started the summer hikaru died (and then immediately devoured the manga and pilot one shot)
i know that original Hikaruās feeling for Yoshiki are a bit controversial in the fandom (plus, heās dead) but with the combination of the one shot and what weāve seen from him in the manga the conclusion i reached is that he had repressed romantic feelings for Yoshiki
he might have been bisexual (since he seems to like boobs lol) but he is a highschool boy from a small traditional village (where homophobia canonically exists, based on how that one family talked about their son)
we know they never confessed to each other and both repressed their emotions to some degree
we also know that between Hikaru and Yoshiki, Hikaru was the better liar/the one who was better at hiding his feelings
the fandom has talked about Hikaruās dying wish and how it was changed between the one shot and the series before, as well as the āyouāre not gonna be able to bring a girlfriend home cause iāll be thereā conversation at length, but what strikes me as very interesting is the connection between the indou family curse and hikaruās last moments
in the one shot, āhikaruā openly says that one of the reasons Hikaru didnāt confess his feelings to Yoshiki was that the he was worried about Yoshiki getting taken by Unuki-sama if he acknowledged his feelings, because Yoshiki is the person he loves the most
in the manga the superstition is explained like this
when Hikaru is dying in the forest, he thinks of his parents and the āfamily dutiesā (the apology/ritual) and then he thinks of Yoshiki and how he doesnāt want to leave him aloneā¦ and then he asks Unuki-sama to take his place and stay by Yoshikiās side, specifically his, not just to take his place in general so that no one (his mother, his other friends) is sad about his death
itās clear that Yoshiki is the person he cherishes most, but the way his father explained the rules to him, the people in danger of being taken away are just the lovers of the Indou family, not family members or friends they donāt have romantic feelings for
what iām getting at is that in addition to all the normal āteenage boy growing up in a small conservative villageā reasons that Hikaru and Yoshiki have to repress their emotions, Hikaru has two additional reasons because he was born into the Indou family
1) if Hikaru accepts the reality that heās in love with Yoshiki, Yoshiki might be in danger, especially if the two of them were to enter a defined romantic relationship. In addition to that, the āprotection through marriageā option wouldnāt be open to them because of the reality of the status of same sex marriage in Japan (in the one shot it is explicitly said that this was a concern, as well as that it was done in the family once before with a happy ending but hikaru was still hesitant)
2) less relevant/well founded second argument: Hikaru was someone who lived with the idea in his mind that he had a family duty to uphold, which is what ultimately caused him to go up into the mountains and die. He seems to have taken that to heart. Itās not a huge stretch to assume that part of that duty was to make sure that there is always an Indou family member in the village to complete the ritual. This implies two things:
2a) that Hikaru would have to stay in the village (or close enough to āfulfill his responsibilitiesā till someone could take his place) This could also add extra context to the scene where he tells Yoshiki that he will probably just take care of the family mushroom farm (granted, not an unusual life path for a village boy)
2b) that Hikaru would eventually have children to carry on the family duty since afawk heās an only child (Especially cause the subject of a āfamily heirā is touched on in that same conversation about the other gay boy in the village in chapter 9)
now this second argument (especially 2b) makes quite a few assumptions but it could point towards Hikaru having more reasons than most in similar positions to repress his feelings and force himself into an existence that complies with heteronormative society
considering how much of this story is using āhikaruā as a queer allegory, as well as how much it emphasizes the āhorrorā of living in a small rural village where everyone is in everyoneās business and the kids are expected to act in certain ways through Yoshiki (and to an extent Yoshikiās whole family), it wouldnāt surprise me if these aspects were reflected in the original Hikaruās feelings as well
I love our boy āHikaruā but i had to give Hikaru some love
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