Ozzie ☆

Ranting acc!! Taken <3 PFP art isn’t mine!! a memory keeper

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

BOUNDARIES/INFO!! <3

- She/her

- 17!

- Lesbian :)

- Taken <3

- This will mostly be used to rant/vent, with the occasional post of whatever I feel like. feel free to interact, just please don’t flirt/be weird! You will be blocked :)

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

it could just be the weather, or that everything feels less heavy, but i think it’s all gonna be okay

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

i hate nights like this, i hate them so much. nights where I can’t sleep, and im forced to sob all alone, knowing nobody is coming to help. i know everyone has their own problems to deal with, and i know I only drain them more by asking for help, but it still hurts so bad- I just want comfort without begging for it, and even then, it’s very rare- 90% of the time, im forced to sob to myself, all alone until I cry myself to sleep, and then wake up feeling horrible. my yearn for comfort is going to kill me one day. i know it is.

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

i know that everyone else has their own problems, and they’re not obligated to comfort me, but it still hurts so bad craving comfort that I know isn’t coming. so badly wanting something that won’t happen, and thinking maybe, just maybe this time, someone will come, but they never do.

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

ill never have everything i need. nobody will ever be there to hush me and reassure me that everything will be okay like i need. ill just be forced to cry and cry until I can’t anymore like always.

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

how come whenever I’m upset it’s always a problem.

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

I am so unbelievably tired of giving more and receiving so much less. i just want to have what I crave so badly- I don’t think im that hard to care for, am I?-

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

i leave a tiny piece of myself in every passing day, forced to go ever backwards was my being continues forwards. i think that soon I’ll lose myself completely to the past, and time will go on without me, just as it always has.

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

i hate always wanting more. more, more, more. i can never be grateful for what i do have- i know i deserve more, but I can’t help but feel ungrateful for what I do get because I have that knowledge. why do I always need to yearn for more than I already have.

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

i still don’t understand why I’m ALWAYS the one who receives less. i try so hard for everyone- don’t i deserve some attention too? what am i doing wrong?

[stanleys-mental-hospital]

posted shit to the wrong blog anyways

i constantly cry out for help but im too afraid to actually approach anyone and ask to vent to them or ask for advice, i want people to recognize that im hurting and be worried enough to approach me first. it makes me feel pathetic

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

me too man. me too. we’re gonna be okay, i promise

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

i just want my girlfriend to be here and tell me it’s all gonna be okay- i want her to sing me to sleep and allow me to not worry about any of my problems anymore- i want her to tell me this will all pass and soon enough everything will be okay again-

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

i genuinely think the worst feeling you could ever get is so badly wanting something you can’t have. even worse knowing that you COULD have it, but you WON’T.

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

i love living different lives through my ocs and characters. I’m not allowed to live the life i want to just yet, so i’ll let my ocs live it for me. I’ll let them experience everything i want to, and in a way, it’s like i’m experiencing it with them. it’s a silly coping mechanism, but it works.

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

i don’t know if I’m weird for this, but i like to imagine my mind as a museum of memories, and i’m the keeper. every day, i stroll through my exhibits, making sure everything is kept pristine, just to ensure nothing is lost, damaged, or even forgotten. sure, I may have seen these things before, but its always nice to see them again. to look at my little puzzle pieces of the past, and maybe, one day, form them into the larger picture i miss so badly.

not to mention the joy when i find something new. something i thought I’d lost, kept in pristine condition all this time, hiding away from me until the time was right for me to find it. it’s always so nice to blow the dust off of it, clean it off, and put it up for display in my little museum.

i know nobody else cares as much about it as i do, and that’s okay. i can take care of these memories every day, just in case someone wants to come visit my little museum sometime, ill have everything in order for them. honestly, i find it hard not to care. the past has such a large influence on me, it’s not even funny. every day i go looking through old videos and pictures, just to reminisce on what i once had.

i know it’s not good to stay stuck in the past, but its one of my only sources of comfort. to look back on once was, and feel just an ounce of that joy i felt so long ago. i know i’ll need to move on eventually, put these memories to rest, and stop checking up on them every day as if they’re going to disappear. but, i think i’ll stay in my museum for just a little bit longer. i’m not ready to leave yet.

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

am I the only one who has a perfect dream life mapped out in their head, which they want to achieve so badly? like- i want a nice apartment in one of those pretty buildings which are all connected to each other and have balconies looking down onto the streets below, and the architecture is really nice. i don’t need it to be fancy or anything, just enough to call home. I’d decorate it exactly how i wanted to, and make it my own. id be happy with my job, and id go out on walks every night simply wandering the streets. maybe id visit a coffee shop or two, become a regular and get to know the staff. id make it a goal of mine to compliment at least one person a day. on hard days, id treat myself to something just because I could afford it, before returning home, lighting some candles and relaxing for the night, watching whatever id like. a simple life, really. but oh, how beautiful it is. at least to me. I’ve almost been using it as a motivation for me lately. i will study so i can achieve this. i will live long enough to have that. I will make it to that point in my life, year by year, month by month, day by day. i will make it, and i will live long enough to have that.

[aloneattheedgeofauniverse]

it’s such a strange thing to think about that over 8 billion other people are all living at the same time as me, yet we’re all living different lives. so many people experienced today in a slightly different way from another, and so many things are happening as I’m typing this. time moves at the same pace for all of us, and yet, all of us are so vastly different.