I had my mind dead set on one thing as I walked into the apartment. I wanted to forget. My failures. I failed. I fucking failed again.
I stepped into the kitchen, letting my hand prop me up on the counter as I stared dead into the floor to catch my breath. Beads of sweat and maybe even some blood rained down. I drew a long breath and finally looked back up, opening my liquor cabinet and reaching for a shiny blue bottle.
Before my fingertips could touch it, I froze. I felt him. I felt his hand on my shoulder.
“You just love popping up, don’t you?”
To that, he replied. He sounded worried, but I couldn’t really make out what he was saying; my head was still rushing. That’s when I noticed another bead of sweat escape me, hitting the cabinet. I couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit self conscious.
“I— uh, I should go take a shower...” I managed to mutter, looking down to avoid eye contact as I made my way to the bathroom. I felt like a complete failure. I didn’t want him to know... I want him to be proud of me.
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My hand stung like a bitch. My right one. A rouge lighting bolt snared it earlier, gathering enough velocity to just tear right through the skin, leaving a smoky gash that circled my palm all the way to the back of my hand.
I kneeled down, grabbing a large bandage and wrapping the center of my hand firmly. Accidents like this, unfortunately, were not uncommon. Perks to being the son of the sky god.
Finally, I stood proud, placing my door against the handle, ready to open when suddenly I could feel my forehead hit the door. I felt weak. I used my other hand to support myself. I didn’t realize how exhausted I was until now. I coughed loudly to avoid any suspicion that would arise with him. I didn’t want him to know how hard I’ve been working myself again; I couldn’t bare to see him upset right now.
I turned the handle and walked out, wearing nothing but a fresh pair of boxers and a black tee with a cartoon white ghost on the front.
Making my way back to the liquor cabinet, he beat me to it. He was sitting against the counter, smiling and shaking his head, “Hey, I don’t want you spoiling your appetite. I told you I was making lasagna tonight.”
I opened my mouth to protest but I stopped, catching the sounds of Star Wars episode five already playing in the living room. He knew me too well.
Then, I made the biggest mistake. I focused on him. On his lopsided smile and gentle eyes. I couldn’t do anything else but smile back, sigh, and say,
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It was during the movie that it finally happened.
He was good at hiding how he felt, but I could feel the worried glances he’d steal when he thought I wasn’t looking. I could feel him staring at my partially burned hand.
He hovered over it with his.
I gulped. Hard. I felt like if I looked at him right now I would cry.
“Yeah, yeah, this is okay.” I smiled. Genuinely.
He closed the gap, allowing his hand to finally meet mine. I kept my eyes firmly glued to the screen while it happened. I was afraid of what would happen if I did look at him.
My hand, however, was not so modest. It firmly locked his in, intertwining the fingers. His hands were cold, almost like placing your palm down on the inside of a cooler. My insides were the opposite. Every inch of my body lit up. Hell, I was practically glowing. Probably literally, too.
That’s when I lost control of my grin. It was growing wider and wider and I just laughed and shook my head, pretending to be fixated on the movie.
My fingers, however, were fixated on him. Each tip pressing down gently against his knuckles and my thumb gently caressing the side of his hand in slow but erratic movements.
I wanted time to freeze so I could feel that burning feelings inside of me forever.
I bit my lip and questioned how it was even possible to feel this way about somebody. It’s like the entire world could melt away but as long as he was still holding my hand, I wouldn’t care. He made me feel like nothing else mattered.
And for the one of the first times, I didn’t want to forget. I wanted to remember.