i love my army

professional war babe

[alexander-suggestions]

can't wait for this siege to be over so i can go back to my tent and watch breaking bad on my boyfriends laptop

[alexander-suggestions]

elite athenian weirdo demosthenes verbally attacked my dad again for no reason which technically sucks but i also despise my dad so fuck it

[alexander-suggestions]

everyone stop looking at my calves and thighs i appreciate thhe sentiment but it makes me deeply uncomfortable

[alexander-suggestions]

aight time to have a drink with my friends which i hate

[alexander-suggestions]

this wine better be gluten free

[alexander-suggestions]

i beg you all to come to the council meetings im giving free adderall now

[alexander-suggestions]

only using reusable phalangites please protect the planet

[alexander-suggestions]

5 days out of the week i pray to the gods to ease my pain and i still wake up every morning to conduct military drills

[alexander-suggestions]

so now the squadron commanders gonna preach on us

[femgirlfriend-moved]

just finished strangling 3 of my hypaspists in a fit of rage. might strangle another 2. will send monetary compensation to their families as a public apology 

[femgirlfriend-moved]

tested new spear model on one of my generals as a joke but he died fr. paid foreign dancers for his funeral and expressed my sincerest regrets

[ancientgreeksuggestions]

*goes to war with the persians* *goes to war with the persians* *goes to war with the persians* *goes to-

[lord-kitschener]

Alexander the Great was a thot

[cryptomaster-leviathan-deactiva]

is*

[elucubrare]

–Is Alexander the king alive? –He lives, still rules, and 

fucks

[yoyonolen]

Soldier: Sir we have conquered another city, what should we name it?

Alexander: Name it Alexandria.

Soldier: But sir we’ve already named 60 other cities that.

Alexander: Brand recognition, represent.

[alexander-suggestions]

my king, why did you burn down persepolis? i've read and watched a number of (shitty tbh) accounts but historians give conflicting reasons? did you want to make the seat of power more centralized instead of spread between two cities? were you partying really really hard and got carried away? what is the truth sir your people are shaking and want to know

uuuuh uuhhhu hhuh.......yeah i uuh was partying v hard haha WE (my friends and i) decided to do that for fun there were absolutely huh no ulterior motives like me wanting to show my army what i am capable of doing if they ever got me upsetti or wanting to damage the goods of persia out of spite for uuh stealing from us i mean resisting me or uhh any other motive i was just drunk!!! oopsie stuff happens

[thoodleoo]

i get that alexander the great was one of the most powerful gays to live on this planet and did an impressive amount of conquering and whatnot but tbh nothing will ever make me get over the fact that he loved his horse so much that he named a city after his horse and people made up stories about them dying on the same day because he was So Connected To This Horse, and as a result nothing will ever stop me from imagining him riding into battle wearing these shoes

[alexander-suggestions]

if you’re going to get executed at least look hot while we’re at it