My Alternative Self-Improvement Journey

A YEAR OF INADVISABLE MONTHLY CHALLENGES

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🛁 Benefits of Epsom salt baths

* Eases muscular aches, soreness, stiffness and mental stress * Reduces inflammation * Improves sleep quality (Source: Martha Stewart)

* Relieves dry skin and makes it look smoother * Has antioxidant and disinfectant properties * Relaxation: magnesium helps our body produce melatonin (Source: Holland & Barrett)

* Detoxify and remove toxins * Exfoliate dead skin * Improve skin conditions like eczema and psoriasis (Source: Medical News)

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🛁 02.07.23

Day 2 - During the whole 20 minutes in the bath today I kept hearing this continuous noise, somewhere between banging of movement in the water pipes and the guttural squawking of birds. Turns out it was my stomach.

Overthought myself out of buying that citronella candle for Anna.

Fell asleep and woke up with a start.

My muscles feel so heavy like they’re filled with water. But they’re surprisingly not sore, despite doing 60 minutes of Tabata yesterday and 60 minutes of parkour today. That’s been a clear difference since taking Epsom salt baths and last weekend.

I never want to wash my hair when I’m in the bath. This is probably good for my hair.

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🛁 July Challenge: Hot baths every day - 01.07.23

* Run a hot bath.

* Fill it with 150g of Epsom salt.

* Set a timer.

* Soak for 20 minutes.

* See what benefits I get after 30 days.

Day 1 - That felt like the longest 20 minutes of my life. I decided to not distract myself - as I normally would in the bath - with a Youtube video or music, but to do body scans or be mindful. Turns out it is not as easy to be mindful in a small bathtub as it is sitting on a cushion.

Checked the timer: 12 minutes left. Urgh.

Checked the timer again: 6 minutes left. FML.

I thought back to my lunch with Bekah today. I thought about what I should get Anna for her birthday in August. I decided on citronella candles, since she likes being in her garden. But wait, does she not like the smell of citronella? One of my friends does not... but was it her? Surely not. She had a stack of them in the East London flat, if I remember correctly, but perhaps I’m misremembering...

The timer goes off. I suddenly wished I had another 6 minutes to solve the mystery of the citronella-hating friend.

GOALS FOR JULY BATH CHALLENGE: * Have 20 minutes of enforced mindfulness and digital & dopamine detox every day * Feel less sore after all my workouts * See if hot baths are as beneficial as daily cold showers.

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Jonathan Faust on Instagram: “Here's a motivational quote... - #whichpendidyouuse #typography #lettering”

2,060 Likes, 13 Comments - Jonathan Faust (@jonathanfaust) on Instagram: “Here's a motivational quote... - #whichpendidyouuse #typography #lettering”

☺ Rounding off the month with Jonathan Faust.

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☺ 27.03.20

I haven’t attempted to be more offensive at all this month – the coronavirus developments are offensive enough.

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☺ Monday morning motivation

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𝕾𝖙𝖊𝖕𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖎𝖊 𝕶𝖆𝖙𝖊 on Instagram: “Paintbrush and ink is my new jam 😍 so satisfying to work with! #theintrovertlife”

1,168 Likes, 5 Comments - 𝕾𝖙𝖊𝖕𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖎𝖊 𝕶𝖆𝖙𝖊 (@stephsayshello) on Instagram: “Paintbrush and ink is my new jam 😍 so satisfying to work with! #theintrovertlife”

☺ Just discovered this illustrator on IG and she’s hilarious!

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☺ 05.03.20

My submission to the Reductress satire online workshop, inspired by the sustainability circles that I move in. I love them, but I love rolling my eyes at them more:

Going plastic-free: “I cleansed my home of plastic through exorcism”

We’ve all been told countless times that plastic is evil and insidious. It’s in our oceans, waterways, soil and even in our wildlife. As a nature-loving person who always brings my own steel water bottle and canvas shopping bags, it was the natural next step to use the Power of Christ to banish this grotesque waste from my home completely.

I started the process by de-cluttering my whole house, gathering all the plastic items and sorting the recyclables from the non-recyclables. I burned some sage to purify the rooms of negative energy. Then, a Vatican-approved priest arrived, just on time.

