It's all Temporary

Navigating the upwards motion they call growing

[alicevanhees]

A Golden Crown

Once upon a time, there was a very cute little princess who wore the most exquisite curly, golden crown. Everyone in her little kingdom exclaimed about how adorable it was and the little princess went about her life very happily.

She had a lovely childhood, very few cares or worries - mostly spent in her own little world with her sisters being absolute weirdos.

But then the princess entered secondary school, she started identifying with the teenagers on tv and she started reading adult magazines. The princess started to feel like her crown was no longer cute, it was something that was laughed at. She started trying to flatten the crown, to plaster it to the sides of her head, to ensure no one noticed it.

At the age of thirteen the princess asked her father, the king, for a pair of hair straighteners. The King didn't know a lot about the female beauty industry, the queen had never shown much interest in it when they had been married, so he bought his daughter the straighteners and it lit his heart to see how happy she was on receiving them.

But later that day, much to his dismay, the princess' crown had disappeared and he wasn't to see it again in all its glory for many years to come.

Over the years there was a brief glimpse of the crown, after a dip in the sea, letting her hair dry naturally etc., but it was never for long.

The princess had changed her narrative. The crown started to be referred to as devil horns; unruly and unappealing. She wouldn't go anywhere without her hair straighteners, when they grew old and broke she needed a new pair immediately. She learnt how to use a hair dryer as back up.

Many years passed and the princess' hair was her pride and joy, the care she put into it, the love, the treatments.

One day, whilst scrolling through Instagram the princess stumbled upon a before and after image, the before picture looked just like hers did when air dried. The after picture was of luscious, glorious, curls - they were beautiful.

That day the princess decided to see if she could get her curls back, she followed come accounts, did her research and went dealt with the trial and error, persevering.

16 years after she first learnt to use a straightener, the princess now wears her crown proudly for all to see. She feels more herself than ever before. The kingdom said she looked more like herself.

Trends are temporary. Don't let the media tell you that your natural beauty is wrong.

Wear your Crown proudly.  

[alicevanhees]

Fizzle and fade / Fabulous and for ...?

We can all agree that friendships are beautiful, majestic, mind-boggling, break-your-heart-and-heal-it, weird types of relationships.

They come in all shapes and sizes, some last forever, some take breaks and pick up again and some, inevitably end.

Having a friendship end has got to be one of the toughest things, and a lot of the time, we hold on because of The Memories. The happy times; the times we laughed so hard we cried; the holding hands through breakups; the times our parents were shit. All of them. All of the Memories.

But some friendships only last for a few seasons in our lives, and that is okay. They help us learn, they help us grow and eventually they teach us how to say goodbye (Alexa, play Hamilton soundtrack) and we learn how to release that which no longer serves us.

Like everything in this world we grow and the way we relate to the world and other people shifts. This is Okay! This is Normal. And this is just a part of life my darling.

Through my 20s I have had to come to terms with the loss of friendships for all varieties of reasons, most of them have just been that we were no longer kids.

Two of my childhood best friends, two people I thought I would know forever, I thought we would be each other's bridesmaids, godmothers to each other's kids, sitting side-by-side in nursing home best friends. One of those friendships barely made it into our 20s and sometimes I still grieve for its loss. The second got to our mid-20s and I'm okay about it now. What is wonderful is that they are still really close friends and I'm grateful for that.

I have wonderful adult friends, friendships I adore and friendships I think will last a lot longer and be more meaningful when I'm in that nursing home!

And this, this is the crucial bit: I know who I am now.

The reason this is important is because I choose my friendships based on what is important to me, not because we shared a playground or a school or our parents are friends.

I have the best friends, we talk about everything, nothing is off-limits (literally nothing, sometimes it scares me) and it is very rare that something is awkward to bring up. When it has been, it is always met with love, care and often shared experiences.

Basically, dear ones, sometimes friendships end and it's okay to mourn for them and move on.

As you get older you change and you're allowed to cultivate new friendships that match the person that you want to be. If your version of yourself doesn't match your old friends and they stop you growing, it's okay to say goodbye and find a fresh circle that helps you expand and nurtures your ideas, opinions and your innate beauty.

