QCruXK

Peer within' the abyssal Minds, shadow self bearing candle. Look inside a feeble feeling warms your burning heart, atone for yee', degrees of three remain or flee. Still the abyss and the peerless light shall shine again and again. Thy Guardians knowst Thee now and forever more, a STILL... STILL... Dream and Reality.

[alikear72]

Regarding the future

The future is also like a mass of water which leads to the end of where water is. Everyone’s droplet of water changes what the water means and how it affects or effects ones view on how the present becomes. Your future right now may shift just because of your present actions are stagnant. Like me I’m doing very little but I feel that my actions are merely becoming a reservoir maybe small as a puddle in a ditch but still it will connect with a river some day I hope and feel. Everyone drastically is an Ocean of The Universe based on their past karmic actions and their future outcomes. So either way there are many objects and subject to concern in a mass of water if you’re brave enough to venture it. I feel my future is like that, and that’s the only reason why I meditate just to find a glimpse of what I did wrongly before so that I may heal it with what I have today to pay my debtors who I have done misdeeds to in the past. I meditate now to know who I am and where I should go. So I’m digging to find water you can say or generating more of it for the future to come. I hope that in this ocean everyone will move as one sooner or later. May your figurative ocean be drinkable in the future everyone. Have a bright future.

[alikear72]

Relation Ship

After discovering the my sister had a companion I didn’t know what to say. My sister is precious to me and I wouldn’t like to see her lose her footing in Samasara or these life times we all go through. If she thinks choosing a life-long companion is something you make childish guess or gamble on it’s a sure thing that I’d say no. But merit and good deed changes as the time pervades and moves exceedingly around. Also, I would like to say her companion may be quick witted and logical but that is by all means not enough in my sense and my family sense for the traditional characteristics she should hold to have for a companion. I’m still worried but it will soon be over.

Last night I slept and recalled of dreaming my pass lover contacting me with her friends in a promiscuous way. I didn’t like it. As I woke up I saw images of crabs being tied up by their claws and pincers. I massaged my arm and tried to recall merit and good deeds. I sat up and thought of my Great Master and then light flashed out beyond my body. I thought I guess I was being invaded this time with mischievous angelic beings better than Mara beings. Well this worries me about what will happen in the future I recalled many good memories and the light faded then I wished to the Great Masters that, “may my trip into monkhood be a long-lasting one and may all obstacle fall as I walk over it.” 

In total regard to what I’ve said. On a relationship with yourself the relation ship might stumble into one another. One ship may have just one person but it may get expansive and bigger as it becomes a family. I don’t that at all. 

Life as you call it is one big ocean. Our action as an organization is an extreme rapid whether it be religious or work related even cults or small group doing big things with the masses. That doesn’t totally mean that all rivers are safe or filled with fishes, snakes, rapids, and perils. One should look at it like this, when one tries to look for a river or rapid one should find a bountiful one that flows to the ocean, your destination. Thus, every action we individual make can change the river but as one we are all molecule in the ocean or body of water. So go the path without fishes or perils would be better if you want to be without troubles. You’ll accrue more merit where you’ll live the ideal lifetime.

[alikear72]

Senses

Ever sense the whole meditation thing becoming a little more serious. I feel my senses are more, how do you say? Sharpened? Like I can just feel from people, maybe I’m just out of my mind. I have no idea, I’m still doubtful about these senses. Especially of recent since people have been doing things behind people’s back and that argumentatively can make people who KNOW worry. I hate keeping secrets anyways, might as well forget them. Most intuitive people will say to trust their stomach and I have been for awhile, while doing so I have maintained alot of good meditative experiences and I’m able to contemplate abunch of things like picking up trash down floating in the river out. 

Makes me feel that being alone truly is the only virtue one must have to be able to accrue more Nekama Parami which is the practice of purity one should partake to even improve their Punya Parami. Practicing holding the precept isn’t enough, maybe I should hold the eight precepts? That’s a sound idea I feel. Can’t trust anyone nowadays. That’s the only reason why I wanted to even cut bonds with everyone, one day. That day will come and I’ll be able to rejoice in accruing Parami. 

Still holding out. Barely. 

[alikear72]

5 Year in

It’s been five years since I came to Thailand by 20 more days I’ll be approximately that amount of time. I’ve come to Thailand to meet with family and heal my heart from being torn away from my mother when the ICE sent her away to Thailand. Ever since then I’ve become a monk for 3 years and ended up meditating my days away, technology wasn’t far from hand and I think that’s what ended my journey as a monk. Plus the meditation experience at the end made me frightful of death and a enormous amount of Inner Experience made me realize I need a break from this whole monkhood thing. Maybe for like a few years before I start becoming serious about it again. 

Right now, currently, my mentality has gotten better I wasn’t breaking down or having an episode anymore. But my recent dream did show me that I need to change my steering when it came to the habitual lifestyle. I’m still meditating thankfully it’s the only thing connecting me to sanity I feel. I miss the friendship that have kind of moved lightspeed away from themselves into myriads of directions--you know what I mean. The interesting things I’ve learned from monkhood is that you can subdue the extrovert mind for so long before it becomes abnormal. Until it starts longing and becoming something it feel it is totally not and without. For me monkhood was more of a time to reflect and think upon myself. Til’ this day I feel I’m less bounded and free from not only the unjust society but more liberated from the systematic bounds of my spacing but I did end up losing my mind through too much meditation, something I’ll never do again. 

