Burned At Both Ends

I still feel you crawling under my skinYou left a certain kinda sick that I can't let go offI'm thinking back on all the time that I've wastedI'm afraid that it's only leading to darker placesThe curse you left, it ends tonightEven if I have to tear out my insidesNever again will this heart be your homeI'll be happy as someone elseToday I found my open doorI set my sights on something moreI live for something more

[alexmoralesx]

better keep an eye on ALEXANDER MORALES whenever they are around. Shady gossip describes the FOURTY year old as CLOSED OFF + ALOOF, close sources say they’re GIVING + COURAGEOUS. Can be easily found in STATEN ISLAND working as THE CHIEF OF POLICE.

Name: Alexander Morales

Age: 40

Birthday: March 9th

Zodiac: Pisces

Occupation: Chief of Police for the NYPD

Hometown: Guatemala City, Guatemala

Current Location: Staten Island, New York

Sexuality: Bisexual

Relationship status: Single

TW: death, overdose (TW bullets will be italicized)

Alexander Morales was born in Guatemala City, Guatemala. His mother was just fifteen years old when she had him and his twin brother, Emilio and she dropped them off outside an orphanage the moment she could and never looked back.

They stayed at the orphanage until they were five years old and was adopted by a lesbian couple looking for a child to bring home and give them a life in America.  They ended up getting two.

Alex quickly began to learn how to speak English and before long, it was essentially his natural tongue. His mother’s never wanted him to lose his Guatemalan routes, however, so they also spoke Spanish in their household. 

His entire life, he grew up in Albany, New York. When he turned 21, he decided he wanted to be a police officer and he pursed that. It was a hard and stressful job, but he typically went home feeling accomplished so he liked that. He and his brother decided to move to New York City together since Emilio wanted to experience something new and different.

After he graduated from the police academy, Alex immediately jumped into the job and began to learn the inner workings of the system. And the more he worked there, the more he realized how extremely corrupt the police department was. It was disheartening. Alex wanted to help people. It seemed like the department wanted to purposely ruin peoples lives.

On top of that, there were several gangs running around New York, all specializing in something different. One in particular that concerned him was the drug dealing organization. He wanted nothing more than to stop them because they were making the city worse for everyone.

When he was twenty-five years old, his brother overdosed on cocaine which resulted in a heart attack that killed him. Alex was devasted. Alex was enraged.

After his brother's death, Alex continued to work his way up through the department, trying to make a name for himself and make waves. His ultimate goal was to be the chief of police. He wasn't sure if it would be possible, but that was what he wanted. That was where he was going to make a difference.

When he was thirty-eight years old, the current chief of police retired, and Alex immediately threw his hat into the running. And much to his surprise, he was given the position. The moment he was in that office, he pretty much did away with the old and in with the new. He brought in fresh new officers that were corrupt from his old chief of police. He changed how the department worked. He changed how they were seen by the public.

Now, he is still working on the drug epidemic in New York City, as well keeping a close eye on the rest of the gangs.

[alexmoralesx]

ofadoc​:

☆ﾟ*·ﾟCROSSING HIS ARMS over his chest, Adi sighed. He couldn’t imagine how it must’ve felt, to be lying in that bed, hurt, and in a respirator mask. His friend was lying in a hospital bed, and he couldn’t believe it. “I heard about the kids, and they said a firefighter got hurt. I panicked,” Adi had no idea who the firefighter was when he first heard about the incident. That didn’t stop him from worrying. Anytime anyone he knew from the hospital was hurt, it sent him into a panic. Breathing deeply, he fiddled with his hands, rubbing them together. “How’re you feeling?”

Adi wanted nothing more than to make everything better for him, but he wasn’t really sure how. He could barely keep his thoughts straight, let alone think about what he could possibly do for him. The doctors in the hospital were always really good at what they did, so he knew they would take excellent care of him. 

His head nodded a bit as the other answered his question. He supposed that did make sense. Something like that probably got around pretty quick, "Oh." Alex said softly. From what he knew, the kids were okay and that was really all that mattered to him. He had succesfully did his job and Alex couldn't have asked for much more than that. Well, except for the use of his legs. That would be pretty nice but he supposed beggars couldn't be choosers. Especially when they willingly went walking into burning, crumbling buildings.

The man shrugged at Aditya's question and he licked his lips, "Well...as well as I can, I suppose." He wasn't in pain. Mostly because he couldn't feel anything below his waist. If he could, that would probably be a different story, "Did you...did you hear about--" Alex pointed at his legs, unsure how to even bring it up, "I'm...paralyzed from the waist down." He nodded, figuring it was just best to say it, "They said I can...walk again one day if I do therapy so...not all hope is lost, I guess." It just felt like it.

