The making of the ultimate gold-digger/hypergamy winner in REAL life + 15 practical steps to get you closer.
LONG (IMPORTANT) POST ALERT 📣📣
This is a post where I poured my heart and shared some essential tips and lessons I learned throughout my hypergamy/gold-digging journey. It's raw, practical, and personal.
I want you to receive it with an open mind and some love. I am not a coach, expert, or guru... I am just a woman who came truly from nothing and made something great out of myself. It didn't happen overnight; it was a process of self-education, analyzing and improving, not only myself but my methods and how I approached life in general.
People want to believe there is some cosmic mystery to accomplish their dreams.
The truth is there isn't. But it's a comforting thought to think that something beyond themselves is the driving force of their lives ( that’s why cults, MLMs, and the whole “unlock the power “, and “raise your vibration” organizations are multi-billion dollar industries).
And even when we don’t get caught up in mystical explanations, we tend to either think there is some kind of safeguarded secret that the next guru is going to reveal on their course for the first time, or throw out the baby with the bath water and deny the possibility that this said goal can be achieved at all. Sometimes we even go as far as discredit anyone who has accomplished what we dream about.
Accepting the idea that what we desire is unattainable at all, or only attainable to the lucky and chosen is a reassuring thought for the psyche. Subscribing to this belief, subconsciously, hinders our ability to do the required mental and physical effort or go the extra mile to reach this said dream.
One of the main reasons we think in such binary ways is that, as humans we need answers, and we need them as fast as possible and they better be simple and straightforward. The origins of this wiring have a lot to do with our evolution as species, our biology, our culture …
Everybody knows that if you need to drop 20 kgs you have to eat less and exercise more. That’s it. It sounds very simple, yet very few people have lost weight and kept in shape.
And that is because knowledge was never really the problem. It’s the everyday execution, dedication, and discipline.
I am choosing this example because it’s one of the concrete issues we can all relate to.
Today I want to share with you something personal and raw and hopefully, if you keep an open mind, you can find something useful to take from it.
Many of you already know how I discovered this hypergamy, level-up online community.
What most of you don’t know is why I write what I write about. It’s not because I am bored, or looking to boost my ego with flattery (maybe a mid-life crisis lol )… those are an added bonus.
It’s a self-actualization endeavor, to speak my true mind and be heard. To be given credit for everything I have accomplished behind closed doors and all of those things that can never be said out loud. The nitty-gritty every woman who made it to the top via her association with men did at a certain point.
I’ve always felt that women like me (gold-diggers) were left out of the conversation, we are either villainized as cold-hearted selfish women or represented as lazy brainless creatures who don’t deserve any accolades because we decided to take a shortcut to money and success just to sip a glass of champagne on a yacht and go on shopping sprees( these are nice perks don’t get me wrong)
The truth is, I grew tired of the narrative that this is some easy route paved with fragile femininity and goddess energy ( whatever that means). And the rhetoric I heard so many times especially online “All it takes is to seduce a provider/rich man and live happily ever after in a mansion “.
Yes, your femininity, softness, and glamour are VERY important. It’s one of your seduction cloaks, a gear you must master because you are a woman after all.
It’s your packaging. It’s necessary that you know how to leverage it.
But you need to create an excellent product, build efficient distribution systems, and more importantly, you need to know your target customer more than you know yourself. (this is an analogy, please don’t bite my head off )
It has been a hustle, like everything that’s worth having in this life. And I would do it all over again. Because, overall, it was a fun hustle.
It might have been a work of god for a teeny tiny minority of women, which can have the same odds as winning the lottery. Well, I didn’t win the lottery, nor did the majority of women who chose this path and succeeded.
Even your favorite millionaire wife on Instagram with her picturesque breakfasts, and limited edition designer stroller, the socialite and charity patron in the Times articles, and the businesswoman at the top of a fashion line, or a chain of restaurants ( funded by husband dearest ). These were all women on a mission, with tunnel vision. And so was I.
It’s an athlete's level of dedication.
It’s sitting on my desk power reading about finance and the economics of a certain industry just so I can attend a conference, a forum, and a mixer on the topic and network the right way.
Because after the small talk, interesting smart people ( the people I want to create a productive connection with) will see right through me and will know that I have no business being there other than social climbing. And you know what rich successful people hate the most? lazy social climbers who didn’t even bother to fake it well.
It’s taking a longer metro route almost every day to and back from work just to stop by a coffee shop or a pub frequented by the people I want to mingle with. The mental and intellectual homework to not only sound interesting, but be interesting, and the physical effort to look glamorous and make it seem effortless.
It’s hours and hours of cultivating new interests and hobbies until it becomes a habit, so I don’t sound like an idiot amongst the right crowd.
It’s creating spreadsheets of every person I meet with their jobs, interests, and their presumed acquaintances to keep track of my networking efforts and find potential opportunities that might lead me to the life I desire bit by bit.
It’s extensively consuming knowledge about various topics ( philosophy, politics, art …) to optimize my chances of success, professionally and personally, not just name drop.
