ritualistic undertakings
I had a moment earlier that I feel compelled to share. Context: 2020 has obviously been short on lived experience and as a consequence, short on new memories. Because of this, the moon has become an object of greater focus for my conscious mind. Itâs become a sort of mile marker for the passage of time. On my evening walks near Greenwood Cemetery, often the only fresh air I get on a given day, Iâve consistently felt comfort in the slowly changing light of the moonâs phases. Itâs a small act of defiance to the prevailing discomfort of our present time.
Tonightâs moon is particularly full, and as I walked along the outer limits of the cemetery, I stopped for a moment to reflect in it. As I stood there looking up, I heard someone approaching behind me. I looked back to see an older woman with a slow, labored stride. I paid her no mind as she passed but once she got about twenty feet in front of me, she made a sudden stop that drew my attention and tilted her eyes skyward. She was doing exactly what I had been doing, just bathing in the moonlight.
I became transfixed on the vision of her standing there in the reflection. Because she was looking up and facing away from me, I could comfortably stare without the worry of throwing off her flow. The further you go into the type of present-ness that she and I were both feeling, the closer you get to an endlessly deep well of self. That well of self contains the universe, literally, on some namaste shit. Take it back to one of the most basic mantrasâa ham premaâI am divine love.
So Iâm watching this old lady experience herself as divine love, and Iâm experiencing her experience herself as divine love, and Iâm feeling super affirmed and reminded of something very foundational and important.
And then she did something that in retrospect is very funny. She pulled out her phone and tried to take a picture of the moon. Her body language indicated that she wasnât happy with the result but she kept trying regardless. She even got a couple off with the flash on. This reminded me of something super foundational and important, too. These experiences, these moments of true presenceâyou canât take them with you. The second you try to chase them or capture them, they slip away like water gliding over your skin. The picture doesnât even come out good anyway. You only try to take it because you want the feeling to last forever. The irony is that it only will if you let it.