Don't tie yourself to old beliefs of who you are because your friends believe its the only version of you.

Do explore, debate and share your passions and your loves and those who share them will be naturally drawn to you.

it's scary, there is no denying it. But like all emotions, it will only be temporary my darling.

Go Shine!

[alicevanhees]

The Legend of the Slowing Metabolism

There is a great legend when you're a teenager; The Legend of the Slowing Metabolism.

Even in your early twenties it's hard to believe it: pizza, beer and consecutive duvet days seem to have no effect on your size, even when the only exercise you do is dancing madly once a week at your Uni's trashiest club (Hey XL!).

Believe me, beauties, the metabolism does slow down and I didn't notice until I had an extra 2 stone appear out of nowhere! (Legitimately, one day I was 9 stone and the next I was 11). The thing is, I hadn't changed my routines or behaviours at all, my body just changed. At the time, it was Not Okay.

They don't really explain this to you in The Legend. They don't explain that it's a really bizarre experience both physically and mentally. - So, here I am, and I'll do my best to prepare you.

The day I got on that scale and noticed, I was overwhelmed, distraught and confused, all of a sudden my body was slowing down and I was no longer invincible!

I huffed and puffed my way up to the local sports centre and bought a membership, I started going to the gym 3-5 times a week, but I wasn't seeing the results I wanted. I paid for a personal trainer, I learnt better techniques and I got stronger, but I didn't feel like I was getting smaller. The personal trainer then said it's likely that the reason I'm not losing weight is because I'm eating carbs everyday. So that was it, a bit of research and I embarked on the Ketogenic Diet.

I lost weight. I lost weight quick. about 3 months later I was down to 9.5 stone, but I was determined to get back to my weight at the age of twenty; a miniscule 8.5 stone. But for some reason I couldn't get there.

I started fluctuating on and off the diet - it's impossible not to have carbs when you're at dinner with friends, or it's Christmas. I took small breaks and I maintained the weight. This went on for a few years - on and off. I would "justify" giving myself a treat. I would despair watching my tiny best friend eat whatever she wanted without caring, whilst I made courgette dough in order to try to enjoy a cheese toastie! The whole time I judged and cursed my body, my tummy in particular. I believe it's part of the reason I fell into depression for a while (more on that another day).

Only recently, as I've become a happier person and have come to terms with a lot of other "life" nonsense, have I come to realise that my body is a miracle all on it's own. I'm a much healthier and happier 10.5 stone now, and I think my body is beautiful.

I'm learning how to buy clothes that fit me. I still instinctually go the size 8 but then check my measurements, use the size charts and pick the size based on my measurements, not the arbitrary numbers which mean something different to every clothing company. Now I am anything from a size 10 to a size 14. And that is Okay.

When we see people our age or older in magazines who are tiny, or ripped, or toned, or lithe, or whatever word the media thinks is most aspirational, what we are not seeing is the huge and intense work that has gone on behind the camera. Most celebrities have nutritionists and personal trainers, a team of expert photo-shoppers and photographers getting their best angles.

Our bodies change, beauties, and our bodies are beautiful.

If you aren't happy, it's okay to want to change, but for the love all that is good, do it carefully, healthily and with kindness. Body shape is temporary, it's in constant flux. Our bodies are doing so much for us on the inside.

If you want my trick to viewing your body with fresh and loving eyes, invest in some colourful whiteboard markers and write love notes to yourself and your body on your mirror. Change them up regularly and say them out loud every time you look at yourself.

All bodies are beautiful, Especially Yours.

[alicevanhees]

I just wanted to help the planet!

So, we’ve been getting on quite nicely with the temporary nature of existence, until one day you realise “fuck!” Not everything is temporary.

I mean, most things are, but you know what’s not? The Earth. Not for us anyway. We need the earth, it sustains us and because of our disposable, temporary nature we are destroying it.

So, we get it into our heads that of course, we must help. It is up to us to aid Mother Nature!

