liberal and secular views (#winkwink Dr Subhramanian Swamy) it did take me by surprise.
"What's your name?" I enquired.
"Shaila Banu*" replied the lady in her slightly husky voice with the thickish Gujarati accent.
Well what.. I was actually sitting with Manisha Koirala from Bombay in Bombay. If only I could have the thick moustache of Arvind Swami- Hariharan would have sung Tu Hi re in the background. But the thought I enjoyed the most was that this was also the firt instance of me coming across a Gujarati Lady who would not cringe at the mention of the words Chicken and Mutton.
For the next hour or so.. the song Kehna hi Kya and Kannalene (the original Tamil version) played in loop in my mind**.
I was more buoyant than usual and would have continued so forth if not my body clock at around 12:15pm emitted a hunger pang. There was more than an hour or so to go for lunch. I was not carrying any provision of snack with me and I started looking around. I always prefer sitting besides a Gujju during long hours of lectures. I do not know whether it is habit or social practice that makes them carry tonnes and quintal of Khakras, Theplas and variety of Farsans along with them. I asked Shaila Banu whether she was carrying anything with her. She wondered for a while and then reminded of something rummaged through her bag and came out with a packet of Britannia's new Jumbo Choco chipped Chunkies. This was not the regular snack I would have expected from a Gujarati but then something is always better than nothing.
As I took my first bite... Shaila Baanu discreetly announced that her husband is a big fan of the cookie and her and would everyday make sure to pack 1 chunkie in her bag everyday.
Hmm.. cough cough... wtf just happened??
"Do you want some water?" enquired Shaila Banu.
If your husband packed that also, you would very well choke me to death.. I wondered. I gestured to her that I had my own bottle of water.
All the ladoos in the mind went bust. The Britannia Chunkie now tasted like McVites' Digestive biscuit. And the buoyancy vanished in thin air.
I was sulking after this piece of news about the relationship status of my neighbour. Just then Amantran took the opportunity of acquainting himself with Shaila Banu, before he could progress much- I indiscreetly mentioned- She is Married. Both of them looked at me. Shaila Banu's look seemed to suggest- "Dude, that is awkward." Amantran's chirpy look seemed to suggest- "Dude, I am aware." More sulking.
So for a better part of the day, I was thinking of ending up like Arvind Swami in Mani Ratnam's Bombay and now I was terrified by the prospects of ending up like Abhishek Bacchan as Bira in Raavanan (Another Mani Ratnam creation). #aiyyogod.
The very thought of it scared me no ends up.
Seeing me in discomfit and still pestering people continuously for snacks, Shaila Banu resumed some conversation about her hometown Surat. The tone of it was similar to that of our PM Modi-ji boisterous of everything nice with sugar and spice from Gujarat and then she made the best declaration that cheered me no ends up. "There is hardly any variety of food in Mumbai. You must visit Surat. You know what they tell about the food in Surat..."
"What..??" I asked a little disinterested than earlier in the morning.
"Kashi-ne Maran, Surataane Jaman.. (There are essentially 2 paths to salvation- death in Kashi and eating in Surat)"
Wow. That really perked me up. I returned home. Added her on Facebook. Went through her album where I came across her handsome Husband (who incidentally has a bushy mustache like Arvind Swami) and culmination of the 3 Khans of Bollywood into a single individual that being her brother. Also ended up listening to Rahman's Khwaja Mere Khwaja, Piya Haji Ali and Kun Faya Kun on loop for rest of the night.
Next day I announced to my friends in the seminar of having sat with a pretty Gujarati Muslim lady who was well married also. This really concerned most of them. Especially the cute and cautious Harsh Shah who warned me- "Bhai, Be careful, bhai!! If people from her community come to know, they will chop off your private parts."
That was an awkward statement. Why would they do that? And even worse than that was me still ending up like Abhishek Bacchan in Raavan.
Despite the warning, I continued sitting with her for the remainder of the seminar as she brought her supplies of snack from Surat. I started addressing her as Shaila Ben (#gujju sista). I did mention to her about my fondness of Gujarati ladies and she assured me of finding one for me.
Then again-- Mann mein Laddu Phoota!!
*Name changed to respect privacy of the individual and the protection of my private parts. #justincase
**I had my own handwritten notes of the Bare Act and so a little less attention in the class did not hurt much.
***Harsh Shah was not the only 1 to make the remark.
****If you enjoyed reading it, would appreciate if you could share the same. #Cheers
*****Never Tasted another Britannia Chunkies since then.. 50 bucks for a pack!! #Aiyyo
