sarah

fuck it up

[everythingfox]

Lost dog reunites with his owner after being apart for 3 years 😭

[sexwitsockson]

[vote-for-eggman]

Me

[childofthelostgods]

I WOULD DIE FOR JORGE

[everythingfox]

LMS if you would die for Jorge

[awwww-cute]

[smolalpacacutie-deactivated2021]

What I'm currently going through... And will go through again... And again... And again...

[veryfunnymemes]

[nomediocre]

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

[blowjobhorseman]

I know this isn’t Bojack related, but recently instead of turning men down by saying “no, thank you”, I experimented with saying “I’m engaged” and flashing a ring instead. Needless to say, I am not engaged. It still worked better than just saying “no”, but then came questions like “so where is your fiancé?” and “he let you go out by yourself looking like that?” or just remaining persistent in asking for my number. So I went into my closet, and pulled out a fiancé. Now when I turn men down and they need further proof, they can know that I would rather lug around a 5 foot tall plastic skeleton to Steak n Shake and fake a proposal than give them my number.

[blowjobhorseman]

His name is Braunschweiger Last-Name and I think I’m going to take his last name.

[blowjobhorseman]

Update: the wedding was beautiful

[beelz-moved-to-gazmataz]

The level of dedication this took is monumental and enviable and if I cared about anything this much I would be much farther in life

[prince-marionette-deactivated20]

@whatwouldwaltdo

[mintstermonsters]

This is absolutely fantastic. My goodness.

[unboy]

my cat: screaming, yowling, circling me as i use the can opener on a can of bean

me:

[chefpyro]

anyway

[mercedesbenzodiazepine]

The Rainforest Cafe takes their theme too far. I was sitting in there eating my chicken tenders and they bulldozed 40% of the restaurant.

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO???

[joshmuratori]

FFFFFFFUCKKKKKKK

[alexander]

I AM SO!!!!

[justcatposts]

Danger bush

[greelin]

what you said was very sweet and means a lot to me but i am incapable of properly responding in any way besides “thank you so much aaaah” because i do not know how to accurately express the exact level of my gratitude to where you completely understand how much what you said meant to me without me getting even more emotional and looking like a fucking nerd: an autobiography

[goldring]

There’s a big ass water snake living in my porch drain and I just want him to come out… Give him a smooch

[goldring]

LAD SPOTTED

[goldring]

Update: lad kisses camera

[goldring]

I’m gonna see if there’s anything on the other end of the drain

[goldring]

FJDHJDJSNDJD

ITS FREE REAL ESTATE

[goldring]

LOCAL BOY ACQUIRED

[charlesoberonn]

New original 3D animated movie: Ducks. The secret life of ducks when humans aren’t looking.

Whenever ducks fly south in the winter, they’re actually flying to a big city of ducks where they talk and have jobs and have traffic lights with pictures of ducks in them and every billboard and storefront is a bird pun.

A generic duck guy is a young adult who feels inadequate because his dad is a big broker in the bread stock exchange.

He accidentally reveals the secret life of ducks to a human child, and now he must take her south with him to duck city. On the way they get into hijinks and find out about a big duck conspiracy or something.

[artigust]

I was thinking at first this was an actual movie

[charlesoberonn]

It will be if you just give me 3 years and $150,000,000

[old-manrupee]

How many times would “duck” be confused between the physical action and the animal in question?

[charlesoberonn]

12 times for comedic effect. 1 time used ironically in a sad moment in the end of act II. And 1 time in the last act when the protagonist has to say something badass when he defeats the bad guy.

[erinye]

This winter, ditch the binoculars and rediscover bird-watching with the hot new movie…….DUCK!!!! 

[charlesoberonn]

If this post gets 100,000 notes I’ll start working on the script.

[charlesoberonn]

Well then…

Let’s get to work.

[charlesoberonn]

Without further ado, and over a year in the making:

The final draft of the script

[statsdead-deactivated20200602]

just bought this tapeworm from etsy!

[3828281493392929-deactivated201]

where are you gonna keep it

[statsdead-deactivated20200602]

:)

[ginger-ale-official]

I don’t like this post very much

[bitterfucked]

if you’ve never seen one before

deer are smaller than you think

raccoons are bigger than you think

bears are smaller than you think but you were pretty close

otters are bigger than you think no even bigger than that

wolves are bigger than you think

wild cats are smaller than you think but hopefully you’ll never see one

chipmunks are smaller than you think

so are mice but you’ve seen a mouse right

you were right about the size of moose, mostly

pigs are bigger than you think

coyotes are that size

so are foxes

woops bears are bigger than you think but only that one type

this is an informational post about mammals if you know more please do tell

[legislacerator]

buffalo are bigger than you’ve ever even imagined. you’ve never seen anything that big in your life i promise

[leafcrunch]

i support this post except you have no idea how big are moose

[tramampoline]

moose are fucked up big and nothing will ever prepare you for it

[thegreenwolf]

[rosebuncat]

What??? The fuck????

[bongwaterdrinkerr]

dolphins are way bigger than you think

[littlemusicalwitch]

[qovalent]

I feel educated

[chootylover69]

Where was this when I was in calculus

[tubalump]

why am i only seeing this now like

[littlemixens]

why do people say “don’t be a pussy” when talking about weakness more like “don’t be a man’s ego” because you know there isn’t nothing more fragile than that

[nothingnowherenoonearchive]

uh 

because “pussy” is the shortened form of the word “pusillanimous”, which means “timid, cowardly”

and not the slang word for the female genital region?

[follow-puppy-luv96-deactivated2]

literally no one else knows this. nobody. 

[definitelyshitty]

WHAT

[tyronesuplac]

Sensational.

[definitelyshitty]

Remarkable.

[geraltcirilla]

it’s a real word

[snarky-gourmet-deactivated20250]

you: pussy

me, an intellectual: pusillanimous

[metalslugx-deactivated20220413]

Goth Clowns are just Mimes 

[mariopowertennis]

My gf who works with clowns says that mimes came first so technically clowns are just Scene Mimes 

[orchidvioletindigo]

Your gf who works with clowns