Small rays of sunshine silp through the veil of darkness hiding them from the outside world...Macaque lets the shadow cloak thin further,allowing Wukong to feel the afternoon sun warm his fur.... The surrounding fruit trees and shadowy flowers remain still, undisturbed by the scene infront of them... To the queen's relief he remembered the garden had been made completely private long ago to protect the endangered flora... Nobody can see them here... So when the sight of the Monkey King's true form comes into view...it falls on Macaque's eyes only...
Wukong feels the world spin around him. Every breath scrapes against hit throat,as if the air itself was made of sulfur. He grits his teeth after having bit the inside of his cheek from the pain.His mouth tasting of iron only serves to make his visions worse. He curses the minerals in his blood for reminding him he'll never be rid of the dreaded substance... The one they fed to him as if it were some gifted meal alongside a drink of molten copper! Curse them! Damn them all!
He sucks in a shallow breath of air, while his mind is forced through the ringer of his past.His red-burned eyes make him want to scream out in agony as the tears refuse to stop streaming out. He remembers it all...the shivering cold of the stone pressed against his skin, the hellish fires of the furnace...
And the silence...the loneliness...that pathetic feeling wishing someone would come aid you...only to find...nothing...
Nothing...?The thoughts started slipping back...
But this...this wasn't nothing...there was a feeling... there was...warmth...not fire...not pain...warmth... the sun...
His nose...he could smell...grass...and something else...Someone else.. Then he heard it again,the voice from earlier...
"Shh..-..listen...you-...safe-..I"
His eyes shot open one more as he viciously rubbed the tears away to see his surroundings clearly now... Macaque!
The king didn't have the energy to think about where he was, or why he was half in this man's lap, or why the other was staring at him in pure shock and unwavering concern. All that mattered was that Macaque was here and Wukong could see the sun again...
He drew deeper breaths, the pain from his eyes turning to a dull ache as he layed against the shadow monkey again. Leaning into his neck, checking if he could hear a pulse...Macaque really was here...the silence was filled with his heartbeat, the sharp reminders of the past dull slightly.
He could think again...gods help him...the realizations soon rolled in...Mainly, the shadow marred hands that have drifted to his back and the messy tufts of fur on his head.... Gods...when did he last have Macaque this close...? The feeling was intoxicating... What could've possessed him to give this up in the past-
A memory hits him again...he turns his head to look at his hands...
Macaque looked him over...eyes scanning every inch revealed by the light of the sun...The soft fur he used to spend countless nights grooming, now matted thicker than the fibers of a rat's nest.... Those arms, once thick and powerful from the hours apon hours of training and large banquet meals, now look thinner, littered with the hastily healed gashes that run up them.... And his eyes...
His eyes... They were filled with a deep pain,as if perpetually stuck fighting a war that to everyone else had ended centuries ago...It looks as if he hadn't slept in weeks...The marks of his suffering show in the bloodlike hue left behind in them... The tears that spill out no longer run clear... now tainted by torment and forced into something closer to crimson paint.
Macaque feels his teeth clench as the fury threatens to overwhelm his body... His mind screaches.
'What happened to him...? Who did this!? The celestial realm??! Oohoho, they better count their fucking days! I'll pluck their own eyes out and string them into costume jewelry! I will not stop until every single nerve ending is left in pure anguish! I'll -!'
When the shadow queen looks back into those eyes, but they don't look back in anger... they look back in distress... Those eyes aren't seeking revenge, they're seeking acceptance... And they look to him...unshure...just..waiting for him... Did he always look at him that way...?
Macaque rakes through his memories, every time those eyes met his in the past...searching every quick glance out of worry during their fight against heaven, every stolen look after watching the sun set... He curses his mind for not recalling everything. How dare he forget! How dare he be oblivious to those stares that stream emotion from Wukong's very soul! ...How long had he been blind to the Great Sage's emotional struggle..? Was...he blind back then too...was this looked plastered over his face the moment he left...?
How could he...? What kindoff maniac would walk away from someone who's hopes of freedom had been crushed under the litteral palm of Buddha..? All those centuries...suffering...alone... proven time and time again by the universe that the Monkey King wasn't worthy of love... That he was too monstrous to be worthy of mercy.. Gods... How could Wukong even stand to be around someone like him? A deserter...a coward...
Wukong looks back at the scars that litter his palms ...His glamors were missing... A feeling of dread sinks to the pit of his stomach...Macaque knows now... Millennia of concealing every imperfection...every frayed edge of his form is suddenly layed bare...
After shaking off the stunned gaze, he frantically tries to put distance between them, yet the loss of contact only seams to grate against his heart further. His shaking palms make reapplying his glamor unfeasible, the very fibers of his magic disintegrates before they can even try to conceal anything...
"W-we should probably get back to the market..."
His voice is hoarse... small sobs threaten to escape between his repeated deep breaths.
He ignores the inner cub screaming at him to return to the safety of Macaque's arms. Choosing to push away the growing internal misery and stand up.
