alizabeth @alizabethhhh - Tumblr Blog

My teenage years with you, an aestehtic : smoking cigarettes through an open window, long walks, nabokov’s lolita quotes, hot summer nights, dancing while drunk, great gatsby’s soundtrack, shots, cinnamon in the back of my throat, loud laughter, vodka, never have i ever, arctic monkeys playing in the background as we make out in the bathroom, vinyls, the fear of the future, lying on the hot concrete in the dark, gossips, pizza, drugstore makeup, overthinking

Day Trip

You stepped away for a moment to go use the restroom and wash your hands.

I snapped this picture while you were away.

We were on a day trip, one that I had planned; one that you (begrudgingly) agreed to go on.

You had stayed up far too late the night before and were late waking up, late getting ready, and you slept the entire way.

I was upset with you. I felt unheard, unwanted, and unimportant.

You had a funny way of making me feel that way often.

We walked hand-in-hand down the street, up to the lighthouse, up to the bluff. We sat on some benches. Sweat dripping down my back; beads pulling around your hairline.

I wanted to take a picture-- but, you said the sun was too bright.

This is when we decided we would start a rating system of all the benches we sat together on and drinks we drank, since that’s all we seemed to do besides watch television shows or YouTube videos.

The rating system was something along the lines of: view, location, comfort, accessibility, and bugs.

I had planned museum trips, art gallery visits, and a ghost tour.

We only went into one shop and did the ghost tour.

You wanted to eat, and sit, and drink.

When we finished with the ghost tour (which I could tell you didn’t enjoy) I expressed my sadness at still not getting a picture with you.

You suggested that we take one now--

In the dark,

Where the lights were blurred, and our faces distorted by the grain of the camera trying desperately to make out any resemblance of human features.

We got a couple pictures.

When I looked back on them that night, I cringed. I physically couldn’t peer at them. Something made me queasy; there was something… off. The look in your eyes, the smile on your face. It wasn’t real, it was askew. I felt bad, I felt ashamed, and I felt as though I needed to look away. I still have them, but I can’t look-- even now.

As I was reflecting on the day, you got a call from one of your friends, desperately needing you back and over immediately.

One of your other friends was in crisis!

It wasn’t anything new, I was used to getting placed second to your friends at this point.

I didn’t talk to you the entire way home.

You asked me inside when I dropped you off.

Your dad confronted us.

He wanted to talk to you-- alone-- but you made me stay.

It was about your unemployment. It was months and you still didn’t have a job.

We went down to your room and laid in your bed.

You tried to get me naked.

This was the night you told me you were in love with me-- not just love, but in love. How you’ve never felt this way before. How you could see our future together; and you wanted that. You assured me that I was never going to be second to your friends, I was always going to mean more.

You wanted them in your life forever, but you knew I was your forever.

--

I didn’t feel the same way.

Maybe I wanted to; just to feel the love you felt, but I couldn’t.

When I left, you went out with your friends and got drunk with them.

That was the night you got locked out of their house and had to sit on the front porch for four hours before you could go home.

--

I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Not missing you, per se, but just wondering how you’re doing.

Out of curiosity.

I look back and cringe at what we had.

The manipulation that I was blind to.

The parts of a relationship that I wanted, but I put aside because I wanted just wanted something.

grandtheftcanoe

Our hearts beat so loud the neighbors think we’re fucking when I’m just trying to find the nerve to touch your face.

Andrea Gibson

snaacks-deactivated20200913

everything about this video is me

alizabethhhh

My and my friend trying to get out of our biology exam

daily-ahs

I think about one girl in particular…

purplebuddhaquotes

A kiss with the right person simply can’t be compared to the drudgery of sleeping with the wrong one over and over.

Carolyn Crane

(via

purplebuddhaquotes

)

You: Thank u, next.

Me, an Intellectual: Ok cool, thanks :)

#me an intellectual #ariana grande #thank you #thank you next #meme #music #lol #funny #sorry #I had to #had to do it to em #text post

why does KFC feel the need to change Colonel Sanders actors as much as SNL changes hosts

#kfc #kfc chicken #real talk #snl #funny #saturday night live #colonel sanders #lol #meme #like #tag #notice #food #food network #fandom #haha #random thought #thoughts from a shower #thought

macklesufficient

here’s the mood

I had a dream last night that I was forced to get married to someone I didn’t want to marry and I was crying and trying to get away but Jake Paul was there with his camera saying “think of all the views this will get!!!”