AJ Crocker

@briercrest

[ajcrocker]

MBA

Back in December I graduated with my MBA after 3.5 years. It was a grind doing most of the studying before the kids got up and after they went to bed. 

This diploma arrived on Monday and I guess that makes it feel very official. I’m skipping my commencement for a far more meaningful trip so this feels like the major moment signifying the completion of the degree. 

A few thoughts as I reflect:

1. The Lord guided this path.

I never dreamed of pursuing graduate level education, let alone a business degree. This was a journey the Lord took me on and I simply tried to say yes and follow along as best I could. I tried harder at this schooling then any other level I’ve completed. It was intimidating, challenging, stretching. There was overwhelm, a few tears, frustration and more than a few very short nights of sleep. 

However, the experience was incredible and if I could go back, I would take the exact same path. Same degree, same school, same mode of delivery. The area of study and mode of delivery (asynchronous/online) completely reprogrammed my brain in very helpful ways. It was more enjoyable than I could have imagined. 

The craziest thing to me was the Lord’s timing in all of it. In every class, the major topic area hit during seasons where we needed additional insight in that exact topic here at Briercrest. I’ve been given a high amount of influence here and I’ve tried to do my best to steward that. By combining that trust with this additional learning for Briercrest’s best interest we have been able to leverage that influence in highly impactful ways. 

2. Thankful for the foundational elements of the program.

It was truly a transformative experience. I was very intentional to find a Business school that taught from a Biblical worldview and I’m thankful that I did. The degree changed me. On a practical level, I think differently now. I plan differently, I lead differently and I see the world through very different lenses as it relates to business, finance, systems and structures. 

I’m glad that these changes happened within a program built on a Biblical foundation. Learning with Bible believing professors and classmates was particularly impactful. 

3. A rhythm of personal reading.

Turns out I really like to read. That was cool to discover. Would have probably helped to find that out in college… The stack of non-assigned books to get through has grown and I’m trying hard to keep the early morning reading time as a discipline in my life. It’s a cool habit that developed over the course of the degree.

4. Learning to prioritize intentionally.  

It was near the beginning that I realized I needed to intentionally order my life priorities as I was running well beyond my margins. I did my best to keep this order: 

My relationship with God

My marriage

My children 

My job 

My schooling 

It was weird to write it out and see that this massive educational pursuit was the 5th priority in my life. It felt like it should be higher with how important it felt. However, it didn’t out rank the things higher on the list. That was easy to see. This priority list was something that I used to manually override my stress, and anxiety about school when it would bubble over. It was a tension I had to learn how to manage.  This priority list helped me be okay with late assignments when the kids needed me to play on a Saturday morning that I could’ve spent researching. It wasn’t procrastinating, it was my stated priorities.  It helped when choosing between an evening with my wife verses crushing the discussion posts for the week. Why look like superstar to classmates I’ll never meet when my wife is spending another evening without me? Rather, I learned to rush the discussion posts later to get the points and spend more time with my wife.  It meant not getting all my reading done so I could be in the scripture and prayer in the mornings. It looked like not doing as much work as I wanted on some projects and taking a few shortcuts from time to time. (Like, ethical, non-cheating shortcuts…). It meant being MIA from studies for a week now and then while we led through COVID and my staff teams needed all my problem solving mental time. It made it easy to take a semester off when my son was born and another one when my Mom had a heart attack. 

Turns out you can thrive academically while prioritizing other things. I finished with a 3.99 GPA. (Or a 96.8% average). 

5. The sacrifices were felt. 

Of course, other things dropped. The major things that were de-prioritized through these years were:

My availability to my friends and social life

My availability to preach both locally and on the road.

Personal exercise time.

Any personal hobby time. 

While I tried to prioritize my wife and children they naturally had to deal with a distracted, preoccupied and overly busy husband/dad for these years. Giving my best attention to my family is a discipline I’m actively working towards now. 

There are likely more but these are the things I’m trying to reintegrate and work on now. In hindsight, I think they were pretty appropriate sacrifices for me in getting through this degree. Glad it is over so these things can bump up the list. 

I like to recognize the transformation, the priorities and the sacrifice to remind me of the incredible journey the Lord took me on. He taught me so many things through the process and some of those things were in the classes I took. 

6. I was so supported.

The support I had from my wife, Cheryl, was incredible from start to finish. The support from my Briercrest colleagues and the staff teams I lead was generous. I’m a very lucky dude to be surrounded by so many people who genuinely cheered me on and put up with me blabbing on and on about organizational structure, business model design, net cash flow and word-of-mouth marketing strategies. Hopefully they all got to pick up a few things from my verbal processing as well. 

