to the one who broke my heart, part II
These are not just the words; these hold a piece of my pain and also my faith that addresses the fragmented piece of my heart. Here, I will convey the emotion of a young independent woman who rips through a man who convinced her to always be taken care of. The hope instilled inside a girl who built up wall after wall that was peacefully torn down by a man who pulled her into his deep love.
I still remember our late night conversation, your promises. You treated me in a way that stirred a place inside my soul that I hadnāt know existed. I was above all in your life. The first one to share your life with.
But things donāt work in the same way always, we entered into moment after moment when your ears become deaf to the sound of my voice, when you became insensible to the thoughts that emerged inside your head, when you blocked the pathways of your hearts, when I became unreachable to you; the very first place get cornered; the last one to talk about.
I am still struggling to gulp it down.
You told me that you loved me and I believed you. But you are not the same man, but to you, I am still crying the same words. I bulwarked and grappled to show the āreal meā. But the coziness you brought me in allowed me to open up to my feelings.
You were like an ordinary average man, but a serene, surreal essence of your being captivated my senses and it began to drag me towards you.
āItās amazing how we think we know someone and still donāt know them at allā
At some point in our relationship, I didnāt feel like I was good enough for someone as amazing as you. In my eyes, you were the man every girl ever dreamed of.
Giving you my all was not easy for me, I always believed everyone come in life to leave, I try not to love so hard because when they finally do, it wouldnāt be too painful for me, yet I allowed my emotional walls to scattered for you.
Love is not something that is spoken with the words, sometimes itās an emotion, a feeling that should be felt by heart and every time a fair understanding, and a strong sense of freedom. Itās a complete package of a happy, beautiful life.
Itās not easy to love a strong woman, she needed to be taken care of. I was not expecting a bunch of roses every Sunday on my doorstep, but a shoulder to lean when I am in need of you, a hand to hold me tightly when everything seems gloomy around me, a voice that sound appeasing amid the chaos, little concern to make me realize that I am not alone in scary nights.
Sometimes in life, you need to be rational and sometimes you need to allow emotions to take over you. Your reactions were the outcome your situation that you well defined in a series of reasons, these were valid too, but giving you a second chance will be unfair to my heart that now cannot endure the further pain of letting go.
I am not saying you were wrong, neither am I a portrait of righteous. There is no one to blame. Sometimes, things just slip off our hand when we lose control in the dilemma of life.
For somedays, I was trying to make sense of the whole situation, I was trying to address my madness with a rational approach. But when it comes to heart and feelings nothing seems to work. Instead of fighting, with my emotions, I embraced them. I surrendered to the pain.
You have made your priorities in which our love was placed at bay. Now, itās my time to set my life up for me.
I wonāt call you a mistake, it was a lesson that I well learned. And for that, I will not be the same again.
āMaybe one day weāll meet again, when we are slightly older and our minds less hectic, and Iāll be right for you and youāll be right for me. But right now I am chaos to your thoughts and you are poison to my heart.ā
andulkaphoto
jacobvanloon
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