The queen immediately reaches his hands out to reassure tge startled monkey but it only serves to remind the king of how weak he currently looks.
"No,I'm fine, I-I'm fine...just- ignore it okay?"
He plants his feet in a firm stance, attempting to banish his frazzled appearance. This, however only stokes a more frantic response from Macaque.
"Wukong,no, you're obviously struggling right now. Just-"
The king cuts him off with a frustrated growl.
"Struggling?... Ha! This is the Great Sage equal to Heaven you're talking to! I've fought gods in my sleep, a sniffle means nothing to me..."
His teeth are bared in a desperate attempt to challenge this confrontation with his most visible insecurities...
Macaque's eye twitches, growing irritated out of habit. He reigns himself in enough, fearing any harsh reaction might make Wukong close off more..
"Oh don't give me that... Somethings clearly wrong...I want to help..."
"Oh so NOW you want to help?! You know when would've been a good time to help?"
"Wukong-" Macaque flinches as the great sage raises his voice.
"When I was STUCK under that curse of a mountain counting the months like it would somehow save me from insanity!"
Macaque's eyes go wide as the king paces forward and grabs his collar.
"Do you know what a place like that does to people...?"
"Do you know what it's like to have your only feelings be pain and despair?!"
Wukong's palm has already made a dent in the other ruler's chest plate...Macaque is tugged closer...the shadow's thoughts are filled with pure panic... After all, the Great Sage has leveled mountain ranges for less....
"H-hey, let's not be too hasty,huh? How about I just give you some space and-"
Wukong snaps. Macaque's back hits against the nearby tree as those bared teeth remain inches from his face.
"NO! I've had 500 years of space! I've had nothing but space! Nothing but an endless silence to think over every small mistake and feeling I've had in my entire existence. What I need is for you to stay and listen, asshole!"
In his rage, he fails to notice how fast the shadow demon is breathing. His movements are shaky, clearly stressed due to the fact that the stone monkey is only a small distance from being able to snap his neck.
"You don't get to walk away from my pain because it makes you uncomfortable!"
Wukong's tail lashes back and forth wildly as unsavory tears leak out of his eyes.
"I WISH I had that privilege! I am stuck with my problems every time I wake up! Every time I look in the mirror I'm reminded of how damaged I feel...You better learn to handle them for a few hours of the day..."
"...Wukong.." Macaque's brings his hand to Wukong's arm hesitantly...
"I don't need excuses! I don't need nice words! What I want is for you to make use of those six ears for once.. Just...just listen..."
The queen's ears flick at the mention...
"Do you know how long I spent waiting for you?..How many nights I would call out your name not even in the hopes you'd hear it but just to fill the fucking silence!?"
Wukong's tongue felt like lead.
"Do you know how many times I pleaded to whatever force would listen, that I could just hear your voice again once...?"
He grabs hold of the shadow demon's wrist, in fear of him shadow portaling away...
"You ment everything to me ,Macaque! Of all the people in this world, I trusted you with everything I had to give, my home, my heart, my dreams.... I know I am a deeply terrible person..I'm a killer...a violent beast, but you leaving your husband to rot under a pile of rocks doesn't make you leave you without blame..."
His grip weakens...seeing the panic in Macaque's eyes cuts like a knife to his chest...
"I know I upset you... and I'm sorry I hurt you so badly you felt you needed to turn away from me and never look back...but that doesn't change the fact that when my life collapsed around me...you couldn't even sit with me in the reckage..."
Wukong let's his forehead rest gently against Macaque's...
"So... the least you can do is sit with me now..."
Macaque is able to move again, but all he does is wrap his arms around the shorter monkey again..
The realization hits him like an arrow to the head... Wukong values him...Wukong has ALWAYS cared about him... After centuries of making himself feel worthless and unlovable... Wukong had the gull to say Macaque was his everything.... And Macaque?
He had abandoned the other like the loose thred of an old blanket...
The dam breaks, the guilt is too much... Unsightly streams flow down his cheeks as his heart tries to rip itself to shreds from the shame... The air rushed in and out of his lungs with haste, making it hard to speak. His entire world feels like it's collapsing around him... He did this... He made this once cheerful and worry free man sit in torment... He couldn't be a solace for him, wasn't even stubborn enough to try. How could he?...
"I'm sorry...so...so sorry... I- I didn't-...realize I-..I thought-"
He tried pulling away, unshure wether or not he was even allowed to touch the king at all after having everything layed out infront of him.
"I-I....Y-you- you didn't...deserve that...sorry...so..sor-"
Macaque's emotional anguish is interrupted by a careful nuzzle to his cheek... He looks to Wukong in confusion and sheer disbelief...
Those scarred, destructive hands place themselves delicately against Macaque's sorrow drenched face. Wiping away the small rivers running across it.
"Shhhhh...Take a breath... For my sake..."
"Don't be a smartass about it, just...come here."
Macaque nods. It's not like he could muster up any words regardless...
They stay like that for a little while longer, until Macaque can find the strength to speak one last line...
"I'll stay...and listen..."
(Part 1)...(Previous)...(Next)..