
Love Begins

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I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Sweet Seals For You, Always
almost home
Sade Olutola
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YOU ARE THE REASON
Misplaced Lens Cap
Monterey Bay Aquarium

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ojovivo

izzy's playlists!
RMH

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oozey mess

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@alluringthy2
maybe i have a God complex...
15.3.26
does it ever get lonely?
having so much
so
so much
yet no one
who actually
understands You
do You ever feel sad?
having so many
so
so many
who love You but
they just don't get it
do You ever doubt
what You are doing?
after all
what was the point
of all this if no one
can ever truly
truly
love You
or is Your definition of love
different
i know You're secure
but it doesn't change
the emotion
does it?
do You feel how i feel?
or is it different for You?
because i don't understand You
and does that make You sad?
to be so loved
but never seen
never understood
but how can love be
without understanding
it must be hard
being God
i know i'm projecting
but
i've always felt
sad
for You
even as a child
having billions of
souls You love
with every ounce of You
and millions lost to the world
even those who love You
can never understand You
how can You possibly bear it?
but i suppose it's
different
for You
different in a way
i cannot comprehend
but doesn't that
make it even
sadder?
it must be lonely
8.3.26
for you?
it became a part of the pattern
for me?
it will never stop bleeding out
you were my light
in the darkness
but all I have now
are the remnants
of who you used to be
now
you walk in the light
as if you hold no darkness
yet your screen remains black
and I willingly
lay in the darkness
holding on
to the only light I have
because when you left
you took my light with you
and though you walk in light
you still hold
all my darkness
all my light
all of me
but I am just a load now
for your shoulders to carry
one you have gotten used to
one that has become
a habit
and it saddens me to know
I can no longer
carry you as well
because you?
tried to erase it
and me?
held on to every part I could
you can try to ignore
to pretend it's not there
but it is a part of the pattern
and maybe I should stop
trying to swim
in the puddle of blood
you left me in
because koi can't swim
with only one fin
visual I made for my insta story for this poem:
💬 0 🔁 0 ❤️ 2 · hey peter pan · 11.2.26 hey how are you doing? it's been a while hasn't it uh yea I'm fine not ... bad I mean he
note: soz I havent posted in a while school and social lifes been keeping me busy so I haven't had a break to write
31.10.25 - jets
you and I took a stab in the dark
but flying in the dark
is not the best idea
all planes have to land someday
guess i didn't expect our flight to
end so soon
but when you left I shut down
put my plane on autopilot
didn't—
couldn't
think about us anymore
so I just didn't think at all
17-18.2.26 (midnight)
Although I always knew You'd change
I couldn't have ever Imagined
How unrecognisable you would become
The boy I fell for
Those days weeks months years
Ago
Is gone
Time doesn't have sympathy
Yet
You are still
Everywhere,
Remnants of the You I loved
Are still scattered across
The smoking battlefield,
Little things still find me;
Small proofs of Your existence
Proofs that keep me sane
See,
I still find You
In the music you shared,
Because my neurons rearranged themselves,
And those paths are the kind
That take time to erase,
So dopamine still reacts to those small parts of You
In every playlist.
But I don't Imagine
Time has mercy either
I still find You
In the white sheets that aren't for beds,
Because these are for little black notes,
They hold snapshots of your soul
Like the mp3 files filled with
Snippets of your mind
That are constantly playing in my head,
Because melodies are easier to remember
Than voices.
I would never have Imagined
It'd come to this
I still find You
In the harsh brown of eucalyptus;
Home to lives we came so close to,
Centuries of stolen laughter
Stashed between the golden rings
(The only type of rings we ever ticked off)
Reminders still in my space.
Space I never Imagined would become so
small
To you
I still find You
In words uttered by foreign lips;
Promises strangers post for the world to see
On the platforms that never got
Your initial with a lock and heart,
Yet I still use the name You gave me
In my instagram handle.
