Witches Stick insect.. Another Witch bookette
'you can have a crow' 'or a cat maybe a snake' 'definitely not a hamster'..
"but its not a familiar, i want a pet"
'i knew i shouldn't have let a boy be my apprentice'
'well you want an evil crow, black cat or hamster, errrm i mean snake.. is it a sinister stick insect?'
“Well i called it Galvatron"
‘how can you expect Galvatron to spy on your enemies?’
“They're a pet, and well they could look like a stick to spy"
‘hmmm you might be onto something' 'You spent too much time in the 20th century, i suppose thats where you got Galvatron?! Is it a boy or a girl?’
“i dont care, they are who they are"
‘well there are no stick insects on this planet, so they may come in very useful.. just got to do the supernature mapping chantment!’
“but they’re a pet not a spy"
‘Come on stop stalling and you can only have one familiar.. UNFORTUNATELY’
‘I left him in the forest pulling up mega pines'
‘I’m not sure, i never should have used badger honey in the mapping chantment'
‘yes i can see.. it'll work out better in the red pines forests'
“So you did it on purpose, they look smaller as well"
‘Well i didn’t want to over do it again on the sizing, i guess iwent a little the other way.. the colour will fade with a little time.. so we can’t make our way to the red pine forests right now, we’ll have to stay here for a few days until Galvatron is the right shade of red’
“A red stick insect familiar, only useful in red forests and jungles"
‘You can specialise hahahahee'
“you said you would teach me immense powers, so far I’ve got a red stick insect and i can fly a brolly about four feet off of the ground, and thats about it"
‘you can turn pine nuts into hamster shits don’t forget'
“I’m trying to forget that actually.. when are we getting to the powerful stuff?”
‘Well we need to work on your brolly skills first and also transdimensional herbology takes quite a while'
“can we skip those and go for one big power just to keep it interesting?”
“Hahahahee that does sound like fun.. ok we’ll see how Galvatron does in the red pine forests first and then I’ll teach you how to wrench all the souls from a dying planet to power a crystal castle for a thousand years.. how about that"
‘Oh yeah, the good stuff'
'didn’t Galvatron do well, and only lost one leg'
“now a red stick insect with three legs for a familiar and four foot brolly riding, this isn't what i expected at all"
‘And those pine nut hamster shits came in handy too don’t forget, Barrelleena didn’t see it coming.. she’ll be searching the red pine forests for a millennia hahahahee'
“Can we learn the good stuff now?”
‘we’ll need to find a dying planet, cant wrench the souls of a healthy planet.. you haven’t seen 21st century Earth’
‘no i suppose not, i did hear of a robot planet that has blocked out all the sunshine and is keeping animals alive as living batteries.. i don’t think its going so well for them'
‘Of course they do, they are a bit funny coloured but they are real souls alright!’’
"Why do i need a whoopy cushion?”
‘no one will suspect you are keeping ten billion souls in a whoopy cushion’
“i still don’t understand how ten billion souls can fit in a whoopy cushion?!”
‘Souls have no mass, you can fit all the souls in existence in a whoopy cushion.. now get ready to catch them and watch closely, how far away can also be small relativistically and with enough stolen moon wind you can pipette all the souls from a dying planet.. there now catch the droplets'
“is that it.. it wasn’t very dramatic.. i was expecting more.. now ive got a three legged red stick insect, four foot brolly flying and a whoopy cushion'
‘Don’t forget the hamster shits’
“im not being funny, but the moon wind was invisible, i expected more.. something cataclysmic and awe inspiring.. super powers"
‘after you’ve learned to fly and interdimensional herbs.. now I’ve given you a taste or some powerful supernature.. you can now learn the basics like we agreed’
“all i need now is a crystal palace i guess!”
‘Well you're half way there with your whoopy cushion'
W h e r e h a s m y l e g g o n e ?
“Galvatron, you can speak"
Y e s m y f a m i l i a r v o i c e i s c o m i n g i n
“you lost your leg stealing an alien witches ermm fake eyelashes.. they are magical eyelashes.. her cat thought you were a toy”
C a n y o u c h a n t m e n t m e a n e w o n e ?
“I can only do hamster poops at the moment"
H o w a b o u t a w a l k i n g s t i c k?
“a walking stick for a stick insect, i guess you do have those powerful pincers you could hold it in.. I’ll send a brolly into the great galactic garbage patch and see if it can find a dolls crutches maybe.. great a three legged red stick insect with a crutch, four foot brolly flying, a whoopy cushion full of robot souls and no crystal castle”
D o n ‘ t f o r g e t t h e h a m s t e r s h i t s
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