Alicia's TWLOHA Adventure!

Beginning in late August, I will be living in Florida and working as an intern for To Write Love on Her Arms. I've decided, thanks to encouragement from rainydayemily, to blog about my experiences before, during, and after my internship. You can donate to help out with my living expenses here.

[aliciatwloha]

Final Thoughts

So, to be completely honest, I have been delaying writing this. My internship ended on December 13th, the term has been over for more than two weeks. I don't want to admit that this chapter of my life has come to an end, but it has. This, however, is a product of celebration and not of finality.

First of all, I want to genuinely thank every single person who donated money to help me get to Florida. Because of you, I was able to move to Melbourne for four months and experience the best time of my life. I learned, I laughed, I grew. I pushed myself and proved that I can do whatever I put my mind to. Added bonuses included making wonderful, unforgettable friends and truly helping others around the world.

Saying goodbye was harder than I ever thought it would be. I knew it would be difficult, but nothing felt more bittersweet than the five of us interns sobbing outside after a baby shower, holding each other and taking deep breaths and preparing ourselves for the journey ahead.

We came from all over. Arizona, Australia, Rhode Island, Kansas, Massachusetts. All of us with different stories, with different skills, and different paths. Together, we made a home. We made a community of love and acceptance and laughter. We laughed together, and we cried together.

Little did I know it, but the moment I stepped foot in the intern house, it was no longer me. It was us. Perhaps these lines are a bit cheesy, but I cannot possibly describe the relationship we had in any other way. This is the best I can do to giving it justice.

Soon, I realized that there was no way I was going to be able to accurately describe my experience with TWLOHA to anyone. Ever. I can tell you the best I can, and you can read about specific events throughout my blog, but there has been so much to contribute to how amazing this term was.

I cannot imagine an internship experience being better than the one I have. I graduated with a film degree and I ended up at a non profit. Why? Because I'm passionate about mental health awareness. The whole reason I want to write is because I want to open minds and erase the stigma of asking for help. It is okay to not be okay. It is okay to tell someone you are not okay. And it is okay to seek professional help. We worked full time and spent a great deal of time responding to supporters who needed help. We were able to give hope to people that had considered themselves hopeless. Through words, we saw change, we saw hope, and we were given the privilege to speak directly with the TWLOHA community. We were the voice of the organization as a whole.

The entire staff made us feel needed, wanted, and loved. They included us in making decisions on merchandise, they took us under their wing, and they greeted us with a smile every day. Never have I been in such a loving work environment. Often times, we interns would emphasize that we had the best job ever and we weren't even getting paid!

The staff put their all in making our goodbyes special and personable. They have become my friends. I will always remember them and cherish them, and it is my hope that I see them again.

A lot of people are asking me: so, what now? If I have to be honest, the answer is simply that I have no idea what lies ahead for me. I had plans to go to LA, to try and make it as a screenwriter for television, but you know what? It is losing its appeal. I am being drawn toward non profit work now, in directly making a difference in the lives of those around me. I will write on the side, and work on getting published. I have two drafts of novels in my repertoire (thank you, NaNoWriMo), and I have so much to learn. I will be job hunting in the next couple of days. No, I do not have any plans to visit Arizona or California yet, although I would like to. My next steps are settling into Texas and making a life for myself here.

I am starting over again, and I am a bit scared. But you know what? I can do this. With the experience, encouragement, and love I have gained from working with To Write Love On Her Arms, I am all set. To my fellow interns: I love you, I miss you, and you are some of the best friends I could have ever asked for. To the staff: thank you for allowing me into the TWLOHA family. I will always keep writing.

This will be my last formal entry in this blog, with the exception of notes or pictures. To Melbourne, to my intern friends, to the staff: I'll see you soon.

With Hope,

Alicia

[aliciatwloha]

November, What?!

It's obvious that I haven't updated in more than a month. With two weeks left, my internship is nearly over. It's amazing how fast time goes by, and it just reminds me to cherish every moment that I am here.