My reflections leave me in a place of deep gratitude for the experience, for the learning and for the transformed mind I can lead with now. It was really worth it, and I’m very grateful to have been able to go through it. My prayer is that I do my best to steward this for the Kingdom. That I would continue to follow Him into the intimidating unknown that lies ahead. 

Now, for visitors to my office, I just hope that this diploma doesn't distract attention from my HAHAHA painting, my Jordans or my oversized ceremonial scissors. 

AJ

[ajcrocker]

Making Space

I knew this day would come at some point but I didn’t expect to be so happy about it.

Last week I officially handed off leadership of Youth Quake to Kaitlin Giddings. This was my dream job and I loved every minute of the ten years I got to lead YQ. It's been 14 years in a row that I've been apart of the YQ leadership team, which seems like… a long time.

You know what is pretty cool? As we are faithful with tasks God gives us, He uses those times to shape us and prepare us for the next chapter.  We are usually not ready to let go of the tasks that we love. However, in my experience new dreams emerge slowly but surely as life moves along.

Two years ago a conversation started with my boss at the time, Ellery Pullman, about how long I could keep this up. I had young kids at home, I was directing the recruitment efforts for our three schools, I was travelling as a speaker, and was still directing most aspects of Youth Quake each year. This conversation ended up including people inside and outside of Briercrest, but aligned in message: "Are you sure you can handle all of this? Should you be trying to handle all of this?".

On a specific flight to Kelowna I remember the Lord meeting me in a major way. The memory is sharp. The moment was significant to me. It was so heavy on my heart that it was time for an exit strategy from my dream job and I had been resisting. As I opened up to the thought, more things came to mind. It’s not just that it was the right time for me, but the primary word was that my role now was to make space for my young leaders to actually lead. To make space. AKA, Quit taking up so much space, and start multiplying leaders. Quit taking up all that space AJ. 

Working with young leaders is one of the best parts of my job. I think I've been a healthy safety net for those young leaders in my departments, but we were entering a season where I needed to do more coaching from the sidelines and play a little less quarterback.  God was also helping me see I needed to make space for the next chapter here at Briercrest.

A few tears may have rolled out of my eyes on that flight. I apologize to the person in my row who witnessed this large man with inexplicably long hair, bright shoes and very loud headphones fighting back tears for a half hour. Would have been a confusing sight.

These were healthy tears though. A little bit of mourning, a little bit of submission, but a whole lot of realization that God's ways were going to be better than me protecting what I wanted. It was once again time to trust Him and follow.

The path to hand-off was clear. So clear that it if I could just get my stubborn hands off the ball and pass it to my very capable sidekick that this thing could grow much wider then my decade-old vision for the event.

Years earlier the Lord had brought a young woman to Briercrest who also went by her initials, KG. As she walked by our YQ team sign-up table in her first week she stopped and said "What's this?" with a brazen confidence and what some might consider a strong personality. I simply said "I think you should be on our team". Now reading that back, it sounds like the cheesiest thing in the world…but that is literally how I met Kait. She joined the team in the fall of 2015.

Kait quickly became a YQ intern, then leader of our interns and jumped on stage to co-host with me. It was at that point I said "We cant be AJ and KG on stage at YQ… that’s too many initials. I'll use your real name and call you Kait.". It's worked out quite well ever since, in my opinion.

Against most of my assumptions (read: fears), Kait accepted a role on my staff after graduation. As that first year went along, it was clear that the Lord had brought someone into our team with an unwavering confidence, incredible creativity and a work ethic to be proud of. She clearly loved Jesus, cared deeply about helping youth see Jesus and could care less about titles or roles. She was natural on stage and even better in the planning and execution stages.

The only thing in the way of an obvious hand-off was myself hanging onto the dream for too long. That and some time to change my mentoring approach with Kaith from the "Help AJ" program to the "Your time to shine" track.

The last two years have been a pretty intentional mentorship to get here.

The Lord wasted no time showing me why letting go was so important. Shortly after that flight my wife Cheryl and I were very surprised with news that we were pregnant with our third child. I was also asked to take on oversight to our marketing office as well as join the Executive Leadership Team as a Vice-President here at Briercrest. We thought, "hey why not add something more?" and I started doing my MBA in the evenings. This season has reshaped my brain, my heart and God's given fresh vision for what is possible at Briercrest in the future. 

I honestly wonder sometimes what would have happened if I didn’t reluctantly say "Fine" to the Lord's leading on that flight. Would my stubbornness and attachment to a previous dream have kept me from some of these new, exciting things? Would my pride and ego have corroded the integrity of the event, or worse, my heart? Would YQ have had to shut right down during Covid? Would it even have a chance at bouncing back?

