living up to the name

"I choose to carry on the name." Kay Morita. Howling Commandos legacy and former SHIELD agent turned CIA. Doing the best to do the name proud. [ mcu/aos indie oc. sideblog of notyouricarus. ]

[youknowilookgood]

   He doesn’t move, simply appreciates the embrace - it’s the first time he has real contact with someone ( someone he cares about  so much he can’t quite put words on it ) since he’s woken up in  front of the temple - since he reached out to Skye and failed to get her out of there - failed to save her ( he doesn’t even know if she’s still alive, the thought eats away at him ).    The itch in his fingers gets worse, spreads to his other hand as well, and if he glances down, he can see the skin turn to what looks like  stone, slowly - like a gangrene spreading inch by inch. He can’t unclench his hand anymore, hides it away from her instead, stuffing it into his  jacket pocket before it gets too visible.      “Still feels like a dream to me too - not sure where I’m at.”  He pauses, hesitates for a second before asking: “What did SHIELD tell you?”

[alsofromfresno-blog]

She made no move to separate herself from him herself, feeling his warmth and the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. Trip hadn't shown any signs that he wanted her to stop, so she wasn't going to, and instead pressed her cheek against his back.

"You're here, at my place, with me." That had to mean something, right?

Kay tensed at the mention of SHIELD and the report that they had gotten from them -- she bit her lower lip at the memory, and she felt her chest tighten as she closed her eyes as the scene played behind her eyelids, clear as day.

"They told me that you had been trying to save a teammate. But you... you got caught up in it all instead and... died. That there was nothing of you to even bring back." Her breathing hitched near the end of her words, and her voice was tight as she forced them out.

[youknowilookgood]

He nods quietly, frustrated with himself - frustrated with the  fact that he understands her response perfectly, even though he doesn’t want it to be true. But he’s already been shot once, died in a manner of speaking, and he doesn’t know if he’ll stay that lucky ( if he’ll stay off SHIELD’s radar or if he’ll go back - if he can even go back ). His entire future is a mess of unknowns  and maybes, and right now, the only thing he can count on is Kay. She’s his constant. So he steps inside the house, feels almost like a stranger even though he’s been there a dozen times before. Standing near the kitchen counter, he turns back towards her, hoping she’ll know what to do next. For once, he’s lost - has no direction ( the itch in his fingers appears again and he bites the inside of his cheek, trying to keep it away ). 

[alsofromfresno-blog]

She wasn't able to keep herself separated from him for long -- after all, she wasn't angry with him. She just couldn't help but feel like she needed to remind herself to not hope for the impossible (that he'd always be there now that he had returned from death), not knowing what she would do if he slipped through her fingers again.

Kay pressed her body against Trip's, wrapping her arms around him and embracing him from behind. She rested her cheek against his back, closing her eyes as she absorbed his warmth. Maybe as long as she was touching him, he wouldn't disappear again.

"If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up." She laughed, but it was a hallow, tired laugh.

[alsofromfresno-blog]

agent down || trip & kay

[youknowilookgood]

"Pretty much, yeah. So take your time getting better, yeah? This  is basically extra vacation time for me.” He gives her a light nudge, winking at her. It’s really the opposite of that, but he’ll make it look like he’s happy to be on break for her if it makes her feel better  about it ( he doesn’t mind not being at work, would prefer if it weren’t because she was stuck in a hospital bed ). 

"Probably overreacting - but I wouldn’t have been much good to them anyways, so I might as well serve as a liaison, right?” 

[alsofromfresno-blog]

"Let's see if you still feel that way in a few days." She shook her head at the thought, knowing that it wasn't going to exactly be super exciting around these parts while she was here. "At least that means I get to use you as an extra pillow all I want." Kay flashed a toothy grin up at him.

"Liaison? Is that fancy talk for making sure the doctors and I don't strangle each other?" she teased lightly. She rested her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat -- which was oddly soothing. "I really do appreciate you being here, though," she murmured quietly as her eyelids began to droop.