[alexmoralesx]

jamiexryan​:

            Not known as a very patient person, Jamie was one when it came to Alex.. or she had become. It was strange what love could do to one, wasn’t it - what kind of power the other could have over you. “Because I know you?” Was he doubting himself, seriously? There was no place for self-pity, not in Jamie’s life, and she’d make sure there would not be any in his as well. Alex was stronger than that, and even though this was a shock, there was an exit. They heard it a moment ago, and there was not a chance Jamie wouldn’t do anything in her power for them to reach out an exit out of this situation. “It’s you - you can fight this. It will be months of fighting, but you can do it.”

             She nodded, trying to listen to him as best as she could because there was a part of her that was shivering upon his touch on her skin. It was a while.. four years had passed.. and her heart wanted to jump out of the ribcage upon something so small as holding each other’s hands. “I don’t have to,” she mustered up words, “but I want to, Alex. Why would you want to do that on your own when my dad can do it with one phone call?” It was her father who made it possible for her to be by his side 24/7, not leaving it for a single moment.. spending her days and nights in this goddamn hospital. “If you want that? Alex.” Why was he scared of fighting for himself? Was that also the reason he didn’t fight for them when it was needed? “Are you trying to tell me you’re considering just giving up?” Shaking her head, Jamie strongly squeezed his hands, not believing what she was hearing. “No, I won’t let you give up. I won’t. You can’t give up. No.” Alex gave up on them, and she let him do that, but she would be damned if she’d let him give up on himself. “Why would you even give up? Why won’t you fight for yourself?” Searching his eyes, Jamie knew she had no rights to even ask those kind of questions.. not anymore, but to see the man she loved giving up so easily on his future, it was heartbreaking. “Alex, I won’t let that happen.”

.

If there was one thing about Jamie Ryan, she sure was persistent. Alex said he could figure out everything on his own, which he could. He had ample time to do it now. But she was insistent on her dad helping. And while he didnt't really want the help, he could admit it would be nice to not have to worry about that on top of the rest of shit his mind was racing about every moment of every day, "Fine." He said softly, "I guess." Alex muttered with a shrug, "But if he's too busy then just...let it be and I can do it. Really." He didn't want to inconveinience anyone more than he already was with his state.

To be honest, Alex hadn't even reallized that he said what he did. He thought he wanted to get better but...maybe he didn't. But it seemed Jamie didn't like that answer. His brow furrowed as she grabbed his hand and he shifted his gaze down towards their hands and he shrugged, "I don't know." Alex answered honestly, "Maybe I'm tired." He was. He was very tired. He was tired of a lot of things. But that didn't mean that he had to throw the rest of his life away, right? He had other things he could do. He had other things he had to do...

Softly, he squeezed her hands back and he nodded, "I know." He said softly. She would never let him give up. Jamie was, again, persistent, "I'm...feeling sorry for myself." Alex offered quietly and he shrugged, "Hard not to." He added in with a small frown. His mind was all over the place. Alex didn't know what he wanted. With anything. And it was making him just question everything. And what he said was true, he was fucking tired, "I just don't want to...deal with this right now." He added in softly, "That's all."

[alexmoralesx]

jamiexryan​:

         As she was standing in the very corner of the hospital room, Jamie could feel worry overflowing every cell in her body. Whatever happiness existed due to Alex being awake, it was gone momentarily as he realized he couldn’t feel his legs. There were too many diagnosis he could handle easily, but the thought of not being able to stand on his legs ever again.. it would crush him. Pushing herself away from the wall as doctor and nurses made their exit, she took her time as she made her way back to Alex. To be honest, Jamie didn’t know what to do or what to say - all she knew she had to be strong for both of them. 

        Taking a seat on his bed, she brought her hand up to Alex’s cheek and softly directed his gaze from his legs up to her eyes. Out of all things that could have happened, she never thought they’d have to face such a challenge. Not now nor ever. And they were never good with obstacles, were they? Leaving each other as if all love had disappeared four years ago, not even trying to talk about it, even less to fix it. “I don’t know if you have to do it, but I know you can do it,” Alex had to fight for himself this time - save himself. “If there’s anyone who can do it, it’s you.” She didn’t know how long it would take, but she believed with all of her heart that there was nothing but question of time when he would be back on his feet. It was Alex.. she didn’t even want to think of any other option. 

