Alex @alexandra-bender-blog - Tumblr Blog

You’re Not a Monster

Ennis walks into the loft just a step behind Deuc, next to Kali and a step or two in front of Ethan and Aiden. As they pass by Peter, standing the farthest away from the other pack, each of them subtly brush against him, due to the fact that it has been a few days since they all have been together. When they all step into the open room, Ennis immediately looks around, in hopes that he will see him, but his hopes are quickly shattered when he sees that the boy is nowhere to be found.

Ennis feels a hand fall on his shoulder and he looks over and sees Deuc. His alpha gives him a small smile and squeezes his shoulder reassuringly, “I’m sure he will be here soon.”

Ennis wants to believe him, god does he want to, but the boy has not been answering his calls or texts… He misses him. Ennis wants to leave this place and go and find his boy, but the only people who know about their relationship are Ennis’ pack and Peter, well, Peter is pack now, he has been since the man has been taking care of the boy.

Ennis follows behind Deuc over to one of the couches. He and Kali sit on either side of their alpha, while Ethan and Aiden stand behind the couch. Ennis finally acknowledges the other pack in the room, the Beacon Hills pack. He takes in Derek and Scott sitting on the other couch, surrounded by Isaac, Lydia and Kira, a newer member. Peter, as always, is standing off to the side, right next to an empty armchair; he can already tell who that seat is for, what with the way the man keeps running his one hand over the arm of the chair, scent marking it.

Kali leans forward slightly, and glances over at Ennis, “Where is Stiles?” She asks it so calmly, like she does not really care, but with the way her fists are clenched, Ennis can clearly see that it is all an act.

Deuc, Ennis, everyone in the Alpha pack adore Stiles, they have ever since they met the loud mouth, genius boy, and Ennis? He became simply enamoured by Stiles, always wanting to be near him, always wanting to hear what he has to say, or the new ideas or the strange facts he just seemed to know. Ennis had flirted with, and asked out, Stiles on multiple occasions, but everytime was met with resistance. Stiles, he was just so loyal, loyal to a fault, and Ennis understood, was never mad when the boy rejected his advances, because this boy’s loyalty was one of the things that drew Ennis in, one of the many, many things.

It took a while, there were more steps back than forward most of the time, but the boy finally realized that they, the Alpha pack, were not asking him to betray his friends, his pack and once that was realized, it was like the flood gates opened. Stiles finally agreed to go out with Ennis. The two of them would spend more time with each other than alone, they were just together all the time, and both of them loved it. Stiles did not remember a time that he was happier, he was so happy, and it was because of Ennis. And, Ennis felt the same way, he was happier with Stiles, he never failed to light up when a new text came in from the boy. At least, he did not think he could be any happier, until Stiles asked Ennis to be his boyfriend.

Dating one another was not easy, was not simple, but they both made it work, even when both packs were practically at war. Their affection for each other was often tested at those points, but they always came back to one another. Stiles would always seek out Ennis after one of the fights, the boy would stay by his side until he was sure Ennis was all healed, and even then he would most of the time spend the night with Ennis.

It was after one of the last fights, that Ennis realized he was in love with Stiles. Ennis was worried to tell Stiles, because they had just had a huge fight the night before and Stiles was not in the right place, what with his father missing. But, when he saw the boy in the hospital that night, only with his bat to defend himself, and eyes practically glazed over, he knew he had to tell the boy, and now.

Ennis was in the apartment and it was late, almost midnight. He felt defeated, if Stiles was coming he would have been here by now. Ennis knew it was stupid to think that Stiles would come here after the fight last night, but he still hoped, Ennis still hoped they could just forget the fight and go back to normal. Ennis had been about to head to his room, having already said his goodnights to his pack, when there was a knock on the door. Ethan had gotten up to open it, while everyone else except Ennis left to their respective rooms.

Ennis had watched Ethan pull Stiles into a hug, and apologize for the way things went at the hospital, and that he and Aiden, that none of them wanted to hurt him, or Peter. Stiles had nodded his head and smiled sadly, before asking is he could come in. Ethan had quickly moved aside and given Ennis a reassuring smile, before going to his room. Ennis kept his eyes trained on Stiles as he shut the door and turned around slowly, until his body was completely facing him. Stiles walked forward a few steps before stopping a few feet away from Ennis.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier. I, I just needed some time.” Stiles said softly, almost in a whisper.

Ennis’ brows furrowed and his frown deepened, “No, no Stiles, you don’t have to be sorry. I just wish you had come sooner.”