There have been a couple of reasons as to why I have not contributed to my blog, and I will share them with you. Late October, my uncle in California got really sick and admitted to the hospital, and there was even a point where his heart stopped for seven minutes. He is still in the hospital today, albeit much better than he was at the beginning, but we had to mentally prepare ourselves as a family. It was increasingly difficult because my uncle and grandparents live in California, my sister in Arizona, my parents in Texas, while I am in Florida. Hearing all of this go down so quickly over phone was a bit much to handle, and there were times where I definitely was not okay. However, I couldn't ask for a better support system here. My housemates, my intern director, everyone asked how I was and checked up on me, and they listened when I needed to talk. For that, I am eternally grateful.

On November 1st, we surprised my Mom for her birthday on the third, and Kelli and I flew to Texas on a Friday just so we could spend the weekend with her. She was totally caught off guard and we all spent the weekend together. It was bittersweet, considering the circumstances with my uncle, but we needed to be together to have the conversations that we had. If there is one thing I know for sure, it is that family is always there for me, and I am there for them. Even when Kelli and I went back to our respective states and Mom went to California to be there with my grandparents and my uncle, I felt the sense of unity and love from across the country.

Things got a bit worse before they got better, and my uncle is stable now. We need all the prayers we can get.

If you haven’t seen my humongous album on Facebook, we were able to go to Disney World on the 16th of November, and that was amazing! We hit all four parks in fourteen hours, and the highlights were definitely the Mountain rides in Magic Kingdom (Space, Splash, Big Thunder), and meeting Merida! Merida is my favorite Disney Princess, and Brave always reminds me so much of my mom and I since we first saw it together in Theatres. We were able to stay to see the electric parade as well as the fireworks over Cinderella’s castle, and it was absolutely stunning. Spending the day with these girls at the most magical place on Earth was well worth it, and I am so glad I had this opportunity.

Another reason I haven’t updated is because today marks the last day of November, and November, if you didn’t know, is National Novel Writing Month. That has been eating up most of my spare time as I attempted to write 50,000 words in a single month. I am writing to you today, on the 30th of November, to let you know that I made it to 50,003 words and have officially completed NaNoWriMo for the second year in a row. One of my housemates and good friends, Brandi, joined in with me this November, and having a buddy to write with is so key to motivation. The two of us have been playing Dance Central every day for exercise, and that has been great for both of us. You would be surprised at how much of a work out that is! With the exception of this last week, of course, because I just so happened to catch a terrible cold on Monday that knocked me out for the week.

Among the constant sleeping and resting in bed, I was able to participate in my first ever Thanksgiving away from home, and I couldn’t ask to have spent it with better people. My roommate and good friend, Andrea, had her family over while Jess (another housemate and good friend) had a guest as well. That made nine of us, and it was our Aussie housemate and good friend, Jessica, who experienced her very first American Thanksgiving. We had so much food and so much laughter. I had to take two naps throughout the day to get through it, but I was grateful that I could eat with everyone and watch the parade and even some football!

Thankfully, I am feeling much better, and the girls and I are hit with the realization that we are leaving soon. We are dreading saying goodbye to each other, saying goodbye to staff, and saying goodbye to Florida. You can bet that we will make these last couple of weeks count.

I promise to at least have one more update on this blog!

[aliciatwloha]

Ponce inlet, Olivia and I, and Matt Nathanson!

[aliciatwloha]

Photos courtesy of Brandi!

[aliciatwloha]

Photos courtesy of Brandi Mathis!

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More pictures from Ponce Inlet Lighthouse, photos courtesy of Brandi once again.

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More pictures from our Ponce Inlet Lighthouse Trip! Oh, yeah, most of the photos I'm posting are courtesy of Brandi Mathis.

[aliciatwloha]

Pictures from our Ponce Inlet Lighthouse Trip! Photo credit to the lovely Brandi Mathis!

[aliciatwloha]

My First Blog Published and More!

