Bored Yet? @alien5he - Tumblr Blog

Tumblr: Woe is me. I wish I had money to support all these wonderful artists. If only there was something I could do to support artists for free.

Every artist on Tumblr, desperately sweating and shoving this image in y’alls faces:

Call Me Lestat

Here are some dumb things I did as a child who loved vampires:

-filed down two of my teeth with a huge metal file from my dads work bench.

-often walked around the neighbourhood with packs of red jello and made a gelatinous red bloody mess in my mouth to smile at people with and drool “sexily” down my chin.

-I used to tan a deep, deep brown and my hair would bleach itself blonde. I hid from the sun and now I burn instantly and my hair is permanently darker.

-Slept on my back with my arms crossed over my chest. The bonus of this one (according to my young logic) was that my boobs wouldn’t fall to one side or the other and “stretch out”.

-Had one of my first boyfriends bite a small hole in my neck. It was surprisingly difficult for him to do.

Here are some dumb things I do as an adult who still loves vampires:

-Got myself addicted to red wine.

-still have to try not to bite peoples lips on purpose when kissing.

- like sleeping in tight and enclosed spaces.

Cemetery Part Two

For some reason today I was reminded of when I first moved to Saint John. I was in a really lonely place after a breakup from a long term relationship.

I was having a lot of one night stands and most days after leaving their houses in the morning I would go for walks in nearby cemeteries and explore.

I would fill the loneliness of the night with sex and of mornings with death.

I spent so much time alone in that Amherst cemetery that it made me feel safe and normal to visit other ones after I moved away.

I’m thinking I’m gonna go exploring again this weekend.

Songs that Trigger Puberty

In grade 7 I was sitting in the cafeteria with my two friends and a group of boys came in and said “Mmmm there’s Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner”.

Constantly horney me who was still lacking in breasts and not conventionally pretty yelled back “I’ll be breakfast!”

Long before the release of this totally appropriate song:

“You're breakfast!

You ain't got shit on lunch though

Oh, 'cause that other bitch

Your girlfriend

She lunch

She be lunch and you know what

You ain't got shit on lunch

And lunch ain't got shit on dinner

And dinner ain't got shit on midnight munches”

Childhood. Good times.

https://youtu.be/DavjTGIntI8

Just friends

That’s what we were when this photo was taken. 2.5 years later and we would be living out this song.

https://youtu.be/JNM-a5BY7WM

Self Inflicted

Sometimes I re-read these to remind myself of why I am so fucking broken, that’s it’s not all my fault, and that I’m strong as fuck and have fought my way through a lot.

http://megeneyhealingletters.blogspot.ca/2008/01/letter-1.html?m=1

https://megeney.blogspot.ca/?m=0

I have three playlists on my phone:

1. Workout

2. Party Time

3. Sex Thoughts

Frank

Once upon a time when I was like 15, after my boyfriend and his band played a gig somewhere or other, my boyfriend, the drummer, and myself, all went back to my place to shower off the stink of rocking out.

While my boyfriend was in the shower the drummer and I were talking about all sorts of random things, including my relationship, when he suddenly stated “Can I be Frank?”

And I allowed this because my curiosity always gets the best of me.

He said “I would Fuck you but I would never date you.”

Then he went on to explain that I was too messed up to have a relationship with.

Cool, ok. I am just going to wait for my turn in the shower now because obviously there is something extremely wrong with me.

Being the faithful bitch I was at the time I told my boyfriend about this conversation the first chance I got. We teased him and called him “Frank” forever after that.

Shortly after he would telephone me to let me know my boyfriend was currently cheating on me with another girl (I later found out she was one of many). I was eating salad with a cream dressing at the time. A food that would trigger me for at least 5-10 years after.

About a year later, long after my breakup, because my curiosity always gets the best of me, I let him finger me forever to Danzig III. But then his mom came home and asked us to help her with the groceries before I got off or had the chance to return the favour.

Sometime in this mix I would take a bunch of my moms sleeping pills in a sad suicide attempt. Frank called me on the phone and knew something was wrong and made me meet up with him to check on me. Then helped me stumble home where my parents were somehow waiting for me with a pot of coffee, lots of yelling, and slaps in the face to stay awake. The next day I would see my dad cry for the first time as they booked me into counselling. Witnessing this would prevent me from another attempt for about 10 years. But I digress...back to Frank.