It’s taking an interest in (sometimes) boring people or being patient and strategic when dealing with their indiscretions.
It’s learning how to do my nails by myself perfectly, how to wax myself, manage my hair, and hunt for the best skincare and makeup that I could afford back when my budget was limited… All that so I can be immaculate and glamorous every day despite not having the means.
It’s finding the motivation to wake up every day and work out, the strength to not spiral into binge eating and unhealthy diet choices, and the discipline to maintain a fit desirable body.
It’s going across town or out of town to some seedy outlet to get better quality clothes at a discounted price and then looking for an affordable tailor to make it perfectly fit.
It’s learning how to be extremely perceptive and attuned to people’s actions and words. To read people, observe and listen to what is not being verbally said.
It’s going over Michelin-star restaurant menus and publications to gain knowledge and familiarity with fine cuisine with all its components so I never feel and act out of place.
It’s reading and reading about psychology and human behavior so I am armed against manipulative toxic people, It’s being sharp every day to comprehend how the world works so I can not only function within it but thrive.
It’s going to fabric stores and exclusive shoemakers… with a notepad in order to know what the rich and wealthy wear and train my eye to recognize it when it’s hiding in plain sight ( and sometimes pretend I am an art student on a project, journalist, wannabe designer… lol)
It’s going over business magazines and journals and highlighting the prominent names and positions in some industries so that when I hear one I would know where to position them in my target list.
It’s reading scandal and tabloid magazines to know their mess, fantasies, vacation spots, preferences… (It’s always good to know the underbelly of your target)
It’s knowing which personality will make him fall head over heels and consequently spend on: The damsel in distress he wants to rescue, the independent woman he wants to impress, or the alternation of both …
It’s looking for a good leather worker to make perfect replicas of expensive bags I've been gifted. And sell the real ones to invest in more important things. It’s looking for a good jeweler to repeat the same process with expensive jewelry and diamonds so that the man am dating never sees the difference. And of course, use some of that money to upgrade my appearance and social experiences.
It’s having a detailed calendar of all important summits and seminars with a list of the most important attendees and their hotels/planned activities. To later create the opportunity to be seen, noticed, and courted by one of them. And pretend I don’t know who they are. (My first husband still thinks I ran into him by accident while I was on my way to an interview )
It’s stringing along some sleazy rich boy so I can accompany him to certain private parties (some men are nothing more than an entry point to certain social scenes).
It’s to maintain a stellar reputation despite everything ( Good wealthy men don’t marry women with a bad reputation )
It’s controlling who knows what about me and how can they affect the narrative I am crafting for myself. It’s making sure the key people see the side of me I want to portray.
It’s learning how to skirt the taxes, how to justify the extra income to the bank, and how to make it legit in order to close a mortgage for my first apartment. While “ pretending “ I am still paying a high rent.
It’s developing a working knowledge of business, learning the basics of all industries and their lingo, and understanding how and where the money is made.
It’s learning the technicalities of the law and how to negotiate so I don’t end up at square one after a breakup/divorce.
It’s mastering my poker face and learning how to lie with a straight face. Or how to pretend I don’t know about the cheating and the lying until I have a solid financial exit plan.
It’s learning how to identify and avoid the wannabe riches, the fraudsters, the men who kiss and tell, the stalkers, the mentally unstable, the stingy ones…
It’s having the strength to reject any relationship/entanglement that might derail me from my goal.
It’s boring spreadsheets and notes on everything and everyone.
It’s learning when to cut my losses and walk away.
It’s years of self-improvement, therapy, and sometimes medication to deal with life’s disappointment, people’s betrayals, and heartbreaks with my head held high. It’s learning how to make the best out of a bad situation, getting knocked down, and getting back up 10 times stronger and smarter.
It’s a continuous personal improvement project, to be a hot shot brain in a hot shot body 24/7.
Many women who have accomplished a “ rags to riches “ goal ( and maintained it) through their romantic/sexual associations didn’t do all of these things, but most of them, if they are really honest with themselves did, if not more.
They might not have spreadsheets and notes, but I am an engineer, after all, that’s how my brain functions. So why not put it to artful use even in man-shopping!
They would never admit it publicly or even to their close surrounding, and understandably so.
Society is very judgmental of the conniving and craftiness of women when it comes to their relationship with men.
So they flirt with the truth and sometimes credit their achievements to luck. As they should.
And I am guilty of that too.
No woman in her right mind should say to her boyfriend/fiance that she knew exactly who he was when she ran into him “ by accident”, that his name is in a spreadsheet, and that she probably knew his net worth way before he told her about his business ventures.
No woman would be respected and valued by her partner no matter how open-minded he appears to be if he knew that she meticulously positioned herself in front of him so he can court her and she can be hard to get. That she orchestrated their encounter while making him believe that he was the hunter.
Any woman who admits anything of the sort would be considered nothing more than a desperate gold digger. Or labeled with some personality disorder diagnosed by tik tokers in Los Angeles (because everyone now talks like a therapist on LSD)
So, those are the secrets. You probably knew most of them. And with the help of the internet, you’ll definitely learn in a few weeks what took me and the ladies of my generation years.