Just never Imagined
You wouldn't be here to see it
in honor of valentines ;)
6.2.26, 15.2.26
pum
csk
csk
pum
csk
csk
one
two
three
two
two
three–
waltzes
tangos
foxtrots
salsas
pas de deux
you and me
spinning
twirling
yet somehow not spiralling
step by step
no music
no beat
not a word
our hearts
create the rhythm
to the dance
we are discovering
the only language we have
is the unspoken tension
between us;
the silent glances we share
across rooms,
as we find the harmony
in our hearts
and music
flows through our veins,
unbothered by
the voices
at the edges of the room
and as our breaths
draw patterns in the air;
intertwining lines
that trace invisible kisses
onto our skin,
and our chests
rise and fall
in sync,
we desperately grasp
the air only we can provide
each other
and even with
just a step
too early
too late
the dance will fail
even with
just a breath
too heavy
too shallow
our hearts will fail
yet somehow
we keep swaying
leaning in
and somehow
never falling
one
two
one
two
one
two
one
tw–
splish
splash
splish
splash
two rowboats
pushing forward
splash by splash
each pursuing
not victory
not a finish line
not an ending
but each other
both boats
donning
scratched paint
worn down paddles
and tired arms
yet moving together
in perfect harmony
and even just
one hesitation
one miscount
one ounce of fatigue
the wooden frame
t
i
p
s
yet somehow
we stay afloat,
as if the whispers
the smiles
the glances
feed us
the strength we need
to not tire
two paper boats
gliding
floating
somehow not sinking,
slowly but steadily
making their way
into the vast unknown,
rooted in salty fluid;
unwavering in
currents not our own
.
.
.
.
two souls
suspended in
the melodies unheard
to the ears
that pass us by,
the drawings unseen
to the eyes
that glance over our artistry,
only you
only me
orbiting each other
like twin swallowtails
fluttering
pirouetting
in the eye of the storm,
almost oblivious
of the winds
whistling past us,
fixated
mesmerized
by the allure
of one another's
dance
like two pairs of eyes
holding each other
across open water
across sweeping winds
across busy ballrooms,
erasing every tap
of a heel
except for our own
as we hold each other
in our arms,
and somehow
we stay
we dance
hey peter pan
11.2.26
hey
how are you doing?
it's been a while hasn't it
uh yea I'm fine
not
...
bad
I mean
hearts still beating
I'm still here
so
...
I smile less now though
maybe because of you
maybe not
I cried myself to sleep last night
but you don't need to know that
partly because of you?
maybe
maybe not
good to hear you're happy
good to hear from you
good to hear the silence
in my chest when we talk
good to know I'm okay
good to know blood circulated
and the cells you touched
are fresh now
its good to hear you're fitting in
its good to hear you're still going to church
its good to hear you feel accepted
its good to hear that audition went good
it's good to hear that school's going well
it's good to hear that life is going in your favor
it's good to hear you
it's good to know you
...
was good to know you
"uhm what else to talk about?"
...idk
anything interesting happening?
"no not really"
"maybe let’s just chat
another time after
something interesting
happens"
oh.
ok.
Im nearly home anyway
I'm still 20 minutes away.
well
I guess
I'm not interesting enough
to keep talking
keep trying
even when we haven't talked
in 23 days
even when you never actually said
goodbye
when you left
70 days ago
but it's ok
it's ok
we have different lives now
lives that Im not in anymore
but it's good to hear
that youre happy
because I still care
even though my heart said
...
when we spoke
but it's good to hear
my prayers are answered
—
thanks God
for taking care of him
7.2.26
you don't photograph the ground
you don't keep records of the ground
you don't ever think
"the ground will be gone one day"
you don't photograph things
that are permanent
you don't need to
there's no need
to remember
to keepsake
to say
"remember what the ground
looked like
in 2020?"
because dirt
looks the same
I don't have a
single
photograph of us
i never kept
records
of us
of you
never thought
there was a possibility
you weren't ground
because ground is stable
ground is safe
ground is never gonna be
gone
turns out
you're weren't ground
just a platform
covered in dirt
because dirt
looks the same
and then the platform
snapped
and I
plummeted
see the thing is
the ground is great
it's stable
it's safe
it's never gonna be gone
it's great until
you
plummet
onto it from a platform
i didn't notice how high
you took me;
the sky looked the same
dirt looks the same
but then i
plummeted
but at least icarus
had moments of freedom
before he
plummeted
the ground looks a bit
different
when you're
plummeting
falling
crashing
hurting
see
you don't photograph your shadow
you don't keep records of your shadow
you don't ever think
"my shadow will be gone one day"
you don't photograph things
that are permanent
yet as your shadow
gets bigger
and bigger
and bigger
as you
plummet
you realise
one day
you won't get
the light you need
to cast a shadow
you don't get
ground to stand on
when you're 6 feet deep in it
when you thought
a platform was ground
but then suddenly
you're plummeting
and it's too late
to grab a branch
to climb down
to change your point of view
to move away from the platform
to find real ground
ground that is stable
ground that is safe
ground that is never gonna be gone
ground that isn't just
dirt on a platform
5.2.26
you're alive
you're breathing
no coffin
no funeral
no ending
you're still here
I never lost you
but i lost everything
I thought growing
together
was more than
just months on a calendar
I thought loving
was more than
