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bookworm

summary: homelander takes an interest in vought tower's new archivist

pairing: homelander x female reader

warnings: mostly fluff, mentions of past abusive relationship and stalking, age gap (reader is early 30s), mild panic attack, this takes place early on in s1 so homelander is uncharacteristically nice but also completely unable to read a situation

word count: 4213 words (i got a little carried away oops)

a/n: i'm still quite early on in the series so i don't know if vought tower actually does have a library/archives but i also don't really care i just wrote this for fun while bored at work and listening to the 'ambient' noises of the public library (that being babies crying, a guy yelling down his phone which was on speaker, and my annoying coworker constantly humming and making old man noises). also, this is my first full homie fic so excuse me if i get things wrong about his characer.

one | two | three

Nobody ever goes to the archives in Vought Tower. Especially not the Seven.

At least, that's what Y/N was told on her very first day.

She'd never accepted the job of an archivist with the hopes of being able to mingle with superheroes; she'd taken it because of the quiet on offer. No phone calls being taken on speakerphone, no screaming children, nobody taking drugs in the bathrooms, nobody starting fights—just peace.

It had taken some time to get used to the archives' quiet after the craziness of the public library. At first, the silence was deafening; the musty smell of old books and documents hidden away in rows upon rows of filing cabinets made her wonder how to breathe without smelling them, and the sheer lack of people clashed with her previous customer service training. Eventually, she'd become used to only seeing a few people in the day, usually corporate types from the upper levels who didn't want to make any conversation and looked down their noses at her, but that all changed when the Supes decided to visit her one by one.

The first to come into the archives was Starlight, the new girl. Y/N could tell right away that the Iowan was a little green as she wandered past the glass doors of the archives on her self-led tour of the building, a little curious about what she was looking at before being waved inside. She was disappointed at first that the archives weren't a library in the traditional sense. Still, she was happy to stay and chat with Y/N for a while before being whisked away for some kind of top-secret meeting, promising to meet up with her for coffee or lunch later.

A week later, Queen Maeve visited her. Having been a part of the Seven for much longer than Starlight, she managed to give Y/N a proper welcome to the building, alongside a couple of things she should know. Her first tips were where to get some time alone away from the prying eyes of security and the best things to order for lunch, but there were others that Y/N found more useful.

"A-Train, Deep, and Noir might come say hello, but I wouldn't guarantee it," she'd said as she walked through the shelves with Y/N. "Oh, and keep an ear out for Translucent. He likes to creep around."

Y/N nodded as she listened, shelving what had been taken and closing cabinets that she'd left open by mistake. While it was nice that Maeve was tempering her expectations on who would actually come down from the ninety-ninth floor to give her a simple greeting, she did hope that one particular person would just walk past the door even once.

"What about Homelander?" she asked when they'd gotten back to her desk at the front of the archives. "Would he ever come down?"

Maeve paused, her back straightening at the sound of his name. Y/N watched her face as she thought of what to say next.

"Homelander doesn't really… mingle," she said carefully, obviously trying not to disappoint her too much. "Don't take it personally, he just prefers to keep to himself. He only ever comes downstairs if he wants something."

Y/N felt herself deflate a little, trying to hide her disappointment from Maeve. He may have been her favourite of the Seven, but she understood how busy Homelander was all the time. There was no way he would take time out of his day to head down to say hi to the new girl in the archives.

But a part of her hoped that he would.

In the weeks that followed, Y/N had pretty much given up on her pipe dream of running into Homelander while on the clock, settling into her role of archiving and processing any documents that were unceremoniously dumped on her desk. Starlight still met up with her for lunch a couple of times a week, and Maeve very occasionally dropped by, but for the most part, she was completely alone.

Thankfully, it was exactly what she needed after years of chaos and stress in the public library system. Due to there being no patrons or other coworkers she needed to listen out for, she was able to just do whatever she felt, spending her day with her headphones on as she worked or reading books she'd bought herself when there was a lull in her work.

Her read for that week was some superhero romance she'd picked up on a whim, the male love interest clearly a stand-in for Homelander. Blue suit, sharp facial features, perfectly styled blond hair - he couldn't have been mistaken for anyone else. But Y/N would be lying to herself if she hadn't picked it up for that very reason.

When she'd worked in the public libraries, she'd always scoff whenever another one arrived in an order, considering them to be mass-produced slop for bored housewives with Supe fantasies. But after picking up one of them at Grand Central when in need of something different, she found herself craving more and more of them. Especially the ones with Homelander knock-offs.

If she wasn't going to see the real one, a fake one would just have to do.

She'd torn through half of the book in almost no time, wanting to know how the naive main character would fall for the handsome hero or how many times she would put herself in harm's way to get a chance of seeing him again. There was very little work to do since she'd flown through digitising everything she'd already been given, so she had more than enough time to read her silly little book, her earbuds in so she could listen to her podcasts in peace.

