John Mulaney: Comeback Kid Sentence Starters
❝ Ooh, who’s that fella? I bet he did kill his wife. ❞
❝ It’s great, you sound like a person. ❞
❝ Some people give off a vibe of like, “do not fuck with me.” My vibe is more like “hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I’d probably apologize to you!” ❞
❝ You can do whatever you want forever. ❞
❝ Anyone who’s seen my dick and met my parents needs to die. ❞
❝ Have you seen his ass lately? What the hell is he trying to pull? ❞
❝ That’s how broken I was. ❞
❝ You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair. ❞
❝ I’m very small, and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I’m under. ❞
❝ Hey, can I walk you home? ❞
❝ Well, now I’m embarrassed to say. ❞
❝ I’m so horny and angry all the time, and I have no outlet for it, so… ❞
❝ And when one feels like a duck, one is happy! ❞
❝ Ah, numbers, the letters of math. ❞
❝ You know how I’m filled with rage? ❞
❝ This guy’s either 40 or 80. ❞
❝ Eat ass, suck a dick and sell drugs. ❞
❝ Yeah, but the past is the past. ❞
❝ Oh, is she a super bad mom? ❞
❝ Hey, what kind of a person are you? ❞
❝ I mean, you’re all violent here, but you’re very friendly. ❞
❝ Oh, me? I’m just an old man. ❞
❝ I don’t like confrontation, because I’ve never been in a fight before. ❞
❝ You’re never too young to learn our national no-snitching policy. ❞
❝ Now that’s debatable. ❞
❝ Thank you, no one will ever see me again! ❞
❝ ‘Cause he never forgets a bitch, ever. ❞
❝ And isn’t that the American dream when all’s said and done? ❞
❝ That’s not even a situation. ❞
❝ Oh the things I have seen, you cocksucker. ❞
❝ But such is life for an old knickerbocker like me. ❞
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