❛ i have been repeatedly spooned by this man. ❜
❛ what i discovered is that i bleed… & then i heal. ❜
❛ he had a dream vomit. ❜
❛ I’VE BEEN SHREKED !! ❜
❛ i am a modest princess. ❜
❛ whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat !! ❜
❛ bikers wanna do more than kiss. ❜
❛ hey… hey girl… hey. hey girl… i like your boots. ❜
❛ laughter is like farting out of your mouth. ❜
❛ i sleep with reckless abandon !! ❜
❛ just call me sugar daddy. ❜
❛ soft tacos are wannabe burritos. ❜
❛ i’m gonna be a rapper, i’m gonna call myself ritz cracker !! ❜
❛ it’s made from the muffin tops of men. ❜
❛ my cheeks are sweating… all four of them. ❜
❛ the fastest way to a woman’s heart is through a worm’s anus. ❜
❛ dare me to eat the anus ?? ❜
❛ i could, at any point, share something inappropriate. that’s part of who i am & i embrace it & constantly battle with it. ❜
❛ embrace the taste. ❜
❛ when in doubt, whip chocolate out. ❜
❛ question: how do you eat a fart ?? ❜
❛ when in doubt, choose humping. ❜
❛ everybody wins a goat. it’s like oprah, except it’s goats. ❜
❛ cheese pizza is for kids & sad people. ❜
❛ do you wake up with melted booty dents ?? ❜
❛ you gotta cross a few lines to get to the circle. ❜
❛ uneven sideburns are off fleek. ❜
❛ paint me like your french fries, jack. ❜
❛ elbow points are a sign of intelligence. ❜
❛ you show you mine, i’ll show you yours. ❜
❛ these have been boiled for safety. ❜
❛ i was an anxious child. i felt safest on the couch. ❜
❛ you heard of that band ‘ vomit launch ’ ?? i heard they’re coming into town in a few minutes. ❜
❛ we’re eating the stars. everything is stars & that makes everything okay. ❜
❛ we are living in an instant world & i am an instant girl. ❜
❛ let’s talk about that !! ❜
❛ i don’t want to ‘ lady & the tramp ’ with you !! ❜
❛ now don’t go with too much gusto or you’ll pop through. ❜
❛ you can do it, serpent king !! ❜
❛ volcano boarding is real. ❜
❛ nachos are for sharing. ❜
❛ what the– what the crap ?! ❜
❛ which type of poop do you want to make ?? ❜
❛ are you harboring a bad relationship under your left butt-cheek ?? ❜
❛ she’s not gonna go to pittsburgh with me to open the put-put palace with me. ❜
❛ bubbles are the answer. ❜
❛ today we master the art of the contour. ❜
❛ this is like the first thing people see see when they arrive in hell. ❜
❛ i want you to glow, man. i want to be the glow boys. ❜
❛ i could be a bird. that’s what i’ve learned. ❜
❛ when it comes to turkey, i am a breast man. but when it comes to humans, i am a wing-man. ❜
❛ me & my sports bra dance amongst the windmills. ❜
❛ there’s no real crotch under here. ❜
❛ i think they’re just making sarcastic remarks directly into each other’s mouths. ❜
❛ there are moments when you really frighten me & i question why you’re my best friend. ❜
❛ answer the question !! what color are your nipples !?! ❜
❛ i’m on top of you !! ha-ha !! i’ve got you right where i want you & that’s under me !! ❜
❛ my rectum is so tight. ❜
❛ i’ll be caressing your dinosaur fossil on a regular basis, if you’re okay with that. ❜
❛ a cookie solves a world of problems. ❜
❛ this has got to stop. this, us eating & drinking gross stuff, has got to stop. ❜
❛ you’re the mouth king !! you’re the mouth king & nobody knew it until today. ❜
❛ you need me & i need you. we need each other at certain points in our lives, that aren’t the same times. ❜
❛ when you serene really hard you start chillin’. ❜
❛ let’s touch our sword tips. ❜
❛ everybody’s got a butthole, but i got two. ❜
❛ go to bed. don’t pee on your ritz crackers. ❜
❛ the sun is always shining on a unicow that’s milking itself. ❜
❛ i’m always thinking about women in corsets & i’m always thinking about getting my piercings snagged. ❜
❛ before i apply my face, i like to mist myself with a light film of my signature scent, febreze. ❜
❛ i always say nothing livens up a party than a pair of chaps. ❜
❛ ever pooped out an engagement ring ?? ❜
❛ there are also professional butt slappers. ❜
❛ lotta foreskin going around these days. ❜
❛ i don’t know if you can feel how hard i’m breathing, but that’s the sound of winning. ❜
❛ hey, i’m a bird of paradise. ❜
❛ i might say stupid things, but at least i know they were stupid. ❜
❛ you began to thrust your pelvis out to meet the bat. ❜
❛ you seem to be getting a little too much of a thrill out of beating the crap out of me. ❜
❛ there’s nothing like the feeling that your balls are impervious. ❜
❛ i’d like to see the root of that sternum. ❜
❛ he must look & feel amazing. ❜
❛ oh gosh, i can’t look away. ❜
❛ you’ve never worn panties before, huh ?? ❜
❛ kids, this is how you make a baby… first, you get a belly bongo. ❜
❛ i think it’s gonna become clear as i take my clothes off what i am. ❜