Stiles looked down, “I couldn’t. When Scott had refused to go with Deuc, he, he decided that we all needed to get together and find a new plan on how to find our parents.”

“Did you find anything?” Ennis asked, desperately hoping they had found something.

Stiles shook his head, “No, because they don’t trust anything I have to say, like always.”

Ennis closed the space between them, tired of the way the boy’s scent was so dark, and sad. He brought Stiles into a tight hug, bringing Stiles’ head to the crook of his neck. At first he had not known if this was something Stiles would accept right now, but his doubts were immediately put to rest when the boy burrowed his head into the crook of his neck as if trying to hide.

“I’m so sorry she took your father, Stiles. I will help you find him.” Ennis said before he kissed the top of Stiles’ head.

He had felt Stiles shake his head before he muttered, “You can’t, then they will find out.”

Ennis hated that he could not help his boyfriend all because if he did, Stiles’ pack would find out. He hated the fact that he could only show his affection for the boy when they were alone, or with Ennis’ pack and Peter.

“I don’t care if they find out, because I love you.”

Ennis swore he had felt his heart stop, because that was not what he was supposed to say, he had told himself he would hold off from telling Stiles until everything blew over. He loosened his grip on the boy as Stiles pulled back. Stiles just looked up at him, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. Ennis had been ready for Stiles to say he did not feel the same way, or to just walk out, but he never did.

“I love you too, so stop being so worried, and just kiss me already.” Ennis had laughed, something loud and boisterous, and did just as Stiles asked.

Ennis snaps back into the present, and realizes that they are still waiting on an answer from the other alpha. Ennis can feel the hatred pouring off of his alpha, and knows that they must have been waiting for a while for an answer. He looks over at Derek and Scott, the two of them just looking at each other like they have no idea who they are even talking about.

Ennis is ready to just leave the meeting, not caring what it would look like, not caring that him leaving could cause any unwanted issues, when Peter says, “Stiles said that he is on his way.”

Deuc’s attention immediately snaps over to the other man, “How long ago?”

Peter looks down at his phone for a second, “Ten minutes ago.”

“He should be here soon then, so we can just start this meeting now.” Scott says.

Deuc just nods his head, his fists clenched in his lap, “Fine, lets get started then.”

-*-

They are about halfway through the meeting, when they hear footsteps on the stairway. Ennis’ head snaps up, he can smell the exhaustion coming from Stiles, he can smell the panic and the worry. He feels Ethan and Aiden put a hand on each shoulder as if to hold him off from going to Stiles right now. Ennis can see Kali angle her body towards the door and watches as Deuc does the same, in a much slower, more subtle manner.

When the door begins to slide open, he sees his pack, including Peter, tense up. Stiles steps into the loft, not looking at anyone, eyes flitting everywhere in the room, hands shaking. He looks so pale, much more pale than Ennis has ever seen him.

Peter quickly stands up, ignoring the glare he gets from Scott and Derek, and walks over to Stiles. The boy flinches away from Peter, making the frown on the man’s face deepen. Peter whispers something, so quietly that no one else can hear, causing Stiles to look up at him and nod his head slowly, almost untrustingly. Ennis watches closely as Stiles sits in the armchair left for him, each movement seemingly almost mechanical.

Scott, having stopped talking when Stiles entered speaks up, bringing the attention back to himself, “There is no reason to stop the meeting, so can we please continue?”

Deuc stands up and glares down at the young alpha, “Do you, or anyone else in your mealsey, little pack, see anything wrong with this picture?” Deuc gestures over to Stiles, who as not once moved, not twitching, no tapping of his fingers, nothing.

“He has been doing that for the past few days.” Scott says as if it is no big deal.

“It is best to just leave him alone when he gets like this.” Lydia chimes in.

“Well, Alpha McCall and Alpha Hale, this meeting is over,” Deuc walks over to where Stiles is and his face softens as he looks down at the boy. “oh, and whatever treaty you wanted to put in place, we don’t accept.”

“But, you can’t do that!” Scott says, shooting off the couch.

“What reason do you have to get rid of the treaty?” Derek asks, standing up as well, but with much more grace.

Ennis walks over to his boyfriend and quietly asks, “Can we take you home?”

There is no question where home is anymore, and the answer is easy for the boy. Stiles slowly nods his head, as if he is still out of it.

Deuc looks over at Derek, “Your pack has been neglecting not one, but two members of your pack, and we do not want to be associated with a pack like yours. You’re all lucky that I am deciding to spare your lives, but the only reason I because we have more important things to deal with.”

