It hurts hearing him say na,
"Wala namang alam yan kapatid mo. Magaling lang sa eskwelahan at trabaho, pero kulelat sa tunay na buhay."
Pero... wasn't that exactly how you raised me? Bat parang kasalan ko?
You were taught that grades were everything. That awards and achievements were the only things that could made them proud.
They struck your hand every time you tried to help in the kitchen. They get mad every time you spend too much time with friends. They wouldn't let you go with your family trips and gathering, kasi baka maaksidente ka o may mangyari sa'yo. So while everyone else was out learning how to live, you stayed inside with a tutor.
They kept telling you that you weren't built for certain things. Too skinny. Too sickly. Too weak. Hindi ka para sa sports. Hindi ka para sa hobby na 'yan. Hindi mo kaya 'yan kaya wag na lang. After hearing those things for years, syempre you start believing them too, kahit gustong gusto mong gawin.
Tapos ngayon, they're disappointed because you don't know the things they never gave you the chance to learn.
Tapos sasabihin ng iba, "Edi just move out."
As if it's that easy. How do you leave when all your life, you were raised to depend on the very people you're trying to walk away from? Paano ka magiging independent kung buong buhay mo tinuruan kang matakot sa mundo at sa sarili mong kakayahan?
Ang masakit pa, sila rin naman ang umaasa sa'yo ngayon. Financially, ikaw ang sumasalo. Pero somehow, ikaw pa rin ang "kulelat sa tunay na buhay."
Minsan I can't help but wonder who I would've become if I had been allowed to explore and learn things on my own. Instead of believing that my only worth was being good at school.
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