in honor of repTV coming out, i would like to share my tattoo 🖤 i got this in 2022. it was a terrible yet transformative year for me. my best friend of 5 years betrayed me, become friends with the girl who broke my heart and shared information about my mental health (she told people i was ‘crazy.’ a word that i hate so much because it further stigmatizes people with bipolar disorder). i was involved with a girl who took advantage of me and my heart. i loved her, but she didn’t care about me at all. i lost another friend of 5 years, when he decided to kiss another girl in front of me. two weeks before that happened, we spoke about marriage and kids. i lost a lot of people, i had my heartbroken so much, i finally got diagnosed with bipolar disorder after years of fighting for my life. i moved away from my hometown (which, funny enough, was a month before i heard you’re on your own kid for the first time and yes, i cried). i was alone in a brand new city, heartbroken, confused and scared. so when i came back home for the first time in a month, i was terrified. i felt like i had the whole world against me. but i was alive. and i remembered the wise words:
When she turned to go home,
She heard the echoes of new words
"May your heart remain breakable
But never by the same hand twice"
you could never have arrived-
so wondrously and brutally,
By design or some violent, exquisite happenstance
so i stepped off that train, back in the city that held so many terrible memories. and for once, i felt free. i decided i wouldn’t let my hometown be somewhere i run from. it would be a place that reminds me of the pain i endured, and the strength it took for me to keep fighting, despite it all. i felt truly alive.
anyway, here’s to reputation TV. i can’t wait to hear this for the first time again 🖤🐍 im ready for it