One Dirty Black Summer his ex-girlfriend and I would bond in a playground one night over booze and our similar mental health issues.

I think Frank was a better guy than he let on.

Because...

DuckTales

Did you know that male ducks like to rape? Female ducks even have this weird thing going on in their private parts to prevent it. Look it up. Here is a story about a duck that tried to get rapey with me in my sleep.

Once upon a time my little brother had a friend sleep over. I don’t even remember how old we were. We still shared a bedroom so I’m going to guess that I was 10 and my brother and the friend were 8.

When bed time came the friend wouldn’t lay down in the bed. He wanted to sleep sitting up. “Like a duck does!” he told us.

Cool whatever makes you happy.

Shortly after falling asleep I woke up to the blankets being pulled off of me. I froze. I didn’t know what to do. I was scared if I woke anyone it would upset my little brother, I was scared people would think I was participating in what was happening. So I pretended I was still asleep.

Then the duck looked down my pants. Then the duck began to pull down my pants. I pretended to begin to wake up. I rolled over and made a big show of it, yawning, smacking my lips. He ran back to the bed where he took his duck position again.

I never fell back to sleep of course. He attempted again. I again “woke up”. He ran back to his perch. This happened about five or six times in total over the course of about two hours. Finally my older brother must have heard something because he came into the room during one of the interludes and said “What are ya doin bud?”

And the duck said “I’m sleeping like a duck!”

and my brother said “You should probably just lay down and go to sleep”.

Duck boy did as he was told and never bothered me for the rest of the night.

“ D-d-d danger lurks behind you

There's a stranger out to find you”

The Amherst Cemetary

I grew up by the cemetery. It was the view from my bedroom window and the place a lot of “firsts” happened in my life. Let’s do a walk through together.

Here are the woods on the side of the cemetery/behind the baseball field. This is where a few of the neighborhood kids used to play a game when we were about 8. The game involved pulling down our pants and laying on top of each other to see what it felt like. First time I saw a penis and vagina that didn't belong to a family member.

Here is “the big cross”. All teenagers knew the big cross. I had been coming to the big cross long before my teens but one of my biggest memories is of laying on this hill with a boy when I was about 15. It was the first time I remember anyone saying “I love you” to me. I also had my first kiss very close to this cross. It was with a boy I didn't actually like but my friend really wanted me to kiss someone. She pressured me into dating him. Then into kissing him. After a few seconds I stopped participating in the kiss but he just kept working his tongue around my dead mouth for another 20-30 seconds. I broke up with him the next morning.

Here are the woods behind the cemetery. This is where I got high for the very first time, with my first real love, on the first day we ever hung out. Shortly afterwards he would be the first boy I chose to have sex with. Also on the scene that day was my best friend who I would do acid with for the first time and walk around this cemetery for hours.

This is the famous pyramid grave. Legend has it that one of the local “dirt bags” was dared to pull his pants down and sit on top of it. Legend also has it that he liked it! A lot! We used to dare each other to touch the tip where the poop supposedly was.

Here is the tree I used to climb and sit in for hours listening to my Walkman or writing shitty poetry. I used to sometimes hide notes for strangers in the hole.. Looks like this tree won’t be here much longer. This tree is very close to where my dad is now buried. My dad’s biggest influences on me were his love of music, his love of nature, and his love of solitude. So it is very fitting that he is buried close to the place where I first learned how to enjoy all of those things.

Today I cried at my father’s grave. I don’t really believe in graveyards and visiting the dead because I think they are just always a part of us. I felt it was pretty shitty that I hadn’t gone to my dad’s grave once in 7 years though. So I did today. It triggered memories and reminded me of how much of an influence he was on me. I cried so hard that I had to leave before I was ready because I badly needed some tissues. I guess some things just work like that whether you believe it should or not..

To All The Boys I've Loved Before

David - the one who bought me presents for every single holiday. Chocolates, Teddy Bears, etc. You became friends with my brother after we broke up so that you could stay close to me. That made me mad. Then in later years when I wouldn’t date you again you punched a wall until your hand bled. That made me mad too.

John - I wouldn’t kiss you because it was my first time and I just wasn’t ready for intimacy. So you kissed my friend instead. It wasn’t the kissing that scared me, it was the fact that it would make me weak and no longer in control.

“Buffy” - we never dated. You didn’t even know I existed. I don’t even remember your real name. But you were very tall and had big hair and that was enough for me to obsess about you for half a year or more. There are stories about you in old notebooks somewhere.