just claiming eight letters for each other
I thought comfort
was more than just
existing there
being alive
breathing
I thought it meant
our hearts beat in sync
when we touch
and i thought it meant
it stayed that way
we stay that way
I guess I was wrong
or maybe I was just wrong
about you
I don't know which one hurts more
because you're still here
so I never lost you
I don't get the permission to
cry for you
make time for you
mourn you
I don't get to wake up and
not want to go to school
burst out in tears
grieve for you
because there's nothing to grieve
there's nothing to mourn
there's nothing to cry about
there's nothing to make a fuss about
fuss enough to stop my living
there's nothing for people to understand
they just tell you
to pick up your tissues
so they can vacuum
but it doesn't work that way
did you know
that you were the closest
I ever got to safe
even if i was on the moon
and you on earth
at least it wasn't Pluto
because at least the moon
is close enough
to be pulled
into safety
I wonder though
if I was actually your sun
giving you life
hope
keeping you alive
stable on your orbit
but the closer you got
the more you suffered
the less you were able
to keep yourself afloat
maybe you couldnt take it
maybe thats why
you moved away
to proxima b
and I'm left to stay
burning the other planets around me
because I have no where else
to put the energy
I learnt you could hold it
and still thrive
even when Mars
and Venus
and mercury
couldnt
I learnt that you accepted me
I wasn't a monster
I wasn't just a fire
I was precious
I was safe
you were safe
I gave you everything
all my fire
all my energy
I would've burnt into nothing
if you were safe
I loved you
you were–
are
the first person I've ever loved
but no one gets love
and no one gets grief
not when
you're alive
you're breathing
no coffin
no funeral
no ending
because you're still here
and we still talk
even though I already lost
everything
you don't even know
how much you hurt me
but then again
no one blames the earth
for the sun burning
and no one ever forced the sun to burn
I chose that
for you
but in doing so
I gave away everything
and you left
and I lost everything
but no coffin
no funeral
no ending
just two hearts beating
out of sync
two people living
on parallel lines
two galaxies growing
without the other
but maybe
it's better this way
then I can't burn you
even if I continue to burn
out
I want to use a boulder
as a paperweight
as if it could
hold us in place
forever
it's hard
for a heart
to forget the reason
it still beats.
365 days
19.1.26
365 days ago
your birthday
you told me:
you missed me
you wished I was there
you loved me
today
your friend asked me
if we still talk
I look down
and say
no
we don't talk anymore
that was the end of it
but my heart
still remembers
the reason it beats
and my skin
can't seem to forget
your fingerprints
and my mind
can't erase
the memories of you
of us
365 days ago
you told me things
things that
aren't real anymore
the world where
those words
were true
is now gone
we don't say
I love you
anymore
but people change
and life moves on
and I wouldn't
trade the me
today
for anything;
I'm proud of
who I am
yet I would
do anything
to have the you
365 days ago
back
if I could
go back in time
I'd travel
365 days back
and hold you tight
use a boulder
as a paperweight
as if it could
hold us in place
forever
15.2.25
I haven't enjoyed dreaming in a long time
I don't know why I suddenly do
Maybe
It's because They're gone now
And I don't have to wake in cold sweat
Every night
Or witness
Indescribable things
That make me want to gag
It's like They've gone on vacation
Like They've
Vanished.
But They're not gone
Not really
I still feel Their presence sometimes
And even though I don't see Them anymore
They're there.
In the shadows
Slithering away from the light
In the storm clouds
Wreathing in agony
Behind the eyes
Of those I love most
Eating away their minds
Can I ever be free of Them?
Or will my life be forever haunted?
I don't think
They've been with me my whole life
But I can't remember times before Them
Times that were bright
Times I guess I'll never know
I mean, sure
They're gone now
But I've lived with Them
For too long
I know not of another life
And now They're gone
I'm empty
Which is weird
Because I've been empty all along
They had already eaten all of me
But I suppose I've gotten used to
That kind of hollowness
So maybe
I'll get used to this one too
30.1.26
what's your opinion on bugs?
ladybugs
praying manti
ants
dragonflies
beetles
video game bugs?
those are annoying
not that I know much about that
but tiny creatures
like
ladybugs praying manti a–
like me?
what does that mean?
bugs are overrated
ants dragonflies beetl–
except for me?
huh?
well,
I think
bugs are precious
they're so small
with such big lives
I like bugs
no
I love bugs
but they're poisonous
and venomous
they're only like that
because of
things
that harm them
and that's okay
because
we all have our faults
and they won't be harmful
not to me
not to you
but I can harm them
I can kill them
I can crush them and hunt them down and hurt them and destroy their lives and—
but why would you ever do such a thing?
it was an accident
I'm sorry.
but sorry doesn't
fix
broken wings
well,
that
was terrible
...
like me?
no no no
very much UNlike you
no I would never
never ever
crush or harm or destroy or hurt or kill—
no no no
not you
not me
no
I'm too precious
and you can't ever
find the exact same
ladybug or
praying mantis or
ant or
beetle or
dragonfly or–
you.
me.
but bugs
have
shorter
lives.
like me?
am I still your exception?
still precious?
or just
a bug
...
ladybugs
praying manti
ants
dragonflies
beetles—
what's your opinion on bugs now?