          Taking his hand into hers, Jamie softly smiled. “Don’t worry about anything,” her smile still lingering on her lips, “I’ll call my dad. He’ll get you whatever you need, from doctors to physical therapists. You’ll be in good hands.. no, the best ones, and you’ll be okay.” Perhaps those were promises that couldn’t come true because who could ever guarantee something as fragile as health, but if she believed in him, then he had to as well. She was just hoping he had strength in himself.. because she knew it was not a matter of his muscles or bones, not even nerves, as much as it was the question of his mind. And perhaps Alex wouldn’t want her by his side because why would he, but.. even if he didn’t want her near himself or in his life at all, she could still help him from a far. And she would. “You’ll be okay.“

.

As much as he wanted to be alone and just wallow in self-pity because he ruined his life, he knew it was better he didn’t. If he did, there really wouldn’t be any coming back from that and he’d be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. Alex didn’t want that. He couldn’t do that. He loved his job. He wanted to do until he no longer could. Was this just a sign though? Should he just retire from the force? That wasn’t fair though... Alex still had more to do. More to give. He wanted to be chief. He was confident he could. There was no way he could now. No one would respect him as chief he was literally rolling around the fire station.

Turning his gaze up towards Jamie as she held his face and spoke, he couldn’t help but frown, “How do you know that?” He asked, genuinely curious. He had never experienced anything like this before. How could she possibly know he was going to succeed at something like learning to walk again? It just...didn’t sound right to him. 

Softly, he held her hands as she grabbed his own and he just blinked, listening as she spoke. If there was one thing about Jamie, she wasn’t a bullshitter. He was certain she would get him whatever he needed and that was very kind but she didn’t have to do that. “Thank you.” Alex finally spoke, softly, “You don’t have to do that though. I have insurance. I can find...doctors and a therapist...” He paused and huffed, “If I...want that.” He mumbled. He wasn’t sure what he wanted. He felt so defeated at the moment. Alex didn’t feel like himself anymore... “Not that I don’t... appreciate it.” He added in. He did. He didn’t want her to think he didn’t. Alex just wasn’t sure what he wanted.

[ofadoc]

☆ﾟ*·ﾟWHEN ADI HEARD the news, he rushed to the hospital faster than he could even think. For years, he’d worked with Alex, been his friend, and been there for him when he just needed someone. To hear that he wasn’t well, and was even caught in a fire that could’ve seriously injured him, he panicked. This wasn’t fair. He was such a good person, such a good friend to everyone, and Adi couldn’t process his thoughts. He barreled through the parking lot, raced up the stairs from the deck to the ER, practically pushing everyone out of his way. “MOVE.” His voice was deep, dark, and just frightened. One of his best friends was in one of these hospital beds, and he couldn’t process the thought of losing him, or seeing him hurt. As he moved through the room, pushing back curtain after curtain, he finally found him and froze. His hand stayed on the curtain as he looked down at him. “Alex, mate, why’d you have to be such a brave asshole? Come on, I…” he took a step forward, looking at him. “I’m so glad you’re alive, but shit, dude.”

@alexmoralesx​

[alexmoralesx]

Things hadn’t been particularly great for Alex since he woke up in the hospital. Not breathing and not being able to walk were particularly at the top of that list. He still felt like shit, which was making the whole situation even worse. His body hurt, his soul hurt, everything. Really, what he wanted was to be left alone for a while. Jamie and Nadia were wanting to be there at every waking moment and he had sent them away for a while. He just needed to think. He needed to focus on the silence for a while...

And he did. For the first time, his mind was quiet and he was happy for it. Hearing some footsteps coming up, he turned his gaze towards the door and there he saw his good friend. A small, sad, sad smile crossed his lips through his respirator mask. He was hoping Adi wouldn’t have to see him like this but clearly, that wasn’t going to be the case. The man worked at the hospital. Of course he would. “Hey.” He said softly, pulling the mask from his face so that he didn’t have to look at him with it on, “Brave asshole is on my resume. I had to do it.” Alex managed to joke, rubbing at his eye with knuckle, “How’d you...hear about this?” He asked softly, turning his gaze towards Adi.

[alexmoralesx]

nadiakhalil​:

Nadia already knew where this was going to go. She knew the moment he and Jamie broke up. There was no room for her for him. it was why she wanted to wait until he was ready again but she ruined that moment to tell him when he was. Would the outcome have been any different? Would he have had any feelings for her then? It was too late to ever know that now. She couldn’t blame him. she couldn’t be angry at him. She put herself in this position. None of this was a surprise to her.

The hug wasn’t much of a surprise either but this time it felt different than every other one. It was crazy how just a few words can change everything. She sighed quietly as her arms wrapped around him, only barely. “I don’t hate you Alex.” She started before pulling away to look at him. It broke her more to see the look on his face It was a weak, pained smile but a smile none the less. She felt bad for putting him in this position. Maybe it would’ve been best if she had only listened and not say a word.