However, she'd completely underestimated just how engrossed she would become with the book. Not a single thing or person in the world could have torn her away from the world she'd fallen into, the pages flicking between her fingers as she continued to read, the images in her mind changing from the characters to her and Homelander.

Three sharp knocks on the desk snapped her out of her fantasy world, dragging her back into the real world. She jolted upright, yanking her earbuds out with one hand as she closed the book over her thumb on the other, her heart racing as she looked to see who her unexpected visitor was.

The glint of the golden eagle on his belt was the first thing to catch her eye before she let them trail up the suit, trying not to let her eyes show her nerves. They widened once they finally rested on his face, a tiny breath hitching in her throat.

Oh God, please tell me he didn't hear that.

There he was, the man she'd been dreaming about meeting for so long, even before there was a possibility of seeing him, standing right in front of her. And she could barely bring herself to speak, instead just ogling him like he was a statue.

"S-sorry, Homelander," she breathed, forcing her mouth to move as her heart continued to hammer, no doubt loud enough for him to hear it. "I didn't hear you come in."

He continued to look over her, as if she were a specimen he was studying. Her skin tingled under his gaze, making her feel like she was under a microscope or he was trying to see through her.

You've dreamed about meeting him for years, she told herself as she tried to steel her nerves. Don't fuck this up.

"So, uh, what brings you down here?" she asked, trying to hide the waver in her voice. She'd already somewhat embarrassed herself by being totally oblivious to his presence; the last thing she needed was for him to hear how nervous she was to talk to him.

"Well, I got word that we have a new librarian and figured I'd drop by and see for myself," he said, his voice warm like caramel in her ears. "Gotta say, you're not what I expected."

"Yeah, a few people have been surprised to see that I'm not a little blue-haired old lady." His mouth quirked up at the corner, a slight boyish smile threatening to spread across his face. "But I'm an archivist, not a librarian."

He shrugged and waved a hand at her, clearly not interested in semantics, before his eyes travelled down to the book still on the desk.

"Whatcha reading there?" he asked as he reached down to get a better look at the cover. His gloved fingers briefly brushed against her bare knuckles, and she jumped at the contact, her pulse spiking.

"Sorry," she breathed, her voice small as she found her bookmark and wedged it between the pages before setting the book cover down on the desk. "It's just, uh, a romance novel."

"You okay there, bookworm? You're a little jumpy."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Y/N said, trying to calm herself down. "I'm just a little starstruck. I don't talk to a lot of superheroes."

"I know you talk to Starlight a lot. And Maeve."

"Yeah, but neither of them is you." She noticed a slight blush creep over his cheekbones, as if it were the first time someone had complimented him. "And besides, Maeve said to not expect to see you down here."

"Why not?"

"She said that you prefer to keep to yourself. Plus, you're always so busy. I can't imagine you get much time to mingle with us underlings."

He laughed. Or at least, she thought he did. It sounded more like a scoff.

"She's right that I am busy, but I can make time to come down from ninety-nine once in a while," he said as he swept his cape to the side and perched on the edge of her desk.

"Well, I'm honoured that you made the time for me," Y/N said, her back straightening slightly so that she could see him better. "It's nice to finally meet you."

"Glad to have you on board," Homelander said, a soft smile on his lips. Not that obviously phoney one he wore on TV. "So, what brings you to the Vought Family? You don't seem the corporate type."

He'd got her there. She'd never wanted to work in a 'professional' environment like most people at Vought did, preferring something more laid back. In fact, she didn't own a single item of 'professional' clothing. But her jeans and cardigan didn't seem to offend him.

"Well, I worked for the public libraries in Queens for about six years, and I loved the place, but I figured it was time for a change."

"Queens…." he trailed off, as if he was trying to recall something. "They used to do those Superhero Storytimes, didn't they?"

"Yep! They stopped doing them before I got there, but they sounded like fun."

An image of Homelander squatting down on a tiny toddler-sized chair, reading a picture book about heroes to a group of enraptured preschoolers popped into her mind, and she fought back the smile it gave her.

"I didn't read any books, but I do remember visiting one of the libraries there. Nice atmosphere, way better than down here."

"I don't mind it. Contrary to popular belief, libraries aren't quiet anymore. Here I get plenty of peace and quiet."

Homelander looked around at the sea of filing cabinets, the hum of the fluorescent lights, and the whir of the air conditioner were the only sounds to be heard. He turned back to her, not exactly convinced that the archives were the ideal working environment.

"Don't you miss having other people around? It feels kinda lonely down here,"

"Sometimes, but…" Y/N trailed off, her gums tingling as she considered whether or not to say what was on the tip of her tongue. "I guess I like being alone sometimes. There were a couple of people who I didn't really like working with back at the library. People I needed to see the back of, if you know what I mean."