Grief
23.1.26
Grief never leaves
It does not belong at the dinner table
It is not neat
It does not have order
It is messy
It is not pretty
It does not leave room for clarity
It does not listen to logic
But still
We sit and eat
Remember our manners
Use the correct spoon
Do not step out of line
They say grief comes in waves
Tumbling crashing waves
That destroy the castles
We built in the sand
For the crabs and seagulls
Waves do not take sandcastles into account
When they rush in and out
Some waves are harsh
They wash away the castles cleanly
Leaving no trace of the home that was there
Some waves are soft
They dampen the feet of the castles
And wave after wave
The buildings crumble
And no matter how much you try
To fix the castle and restore it
No matter how much you scream
“No! Stop that! That’s our home!”
The waves come back
Because grief is not neat
Grief does not have order
Grief does not leave room for clarity
Grief does not listen to the screams
They say grief comes in waves
Tumbling crashing waves
That break the pretty seashells
Shells too brittle to withstand
The strength of the ocean
And even rocks and glass and wood
That are strong
The waves force them into unrecognisable shapes
That look smooth and perfect
Like they could sit at the dinner table
And grief never leaves
And no rock or glass or wood or pretty seashells
Can ever be the same after the waves
But waves do not take into account
What the rocks and glass and wood and pretty seashells want
Because grief is not neat
Grief does not have order
Grief does not leave room for clarity
Grief does not listen to what you want
Grief is like a pen
Scribbling over white pages
Until no more white is there
Ink spilling over the pages onto the dinner table
Running out of space
Until the walls of the dining room are black
And paint and tablecloths can go on top
But it does not change
The black that stains the dining room walls
The black stays even when we remember our manners
Even when we use the right spoons
Even when we stay inside the lines
Because grief is not neat
Grief does not have order
Grief does not leave room for clarity
Grief does not listen to the lines
Grief is like a tap
A tap that does not stop flowing
You can try and try to turn it off
But drops will always leak through
And no matter how many cups you place in the sink
You can never contain the water
The water splishes and sploshes
And the cups overfill and you put another cup there
But the tap is quicker than you can ever be
Because grief does not get tired
Grief is not neat
Grief does not have order
Grief does not leave room for clarity
Grief does not listen to capacity
And worst of all
No matter how good you are at
Following the rules and eating at the dinner table
No matter how good you get at
Containing the waves the ink the water
It is never enough
Because the waves never stop coming
The pen never stops spilling
The tap never turns off
Grief never gets tired
Grief never stops
Grief never leaves
Valentine's Day
23.1.26
a couple of weeks ago
a group of girls walked past me
"February 14th?!"
one exclaimed
"that's Valentine’s Day!"
another responded
ouch
Valentine’s Day
that's in 22 days
hard to believe
when I'm still stuck
343 days ago
last Valentine's
last night
I lied down on my bed
and a blur of white
caught my eye
and I realise that
this year
nothing will be even remotely
the same
wow
this Valentine's Day
no one will ask
if I want to go watch
the new marvel movie
this Valentine's
no one will buy me
a white rose
this year
no one will sit next to me
for our first 20 minutes
of the day and
make me laugh
just because
you like to see me smile
this Valentine's Day
you won't be here
ouch
a few days ago
I saw a video
a woman's husband
would order a bouquet
to their house
every Valentine's Day
turns out
even after he died
the bouquets kept coming
because he knew
wow
compared to that
last year's Valentine's
with you
seems anticlimactic
but compared to
us now
well there's really no
comparison
this year
no one will sit
on the grass with me
and sing along
to Yellow and Perfect
no one will
steal my shoes
while I shove you
onto the floor
and act like
I'm annoyed
this year
we won't get those
smiles and
laughs
and
invaluable moments
together
and not just for Valentine's
ouch
this one really hurt…
last year
I thought I spent
Valentine's Day
alone
I was wrong
but then again
I forgot what alone meant
until I lost you
we were so oblivious
just kids chasing meaning
without realising
we already had meaning
in each other
I wonder
if you also reminisce
and regret
last Valentine's
343 days ago
Valentine's Day
hah
a day of love alright
ouch.