“I knew this was going to happen. I knew that it’s going to take you a long time to get over Jamie. I knew you had no place for me in that way. Not that I think you would’ve felt the same. I knew the outcome. It was expected. Honestly I’m glad I finally told you after all these years. Not being able to tell you or anyone was harder than I thought. I’m not mad or angry at you or will ever hate you. I knew what I was putting myself into. You’re not ready. It’s fine. It’s understandable. I’m sorry for putting you in this situation. I’ll be fine.” She assured him. She didn’t know what to do now. Whether to stay or go home and give him some space. Some time to collect his thoughts. She didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable.

.

Alex felt so desperate to keep Nadia there. She was his best friend. She was all he had and the last thing he wanted was to lose her. So, when she pulled away from him, he was certain that she was going to leave forever at that point. He had rejected her. Why wouldn’t she leave? His eyes softened and he dropped his gaze as she spoke. She said she didn’t hate him but he wasn’t even sure if he believed that. How couldn’t she hate him? He had literally given her every good reason to. And yet, he could feel that she didn’t hate him. He could feel that she didn’t want to. And that was, oddly, comforting.

He listened intently as she spoke, his gaze shifting from her face, back down to his hands and that repeated over and over again. Alex wasn’t sure if he was ever going to get over Jamie. That fucking dinner solidified that for him. They had fought the whole damn time and yet, all he wanted was her. It was stupid. And what was stupid was literally sitting in front of him and he couldn’t find it in himself to return it. What the fuck kind of person was he? Alex was the worst of the worst, wasn’t he? He frowned deeply at her words ‘I’ll be fine’. That wasn’t something she should ever have to say...not to him. And yet, there they were. 

Reaching his hand out, he grabbed her hand and he rubbed his thumb along the back of hers. He wasn’t sure what to say. What to do. “Are you going to leave?” He asked, almost like a child. Alex didn’t want her to go. How fucked up was that? He was going to take comfort in his best friend again but he really shouldn’t, should he? “Or...you can...go if you want. I don’t want to...make things uncomfortable.” The man said softly. Not that they could get much more uncomfortable, right?

[dailyflicks]

OSCAR ISAAC as Jonathan in SCENES FROM A MARRIAGE (2021)

[alexmoralesx]

jamiexryan​:

        Of course, but of course. There she was, Jamie Jade Ryan, ladies and gentlemen, being honest for the first time in her life only for that to backfire straight into her face. No, it didn’t even backfire because he would actually have to say something to her. But no, Alex chose silence knowing silence speaks louder than words. She should have just sent him a get well soon card, but no, she had to run straight to the hospital, take a leave of absence and spend days by his side. How fucked up was that? And he couldn’t even say a single word back to her, but chose silence because what, was he afraid that he could hurt her by saying something? Right, because this wasn’t hurtful at all.. and the worst was she brought it all on her own. The whole dinner chaos was Alex’s fault, but this superb idea of a fool in love she was, was all hers. Why couldn’t she just order herself to stop loving him? 

        When he threw the blanket off his body, it was hard not to roll her eyes. She knew what was coming.. the whole pacing thing. Whenever Alex had to think, he would be pacing - it used to drive her crazy. It was no different now. “Really? You have to think about..” but she froze - every thought of hers was thrown out of the window as Alex said he couldn’t move his legs. No, that couldn’t be true.. staring in disbelief at his legs, she could feel her heart beating faster. It was not possible - that had to be some cruel joke of God’s. “Alex, what do you mean you can’t move your legs?” But that was the question that needed no words of him as the panic was vividly overflowing him.. “You really can’t-?” Jesus fuckin’ Christ, how was this even possible? No, there was no chance Alex couldn’t feel his legs. It was impossible. However, throwing another look at his features, hearing another word of his.. Alex was drowning in panic and she had to stop it as soon as possible. “Alex, Alex..” cupping his cheeks firmly in her hands, Jamie directed his face towards her trying to calm him down, at least a bit. There was a time she could do that.. did she still had that kind of power? “Alex, listen to me, please.” Breathe, Jamie.. just breathe. You need to be stronger for the sake of both of you, that annoying tiny voice within told her. “You’ll be alright. Whatever is going on, we’ll solve it, okay? You’ll be alright.” She didn’t know if he would be alright, she couldn’t know, but for his well-being she had to believe he would.. lowering her right hand down to where the emergency button was, she pressed it knowing all hell would break loose soon. “I’m here, whatever happens.. I’m here.”

.

All of this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Alex was supposed to be fine. He was always fine. He never got hurt on the job. He always came out on top. And now look at him. Laying in a hospital bed, unable to breathe and, apparently, paralyzed. His heart was beginning to pound so hard it felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. He was struggling to get any source of air into his tired lungs, even with the mask on. Panic was the only thing he could feel at the moment and he didn’t know what to do with that. Alex didn’t panic. He was always calm and collected. Always.