We lit a huge bonfire and threw all the plastic in there. The priest, holding his Bible, shouted “I call upon you, plastic! Obey my command and leave!” while throwing holy water onto the roaring flames. When the fire finally died down, we mixed the ash with cleansing salt and buried the whole lot at a crossroad.

Some friends have said that my exorcism was a tad unnecessary and yes, I will admit that I purged perfectly usable plastic items and have just bought a new set of everything in bamboo, glass and steel—but they’re more sustainable. Yes, burning all that plastic released some toxins into the air. Yes, the cost and carbon footprint of flying a priest from the Vatican to my home was substantial. But it was worth it: I feel much lighter, much purer, in my new plastic-free home.

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☺ 02.03.20

I purchased the Reductress’ online satire workshop last month (they had a 10%-off deal) and finally took the class. It was really good.

At first, I was slightly put off that it was only a 20-minute video. I paid nearly $50 for this! But actually, working through their steps took close to two hours—which is about the same length of a live evening course and the same amount of money.

Also, I think I have a terrible delusion about cost and value: that the cost should reflect the product’s appeared value, without any consideration of how much expertise and time went into making it. This is a mistake and one that, I fear, is destroying the artisanal and craft industries.

Anyway, the workshop was good. I had to submit a satirical draft to them upon completion—I’ll post it online soon.

[alternative-improvements]

Jonathan Faust on Instagram: “I'm so tired of these. And no. The answer isn't coffee! - #whichpendidyouuse #yesiamlefthanded #typography #calligraphy #lettering”

4,101 Likes, 25 Comments - Jonathan Faust (@jonathanfaust) on Instagram: “I'm so tired of these. And no. The answer isn't coffee! - #whichpendidyouuse #yesiamlefthanded…”

☺ Kicking off the month with my favourite IG designer, Jonathan Faust.

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✖ 28.02.20 – I've spent the final days of my No Routine Challenge escaping to a beautiful house overlooking the sea.

I've been drinking cups of tea, and watching the waves crash on the beach, and listening to the rain fall on the window, and freaking out about my work, and convincing myself that the gallery I just reviewed is going to send me a scathing email about my article, and worrying that I'm going to catch coronavirus.

Evidently you can lead a horse to water but you can't get it out of its own head.

[alternative-improvements]

☺ March Challenge: Be More Offensive

This March, I’m aspiring to be more like my favourite cultural creators: South Park, The Onion and The Thick of It. I want my creativity to become more satirical, more bold and more offensive.

The smiley-face marker for this month is for me—quite likely, I’ll be the only person who finds my rubbish satire funny.

Some things I want to try out this month:

Take Reductress’ online satire writing workshop

Start an classical art memes Instagram account

Create more beautiful, insulting calligraphy

Create a short comic on a satirical subject

Contribute to someone else’s open-mic routine

Watch more comedy and stand-up

I’m gleefully looking forward to this month. Sorry in advance to all the people I’m going to offend.

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☾ The Great White Way by Christopher Richard Wynne Nevinson

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✖ Drew Ellis

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☾ Well said, Jay.

STAY UP LATE BY JAY ROEDER

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Jonathan Faust on Instagram: “New week. New ambitions - #whichpendidyouuse #typography”

2,183 Likes, 12 Comments - Jonathan Faust (@jonathanfaust) on Instagram: “New week. New ambitions - #whichpendidyouuse #typography”

✖ Goal of the week – courtesy of my favourite Insta designer, Jonathan Faust.

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✖ 15.02.20

A no-routine routine has been a terrible idea. I’m so annoyed that it’s taken this dumb challenge to realise it.

I really understand why people have routines now. I still loathe having one, but I finally see why they’re important.

Without a routine, so much time is wasted on ‘what am I going to do next?’, ‘when should I do this or that?’ and ‘what should I be doing when I’m working/not working’? 

Having a routine means you always know what your schedule looks like. It removes so much decision fatigue. It makes you more efficient. Every hour is a task to tick off.

I always thought that routines were for small children or people who lack imagination. But deep down we’re probably all still small children who want some structure and we probably all lack imagination when we’ve got other, more important, things to worry about.

At the start of the month, I sneered that enforcing a routine is creating the illusion of control. But damn, I could do with some illusion of control right now. Illusions seem so blissful compared to the fear that I have no idea what I’m doing.