I don't love my assumed answers to those questions.

With Kait in the mix, and Covid-19 wreaking havoc, Youth Quake has changed and diversified a great deal for 20-21. I am so excited for this plan Kait has. Those details drop on October 1st but none of them, literally none of them, would be happening if the Lord hadn't orchestrated this hand-off.  

YQ is in great hands to continue the 57 year long legacy of helping teenagers in the prairies learn how to follow Jesus with their whole lives, to connect with their Christian friends and youth leaders and to consider Briercrest as a place to pursue an education that disciples.  

And one day, post-covid, Kait will lead us back to once again throwing down a party that students will never forget.

A great joy in this is that I'm still at Briercrest and I love it here. Kait is a key leader on my team and I'll be cheering from the sidelines. It's just that I might make it home on time to play with my kids after work more often. 

I'll co-host a few things with Kait but she's got the ball now and I couldn't be more excited for Her, for YQ and what this all means for the Kingdom.

-AJ

[ajcrocker]

A few weeks ago I accepted a promotion here at @briercrest. I guess this name plate makes it official. This wasn’t ever a goal we had in mind but Cheryl and I continue to try an follow the Lord as best we can. It’s a joy serving here with the gifts, experiences, personalities and relationships that He has given us. This is the call in this season and we will be faithful. I’m honoured and excited by the opportunity...And maybe a little nervous. Really thankful for my incredibly strong wife who has walked this whole journey with me. My first job here only came my way because I was hanging around her admissions office in 2006 hoping she’d date me. I really love working here. Love my team. Love my peers. Love our students. Love our work. Love that God calls us to do this together. Everyday God uses this campus to transform lives and draw young adults closer to Him. In a time where the faith of young adults in Canada is at such risk, this place highlights the fact that God continues to build His Kingdom with this generation, and in this country. It is a privilege to continue to work as hard as we can to tell that story and invite people into this life changing experience. 🙏❤️🙌 (at Briercrest Christian Academy, College, and Seminary) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bx3jzBSA7KM/?igshid=qh9fmhh7zrwc

[ajcrocker]

A few days late, but here are the ten songs I enjoyed most in 2018. A new backstreet boys song just missed the cut...but it is on the full 4hr long playlist. Link in the bio of your curious what 2018 sounded like in my headphones/minivan. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bsi_6GvACaC/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=niy0hy8952xd

[ajcrocker]

For the five people who are interested... here are my favourite albums of the year: The Glorious Sons - Young Beauties And Fools The Gospel Youth - Always Lose Deaf Havana - All These Countless Nights Kings Kaleidoscope - The Beauty Between NF - Perception Cold War Kids - LA DIVINE Scott Helman - Hotel De Ville Harry Styles - Harry Styles Gawvi - We Belong The Cadillac Three - Legacy Happy New Year!

[ajcrocker]

Updated my high-energy Christian playlist. 76 fun, clean songs, in most of which the beat hits pretty hard. One country song just to keep you on your toes. Link for theYQlist in the bio

[ajcrocker]

Kings K - YQ & The Explicit Song

We’ve had a few questions about our decision making process in booking a band with an explicit song in their discography. The journey to this decision is a long and personal one, but hopefully this shines some light on our thought process.

The choice to go with Kings K was not an easy one. One that we walked away from many times. In YQ16 we were well down the road with them and decided to pull out due to the upcoming release and forthcoming controversy of an explicit song on their upcoming album.

When the album came out and they had the normal album version and then the explicit version and I felt it was too bad they went that route because of the F-bomb used. It seemed unnecessary and a distraction form a beautiful, Christ-centered song.

That YQ my wife and I went through our first miscarriage and I had to leave stage mid-session on the Sunday morning as she was heading into an emergency procedure. After years of trying we had lost a baby and that felt like something we may not come out of. Four months later we nervously celebrated another pregnancy, only to lose that baby as well. The confusion of hurt, heartbreak and anger was a dark journey. 

Ironically, it was that explicit version of Kings Kaleidoscope’s song 'A Prayer' that met me in the darkness and pulled me out. The album version of the song with one word different did not resonate near as closely. I'm not a swearing type of guy. I never have been for whatever reason and still am not. But in those days, the darkest days of my life, of my marriage and of my outlook on life, I found myself relating to the moments that the lead singer Chad wrote for that song.