He felt Jamie’s hands on his face, and he let her turn his head towards her, his eyes wide with fear as a tear trekked down his face, “What...What do I do?” He asked, as if she was going to have an answer for him. There was really no answer for it right now. His hands continued to grip his legs as tight as he possibly could when the door opened and in walked a nurse. Slowly, Alex turned his head and he somehow managed to get the sentence out again, “I can’t feel...my legs.” Maybe it was just temporary. Maybe it was just...post trauma or something. Was that how it even worked?

And from there, it was just a big whirlwind of confusion. The nurse grabbed the doctor and he came in for the assessment about fifteen minutes later. It was then when it was determined that Alex couldn’t feel anything below his waist and from there, it was really up to Alex if he would ever walk again. The doctor stated that his nerves weren’t completely dead so there was a chance he could walk again with several months of intense physical therapy. Alex was honestly speechless. He didn’t know what to say...how to react. He just slightly nodded his head and the doctor left the room to let him think about his next course of action.

Alex rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand and dropped his gaze to his legs again, “I have to do it.” He finally said quietly, “Right? I can’t...just...be like this...”

[alexmoralesx]

nadiakhalil​:

Nadia instantly regretted speaking up again after they ended the conversation. Normally, she would think things through more carefully before speaking but this time, she spoke without a second thought. How she was wishing to turn back time to stop herself from saying anything. She’d knock herself out if she had to. Anything to just shut her up. But unfortunately, life didn’t work that way. There was no turning back. For years, she was ready to tell him. She worked on it long and hard but now, all the feeling of being ready went out the window. Now she was fully, internally panicking. 

Her gaze fell to her hands, her fingers fidgeting. She couldn’t look him in the eyes. She felt herself shaking because of how scared and nervous she was. She had been through worse and yet that was the scariest thing of all for her. Deep down, before she could answer the question, she felt as though she messed up a really great friendship and wasn’t sure if it would last now. She wasn’t sure if he was going to want to continue being friends. He wasn’t ready for a new relationship. She knew that too. Hell, she knew that he didn’t even feel the same. It was all one-sided. Now she didn’t have a choice to answer and she wasn’t going to lie. Might as well let him know and prepare herself for what’s to come afterward. “Me..” was all that came out. Nadia had so much more to say to follow that but the words were stuck in her throat. Now that had confirmed and basically confessed, she got ready for the rejection.

.

He wasn’t sure what the fuck he was wanting out of this conversation. Alex had this issue a lot. He would start a conversation, it would get weird and uncomfortable, then he didn’t know what to do with it. He should really just close his mouth but he just...didn’t. It was stupid. It was wrong. And now Nadia was put in this weird situation that he didn’t want her to be in but because he was him, it happened. Alex couldn’t help but run his fingers through his hair as he watched his friend, not wanting to look away from her. But he knew that watching her would just make it worse so maybe he should.

However at one point, she finally did answer his awful question and Alex just released a breath. He could feel her trembling beside him and he just felt so fucking awful. Without a second thought, the male wrapped his arms tightly around Nadia and pulled her close to his chest, holding her tightly. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel like this. It was even worse before Alex didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to reject her. Not at all... But he also didn’t want to give her false hope.

Nadia really was the perfect girl. In every way possible. But Alex was far from that. She was the best thing in his life and he was so afraid that this whole thing was going to ruin that, “Please don’t hate me.” Alex spoke softly, his arms remaining tightly around Nadia, “I don’t know if I’m ready for anything again...” He finally spoke quietly, barely above a whisper, as his hand softly rubbed her back, “I want to be. But I don’t know how to do it...”

[alexmoralesx]

jamiexryan​:

          In times like these, Jamie was reminded once again just how small things mattered.. just how something so small as simple waking up could mean. A small question about someone else’s life was now all of a sudden powerful.. causing Jamie to smile. “He really is okay, Alex,” her smile grew upon seeing how comforting her reply was to him, “you saved him.” And she was proud of Alex, more than he could ever imagine, but it would be a lie to say she liked his job. She hated it.. because she was selfish. There was not a moment she didn’t spend worrying when he was at work, praying he would spend his days doing nothing. He dedicated his life to saving other lives, but with what price.. of losing his own? 