She bit down on her tongue, hoping that he wouldn't ask her to elaborate. Her reason for leaving the library was still too fresh a wound to be opened up again. Thankfully, he just nodded and stood up from her desk.

"Hmm, yeah," he said, his voice dropping low. "I know exactly what you mean."

A slight chill ran up Y/N's spine, but the straightness of her posture helped her to fight it off. The atmosphere of the conversation had changed so fast that she didn't know what else to say. But she couldn't exactly just sit and stare at him until he got bored with her. Her skin started to prickle again as her nerves flared, her throat constricting as she tried to come up with something to say or do.

The last thing she wanted was for the most powerful man in the world to think she was an awkward freak.

"Alrighty then," Homelander finally said with a clap of his hands, the leather of his gloves muffling the sound. "I've got a busy schedule ahead of me, and I'm sure you'd like to get back to your book."

"Oh," Y/N managed to breathe out as she stood up from the desk. "It was nice to meet you. Maybe I'll see you down here again?"

Don't hold your breath, she told herself. Homelander's got more important things to do than entertain you.

"Sure!" he said cheerfully. "If I get the time to, that is. I'll see you around, bookworm."

With a wink and swish of his cape, he turned on his heel and strode right out of the archives, leaving Y/N to stare at his back long after he'd gone. Her heart still hammered in her chest as she slipped back into her seat, her gaze still on the door to the archives.

"Holy shit," she breathed to herself, letting her body deflate and relax. "Holy fucking shit."

The library group chat was not going to believe what had just happened.

Occasional visits turned into weekly visits, which then turned into daily visits. So many visits that Y/N had started to feel that her day wasn't truly complete if she didn't see or talk to Homelander even once. Starlight didn't show up as often since she'd gotten a boyfriend, but she didn't really mind as long as she had her regular Homelander time.

He’d memorised her coffee order fairly quickly, bringing her something every time he visited her along with a vanilla milkshake for himself, and had become happier to talk with her about anything and everything, like he was a real person and not just a persona for the cameras. Conversations with him had become easier and easier with each visit, he felt so easy to talk to at times, safe enough for her to open up more and more to him.

She'd regaled him with just about every story she had from her time working in the public library, each one more outrageous than the last and shattering the illusion that being a library assistant was a 'relaxing' or 'easy' job. Homelander shared some of his stories about missions and Supe life with her, but he always seemed more interested in hearing about her work than he was in sharing his.

That morning, she'd just finished telling him another story about patrons using the public computers for nefarious reasons, a spare chair she'd found for him parked next to her desk. He'd taken his gloves off as soon as he'd sat down, which she took as a sign that he was becoming more and more comfortable being around her too.

“Can I tell you something, Homelander?” she asked, cradling her latte in her hands as the steam floated into her nose.

“Sure, you can tell me anything,” he said as he scooted his chair closer to her.

“Out of everyone I’ve met here, you’re my favourite.”

“Aw, you’re just saying that to flatter me.”

A slight pink blush bloomed over the tops of his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose as he tried to hide a grin, awkwardly shuffling in his seat.

"No, I mean it. You’re the only person who’s come to see me pretty much every day. Starlight doesn’t come down as much now that she’s seeing that guy, and Maeve only came in once. I feel like I’ve really found a friend in you.”

"Well, aren't you sweet?" he purred. "I guess we have Starlight to thank for this because if she hadn't been talking about you, I might have never come down here."

Y/N giggled slightly. "I'll make sure to thank her the next time I see her," she said before taking a sip of her latte.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Homelander's expression change, as if he was thinking about something. Something more serious than what they'd been talking about.

"There's something else you can tell me," he said, his voice dropping low as he leaned forward. "Why did you really leave the libraries?"

Y/N stomach dropped. How could he have possibly known what had happened? She knew that he had ways of being able to read her, but there was no way he would be able to find out everything about her. Wasn't there?

She swallowed thickly and tried to steel herself before answering.

"I-I told you before," she stammered out. "I wanted a change of scenery, and this was the best place for me."

"Don't lie to me, bookworm." His voice took on a dangerous tone. "Why would you change your whole life around to work for the Vought archives of all places? All alone, no workers, just sitting down here by yourself for five days a week. It sounds like you're running from something. Or someone."

He's not going to let you drop the subject, she told herself.

"I was being stalked," she finally spat out. "By my ex-boyfriend. We met at work, and I broke up with him over a year ago, but he just wouldn't leave me alone. HR wouldn't do anything about it, so I had to get out of there."

"Is that all he did? Just constantly pester you?"

Y/N turned her eyes away from him, looking down at a scar on her wrist. Just the sight of it alone made her chest tighten, and her skin burn. Memories of being screamed at, held down, scalded and hit flashed in her mind. All those years of being cut off from her friends and family, only allowed to see her coworkers when she was at work, and not being allowed to have her own money. Of only being able to talk to her coworkers when he was there, having every aspect of her life controlled.