Wow! What a whirlwind couple of weeks it has been! Every week seems to go by faster and faster. I am soaking up every moment here. I totally forgot to let everyone know I updated this thing a couple of weeks ago. Oops!

If you haven't heard, I had my first blog published to the TWLOHA website. I have received a GREAT deal of positive feedback. Better yet, people with similar experiences to mine have found hope in it. I am so overwhelmed (in a good way) at the responses I have received with TWLOHA. This is the first opportunity I have had to show a piece of my writing, a piece of me, to this big of an audience. And, if you go to the TWLOHA website now, you will see, at the top of the page in the slideshow:

Isn't that a neat graphic? That's me! Had to show you guys .You can read the blog by clicking on the picture, I think? If not, you can access it here. Pretty cool, huh? This is an incredibly surreal experience for me, but it's awesome. I could not ask to be in a better place.

Last weekend, the girls and I went to go see Matt Nathanson and Joshua Radin in concert at the House of Blues in Downtown Disney; both of them were SO excellent! We were also blessed with three free tickets! And I totally got to say I was on Matt Nathanson's guest list, even though it was just to pick up the tickets and he has no idea who I am. He still put on a hell of a show!

Life at The Burrow (our house) is good. My housemates are quickly becoming very good friends of mine. They cheer me up when I am sad, stressed, or not feeling well. Together, we laugh and have fun together, and I am learning a different form of healthy community. I don't know what I'd do without these girls. They are a big part of my experience here, and they help make it what it is. We do everything together, but I would prefer it no other way.

In other news, my staff bio went up today on the TWLOHA Tumblr! Check it out here!

Tomorrow after work, the girls and I will be seeing TAKING BACK SUNDAY (my favorite band, and my fourth time seeing them in concert) during a free show they're playing in downtown Melbourne! Sadly, Adam Lazzara will not be at the show because his wife had a baby prematurely, but the frontman from Underoath will be taking his place! While I'll miss Adam, I am excited to see Spencer Chamberlain and the rest of TBS!

It doesn't get better than this, guys!

[twloha]

Who I Am:

My name is Alicia (uh-lee-see-uh), and I am a goofy, 22-year-old, creative writer with big dreams of changing the world with written words. I had the pleasure of growing up in beautiful Northern California, in a town called Vacaville. While I consider Vacaville my hometown, I...

[aliciatwloha]

Who knows what week it is?

I don't!

I suck at updating this, don't I?

I'll start with talking about something that I forgot to talk about in my last post, which was Brandi and me going to the PostSecret event somewhere around a month ago...Yes, I know I'm obscenely late. But I need to record it here before I forget to. And better late than never, right?

We made about a two hour trip to Tampa to go see Frank Warren and his PostSecret presentation. This was my third time seeing it and Brandi's first, but it was still a special moment. I remembered much of it, but there was so much more that I learned. The coolest part was definitely when Frank Warren mentioned To Write Love on Her Arms, and Brandi and I looked at each other from the audience and said, "That's us!"

I have been following PostSecret for years, and I took this opportunity to buy another one of the books and have it signed by Frank Warren. The first time I went to a PostSecret event during my freshman year of college was a turning point for me. I distinctly remember it being a good part of the reason that I decided to face my own secrets and seek help. The second even that I went to in my junior year, I gathered the courage to tell my own secret in a room full of strangers at a microphone. This time, I was able to meet Frank Warren, and tell him face to face what impact he had on my life. We thanked each other, he shook my hand, and he signed my book. When I left, he yelled out after me, "The journey continues!"

And so it does.

Last weekend, my roommate, Andrea, and I went to a Saves the Day show in Orlando, and that was awesome. They actually responded to quite a few of my tweets, which was neat! Andrea made me a playlist of their set list so I would be prepared, and I knew most of the songs they played because of it. Downtown Orlando is gorgeous at night, that's for sure. We came home late but still so pumped.