          As the nurse left his room, the ex-couple stayed on their own, and yet the air in the room was different. Perhaps because there were no expectations, no excitement unlike at that infamous dinner, but now it was just the two of them.. perhaps they both stripped off their armors. Only time would tell. “I have,” she confirmed knowing it was no place of hers to be by his side anymore, but she would rather risk another horrible goodbye than to let him be alone. “You were horrible to me, yeah,” there was no point in saying otherwise, “but I wasn’t the sweetest either, was I?” A rhetorical question followed by another smile of hers, she knew she wasn’t the easiest person to be around. Just as she wasn’t the easiest when it came to admitting things.. from her fear of Alex stop loving her all the way to her actually admitting the only reason she was here was because she was in love with him. “Because I don’t want you to be alone here.” 

           But that was no good explanation of why would she stay for four days curled up by his bed putting her whole life on hold. “And.. oh, God, Alex,” he had to know why. Deep down he had to know, but there were times when he was just so clueless.. even if she would draw it to him, he would not get it. Perhaps he didn’t want to get it.. perhaps hearing the lie would be better than truth.. saving her from the cold reality that could face her. “I may have ruined us, but..” perhaps admitting something would actually be good. Perhaps it would not hurt her like not admitting - perhaps. “It doesn’t mean I have stopped loving you.”

.

To say that he was shocked to hear that Jamie had been there the whole time was quite the understatement. Not only was he shocked, but he felt guilty too. He had been so awful to her and there she was, by his bed side because...? What reason? None of it really made sense. His gaze stayed upon her as he sat in the bed, keeping the annoying respirator on his mouth, as she spoke. Alex looked down at his grimy hands, softly rubbing them together. She had a point. She wasn’t great in the restaurant. Not that he would say it out loud, but it certainly felt like she was purposely trying to hurt him that day and that really didn’t sit well with him. But that was beside the point, he supposed.

The male lifted his gaze once again as she spoke his name and he could feel his stomach drop when she said that never stopped loving him. What the fuck was going on? What universe was he in? Was he even awake? He had to be. Even his own psyche couldn’t be that cruel to him. And the kicker was that he didn’t even know what to say. Alex had never stopped loving Jamie. Not for a single second. After they split, he still thought about her. Almost every day for close to a year. After time, she did start to become a fleeting thought, but his heart never stopped aching. 

Alex had to get up. He had to pace. That’s what he did when he was thinking. Throwing the blanket off his body, Alex pulled the mask off his face and he attempted to stand, but his body wasn’t moving. Well, not the bottom half. Alex tried again. Maybe his legs were just asleep or something. But this wasn’t normal. He knew what it was like to have his legs fall asleep and that certainly wasn’t the feeling. Reaching down, he placed his hands on his legs. He could see his hands on his legs, but he couldn’t feel them. Panic immediately began to rise and Alex clutched at his calves, shaking his head in utter disbelief, “I can’t move my legs.” He managed to squeeze out between his panicked breathing, “I can’t move them.”

[alexmoralesx]

nadiakhalil​:

“Hmm only ninety-five percent of the time.” she teased before sipping her drink. Her eyes glued to the tv as she nodded, “We should make it a goal to try and finish it tonight.” she said with a smile. She had spent plenty of nights sleeping at Alex’s where they stayed up most of the night just hanging out or having a movie night. 

Nadia stopped mid sip when he asked. She hadn’t realized her words would get his attention to ask a question. She didn’t realize that her words left her in a position that could determine their friendship. She chugs the rest of her drink and sits up as soon as he shifted in his seat to face her. Her eyes met his before looking away. She grew nervous just looking at him and one thing Nadia never was, was nervous about anything. “Well i don’t know. I just meant in general..” She said with a shrug. She felt her heart pounding at this point.  Her thoughts immediately thinking that if she told him, he’d tell her that he can’t accept her feelings. She didn’t know if she was ready to hear something like that after her feelings she had for him for year were to be said.

.

Perhaps he was reading into this all too much. He could be. Alex did tend to do that sometimes. He would make mountains out of mole hills and then it was just awkward for everyone. But what Nadia said... it just seemed like she was speaking out someone. And call him crazy but he had a feeling that someone was her. But... that couldn’t be right, right? Nadia didn’t like him, like him. They were just best friends. She was there for him when no one else was. He was there for her. They hung out, they laughed, enjoyed their time together. That was just... friend stuff, right?

Her statement didn’t do much to convince him, however. Just in general. He repeated to himself and softly nibbled on the inside of his lower lip. Alex didn’t want to pry but he had to, right? Right? For all he knew though, he would dig into it and she would get pissed and that was that. But he had to know, “In general?” Alex asked, his head tilting, “Did you really mean in general?” There was a brief pause before he finally spoke again, “Or did you mean...did you mean you?” 