Kevin - the neighbourhood friend that I saw something vulnerable in. The first real kiss. The boy who’s mom wanted to murder me for playing “chicken” with you during backyard camping. The one who stopped hanging out with me when he found cooler friends. The first one to break my heart.

Greg - I don’t remember much other than laying in the graveyard at the big cross. Occasionally making out in the sun. I broke up with you with a song. Afterwards you punched out a window in a door at school and got suspended. In later years, the same people who didn’t believe me when I told them I was raped, told me you raped someone.

Brian - the one who everyone told me I should give a chance even though I wasn’t into you. So I did. Just when I was starting to think I liked you, you wouldn’t listen to me when I told you to stop. You put me in the hospital and when people asked you told everyone in high school that it was something to do with my bowels. First one to break my vagina.

Dave - we never dated even though we hung out every single day for two years. I regretted that a lot when I was older. I kissed you that one time. Maybe I loved you. I just didn’t want to settle down. I will always remember walking around town all night on acid or sober. Never wanting to go home. The song “Drug Buddy” by the Lemonheads always reminds me of you.

Jon - the first boy I ever had sex with. Still the best at making me cum. I actually did love you. The for real kind. Cheated on me and broke my heart. Also broke my vagina with chlamydia. But you liked Bikini Kill enough to have a favourite song, so it’s ok. Also because I tried to break you with my fists. I don’t do that anymore. I’m sorry I did that.

Doug - It was probably pretty obvious I liked you. I basically stalked you. I obsessed for months over the fact that you “stabbed” me while we acted out a scene from some Shakespeare play during English class. You’re the reason my attendance was so good that year in high school. You were in 4 of my classes. You were also very tall with big hair. You sat with your legs crossed. The Snake by D. H. Lawrence was your favourite poem and you read Clockwork Orange as your book for our final project that year. You asked me to listen to Superchunk on your Walkman in math class once. There is so much more I remember but this feels creepy considering we never dated.

Willie - the one I planned a drinking date with because I knew neither of us would have the guts to make the first move otherwise. You made me feel deep, smart, and important…until you got into video games. Then about 5 years into that I got more into girls and then another guy. I broke your heart. I am sorry.

Nick - you treated me like shit but it was some of the best sex I ever had. You made me feel like the sexiest person on the planet. You made me feel like fucking me was both a chore and your greatest pleasure. You wrote me a poem about how much you liked to fuck me. I forgot about that until you messaged me to remind me 10 years later. Also I still remember the way your hair felt. It must have left an impression on me like my pussy did with you.

Neil - you read me all of your poems and I listened because I found they were pretty good for a boy I thought was just a dumb jock. Also because I wanted to fuck you. But then you always ruined it by saying “I love you” during, even though you didn’t. I still think your fun.

Terrance - I was pretty positive I loved you. In later years I wondered if we had lasted longer if it would have worn off. We had amazing sex and vicious fights. We were “bro’s” that had sex. Then you lost interest. You cheated on me with everyone you possibly could. We broke up the day after I came home one night and tried to have sex with you and you asked “Is that you or the cat licking my back?”

Dan - made me feel like my story was important. Made me laugh until I couldn’t breath. Wanted to know all my favourite things and taught me a bunch of new things. Cheated on me with an ex when I was in the middle of a miscarriage because you wanted to “see if there was anything there”. Somewhere along our timeline you started to talk to me like I was an annoying nuisance most of the time. Unsure what the future holds.

Dumb Things I Did For Boys Pt. 1

The hot quiet guy from computer class, who showed no interest in me, was happy when he found out that I also found Shirley Manson attractive. So I locked myself in a closet at the party we were attending and wrote an erotic short story about myself and Shirley Manson and then gave it to him. It worked and as a bonus I was given control of the music selection for about a half hour but shortly after catching his interest I was bored again. Young love is fickle. I took the story back and kept it for my own spank bank. He later moved in with my ex boyfriend.

We are Doing Fine Without Your Rules

Something that has been really bothering me lately is people who try to make me feel guilty for not being a good enough girlfriend to Dan. This has been coming up mostly if I say I have a crush on some celebrity. First it's just a "crush" and not "love" and second this is a person I will never ever meet.