The next day, the five of us took a trip to the Ponce Inlet lighthouse. That was so incredibly beautiful! We all climbed 203 steps to the top, and wow, that hurt! The scene was worth it, though. I will post pictures shortly after this post for all of you to see. The next day, we had our Sunday grocery store trip, and I watched football for most of the day. We ended up going to the beach that night - which was GORGEOUS - staring at the stars and talking. All of us still can't believe we are here. It's all so surreal.

This week was pretty good. A few different circumstances made this week particular heavy for, well, all of us interns. But we made it through together. Work is going fantastically, as usual. Last night, I took a trip to Barnes & Noble with Brandi, and I forgot how much I love that place at night. After a stressful week, it was weirdly calming.

The girls are in Orlando today, but I stayed back to take a day to myself. I am so blessed to live with people who understand my limitations and support my decisions for self-care. Sorry for taking so long to update, I'll try to write more soon!

I know I've been terrible at communication lately, and know that I love and miss all of you very much. It is healthier for me that I rest when I am home from work and find free time to do so. I promise when the term ends that I will be better. I know I owe some of you letters and phone calls, and they will come before 2014, I promise! Know that I am happy, that I care, and that I am being well taken care of.

More to come soon!

[aliciatwloha]

Here, have some Olivia!

[aliciatwloha]

Week Five!

So much has happened, and I've been SO TERRIBLE at updating this blog! Ah! Okay, here's a long-overdue image from the TWLOHA staff on World Suicide Prevention Day!

From left to right, top row: Lindsay, Jamie, Jessica M., Emily, Holly, Mark, Chloe, Jess C., Lauren, Chad and Brandi (in the back), Andrea (with the dancer pose). Bottom row: Chris & Alyce, me, and Jason!

And yes, Olivia is our office dog that Linsday is holding.

So, the last couple weeks have been tough - not having ANYTHING to do with my environment because emotionally and physically I'm doing so spectacularly well. I couldn't be happier. But as most of you know, I am taking medication for my anxiety disorder and my ADHD, and I have been since my sophomore year of high school. In order to get my medication in Florida, I have to see a psychiatrist to get them to prescribe it to me. I had been in contact with a psychiatrist's office, thinking I would be able to get an appointment. They took all my information and said that they would contact my insurance and set up an  appointment. A few days passed, nothing. I called to check up with them, and they said they would work on it. They called me back later to say that my insurance wasn't going through so they had to call the insurance again. They told me that I could be put on a waiting list and that at least two appointments were canceled a week. So I waited a few more days until I called them again, and then a different receptionist answered the phone - who had no idea what I was talking about at all. She insisted that I wasn't a patient, and therefore could not get an appointment. Her tone was harsh, and after all the stress I was experiencing through this process, I was upset. I had done all I could, and my medicine would be completely out in a matter of days.

Thankfully, I am working in the BEST PLACE imaginable for this situation to have occurred. My intern director let me spend the next couple of hours tracking down any office I could in the area just to get an appointment. Every receptionist was ten times nicer than the woman who was so rude to me before. But they all told me the same thing: they didn't have openings any time soon. They were all very sympathetic to my story and some of them even took my information down. I called the psychiatrist that I was seeing in Texas, and she was able to send over prescriptions for my anxiety medication - which I was most concerned about, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Unfortunately, my ADHD medication is a controlled substance, and because it is abused recreationally by so many people, I had to get an appointment with a psychiatrist in the state of Florida in order to get the prescription at all. I had to mentally prepare myself for a week of work without my ADHD medication, which doesn't sound too bad for most people, but it does make things ten times more difficult.