Of wanting to jump off the balcony of her apartment just to get away from it all.

"No, he, um," she muttered, looking back at him to try to keep her head on straight. "I don't really like talking about it. But it was bad. Really bad."

That should have been the end of it, but Homelander kept asking her questions: what did he do exactly, how long for, why did it take so long for you to leave?

By that point, Y/N's chest was painfully twisting itself into knots, her lungs burning with each gasping breath she took in. She needed to find a way to get out of this conversation, but she just didn't know how. All she could see in her mind was her old shared apartment, the one with smashed glasses and torn book pages strewn about the floor, screams echoing in her mind and the feeling of a shadow looming over her.

She'd started to withdraw into herself when the feeling of his bare hand over hers pulled her back out into the room. He wore an unreadable expression on his face, but those brilliant blue eyes almost bored into her, as if she were some kind of curiosity.

"You okay?" he asked as he took her hand in his. "Your heart sounds like it's going to explode."

Y/N took a deep breath, forcing her lungs to expand and her heart to slow down. "Sorry. I'm fine," she croaked. "I just really don't like talking about it. Makes me sick. Sorry."

"Hey, it's okay." His voice softened, as if he were talking to a scared kitten. "It's okay, c'mere."

She let him pull her to stand as he joined her at the side of her desk, placing his free hand on her shoulder before roughly pulling her into his chest, her cheek bumping against his suit. It was clumsy, awkward, and not what she'd expected a hug from Homelander to feel like, but she still let herself melt into his touch anyway. He smelt a lot cleaner than she'd imagined, barely a hint of fragrance other than the material of the suit and whatever product was in his hair, and the steady beat of his heart soothed her frayed nerves.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled into his chest as she wrapped her arms around his waist. "I kind of ruined your visit."

"I told you, it's fine," he said, his voice rumbling in his chest under her ear. "There are things I don't like talking about either."

"I'm sorry," she said again, her voice quieter.

"You apologise a lot. You know you don't have to, right?"

"I know, I'm sor-fuck." He chuckled, his chest shaking. "I've spent so much time apologising for every little thing that I just can't stop."

"Well, from now on, no more apologising. Especially for nothing. Deal?"

Y/N nodded, barely listening to what he said and just focusing on his presence. He was so much warmer than she'd expected him to be, even if he was giving her the stiffest hug known to man. But she never wanted it to end.

How long had it been since someone had held her?

She placed her hands flat on his back, feeling the embossing on his suit and how his chest expanded and contracted with each breath he took. The air whooshing through his lungs rumbled under her ear, and she let the sound continue to soothe her, helping her to forget what had gotten her so rattled in the first place.

Tentatively, he ran his fingers up and down her back, as if he was testing the waters of how she liked to be touched, leaving shivers in their wake. Her eyes drifted closed as she focused on his touch, following his fingertips as they stroked up and down, gently pushing on her to bring her closer to him. Almost as if he wanted the two of them to merge into one.

He was just about to rest his cheek on the top of her head when something made him snap back upright, like a dog hearing a whistle that she couldn't. Her heart stung a little when he took his hands off her and stood back, but as soon as she heard the beep of the security panel on the archives door, she did the same.

"There you are!" a frazzled-sounding woman in a business suit shouted from the entrance, ruining the quiet that they'd been in. "I've been looking for you all day; the meeting started ten minutes ago."

Homelander rolled his eyes and briefly turned to look over his shoulder with a restrained smile.

"Thank you, Ashley," he said, trying to hide the annoyance in his voice. "I'll be right there."

The woman scurried away, the door closing with a thud as Homelander turned back to Y/N and put his gloves back on.

"Listen, I've gotta go." Y/N nodded, a little deflated but understanding. "But I'll see you tomorrow. You'll be okay, right?"

"Yeah, I'll be okay," she said, her voice just above a whisper. "Thanks for today."

He gave her that smile again: the real one that he seemed to save just for her. Her heart fluttered in her chest, and her stomach flipped. She knew that he had his regular duties to tend to, but part of her wished that he could stay in the archives with her all day.

She wished she could stay in his arms forever.

"No problem," he said as his eyes trailed over her face, settling on her lips. His tongue briefly darted out to wet his own, and his fingers twitched at his sides, as if he was trying to keep still. "I'll see you later, bookworm."

She was about to say goodbye to him when he swiftly turned and left the archives, his cape swishing with each footstep. The door clanged behind him, echoing through the empty room. Somehow, it felt colder without him, making Y/N shiver and pull her cardigan further around herself as she made her way back to her desk to continue with what little work she had to do.

Not that she was able to focus on it anyway.

But, at least he'd promised to see her again tomorrow, no longer leaving her alone with her thoughts.

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