Claire Keane
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
blake kathryn
shark vs the universe
noise dept.
Monterey Bay Aquarium
š©µ avery cochrane š©µ
#extradirty
Sweet Seals For You, Always
taylor price
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
No title available
Product Placement
izzy's playlists!
trying on a metaphor
Kiana Khansmith
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
No title available
Show & Tell
Andulka
seen from United States
seen from T1
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from South Korea
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from T1
seen from United States
seen from Chile
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
@ajadores
NO š I WILL NOT READ A BOOK š CALLED š GIRL š WASH š YOUR š FACE š STOP IT š
I swear to god our children will watch a Netflix documentary of the same name produced in the year 2058 about cult leader Rachel Hollis.
Overheard
Asking one of my most creative girlfriends to help me think outside the box for an upcoming baby shower Iām hosting....
A: so itās a sports theme, but genderāneutral.
J: like, womenās field hockey? I donāt understand.
Overheard
Browsing social media...
A: omg did you know Jojo Is playing Trees tonight?
M: Get out.
A. Yeah I know...
M: RIGHT NOW
A: Goddamnit youāre good
I just realized
Iāve been saying āweāre busy, but slowly getting caught up, thank goodness, because I canāt keep up this pace much longerā since NOVEMBER 2016, when I actually considered *accidentally* missing a couple BC pills, just so I could maybe get an eight week vacation lined up for like approximately nine months in the future. That didnāt work out. We are not caught up. IāM FUCKING EXHAUSTED YOU GUYS AND I WANT TO GO HOME.
Overheard
I managed to incorporate the phrase āspeaking of starting a familyā into casual conversation no fewer than three times today, so, thatās the actual life situation in which my poor, sweet boyfriend finds himself:
A: āHad a conversation with (one of my coworkers) earlier about retiring. So. Speaking of starting a family.ā
A: āSpeaking of starting a family, listen to this crazy trivia I learned about armadillos today.ā
A: āOMG, speaking of starting a family... thereās a new Handmaids Tale.ā
Hey! You!
Text your brother. Right now. Even if you think heās probably busy. Even if youāre like 85% sure he wonāt even respond, heāll see it. Text him. Tell him youāre proud of him. Ask him if heās watching Westworld. Fuck, ask him what he had for lunch today. Just donāt ever, ever ever hesitate to text your brother, every single time you think about it, ok?
Overheard
Pillow talk
A: night, babe. Love you.
M: Love you too.
A.....
A: I learned a cool thing about spiders today.
M: nope. Iām good.
A: ok.
A.....
A: itās not like an ooky thing...
M: still good though.
A: mkay. Goodnight then.
M: goodnight.
I donāt shop at Tom Thumb very often, so when I do, because Iāve never bothered to sign up for my own rewards card, I always just enter my momās phone number to take advantage of the savings and give her the fuel points on her (technically Randallās, in Austin) account. Except, like probably 50% of the time, the number that comes out of my mouth when asked is the home phone number from my early childhood, which has not belonged to anyone in my family in over 18 years. And I never realize it until the cashier handed me my receipt and says, thank you Mrs. Rogers, have a great evening. So shout out to Mrs. Rogers, whoever you are, thanks for the discounts on all the wine and frozen mac & cheese, I hope this has happened enough times that youāve gotten that 10 cent gas bonus reward by now.
Holy shit you guys
2018 is going to be the most amazing year. āļøššš“š²šµššā©šŗš¤Æ
Observation
Having a gas heater is kind of like living with a mildly perturbed fire breathing dragon.
Also, please pass the hand cream? Thanks.
Ghost cat.
We have one. Iām quite certain our house is haunted by a ghost cat. We know the previous owners had a cat, whose litter box was kept in our hall closet and accessed through a little cat door installed the door (that door has since been replaced with a new, solid door and the inside of the closet bleached down and deodorized multiple times because, fucking gross). THREE YEARS LATER I still get occasional, STRONG whiffs of litter box walking down the hall and occasionally in our guest bedroom. I always go back to that closet to investigate, and determine itās not coming from inside the closet. The only logical explanation is, the ghost cat canāt get inside his closet anymore since we took his cat door away, so now he ghost-pees in our hallway and guest room as revenge.
Moral of this story: even ghost cats are assholes, guys.
Overheard
M: thereās really nothing sadder than people watching on a casino floor at 9 am on a Monday.
A: except the fact that we, too, were on a casino floor at 9 am on a Monday.
Pro tip
A poncho is just a business-casual Snuggie.
Yāall honestly
Thereās nothing better for the self esteem of a mid-30s chick who recently celebrated(?) a birthday than attending a gay wedding. Iām so happy for the newlyweds, but also, thank you for sharing all of your sweet friends, so that they could just gratuitously compliment my hair and dress and shoes all weekend. What a fucking fantastic trip.
Life hack
Save time AND money when you let yesterdayās mascara become todayās eyeliner. Skip the makeup remover and thank me later.
Overheard
Listening to a podcast about the recent study of CTE brain damage in 111 former professional NFL football players
Podcast: 110 out of 111 brains tested had permanent brain injuries from CTE.
A: WUT THATS MORE THAN 100%
...
A: Right.... Thatās not how percents work.
Ways to tell if heās The One
October Friday night/True Crime edition:
*they arrive home with their takeout pizza, each pour themselves a drink and get situated on the sofa*
M: hey babe?
A: yeah?
M: can we watch basketball for like 30 minutes, and then dedicate the rest of the night to the Menendez brothers?