I take my medicine every day, and for a week, I had to go without it. This meant I was incredibly tired in the mornings, fidgety at work, I had trouble concentrating and it took about ten times longer to do normal tasks. The staff was all very supportive and they gave me extra time and let me take the breaks that I needed. My fellow interns (and friends) checked up on me and understood when I couldn't put my attention where it needed to be. I still had a very productive week, finding ways online to stimulate my brain and buying a bunch of vitamins to help with my focusing. I kept searching for offices, utilizing my insurance company to do searches for me, and they referred me to offices that didn't consider me eligible to be seen for one reason or another. And I did it. I went a week without my ADHD medication, until one day I finally got a call back from an office who I contacted the week before. They had an opening for the next day! I finally saw a psychiatrist,  one who was incredibly kind and understanding, and Wednesday, I was back on my medication again. The difference is huge. I can sit down and write this blog, I can complete my staff assignments, and I can focus.

You might be wondering why I'm sharing this information with you because it might seem personal. Well, it is personal, but it's something that many people experience, but don't feel like they can talk about. I'm sharing this with you because so many of you have financially supported me, and you deserve to know what is going on. I'm sharing this with you because I want to, because there is no shame in having to take medication for one thing or another. But I can tell you one thing, through this stressful situation, I have been the happiest I have been with the support of the people around me, with my new community. I am finding myself feeling more and more alive each day. I get excited every car ride to work. I am loved for who I am, and I love the people I am with.

I must also tell you about what I've been working on lately! I've been doing some writing in the form of news posts that should be up on their website soon, and I am planning to submit a blog for them to consider as well. My staff bio should be up on their Tumblr sometime within the next few weeks, so keep a look out for that! I am working with UChapters, responding to e-mails and entering information, sending merch kits, and managing the social media. I am helping to maintain the Street Team. I help out with finding quotes for the Twitter account as well. I am writing, I am happy.

We have finally caught up with the messages in the inbox, and we're pretty proud of that! Tonight, we have a community dinner with a few of the staff members. Breakfast for dinner! We're all pretty excited about that as well.

To end off today's post, here's a gorgeous picture of the Floridian sunset from a couple of nights ago. Know that I am having the time of my life, I'm happier than I have been in a long time, and I am loving life.

[aliciatwloha]

Week Four!

Ah! Where to begin? Last week (week 3) was a big week for all of us. Not only was it National Suicide Prevention Week, but it was also the week that we finished training and jumped right into what our normal workdays would be like! From 9am to 1pm, we have been answering messages on the TWLOHA info account. Here's what's so amazing about that: TWLOHA responds to EVERY SINGLE MESSAGE (That isn't spam or newsletters, of course). When TWLOHA first started, there were only a couple of people answering thousands of e-mails at a time. Now, we as interns have the privilege of being the voice of the TWLOHA organization to supporters that reach out to us. What kind of messages do we answer? Anything from "How can I get involved," to "Where is my t-shirt," to people struggling with suicidal ideation and turning to us for help. We have been answering messages for close to a week now, and it is such a blessing to be able to do what we do. There are words of encouragement, stories that break our hearts...endless words from people all over the world.

And we are the ones who have the opportunity to respond. And we do. To every single one. There are times when I want to cry, where I am so touched by the stories of others, the stories of those who are hurting, of survivors, of people wanting to make a change in the world, of dedicated family members or school faculty that want so badly to bring light into a dark world.

This is the heart of TWLOHA, and I am honored to be at the center of it, giving resources that lead people to hope and help, encouraging them, telling them "You are not alone." And it is my hope that someday they believe it, that the words I write will ignite a spark.

Did I mention how much I love being here?

We also received our staff assignments this past week, and I am proud to announce that I will be working as the intern for the TWLOHA Tumblr, TWLOHA Twitter quotes, for UChapters, for TWLOHA Street Team, and for the Online Store. So far, it has been amazing - there is so much to learn and so much that I get to do! What's so great about the office is that we aren't treated like interns here, we are treated like a part of the staff. Everyone acknowledges us and wants to know us personally. This is the type of work environment that I want to be a part of - but will I find it anywhere else?

My lunch break is ending now, but I'll update more soon!

[aliciatwloha]

Pink flamingo!

[aliciatwloha]

Birds!

[aliciatwloha]