That song, despite the bad word, was the thing that brought me back to God, time and time again. Every time I hear those strings in the middle and the song pivots to God speaking I remember the hope and the reminder that came in those dark days. Day in and day out Jesus was with us all along, even if the silence was excruciating and our faith wounded. Every time I hear that song I remember that as I cried out angry to him feeling utterly alone, betrayed and broken, that he'd wrap his arms around my wife and I and assure me he hadn't left us on our own. He'd remind me that he died for me because of his love for me, for my wife and our little ones.  

As I researched the process towards the song, I found the song to take a different tone from my original response. Chad's story of writing those words in his journal during a time of dark depression and anxiety, and being utterly transparent with God only to have him meet him in that darkness and draw him back toward the light was parallel to my experience. This research came at a time when my team was exploring how to best point millennials to Jesus. The transparency, honesty and rawness of our lives, failures, pain, successes connects with this generation in ways that would have never connected to me 15 years ago when I was a youth. They have a hard time buying into the Gospel without seeing it tangibily lived out, and not just the good moments. I started to see how this song was connecting to people broader to me and how God was using it.

I haven't lived through much hardship. Our miscarriages and walking with my wife as we endured 4 years of treatments, failed attempts and losing two babies was the hardest thing I've been through. I know most people have been through much worse. I know many people have been through much worse by the time they hit high school. I know the kids that I spoke to in Lethbridge last weekend have been through more crap in their short lives then I have. The experiences they've lived through and the lies that they believe about themselves bring tears to my eyes as my heart breaks for them. They need Jesus desperately to meet them in the darkest moments of their path too.

Bringing Kings K Is easier now that they have a new album. It's easier knowing they won't swear on our stage. It's easier knowing that I don't know of any band that points to Jesus better in lyrical imagery or musical creativity. Every song, even the controversial one, points so clearly to Christ. That makes it easier.

However, I do worry that kids will look up the song and parents will be angry. There is a permission that is assumed if an event like YQ endorses a song with a word like that.  That sits heavy. That was weighed day over day. We walked away from the idea of having them three times during this past July/Aug, only to have them pop back into the picture time and time again from different members of the team, in different ways. I talked aloud with my team multiple times about how much of my next 6 months could/should go to defending this choice. We figured it would be a lot. We weighed how many groups would not come because of that track. We knew it would be some.

Ultimately, as we prayed through it, and talked it out, we knew that risk was worth something.

That risk is worth a kid in the utter darkness of the hardest moments of their lives finding a song that screams their pain and draws them to Christ. It's worth a person finding the song and realizing other people are also angry with God over terrible things that happened to them, and in the midst of that to be drawn back into his arms. It's worth someone who is contemplating doing something devastatingly permanent to their life finding Jesus crying to them "I never left, I feel what you feel, I'm here to hold you, I gave myself for you, I was crucified because I love you, child"

So we know some grade 8 boys will find the song, feel they are allowed to swear now and that will anger their mom, dad, grandma, and youth pastor. We know that group probably won't come to youth quake.

But we know that some grade 8 boy who just lost his dad, who is justifiably angry and doesn't want to live with this pain anymore and now believes that God is cruel, could see our event, find that song and find someone saying what his heart is screaming. We know he could find that someone else has voiced his pain. We know he could find that God is there just after the strings with a beautiful message of hope. He could find himself weeping like I did. It could change his life.

And so we risk some reputation and some numbers and angry phone calls for the possibility that a kid like that could meet Jesus in the darkness.

That seemed like a risk worth taking.

That was the thought process and our heart for this choice. It's much more then a cool band with cool music that did something edgy and we’re okay with offending people. It's a following of the Lord into something that He's used in some very dark moments in people’s lives to honour Himself, draw people to Himself and change lives.

Youth Quake is a retreat for grade 8-12 students at Briercrest College & Seminary. It’s a big party with a huge purpose. Full details are available at briercrest.ca/yq

Feel free to email me at [email protected] if you have any questions, or would like to chat further about this process.

Thanks for reading. 

AJ

[ajcrocker]

Sometimes 👟🎅🏻 delivers late. @kicksdealsca @livestockcanada

[ajcrocker]

If @needtobreathe and @tobykeithmusic had a musical child, it would sound like this. Lovin this @thecadillac3 album.

[ajcrocker]

Last morning with my friends here speaking at Camp Qwanoes. It's been an incredible week of lives turning to Jesus, kids finding hope, love and acceptance. Such an honour to be apart of it. (at Camp Qwanoes)

[ajcrocker]

Pretty pumped for the new @tnaf album this summer. First single has been on repeat all day.

[ajcrocker]

A Shift In Focus

I’ve accepted a new role here at Briercrest. I feel like the journey to this decision is a helpful story, but if you don’t want to read it... I’ve accepted the role of Director of Recruitment. I’ll be keeping Youth Quake and RETHINK leadership in this transition.

