blog of engram

tracking yoga, meditation & emotions

[alowrn]

[alowrn]

Peace is accepting the present moment radically. No matter the discomfort or uncertainty, the only way to feel relaxed is to sit with those feelings long enough for them to lose their power.

[cheshmenoor]

[alowrn]

I always thought the wind was talking to me.

the small gusts whispered my name,

telling me secrets

from a distantly familiar place

somewhere folded between past and future,

but never from inside me.

so I assumed

it was the wind.

the big gusts screamed.

something urgent, something heavy

clawing at me,

desperate to warn me,

or reassure me?

I never knew what it was trying to say.

but the answers always came

rising up from somewhere,

like they’d been waiting.

maybe the wind was never talking to me.

maybe it was making enough noise for me to hear myself.

[alowrn]

[lamignonette]

[alowrn]

Your brain exists to keep your body alive, not the other way around. I’ve been in my head a lot again. We tend to really identify ourselves through our head, maybe because our eyes are there, or that’s where it feels like the thoughts come from? But i’m starting to realize how important the messages from the body are.

Feelings are based in the body, it’s how the body talks to the brain. You feel the pain, the itch, the hunger, before the complicated thinking. If the pain wasn’t in the body to begin with, would we even have a conscious experience at all?

🪷

[alowrn]

I've been really stressed and honestly forgotten a lot of what I have been working towards. I haven't meditated for a few days. I told myself that once things settle ill start again, but it feels wrong.

Stop trying to calm the storm. Calm yourself, the storm will pass.

This has been stuck in my head since I read it. It's the sole reason I'm even finding myself writing right now. It's funny because I already feel myself letting go of all the stress I've been holding after putting it down on the page. I really think that instead of being so anxious about the multitude of things going wrong right now, I should act as if nothing was wrong, keep writing, meditating, and reading as I normally would.

Although right now it feels 1000x harder to start any of those things. Writing this has actually really helped me to see this clearly. I keep reminding myself that this path isn't linear and it will get worse before it gets better, but somehow I still find myself ruminating and spiraling before I can even think about a healthier way to express it.

[alowrn]

hiii no question here just saying i love your account so much and you’re so pretty 🫶🏼

thank u so much this made my day!! 🥰

[alowrn]

you don’t heal by constantly monitoring your healing.

you heal by just doing the next right thing

🪷

[alowrn]

𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 🌬️𓂃

[jetix]

‘White Cat with Gemstones’ by Joseph Jones Oil and acrylic on linen, 2026

[alowrn]

Been busy recently, mostly in my head.

I have been meditating more and have come to many realizations about my own thoughts. I've realized how much I value my thoughts and how much of a mistake that is; a lot of my overthinking comes from the fight between me trying to “control” my thoughts.

I'm coming to terms with the value of silence. I try so hard to think of answers, and it's definitely still hard to practice, but I've noticed that the best answers come from silence. 

Most of my thinking is escaping. When I feel at peace, I don't need to think.

[alowrn]

🧘‍♀️🌙

[alowrn]

Today was really hard. I had my accommodation meeting to extend my single housing to next year, and I was already frustrated and felt like they didn't believe me. I have a problem with downplaying my struggles and not being able to articulate what is really happening, especially around authority figures. So I knew this was gonna be bad when she basically rejected me the first time.

She told me the same thing she said last time: she would extend it for next year, but there is no guarantee, and the rooms should go to people who really need them. Which really pissed me off because if she knew half the shit I had to deal with, I know I would get it immediately.

I have a new psych eval scheduled for April, and I'm both nervous and excited. The last one I did wasn't accurate; I masked way too hard, especially considering that back then, I didn't even know I was masking. This time, I hope I can be clearer, but I am still so nervous I won't be able to articulate it right, especially when naming my own symptoms. If it doesn't explain my situation exactly, I would think that it wasn't happening to me, even though a form of it was.

I hung out with one of my old roommates today. It felt really good. I would never have been able to do that when I lived with her. Today wasn't that bad, but the meeting really stressed me out. Does she not understand that? Like ts gonna be in the back of my mind, looming over until next year when I have to renew.

[alowrn]

[alowrn]

there are no good or bad paths, just choices that lead you closer to or farther from who you want to be.