[manitat]

2021: Scenes From A Marriage

[alexmoralesx]

jamiexryan​:

          As soon as she heard him coughing, Jamie dropped her phone down and jumped off from the armchair by his bed. Immediately she noticed, of course she did, the surprise in his eyes upon landing on her. It was impossible to blame him for it, but she didn’t care, he could think whatever he wanted.. she was here. And was determined to stay. “Don’t ta-,” she tried to tell him not to talk, but he had questions. Lots of them it seemed.. she gave him a tired smile, before she exhaled. At least he was awake. “There was a fire at school, and uhm, a boy got trapped inside so you ran inside to save him, Alex, and you did. He’s doing okay. He’s got some lung issues, but no permanent damage.” Jamie knew it was the information Alex cared the most about so her father was sending her updates on the boy’s state every day. “My Dad told me you’re here so..” her shoulders fell down a bit as if she was relaxing, but in truth, she knew it was the moment she was afraid of. She didn’t know how Alex would react upon seeing her here, and he very likely could throw her out. “Uhm, three or four days, I don’t know.” Taking a leave of absence, she didn’t leave Alex’s bedside except to go to her father’s office to take a shower or to catch a couple of hours of sleep. "Do you want some water? I should call-,” and in that moment the nurse came in.. Alex was awake - and suddenly Jamie was breathing easier.

.

His eyes shifted back and forth for a few moments as she explained more about what happened. It came back to him as she spoke. He remembered going in that school. Several times. He got those kids out... Alexander immediately released a breath (not nearly as big as he wanted) when she told him about the last teenager in the building. “Thank God.” Alex spoke quietly and leaned his head back against the pillow, “He’s okay?” He asked once again, just wanting to hear it one more time. That was truly what was important. Alex would do it again in a heartbeat as long as it meant that those kids lived another day. 

Alex’s head tilted in utter confusion when she said she had been there for maybe four days and before he could ask why she had stuck around, one of the nurses came wandering in. He turned his attention towards them when they started to ask him some preliminary questions. Who he was. Date of birth. What day it was. Where he was. Was a concussion that much of a worry? Once satisfied, the nurse put a stethoscope to his chest and listened to his heart then sat him forward, listening to his lungs, “You need to keep the respirator on. The doctor is going to order some breathing treatments so we can work on getting you back to a normal breathing rate.” She said with a nod, “I’ll bring you some water and a snack.”

The male just nodded, “Thank you.” He spoke quietly and watched as nurse left the room again, closing the door behind her. Alex turned his gaze back to Jamie, “You’ve been here the whole time?” He finally asked, “I don’t...understand?” Alex really didn’t. He was trying to, however, “I was... horrible to you.” He said, “In the restaurant. Why are you here?”

[alexmoralesx]

nadiakhalil​:

Nadia adjusted herself on the couch so she could lean against Alex after picking up his glass of wine and the remote. “Alright but you can’t complain if i choose a movie you may not like.” She joked, looking through the choices on the screen. “I’m feeling horror. Let’s get our scare on.” Normally, Nadia would’ve chosen a rom-com but given tonight’s conversation, that didn’t seem like the best choice. “Oh let’s watch this. Haven’t seen it but i heard it was good.” She selected The Haunting of Hill House and played the first episode. Typically, one would get scared during a movie or show but from what Nadia experiences everyday, these were nothing so horror films don’t affect her much. “Oh the lights!” She quickly got up, shuts the lights and returns to her spot, snuggling up under the blanket she grabbed on the way back with Alex.

Nights like these were what Nadia’s way of relaxing. It was cozy and she always felt at ease here. When she couldn’t be home alone from anxiety or nightmares, she’d usually end up here. It was her safe place. She glanced up at him for a moment before looking back at the screen. “Hey Alex, I know i said this already but I mean it when i said you’re going to find someone meant for you. Not just saying that as a friend. There’s always someone for somebody. It may not seem like it because of where you’re at now but it will. You’re a good guy with a kind heart. And not to forget, you’re good-looking firefighter. There’s a woman out there who will be damn lucky to have a man like you as theirs.” She ended before giving the show full focus.

.

“When do I ever complain?” Alex asked with a smile, adjusting his glasses a bit on the bridge of his nose before he snuggled down a bit more in the couch. He watched as she scrolled through the selection of movies and eventually landed upon a show, “I did hear this was good.” He said simply as she bopped off to turn off the lights before she returned in a flash. Alex’s arm, once again, went behind Nadia as the opposite held the glass, watching the show with utter contentment. If there was one thing about Alex and Nadia, they could hang out for hours without saying a word and things wouldn’t be awkward. That’s when you know you had a good friend.