In the middle of May, I was sent to Toronto to be a part of a panel of national leaders consulting on the Young Adult Transition Research project, a project initiated by the EFC, Power To Change, YFC, IVCF, Muskoka Woods and TruthMatters. I sat there having just led the first year of our young adults conference here at Briercrest. Also, I was a year removed from a two year stint in my local church as part-time young adults pastor. Almost unintentionally, after a decade of high school ministry, I had stumbled into a lot of work focusing on 18-25 year-olds in Canada.

I sat in this room with these leaders from across our country and we talked about the things that are hardest on our young adults as they transition from high school to adulthood and the journey between. We talked about things like a lack of pastoral shepherding, a lack of Biblical literacy, and a lack of Christian friends. We talked about the nature of moving away from home and what accompanies that experience: new friends, new city, new work, new roommates, new problems to solve, and how through any of these, new voices start to carry significant weight in an extremely vulnerable time of life. These new voices may or may not help in their faith journey.

I started to reflect on the experience of our freshmen students here at Briercrest. I thought about how they show up and are immediately thrown into a community of Christian friends. I thought about how they have a young adults pastor (we call them RD’s) available at almost all times. I thought about the type of Biblical instruction, transformative experiences, and academic doors that are opened to them. I thought about how just one year here can really help solidify someone, help them grow up a little bit and send them out to whatever is next stronger, wiser and more connected in the Body of Christ. I realized, in new and overt ways, that Briercrest has a crucial Kingdom role to play in this country as it relates to young adults finding and keeping a vibrant faith in Jesus Christ. I realized there is much to steward here, and that chief among them is creating and finding new ways to explain and expose the options that we can offer here.

I truly believe that what God does on this campus every year is incredibly unique. We are not a commuter school, we walk every step in very intentional community. We are not a Bible college, we are a pretty intense Christian college doing academics at a university level and our significant transferability speaks to that reality. The options that Briercrest can offer young adults in Canada are eternally significant with wholistic personal development and spiritual transformation the fruit that we often see in our students.

As I thought about the need within the institution given that a role in recruitment had recently opened up, I started to think about my relationships. I thought about my Youth Quake network, my friends across the country involved in youth ministry, my alumni circles from my CHS years, my college years, my parent’s college years and my relationships within the institution here, I could see I had much to steward. I thought about helping facilitate the flow of information out of and into Briercrest from these corners of the country. Stewarding the combination of these relationships towards greater influence and potential Kingdom impact became very exciting to me. 

This is when I knew I needed to consider this new position. I looked pretty hard for reasons not to make this switch, as I dearly love my work with our Caronport High School students. But every mentor and friend I talked to, failed to provide any red-flags for me. They pointed out lots of challenges, growth opportunities and potential annoyances, but no reasons to stop me from helping in this way. In fact, there was a lot of excitement from these people who know me best. I didn't expect that. So here we are: on July 18, I'll shift my focus. 

At my core, I'm a youth minster. I’ve spent my teenage years, my twenties and a few years of my thirties focused on youth ministry in Canada. That is what my education, my experience and my circles of friends are focused around. I see this switch as an extension of that passion. I see this as an extension of youth ministry in Canada.

So this is me making what could look like a career-change on paper, but for me this is actually just a shift in focus. This is a shift from helping CHS students understand what following Jesus looks like, to finding ways to help young adults from across the country find a place that helps people understand what following Jesus as an adult looks like. 

This is me trying to be faithful, trying to follow well, trying to steward what I’ve been given so that the Kingdom may increase and that we can make some serious ground on the need within Canada to help young adults transition well into adulthood. 

Feel free to hit me with any questions you may have on Facebook or at [email protected].

-AJ

[ajcrocker]

Should be one of the best rock albums of the year. This thing is incredible. CHS Album Of The Week this week and worthy of some of your time. @thrice #tobeeverywhereistobenowhere @wearechs #CHSChapel (at Caronport High School (Official))

[ajcrocker]

8 years ago today! So thankful for this girl and our life together.

[ajcrocker]

New NF album dropped today. It is not a light album, but I love how this guy invites the audience into his thoughts as he processes some dark stuff. Intense, raw, heavy and just an incredible rapper. @nfrealmusic #therapysession

[ajcrocker]

CHS Album Of The Week: @judahandthelion - Folk Hop & Roll - a wonderful, genre-mashing, vulnerably honest record that isn't afraid to have a ton of fun. Check it out! (at Caronport High School (Official))

[ajcrocker]

New @jonrbryant album today guys! Incredible stuff. Go take a listen.