With that Deuc exits the loft, followed closely behind by the twins, Kali and Peter. Ennis quickly, but gently helps Stiles out of the chair, who seems to not be noticing anything going on around him. As Ennis gets to the doorway, he turns around with a smirk on his face.

“Oh by the way, Stiles and Peter are no longer in your pack, they’re in ours.” Ennis puts one foot out into the hallway, before he says, “and Stiles and I have been together since a few months after we got here.”

Ennis does not bother closing the door behind him and Stiles, he just continues on his way and meets up with the rest of his pack.

“You just could not leave without telling them could you?” Kali asks, a smile on her face.

“Of course not, they should know.” Ennis replies, finally just lifting Stiles up into a bridal carry, finding it much easier to just carry the boy.

“And why should they know?” Ethan asks, with a smile not unlike Kali’s.

“They’re idiots.” Is all Ennis says.

The rest of the ride down in the elevator is silent, the only sound coming from the elevator and each of their breathing. Ennis looks down at the boy in his arms. Stiles has fallen asleep and has his head resting on Ennis’ chest. The boy looks the most peaceful he has looked in a long time, even with the large bags under his eyes. Ennis does not look up when the elevator doors open, he just keeps his eyes trained on Stiles. He is finally back with his boy, and could not be happier.

-*-

When they are back at their apartment, Ennis immediately carries Stiles back to his room, where he lays the boy down on the bed. Ennis takes off Stiles’ shoes, and pulls the blanket over him. Once all this is done, Ennis leaves the room, and closes the door. He walks out to the living room, where everyone is and sits down in an empty seat.

“Is he okay?” Ethan asks from next to his brother.

“He’s sleeping, which is good.” Ennis says.

“Peter, what’s going on with Stiles? He completely shut us all out.” Kali asks, a frown taking over her features.

Everyone turns and looks at Peter, who for the most part has been quiet since they got back. “He did not take being possessed well-”

Aiden scoffs, “Well who would? I don’t think you could even come back from something like that and still be whole.”

Peter smiles sadly, “Sometimes I’m not even sure how Stiles did it. I remember seeing him when he was still possessed, he looks almost as bad as he did then. What he is not coping with is the fact that he killed people, innocent people, even though I have told him that it was not him, that it was the Nogitsune.”

Peter takes a deep breath, before continuing, “Also, when the fox would take over, it would do it when Stiles was sleeping. So, now he is afraid to sleep, and some nights he just won’t be able to fall asleep, even if he tries.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Deuc asks, breaking the silence that fell over the room. He does not sound accusing, but he definitely is not happy that the information was not relayed.

“He asked me not to say anything,” Peter says, “he barely wanted me around. He has this idea in his head that he is still a monster.”

“He thinks he is still possessed?” Aiden asks, brows furrowing.

“I don’t know, but he always says that I need to stay away, because he’s a monster, and he could hurt people.” Peter pauses, “It also does not help that the pack did not try and convince him otherwise. They avoided him, and they still are, but this time it is much worse. Now, they don’t even look at him, let alone invite him to any pack meetings.”

It is silent for a moment, before Ethan says, “Is it too late to go and kill them?”

Deuc chuckles, “We promised we would not kill them, at least now.”

The conversation lags, everyone taking in what Peter has told them. Ennis feels horrible, he did not know that his boyfriend was going through this, and it hurts to know that Stiles did not come to him when it started happening.

Everyone perks up when they hear movement from Ennis’ bedroom. Ennis hears a few incoherent grumbles and then the shuffling of the sheets. He is not worried and thinks that he should just let Stiles come out to them, but, that is until Ennis hears Stiles’ heatbeat skyrocket. Ennis jumps up from the couch, and quickly goes to the bedroom.

When he gets there and pulls the door open, he sees Stiles sitting up in bed with wide eyes and shaking uncontrollably. He is gripping the sheets in tight fists as if trying to somehow ground himself. Ennis rushes over to the bed and when he sits down on the side Stiles flinches away.

“Why did you let me fall asleep?” Stiles asks in a whisper, voice shaking.

Ennis swears he can feel his heart breaking at the sight of Stiles. He just looks so small and scared. Stiles looks so pale and the bags underneath his eyes seem to have grown since the last time Ennis saw him.

“Stiles, you’re ok. Nothing happened.” Ennis says slowly, not really knowing what to do.

Stiles shakes his head quickly and looks back at Ennis, “I, I could have hurt someone.”

“Stiles, you did not hurt anyone.”

