I knew I was in love when I realized that he and I shared the same view on faith, loved the same church, loved jamming to the same music, loved nights in watching Netflix, loved watching each other’s favorite shows and movies even if we weren’t particularly fond of them ourselves, loved going on spontaneous night walks and grilled cheese runs, loved eating ice cream by the pint, and loved the comfortable silence that ensued when there wasn’t anything left to say.I knew I was in love when he met my family and I met his, and it felt so easy and natural and comfortable. I knew I was in love when he noticed and appreciated how close I am to my mom and brother and sister, and I realized how important his was to him.I knew I was in love when I asked how his day was and he recounted the whole thing, even if it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. And I knew I was in love when he forgot to ask how my day was, and apologized for it hours later and wanted to know every last detail. I knew I was in love when he shared in my frustration at the pesky things that happened, and was just as excited as I was about all of the little details that brought me joy.I knew I was in love when I learned that he was always down to go eat somewhere, anywhere, no matter what time it was. I knew I was in love when he never commented on what I ate or how much I ate or never minded when I finished my meal and asked for some of his fries. I knew I was in love when I placed my order and he made sure I didn’t want anything else, and always asked if I wanted ice cream afterwards.I knew I was in love when I tried to get him to brag about himself, but he wouldn’t do it. And I knew I was in love when he tried to get me to brag about myself, and all this time I thought these achievements of mine paled in comparison to his. I knew I was in love when he didn’t see it that way at all. I knew I was in love when I realized he was just as impressed by me as I was by him.I knew I was in love when we spent hours on the kitten reddit page and I showed him my favorite animal youtube videos and he showed me his and then we watched a million precious videos of little kids getting puppies and kittens for Christmas and we both gushed over the cuteness with no ounce of shame that furry little critters and tiny humans had such power over us.I knew I was in love when he went to get some food and I didn’t want anything, but he bought me my favorite cookie anyway.I knew I was in love when we went to Chipotle and he ordered two bowls for himself and paid for us with a giftcard because his grandmother knows how much he loves that place. I knew I was in love when I felt comfortable and safe enough with him to expose the dark and dusty corners of who I am, because I cherished our relationship enough to realize loving me meant loving all of me, and that I needed him to know about the monsters under my bed and the skeletons in my closet and the demons in my head. I knew I was in love when I placed more value in letting him love all of me, cobwebs in all, over presenting to him the side of me that’s easy to love. And I knew, I mean really knew, I was in love after I told him everything that I was so scared to say, he hugged me and kissed my forehead and got me tissues for all of my tears and told me he was here for me, that it was going to be okay, that he wasn’t going anywhere. And when I told him that I was terrified that he would be afraid of my darkness, he told me that never in his life has he been scared of the dark.After that happened, I knew I was in love when everything got quiet and that tiny little voice in the core of my being, the one you can only hear in those soft and vulnerable moments where the world seems to stand still for a second, assured me that I was so unbelievably in love. Of course, by then I already knew.I told him I loved him that night because that little voice grew until it entirely consumed me, I could feel it all the way to my toes, and I knew a love so strong and so sure needed to be shared.There is no rhyme or reason or timeframe to love. Don’t overthink it. When you’re with your person and you get this distinct feeling of comfort, this feeling of an old friend’s presence, this feeling of summertime at your grandmother’s house, this feeling of warmth and safety and joy that is undeniable and you could not make up if you tried, you’ll know that it’s love. And when the time is right to say it, it’ll just roll off your tongue like the most natural thing in the world. Like you’re coming home.
