Peter Solarz
tumblr dot com
🪼
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
noise dept.
#extradirty
NASA
KIROKAZE
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Product Placement
Not today Justin
Stranger Things
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
One Nice Bug Per Day
i don't do bad sauce passes
titsay
d e v o n
trying on a metaphor
JVL
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from T1
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from T1
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from T1
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Romania
seen from Malaysia
@akivazee
LOLOL When u didn't think it was possible to hate yourself anymore than you already did but then find out that you just took up a new hobby (that you were really excited about and it made u happy and cheered u up for a bit) that turns out to be a mortal sin in your religion and now you just feel like a sack of dung.....and now ur in ur room freaking out not knowing what to do.....
I guess I really am going to hell.....turns out my jokes were legit 😒😢😑
Sometimes stepping away is the best thing you can do for yourself. Sometimes 'giving up' isn't giving up at all, but rather giving yourself another chance.
It takes strength and courage to keep powering through something difficult but it also takes strength and courage to recognize when the universe is trying to tell you that your path is that of a different direction.
Forgive yourself. Love yourself. 🖤
You ever have those moments where just everything feels like a lie??? Like it's all just a lie and just what's the point???
...
Yea...me too.
^Normal people's reaction
My Disney loving ass:
YOOOOOOOOOO IT'S SIMBA AND RAFIKI IRL!!!! DUDE THAT'S AWESOME!!!! I KNEW THEY WAS REAL!!!!! 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩
“I need a life that isn’t just about needing to escape my life.”
— Robert Polito (via hplyrikz)
ABORT ABORT!!
My roommate: *being an idiot and keeps moving the dish rack so that the hole is no longer over the sink and the water keeps pooling under the rack on the counter and also not cleaning when they're on duty*
Me: ehhh *shrugs* kinda annoying but I'll manage
My roommate: *being a creepy borderline stalker that is way too attached to me*
Me: Hmmmm okay....uncomfortable but it's fine. I can just stay in my room and use my private entrance instead.
My roommate: I like Trump, I think he's a good person. I don't think he's actually done any of these problems. (After we were discussing the recent bombing in Baghdad)
Me: ABORT ABORT!!!! SOMEBODY GET ME A NEW ROOMMATE!!!!!
Happy New Year PSA
A Reminder to all those who are like me and short form their dates in documentation. For example writing 'Dec-31-19' instead of 'Dec-31-2019'....
MAKE SURE YOU WRITE THE FULL YEAR THIS YEAR!!
DEC-31-2020.....NEVER DEC-31-20
Leaving the year simply at '20' leaves it subject to others changing the year by adding whatever they wish to the end '20 ---> 2017' and could possibly cause you unnecessary troubles.
Be cautious and save yourself the headache. Put the full year for the next 366 days!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! 😁🎉🤩
Project 365 (restart)
I've been thinking about getting back into project 365 again....I was enjoying it when I was active. Maybe it'll help 😊 So what better way to start the new project than with a lovely Christmas morning sunrise 🖤🎄🎁🎉🎅 Merry Christmas everyone 😊 and a Happy Holiday to the friends who celebrate differently.
I don't know if I'm strong enough to keep fighting anymore
It's Christmas Eve.....I usually love Christmas right down to my bones.....I'm usually the most festive one who brings spirit to those around me....but this year.....I don't even want to talk to anyone. I don't want to go home to see my family. I don't want to attend any parties.....I just want to stay in bed till all the festivities are over.....
Wake me up on January 2nd. Thanks.
Clear your mind here
Same
It's 4am....why aren't I sleeping yet??? 😑
...
Oh right, insomnia...forgot that guy was around
This happened to me too many times.
No matter how many times I see this.....this will NEVER not be funny 😂😂😂
The road to recovery is a hard one pt.2
Since beginning this journey, I have learned 5 things (for/about me, not meant to be a general thing for everyone):
1) Things get significantly harder once you acknowledge them...I spent years of my life, I'm talking over a decade, being in denial and refusing to acknowledge I was depressed. Deep down, I knew I was but I was raised in an environment where mental health was not a thing and being downtrodden or upset about things, and not just simply brushing it off and continuing forward, was seen as over-sensitivity and weakness....and weakness was not allowed...weakness was punished until you became strong. When I grew older, things kept getting harder and harder, no matter how strong I was or thought I was. I eventually realized I was depressed but still tried to shove it away....finally, in desperation, I came to acknowledge in-order to try and combat or at least overcome it.....I thought that once I acknowledged my depression, things would start getting better because I was heading towards recovery......I found out, it's quite the opposite....by acknowledging my depression, I have given my conscious mind full access to that reality and those thoughts and feelings. I am nolonger repressing, hiding, pretending, acting..... it's all there and all very raw....and very very real.....my suffering is worse than ever.....I wish someone had told me that the phrase 'it gets worse before it gets better" also applied to mental health recovery....I was not prepared for this
2) Things get significantly harder once you decide to live.....I have always been struggling with depression.....but this is the worst it's ever been.....I can't even explain the difficulty I'm struggling with.....and I came to realize, the hike in severity began around the time I gained the resolve to stay alive.....back when I was going to go through with my plan to die, it wasn't this hard.....I suffered.....but I think I found comfort in knowing it would be over soon.....but now that I know I have the rest of my life to live.....life has become a whole new monster
3) I have a severe fear or letting others down at my own expense.....while I have always been aware of this because I have always been someone who has a great fear of failure and disappointing people around me (not in a regular way, I get PTSD-like symptoms whenever I think of passed failures. I can't get over certain failures I've made years ago. Naturally not every single failure ever, but there are a number that haunt me horribly to this day).....it became clear to me to what extent this fear has grown.....I fear disappointing people, letting them down, and being seen as weak and a failure to them to the point that I still won't talk to my family or best friends through these troubles.....even though I want to so badly because I need them so much and I am having such an incredibly difficult time and I am so scared of all these thoughts of wanting to die......but even then.....my fear of what they'll think overrides all of that
4) I just want someone to hug me and just stay there with me in their arms for hours.....not just hug me....but hug ME!! hug the me that is beyond the eyes.....hug the me that I am not allowed to be in society.....hug the me that has done nothing wrong but feels like a criminal anyway because of our distorted and discriminatory society....hug the me that has had to live my entire life being the "strong one" in every circle of relationships I've been in always the one supporting and helping everyone else but never showing my own weakness....hug the me that just needs to be wrapped in a warm pair of arms and let my tears run out like a river while being patted and comforted and told that I am enough and that I have worked hard......hug the me that feels like I don't deserve to fucking be alive!!!!! But tell me that I do!!!! I won't ever believe you.....but please tell me anyway!......I just need a hug...
5) Therapy is so so so important.....but nobody can afford it
I'm so tired
I was reading an article of jokes and humourous happenstances and when I finally started laughing it somehow morphed into a crying fit....not crying like omg-this-is-hilarious-my-stomache-hurts-I-can't-breathe crying but crying like turn-off-all-the-lights-leave-me-alone-my-heart-is-breaking crying.....from reading jokes.....what is wrong with me???
I just want to be able to live without feeling guilty every time I enjoy myself, without thinking up different ways I can die every time I'm alone, without feeling ashamed every time I'm near my family, without feeling like it's a crime to be me, and without doing my entire family wrong by pursuing my own happiness...maybe that's too much to ask for
You take your inner strength for granted until being strong is the only thing you can be...but you can only keep being strong for so long...
I'm so tired