[youknowilookgood]

He doesn’t know what to tell her - if he’s even allowed to tell  her anything. Do SHIELD laws still apply when you’re technically dead? Does he really want Kay to know what went down - that he should be dead, by all accounts, but that somehow he isn’t, and he doesn’t know how or why? 

Does he want to scare her with that? She deserves to know though. 

"I —— I was. For a moment. I don’t know what happened but I was gone and now I’m not — I’m not leaving again, I swear.” 

It’s maybe more than he should promise but he refuses to give her anything less than that. 

[alsofromfresno-blog]

Her hand in his shirt tightened when he admitted that he had been lost to them once, as if she were afraid that he would disappear. His explanation was inexplicable, yet Kay found herself accepting it. Weirder things had happened, after all, and as inexplicable as it was, if it meant that Trip really was with her here, she would take it. 

"You can't promise that." It pained her to say those words as she tried to untangle herself from him, her hands curling into fists and her nails digging into her palm. Kay found that part of her was afraid to believe him -- she wasn't sure what would happen if his warmth was ripped away from her again.

"Let's... go inside."

[alsofromfresno-blog]

agent down || trip & kay

[youknowilookgood]

He rolls his eyes at her lecture, obviously not too convinced by her words either. “You know that I usually do - didn’t wanna be in that training ring in the first place.” 

He pauses, trying to get his trainer’s obnoxious accent down before quoting him ( he’s not the best at imitations though, so it’s a bit  shaky at best ). “Just get your ass over there, Triplett - and don’t come back till Kay’s with ya. Tell her to get better soon for us, yeah?” 

[alsofromfresno-blog]

That imitation got a laugh out of her, and the corners of her lips tugged upwards into a smile. It was nice to hear that people cared -- she knew they did, of course, but it was always good to be reminded of it.

"So they've essentially benched you until I get better?" She shook her head with a quiet laugh. "I'll be fine -- they're overreacting to send you this way like this."

[youknowilookgood]

She makes the first move and it makes everything easier  and harder at once - because he can finally wrap his arms around her tightly, ground himself with her presence ( the  itch finally disappears, fades away for a moment, leaves him in blessed peace for the first time in days ), but also because she’s crying. 

Kay’s sobbing and he doesn’t remember the last time that he saw her break down in front of him so badly - curses himself for allowing that to happen. If there’s one thing he’d promised himself, it was that he’d never be the cause for his family’s or for her tears. He’s failed at both. 

So he simply wraps his arms around her a bit tighter, presses her close, tucking her under his chin, as if to make the world disappear - and lets her cry. She deserves that much. 

[alsofromfresno-blog]

At this point, Kay wasn't even sure what she was feeling and why she was crying. Was it from the stress of having to hold it all in? Relief? Anger at what she'd been put through? Happiness? Fear that Trip could be taken away from her again? She could only hold on, her fingers bunching tightly in his shirt as she let it all out with her tears. 

It took a few minutes, but eventually her sobs and hiccups began to subside along with her tears. She took another deep breath, trying to bring herself back to the here and now., though she never stopped holding on to him. 

"I thought -- I thought you were... gone."

[youknowilookgood]

         "Yeah, it’s me." 

He hesitates - wants to move towards her, to just pull  her into a hug ( make sure she’s real, that he isn’t  dreaming this either ). But he doesn’t want to frighten  her, doesn’t want to be too overbearing - especially  since she thought he was dead until about a minute ago. So instead, he pushes his hands down into his pockets,  pushes back the urge like he’s been pushing back the  itch for days — holds himself back. If it’d been any other time, she’d already been wrapped up tight in his arms, but he’s changed and she’s changed too. They’re both different and he doesn’t know what to do.            “I’m so sorry, Kay.” 

