Maria Altagracia ⛪️

ENVTuber | She/Her | Streaming on twitch.tv/altamaria |

[altamaria]

i was young and sweet then something happened

[altamaria]

The weak breeze whispers nothing

The water screams sublime

His feet shift, teeter-totter

Deep breath, stand back, it’s time

Toes untouch the overpass

Soon he’s water bound

Eyes locked shut but peek to see

The view from halfway down

A little wind, a summer sun

A river rich and regal

A flood of fond endorphins

Brings a calm that knows no equal

You’re flying now

You see things much more clear than from the ground

It’s all okay, it would be

Were you not now halfway down

Thrash to break from gravity

What now could slow the drop

All I’d give for toes to touch

The safety back at top

But this is it, the deed is done

Silence drowns the sound

Before I leaped I should’ve seen

The view from halfway down

I really should’ve thought about

The view from halfway down

I wish I could’ve known about

The view from halfway down

[altamaria]

I think the hardest thing about severe depression is that you constantly want to be over that hill and be better when in reality you'll always be chasing the version of yourself that is mentally safe.

I want to do all these home projects, and get back to my hobbies, and show up as a friend that is deserving of the people around me, but instead the functional person from last week isn't the person I am this week, and we're back to square one.

Back to apologizing for not answering messages, back to canceling plans, back to crying over how unorganized the apartment is. Just another series of letdowns. Just a wish that next time, I won't fall this hard again. But I will.

[altamaria]

Was talking to a coworker about grief and she said her dad was terminally ill and once told her "you have to get to know my Jesus and then you'll see me in everything even when im gone"

I hope i get to know the pieces of god that shape you so I won't have to live without you

[altamaria]

In another life, I wasn't damaged before I had a chance to live. I see a me that never hungered and hurt. She doesn't know fingers on her throat or the weight of a knife on her skin. Her body isn't a feeling and her mind is free.

[altamaria]

"I will feel it as deeply and express it as violently as I please."

[altamaria]

In a 168 hour week, I spend about 130 alone if I take off my in office hours and a little bit here and there for groceries/errands.

Streaming is an immense outlet to not feel this solitude so entirely. It would not be possible without the substantial wait of her soft fur and warmth in my arms, pressed against my ribs when I sleep.

I love you, my sweet corgi Maya. You've saved me over and over again.

[altamaria]

My body is slow and broken all the time. My joints always creak and my heart's not the right tempo and the impulses in my head and spine are a sputtering engine. I'm a fountain of blood shaped like a girl. Tired tired tired

[altamaria]

In another life, I kiss my mother's cheek nightly and she prays over me before she says duérmete mija, and I know in the morning I'll wake to cold hardwood beneath my soles and fresh eggs on the stovetop. That man never used me and that man never used me and that man never used me, and my home is what it's always been.

[altamaria]

Wow, this is insanity to look at. I had to delete so much.

I was so much warmer, hopeful, and giving. So much can change in almost 3 years to the day.

[altamaria]

This is the first holiday season where I feel so anxious and confused. Usually, with schooling and the types of jobs I'd had, I looked forward to the days and weeks of seasonal liberation. Now, I approach Christmas with a unique sense of dread.

Normally, I am financially comfortable enough to buy gifts for all of my family members and close friends. Now, I feel like I must be a failure if I can't do the same this year despite being between jobs for half of the year. I dig into savings and debt to populate our tree and add it toward the list of things that must pass. I hope I can pay it all off in time.

[altamaria]

💙Social Links💙

All of these can also be found on my carrd!

⛪️ Twitter

Here I update the community with all general news and support other content creators.

⛪️ Twitch

This is where I livestream!

⛪️ TikTok

Here I edit stream clips and provide sneak peeks into any new music projects.

⛪️ Discord Server

This is where I primarily interact with my community off-stream. We hold watch parties, talk about gaming news, and support each other however possible.

⛪️ YouTube

All my VODs, bi-weekly song covers, and video edits are posted on here!

⛪️ Throne

A wishlist where community members can send me stream equipment or small gifts while keeping all information anonymous.

⛪️ Ko-Fi

My commission page for graphic design, vocal workshops, and song covers. Donations to support my content can also be sent through here.

[altamaria]

As I'm re-familiarizing myself with Tumblr (I last utilized it in 2019), so many improvements have been made and I'm excited with how versatile the platform is. I can post scuffed song cover WIPs, long-form written tutorials, make tag collections of my commissioned work, and ramble. I'm honestly so excited!

On Twitter, I felt like I had to deeply think about each Tweet because of how it represented my branding within a short character limit. In my Discord server, I felt like I couldn't talk too freely without it resulting in changing the conversation at hand (or seeming like I'm prompting others to reply when they can simply read and move on). TikTok and YouTube also begs for cohesive, perfected media.

There are very few spaces as a VTuber where I feel like there is little to no scrutiny about how professional and positive I'm being. Funny enough, I often feel like the only place I can truly be myself is on stream. Tumblr seems to promise more, though. For that, I'm immensely grateful. I feel like this may be the one platform I can post daily content, if not more often than that.

[altamaria]

💙Church Program💙

I figured I'd make a post with the meaning of all my catalogues so I remember everyone is aware!

#monastery mumbles

Any journaling or random thoughts I share.

#weekly service

A tag for our weekly stream schedule!

#nunsense

Any meme edits I make or have permission to post.

#holy verses

Any lore (whether that be prose, poetry, VOs, or comics).

#confessionals

Any of my responses to anon or community questions.

#gospel

Any posts with essential information for new converts (e.g. basic character overview, channel credits, social links, etc.).

#artagracia

Any commissioned or fan artwork of me.

I'm sure I'll be adding more tags as they come into fruition. As such, this post is a WIP and is subject to change!

[altamaria]

⛪️Credits⛪️

💙 Live2D Model Artist

💙 Live2D Model Rigger

💛 Live2D Chibi Model Artist & Rigger

💛 3D Model Artist & Rigger

🤎 Character Sheet Artist

🤎 VTuber Logo Artist

⛪️ Profile Picture Artist

⛪️ Banner Artist

[altamaria]

💙Milestones💙

Twitch

⛪️ Debut February 5, 2022

⛪️ Twitch Affiliate February 17, 2022

⛪️ 100 Twitch Followers February 17, 2022

⛪️ 500 Twitch Followers April 20, 2022

⛪️ 1000 Twitch Followers June 1, 2022

⛪️ 1500 Twitch Followers June 29, 2022

⛪️ 2000 Twitch Followers September 1, 2022

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Twitter

💙 100 Twitter Followers March 8, 2022

💙 500 Twitter Followers June 30, 2022