“B-but, I, I fell asleep.” Stiles says frantically, trying to get his point across to the man next to him.

“I know, but that does not mean you hurt anyone.” Ennis says back, finally reaching out and taking one of Stiles’ shaking hands in between both of his.

Stiles tries to pull his hand out of his grip, but when his efforts fail, he just says, “How can you even stand to be near me? I killed people, innocent people. I, I’m a m-murderer.”

Ennis tightens his hold on Stiles’ hand, “No you’re not. You did not kill anyone,” Stiles opens his mouth to protest, but Ennis keeps talking, “you were possessed, you did nothing wrong.”

Ennis watches as tears fill up his boy’s eyes, “But, I r-remember l-liking it.”

“That wasn’t you, that was the Nogitsune, Stiles.” Ennis says, trying to find someway to convince Stiles that he is not a bad person, that he did not murder anyone.

“No, it wasn’t. It was me who liked it.” Stiles takes a deep breath, “I remember it all, and I liked every second of it. At first he had to make me like it, but towards the end, at the end, he didn’t have to anymore.”

“Have you told anyone this?” Ennis asks as he is trying to think of what else to say.

“Only Peter.”

“And what did he say about it?”

Stiles sighs, “He said that of course I ended up liking it, because the Nogitsune was more in control of my body than I was. He also said that with him making me like it in the beginning caused me later on to like it, just as a reaction to the beginning.”

“And he’s right, Stiles. You are not a bad person for liking it, you are not a bad person for anything that happened while you were possessed. You were not in control of anything. You did not hurt, or kill, anyone, that was all him, you’re not a monster, Stiles.” Ennis pauses, before saying much quieter, “You just have to believe me, okay? And, if you don’t believe me, believe Peter.”

Ennis is worried that nothing got through to Stiles, he is worried that the boy still thinks he is a monster. He does not know what to do, or what to say, to change the boy’s mind. Ennis has never been good with these types of things, the only reason why he started trying was for Stiles. And now, he feels like he has done nothing for him, like everything he said did nothing, he feels like he has failed, not himself, but Stiles. Stiles, because he does not deserve to feel like this, he does not deserve to have to go through this and feel like he is just a monster, a murderer.

Stiles does not say anything for a while, he just sits there and stares down at where Ennis is gripping his hand. Stiles wants so desprately to believe Ennis, but he just can’t, not even with the small part of him that knows that the Nogitsune made Stiles do all of it, the small part that knows it was not him, that he is not a murderer. Stiles just cannot bring himself to believe Ennis, or Peter for that matter, and it hurts him to know that in a way he is letting both of them down. He is letting Peter down, because all the man has done since he was no longer possessed was stay by his side, and make sure that Stiles was okay, or, at least, try and make him okay again. And Ennis, Stiles just wants him to be happy, and he knows that Ennis seeing him this way hurts the man. It also does not help that Stiles kept how badly he was doing from the man.

Part of Stiles is saying to just lie to Ennis, lie and say that he does believe him, but Stiles knows that lying would just cause even more problems than there already are, so, he does the thing that he has not done in a while, tell the truth.

“Ennis, I want to believe you. There is a part of me that knows I’m not the one who did any of that, but I, I just can’t, but I want to so, so bad.” Stiles takes his other hand, and places it on top of Ennis’ much larger one. He pulls the man's hand until it is palm side up, and places his own into it. He intertwines their fingers, and squeezes. “I’m so sorry that I didn’t come to you when it first started. I, I just didn’t want you to see me like that, because I didn’t know how you would react. So, I just pulled away, from you and the others.”

“What can I do to make you believe me, Stiles?” Ennis asks, ignoring the tears that have begun to well up in his eyes.

“I, I don’t know. I don’t think you can help with this, I think this is something I have to figure out on my own this time.”

Ennis nods his head, and squeezes Stiles’ hands in his, “I’m going to be here the whole time, you can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Stiles smiles slightly, it is just a small little thing, but it makes Ennis beam. “I wouldn’t want you anywhere else, Ennis.”

Ennis pulls the boy into a tight hug, and he feels Stiles slowly wrap his arms around his waist and squeeze just as tight. “I love you, Stiles.”

Stiles sniffles, the tears from earlier finally falling, “I love you too.”

Ennis feels Stiles tighten his grip on him, and it just makes him smile. They still have a lot to talk about, and nothing is near how it was before, nothing is near perfect, but they are back with each other again, and that is all Ennis can ask for.

My ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexnicolebender

My Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/alexandra_bender

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

Alex