And that, dear ones, is how you discover Gardening. Oh yes, green fingers at the ready, it’s go time. This is it. We are off to B&Q, or Homebase, or whatever the DIY shop is called in that retail park, we are off”!

Single handily tackling climate change in our own back gardens.

Saviour of Bees, friend to Butterfly and promoter of local Bird population.

(Not quite Khaleesi, mother of dragon, queen of the Dothraki, saviour of the someplace. But we’re getting there.)

We plant seeds (the packet says bee and butterfly friendly of course), we plant bulbs, but not in the ground, because our saviour complex might be eternal, but our living situation is temporary and we paid for those bulbs. We plant bulbs in pots, symmetrically and in concentric circles (channelling your inner Monica Geller @ Thanksgiving) and we’re lovingly covering them with compost and finding sunny spots to keep them on.

And then, we wait.

And wait.

And DEAR GOD, did anyone else know it takes this long for a poxy crocus to show up!?

And then we go to check the pots, maybe they need more water?

Which is when we notice that the earth has been moved. It has been disturbed – but not by the tell-tale green shoot off all your labour.

Oh no, those are animal-like disturbances.

We have a little poke around, try and tidy it up again, pick out the weird tiny onion skins.

Excuse me! What!?

Fuck Off. No. Stupid, shitty little mother fucking fat fucks.

Bring out the chilli powder!

Time to make that squirrels life a little bit more temporary!

(No squirrels were harmed by me. And, these aren’t cute woodland squirrels, they’re nasty territorial London squirrels).

So far, my hatred of squirrels has remained a permanent feature of my gardening brain. Gardening has become a very seasonal hobby. The bulbs went into the ground later that year. The earth’s longevity in our current trajectory IS temporary. It’s time to figure out what more we can do.

[alicevanhees]

Working, Temporarily

This all started a couple of years ago when I was working as a temp. I worked as a temp over the course of about a year and a half. Working as a temp is not glamorous.

Over a cup of tea, at a dear friend’s house, I was regaling her with my latest exploits and the weirdness of this new office, and she suggested I write about it.

I laughed, we honestly don’t need to go into the minutiae of everyday office life. But it did spark an interest in writing some of it down, so that’s what I did and now we are here.

I got into Temp work at the age of 26, I had come back from travelling, some “stuff” had happened and I didn’t want to go back to the unsociable hours of pub work. The issue was that I had no other qualifications. I had a degree in Acting (lol) and 10 years experience in hospitality. For the first time, I didn’t know what I wanted to be (it’s a terrifying moment, if anyone tells you otherwise, its okay to tell them what to sit and swivel on).

Queue bullshitting on a CV. If you believe any of what I’ve said, believe this: ANY SKILL CAN BE MADE TO FIT A CV!

So, having no clue what I wanted from the rest of my life, I sent out my CV, posting on sites like Monster and Indeed. It wasn’t long until recruiters started calling me offering temp positions.

I didn’t know it at the time, but temping was a blessing!

I went from Train Parts Manufacturing to Insurance, Steel Works to a Clinic, Building Construction to Energy shipping. All of these were some variation of administration or reception work – nothing glamorous and the weeks between contracts were nerve-racking, wondering where the next pay cheque was coming from.

From all of these funny jobs, I noticed something: I’m my best when I’m interacting with others in some way.

It was in the last job that I ended up having a conversation with the HR Director and she helped me find The New Dream. She put me on a new path, gave me the confidence and put my training on her AmEx. Now I’m qualified in Internal Communications and I bloody love it!

I get to write positive, uplifting, silly and serious articles every day. I get to mess about with the Intranet and the website. If it weren’t for all that, I would not be doing this. I wouldn’t have known how to use WordPress or build a site!

I don’t know how long this is going to last, hell, this is only my first post here

All I know is I had no idea what I wanted to do, I was terrified and now I can’t imagine doing anything else. If you don’t throw the pebble you won’t know how far the ripples will spread.

It’s okay not to know. It’s okay to feel lost. It’s a journey and each step is only temporary.