[alsofromfresno-blog]

Her eyes never moved from his face as she took a deep, rattling breath in an effort to orient herself, but it was a lost cause. All she could focus on was the man in front of her, and how real he felt and sounded, when just a few days ago, Kay had thought she'd never have this again.

Brown eyes searched his face again as if to convince herself that she wasn't hallucinating. But if she was going to be honest, who cared if she was, if she could just have this moment? (Though that might be the sleep deprivation talking.) Closing the distance between them, she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him a little too tight, burying her face in his chest.

It was if the dam had broken, and... well, Kay had a policy of not crying in front of other people, but she couldn't stop the body-wracking sobs that overtook her.

[alsofromfresno-blog]

agent down || trip & kay

[youknowilookgood]

He laughs, gives a half-shrug. “I was just being an idiot, mostly. Kept  checking my phone - for messages and for the time. Was completely distracted during training - think I’m gonna have to apologize to Pats - might’ve sprained his wrist cause of me.”  Poor guy was the target of his stress. He shouldn’t have been sparring with anyone in the first place - really dumb idea. ‘Let out the stress,  Trip, get on that damn ring’. Not gonna fall for that one again.

[alsofromfresno-blog]

She blinked again upon hearing about him spraining someone's wrist, he was so distracted. That was unexpected, though Kay secretly thought to herself that she was liable to do something similar in the case their positions were reserved.

"You need to have your head in the game when you're training." Her heart wasn't in the mini-lecture, though. She simply poked him in the side with her free hand. "What did they tell you when they let you go, then?"

[youknowilookgood]

The wait feels like it lasts hours, but she finally opens the  door and it feels like a weight in his chest finally vanishes,  like he can breathe again. She’s there, and he’s grounded,  he knows that things will somehow be alright. They’ll figure it out, together. 

But Kay’s too silent, too shocked and something’s wrong,  he’s missing something - a crucial detail. His mind feels a  bit off these days, but he still manages to reach the most logical conclusion — SHIELD would’ve already warned his family. They all think he’s dead, and here he is, showing up on her doorstep without warning, like a ghost. Damn SHIELD. 

       ”Kay —- “ 

His voice is rough - he hasn’t spoken since before that time, except a few words when necessary, to get through customs.  But he still manages, forces out a few words for her. 

          “It’s me. I swear — it’s me.” 

[alsofromfresno-blog]

It felt like the air had been punched out of her lungs when Kay registered the sight before her. But how? Kay genuinely, truly had no idea how to react to the situation she found herself in, much like how she had been when it sunk in that Trip was gone. She hadn't even properly finished processing his death yet, and now...

Finally, oh-so-slowly, she took a step forward. It felt like the world had shrunk to just this space, with the two of them. With a trembling hand, she reached up to touch his cheek, her touch unusually shy.

"... Anto?"

Her voice was so tiny, and so very afraid.

[alsofromfresno-blog]

agent down || trip & kay

[youknowilookgood]

His lips quirk again at her assumption, mentally debating the pros and cons of leaving her that assumption rather than telling her the truth. But he’s not really in the mood for half-truths and omissions ( he’s not on a mission, he’s  with his friend - it’s frustrating sometimes that he has to remind himself of that regularly ).  "Something like that - but closer to getting me out of the way so I wouldn’t  annoy them to death while I waited for my shift to be over.” He gives a one shoulder shrug, trying to make it sound less significant than it was. 

[alsofromfresno-blog]

She could see the gears in his head turning, and brown eyes watched Trip's face as he figured out a response, her thumb brushing against the skin of his hand. Kay could see that he was letting his guard down -- or at least so she thought, though it could be wishful thinking.

She blinked at his response -- not that she ever doubted that he would worry for her, but the fact that everyone else saw his worry enough to make him leave early... well, that was something else. "What did you do to supposedly annoy them?"