His dark eyes shifted towards her as she spoke and he could feel his brows knit together as she spoke. She was speaking so highly of him. And for what reason? He blinked a few times just taking in everything she said and Alex slowly turned his head back towards TV as she did, pursing his lips. There was no way he would say he was great at reading people but he wasn’t too bad at it. But there was something about that little speech that just...struck him, “Like...who?” He asked, turning not just his head but his entire body towards her, “Who’s out there?” 

[jamiexryan]

location: newyork-presbyterian hospital closed starter for: @alexmoralesx​

           There were certain perks of being a daughter of Philip Ryan, the celebrated American cardiothoracic surgeon. To be honest, there were many of them, but today, the first one of them was finding out the love of your life was laying in the hospital. The second one was to get him the best care possible in the whole state, if not the country, while the third one was to be able to be by his side all the time, no matter day or night. And that was what Jamie did as soon as her father called her recognizing the patient as the ex-boyfriend of his daughter’s - the one who got away. 

            Their last encounter was.. a catastrophe. And that was too light of a word even. All of their bridges were burned down on that night.. and yet here she was, curled up in an armchair by his side. At least he was alive, wasn’t he? His chest rising up and down.. at least his heart was beating. Jamie was barely listening to her father while he was explaining the gravity of Alex’s injuries to her because all she wanted was to go to his room and just see him.. and what Jamie wanted, Jamie got. But not Alex, never again him. It was a cross of her own she had to carry, no matter how hard it was. But wasn’t it strange though? For her to finally start working on forgetting him, only for life to pull her back to him. And as the hours went by, she knew it was by his side where she belonged.. it would always be Alex.

[alexmoralesx]

Over the past few days, Alex hadn’t been up for longer than a couple minutes. And in that time, he didn’t even know what the hell was going on. He just knew that he hurt all over. That was about it. So, when he finally came to again and he was actually able to stay awake, Alex couldn’t help but panic some. The respirator over his mouth was enough to send a spike of anxiety through him and he immediately pulled it off his face, taking a deep breath. However, that wasn’t working much either. He immediately started to cough and he struggle to get his breath back after that as well. Patting his hand around, he found the respirator again and took a deep breath, finally getting air back into his sore lungs.

After a moment or so, he finally looked around and spotted someone he never expected to see. It was fucking Jamie. His eyes went wide and then reality really set in for him. He was in the hospital, “What happened?” Alex asked, pulling off the mask again to look over to her. However, Alex remembered. The fire at the school. How could he ever forget, “What are you...doing here?” Alex asked, “How long...have you been here?” He doubted she had been there long. She had plenty of other things to do.

[alexmoralesx]

nadiakhalil​:

Nadia felt terrible for Alex. She knew that having that dinner with Jamie probably made him feel somewhat hopeful for some good results. But knowing it ended badly and seeing how it affected him, saddened her. She knew better than most that Alex wanted happiness. To feel that kind of love and joy from a significant other. Deep down, Nadia was someone who could provide that for him but her feelings had to remain locked away. He still wasn’t completely healed from his last relationship and she didn’t want to worsen it or make it awkward for them. She was left being the best friend he needed and if that’s the only thing she can be for him, then so be it. It was better than being nothing to him at all.

She gave him a warm smile then proceeded to swap his carton with her glass though he had one of his own. hers was just closer in reach. “You’re going to need this more than me.” she said playfully. If he wanted to get drunk, she was going to be there to help take care of him until he was sober again the next morning. “You’re right, i’m not but that doesn’t mean i should be harsh about what you did. You’re a fully grown adult, capable making your own decisions. Plus i told you i’d support you with anything until it gets real bad then i’m stepping in to make sure it doesn’t gets worse. I just want you happy. And don’t worry, you’ll be able to smile again in no time and find someone meant for you.” she said, kissing the side of his head before getting up to grab the snacks and bring over to the table. 

.

His gaze followed her hand as she replaced his noodles with a glass of wine and he couldn’t help but laugh softly, looking down at the drink. Perhaps she was right. Maybe he did need the wine more than noodles... Lifting the glass, he took a swig from it, sighing softly after he swallowed it down, listening as she spoke. He wasn’t sure what he had done over his life to deserve a friend like Nadia but he was certain that he didn’t deserve it. Especially not after the conversation he had with Jamie. Apparently, Alex had been the biggest piece of shit during their whole relationship and he had no idea. He was one of those guys who claim to be nice but were anything but. Gross.

Alexander smiled softly as she kissed his temple before he grabbed some of the snacks from the bowl, “Thank you.” He said quietly, “Really.” She was always there for him and Alex felt like he had never done anything to repay it, “Enough about me.” He laughed quietly, “Let’s just...watch a movie or something. Does that sound okay?” Alex asked, throwing his arm behind Nadia, “Pick something.” He said, smiling softly as he nudged the remote towards her with his foot.

[my-secret-shame]