Ever since the first day we started dating I have had to hear from Dan's friends about crushes he has had. They would talk to him about this girl that was in a band who traveled to SJ often and they would all discuss how amazing she was and then he would actually speak to her face to face. You know what? It bothered me at the time. Not a lot but it did. Then I got over it because I spent a good chunk of my life being jealous. I was crazy jealous in my teen and young adult years. The kind of girl that people are always making fun of. Probably because I was constantly being cheated on but that's besides the point. I didn't feel good enough for someone to love me the most or to break up with someone who didn't. Yes they were assholes but I have my own responsibilities too.

I didn't want to be that person anymore. The older I got and the more I hung out with other females the easier it was to change.

So basically I got over my jealousy. Derby helped with this the most. Dan was always being hugged by and having inside jokes with, or intimate personal conversations with other girls. Not sexual conversations but private conversations to help them through personal things for the strength of our team...and because he was their friend. That shit actually made me care for him more instead of feeling jealous. It gave me something else to love about him.

So now the odd time I find out he finds someone cool or attractive (aka a crush) I don't really care. I tease him about it and he gets mad at me. Done.

He has never told me he has an issue with me mentioning my crush's. I have flat out asked him if it bothered him. He said it didn't really matter.

So why does everyone else feel the need to make it an issue? I have been nothing but completely faithful. Nothing, not even a "moment" of charged eye contact shared between me and someone else (at least not that I felt). He's the one that cheated on me about 2 years into our relationship by having a bunch of secret dates with his ex girlfriend when I was miscarrying our child. No one even believes me when I tell them that.

Our relationship has multiple special things that cause us to be in love. Things I could never have with a celebrity I will never meet or a derby girl who I talk to once a year. I do not pursue these people. Looking (or being attracted to their brain or sense of humor) is okay.

I'm a good girl but I'm a sexual fucking being and that's okay. People don't need to make the rules for my relationship. We have our own and I don't need to be made to feel guilty for something as dumb as a celebrity crush

The absolute best part is that I only feel confident talking about "crushes" because I don't feel confident enough about my own looks or personality for anyone else to see me as sexual or attractive. I feel like it's safe because it's not like they would ever want me anyway. It's ok because they would never be confused if they pursued me and I didn't go for it because I'm already in love.

Cats vs Humans - Part 2 - Drugs

On days when I have to vacuum later I open a bag of catnip and yell "Who wants to get high!?" and then I dump a bunch out on the floor. During times like these I have flashbacks to getting high with my friends as a teen. Each cat reminds me of a different person.

Boyfriend - Straight edge... until he isn't. Most days he is terrified and just watches from the edge of the circle. Fascinated and terrified at the same time. The odd time he will participate but it isn't often because he is naturally paranoid.

Lloyd - The Bogart. Gets body stoned almost every time. Doesn't know his limits. Sits in the pile and try's to avoid sharing with everyone else. Usually ends up really depressed afterwards.

Zion - The Snoot. The friend that gets super confident after she gets high. Tends to make a lot of jokes at other peoples expenses. In the cat world this means sitting in a pretty pose and throwing dirty looks around at the other cats.

Cosby - The Lightweight. Gets really high off of nothing and makes a complete ass of herself. After being made fun of by everyone else she gets paranoid and hangs out on the outskirts contemplating why she isn't cool enough to hang out with the other kids.

Once the drugs are gone Lloyd and Boyfriend will get into a wrestling match and the girls will watch with "what the fuck is wrong with boys" looks on their faces.

#cats #drugs #catnip

girthakitt-blog

Trigger warning: Breakfast

avfwdrugec

Holy shit.

fitzefitcher

reasons why we don’t make fun of seemingly odd triggers

alien5he

Yup.

Are You?

The Geography Club is now a movie. I bought and read the book a few years ago. A lady at my work came out to me using this book as the topic starter. She was terrified I would stop liking her of I knew. Which is completely understandable. She had been disowned by her family for being gay and that was the start of her life on the streets. Then of course addiction followed. She revealed all of this to me over a course of two nights. Each night she came home severely intoxicated and she would be crying so hard I had to ask her to repeat herself many times. Not crying right along with her was tough. I failed a bit. I thought she was feeling better when she finally went to bed each night but there was just way too much hurt over many years. She didn’t come home the third night. The fourth night the police called to say they had found her body. She had killed herself. I still think about her all the time. First I’m sad but then I get angry that people have so many stupid reasons for not accepting others. Even knowing how much pain they are causing they still do it. I think I’ll watch that movie tonight.

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