[youknowilookgood]

        He’d been lost  since he came to a week  ago, lying outside of the entrance of that temple, entirely intact. He remembered shattering, pain but he was alright - and he didn’t understand. SHIELD had left a while ago and he was alone. That’s what  convinced him to make his way back to the States, to  go to the one person he knows he can trust.  And a week later, he finds himself at the door he recognizes from much simpler times, feet nudging against a newspaper Kay must have forgotten to pick up. He hesitates, curls his fingers into a fist to push back the tingling feeling that announced those weird episodes - instead rings the bell and waits. 

[alsofromfresno-blog]

It had been a week -- a week since she had been told that Trip had died. That he had crumbled into pieces and there was no body for them to recover -- that there was no closure to be had. He was just gone. Kay hated to take SHIELD's word for it, but all signs pointed to them being truthful. That wouldn't stop her from looking into it on her own in the days to come and to see if she could even recover the tiniest pieces of Trip possible.

But for now, Kay had family to look after -- Trip's family. She pushed down her own emotions as far down as she could as she committed herself to being there for Trip's family. She hadn't slept in days when the door bell rang, and she hurried to the door with dark circles under her eyes, throwing the door open without even checking who was on the other side.

Which was such a mistake, because that meant Kay was completely unprepared for the sight in front of her, and stood there frozen and open-mouthed.

[energyfieldz-blog]

———————-  garage. 

[pixieflix]

sHORT PEOPLE ARE SO ANGRY ALL THE TIME,

[youknowilookgood]

        “Don’t you dare.”  He rolls his eyes, knows that he’s made a terrible  mistake by granting her that opportunity. Give her an inche and she’ll take the mile - that’s Kay for you.                 ”Just ‘cause I said that doesn’t                     mean I won’t retaliate.” 

[alsofromfresno-blog]

"What's life without a little thrill? A little risk?"

She was willing to take the chance of him retaliating. Kay was never one to back down from a challenge, and he might as well just have issued one.

"You know you secretly enjoy trying to guess what I have in store for you."

[youknowilookgood]

✉ [ masked text sent to “Kay" ]: it’s under lock and key  ✉ [ masked text sent to “Kay" ]: you’re not getting it kay 

[alsofromfresno-blog]

[text] only time will tell! [text] okay okay, hit me with another compliment [text] i'm actually enjoying this

[alsofromfresno-blog]

agent down || trip & kay

[youknowilookgood]

He doesn’t even have to look down to know that her hand is reaching for his -  as soon as he feels her fingers searching for his, he automatically reaches back and takes it securely, giving it a small squeeze like before. It’s the touch - grounding - he knows what it’s like, doesn’t ask for an explanation, or call her out on it.  "You’d do the same - ‘sides, I’m on leave for a few days." He’s not saying why, doesn’t explain that his SO saw through him in a second as soon as he got the call, threw him out of the training grounds after he almost sent two other agents to the infirmary - told him to just go, instead of waiting for the day to be done. That he was useless with her compromised anyways ( harsh words softened by a knowing grin - he couldn’t even spare the energy to care at the time- too worried ).

[alsofromfresno-blog]

Trip had no idea how comforting his touch was to Kay -- she was a tactile being by nature, but even then, his touch meant more to her than anyone else's. The fact that she hadn't started fidgeting yet despite being in one of her least favorite places (the hospital) was proof of that, and she held his hand firmly as he leaned against him, effectively using him as a giant pillow. Injured person's prerogative, right?

"Of course I'd do the same," she said without missing a beat, and she was completely sincere about it. She did look at him with a bit of curious expression as to how he'd gotten leave so fast. "Huh. Did they send you to me to make sure I didn't try to escape and wreak havoc?"

[youknowilookgood]

    “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?” They’re both grinning now - it’s a nice change from his work and  the tension there. He’s still a bit caught off guard by the touch against his neck - stifles a jolt of surprise.

[alsofromfresno-blog]

"Of course not! That's just a silly notion."

She was grinning outright now, and you could practically hear the gears turning in her head as she tried to figure out how to use this permission to her advantage.

"I am totally not thinking of ways to embarrass you in public with this new found power."