Forging new friendships and making life happen. One step at a time.

[abiding-in-peace]

“What you give is what you receive, more quickly than the signals sent by satellite. Whether you give your presence, your stability, your freshness, your solidity, your freedom, or your understanding, your gift can work a miracle.”

— Thich Nhat Hanh

[faronmckenzie]

There are over 7 billion brains transmitting and receiving information on this beautiful planet, imagine if we shared the same flow state of love what a different world this would be.

[falseknees]

They’ll remember that one time I said that funny thing

[alikear72]

Spital Energy

The things we think of may possibly be coming from a person repricating that similar though and vice-versa. Weither it be money, love, welfare, and stability etcetera. We ought to contain our thoughts onto and into spiritual advancement instead of these other things. We all have in ourselves several vortexes fixed close or open, block or flowing, channelled or dispelled. It's up to us and our methods to open them. I use meditation and adjusting to the centre of the body so that I may still my mind end delve deeper beyond the fickle stronghold that is my mind. I wish you all better insights to what you are and how to behold it.

[alikear72]

สุขสันต์วันครอบครัวสรงน้ำพระ (at Amphoe Ban Khai)

[alikear72]

Thoughts and Feelings

22/3/61

Ever since I came out from the monkhood I can’t help but feel not adjusted. As my innards just feel like it has gone through inertia and I just don’t know what to do anymore. Maybe it is depression but I don’t feel the dampness of it. But maybe it’s just melancholy, it does feel empty and bland. The reason I came out of monkhood is the very same reason I fell for someone after coming out of meditation, it’s a surreal experience I hope not to experience again. I’m planing to stay unattached from anyone in case I go back to the monkhood again, I won’t have any worries on the outside world. I did say let bygones be bygones with everyone. But right now my inside feels like a monk and my outside is a layperson, but after the ceremony you can say I’m a layperson entirely. It’s hard to adjust. Kind of torn too. SO universe, just let me get into Dhammakaya within. That’s all I ask for and that’s all I’m going to do in my end, meditate.  As for the person I feel for, it’ll never happen, I thought there was similarities but of course I’ve been wrong many time. If I can go back, I would’ve been more patient. But I guess I didn’t have enough of that, I just went with what I saw and disregarded if she saw, felt, thought, and through insightful knowledge understand the same way. Tristan was right, I shouldn’t put all my eggs in one basket. I hope his meditation experience is improving. Hope the bud isn’t drinking too much grog. My family has worried I was going to be gay too. That’s funny. I don’t know how I feel about that, I still like the same woman but, It’s impossible now. I’m isolated and stick now, but that isn’t all so bad. My battles are within and close unlike most people whose battle’s are won externally. To all whom wishes to understand themselves may you conquer yourselves and reach within Yourself. Goodbye for now.

[alikear72]

Moon Tunes of Twos

Your mooned exotic luna tune boon, plays greatly to sunny day buffoons. Mooned me, soon this attune streams find alignment. But two moons leaves a cold world darker than it should. Where there's more sleep, slurping on lethargy like it's ice cream dreams. It's best I stay in my cold revolving ways letting not a single soul in and leaving not a single bridge touch. My moon phase brings more than two tones more like spectrums in your tune cone. Kind of funnels into your mind and leaves a cold bite. Heist this mental and emotional geist, the only thing I want you to take from me is my life.

[alikear72]

Freighted Expectation

Through countless experience good, unpleasant, and non-pleasant or non-unpleasant. I've always been a petty prey for my fears, sensualities, doubts, expectations, and laziness. But who hasn't been. I just didn't expect that it would capsize me to end up in a paradise which is motherland Siam (Thailand). Now I am setting boundaries with all my bonds, all draw bridges of trust is being secured. I have to thank my fears, sensualities, doubts, expectations, and laziness–simply reflected to my companions as I hurt myself continually... Catalyzed myself into a weakened mentality and a hardened external and internal mind set. So just saying, thank you society–your request... Your damned aspirations has exiled me immensely and innumerably. Your roots will be cleaned for your contribution.

[tamper]

[tvvntyonepilots]

[stunningpicture]

[imagination]

[alikear72]

Build my temple

I crept out of a tomb and made a tomb for myself. The insides are cold and the outside is hot. I cannot regret the day. My birth was near death because of the way I treated myself. Imbilical chord grasping my neck. “I shouldn't be here, there's to much suffering.” Fast-forward a few light years into the heavy periods, where philosophy actually hit the windows, like a rock or a meteor. Simple questions upon eleven eleven. Four years after twelve I see now from either Plato or Socrates, “Life is suffering.” Appreciation the elder as a child I also wonder, why is life suffering? Must I suffer as well. Then came the two questions. What's their purpose? What's their intent? Then enters me meeting with myself in the bathroom. What's my purpose? What's my intent? Why am I here? Who am I? The journey began. As the end of the rainbow has shown me, fast-forward seven years later. My window is now an arch, no longer breached by those heavy words. Life is now before me and I am happy, in breath and action. I long for the peace we can all share. Now I wait until the monsters fade back into the night back into the roots. Where they will slumber in their peace as well. Good night from the End.