But the real issue isn’t knowledge, it’s execution. Continuous execution. Without getting discouraged, distracted, and unmotivated.
So ladies, are you willing to go the extra mile? Are you willing to make an effort consistently?
If the answer is yes, let me reassure you: It’s completely doable, you just have to be dedicated and hyper-focused on bettering yourself until it becomes second nature.
And if I am being truthful, the majority of women who gravitate toward hypergamy and level-up culture will not live up to their potential for a multitude of reasons, the main ones are laziness and intellectual arrogance. Not their level of beauty, the tax bracket they were born into, kids or kids…
But if you made it to the end of this long post without internally judging my journey, if anything in here has resonated with you positively or otherwise, take a minute to think about it, and debate it with yourself.
Decide what you want to accomplish and how far you are willing to go, it doesn’t have to be all the way. Just remember to always shoot for the moon, even if you miss you’ll land among the stars. In layman’s terms, even if you don’t get the multi-millionaire, you can still settle for the senior executive.
If your decision is to be one of the few women who live up to their potential, here are a few tips to help you along the way :
• Do a personal SWOT analysis/audit, lean into what makes you unique and authentic, and get rid of anything that’s holding you back.
• Craft an elevator pitch ( no it’s not for startup founders only) your elevator pitch as an individual, make it charming and sophisticated, you have only one chance to make a good first impression.
• Watch movies and tv shows that portray glamorous powerful women, watch them over and over, dissect what makes them so appealing ( the way they walk, how they dress, their vocabulary, their makeup …), and look for what you can do to get closer to that, but don’t copy-paste. (not the marilyn monroes style where women talk like confused little girls, you’ll get laughed at)
• Develop a signature style to look effortlessly immaculate, practice how to do it perfectly in under 20 mins, and do it every day.
• Cultivate your curiosities, and read extensively about various topics. Learn about different countries and cultural constructs. Become interesting. Have intellectual depth, expand your horizons, and strive to be a well-rounded individual. Jump off whatever bandwagon and dogmatic ideas however appealing they may seem, the world is a nuanced place full of complex nuanced people. Read real books written by qualified people, not bite-size content and quotes. Turn off the Netflix specials and watch interesting movies that shine a light on important topics, social issues, world events…
• Understand how power is structured around the world, and understand how power and money correlate. learn about social hierarchies around you.
• Know the history of your country, the important political movements and parties, the school of thought that shaped your country, the prominent political figures and what is their job exactly. Learn about different political structures and systems ( what the parliament members do, how a law is passed, how someone gets elected, what is a monarchy, or a federal government, what’s the job of the city council, what’s a mayor or governor, what is a taxation system…) Google and Wikipedia are your best friends ( The “for dummies” series is an amazing starting point in any topic ) So when these topics are discussed in front of you, you’ll be knowledgeable about them.
• Develop an efficient sustainable system of self-improvement that is specific to you and your personal lifestyle.
• Curate your online presence, if you have a profile with your real name on it, use it to tell the world what you want them to know. Post interesting articles/editorials from reputable news sources ( the wall street journal, the new yorker, times, Forbes…) Post the kind of pictures of yourself that you can show to your boss ( you at an event, 1 or 2 travel photos, you in an art exhibit..) Delete the selfies, the statement poses, the kylie Jenner outfits, the bikini pictures, and the pictures you think are funny and playful, the quotes like “I am a goddess, I am a queen “… stop engaging in meaningless internet feuds, and fake arguments under your real name, or even better don’t do it all together. It’s a waste of time and it damages your image.
• Elevate your social capital, and drop the losers (I don’t mean the poor, the unsophisticated, and the ones who are different than you ). Losers are the people who are going nowhere, care about nothing constructive, complacent, and stagnant.
• Avoid negative people like you avoid the plague, those who complain a lot, always have something negative to say about something or someone, and those who bitch a lot and criticize Anything and everything.
• Think carefully before you speak, successful wealthy people are not the spontaneous creatures they want you to believe. And neither should you. Always think about what you say and never say anything that can be used against you.
• Get off your high horses (if you are on any) and be open to learning from people no matter who they are and no matter how low their net worth is, there is always something to learn from everyone. (Listen and learn but never follow blindly) Some of the most invaluable insights and lessons I learned were from successful high-end escorts, not my university buddies, They work in the shadows and they know everything there is to know about human behavior because their livelihoods depend on it. Some of them run circles around the most powerful men on this planet. And some of them are now happily married to very wealthy men and no one knows about their past.
• Strive for perfection in every aspect of your life and have high expectations from yourself no matter what you do or dream to do.
• Take extreme care of your mental health and emotional well-being. That’s the only thing that can make you or break you.
It may seem overwhelming at first, especially if you are at the beginning of a personal-development journey. It gets much easier. One step at a time, be organized, and consistent.
Lastly, don’t let the internet shape your perception of the world and your perception of men. The whole high-value gentlemen narrative is extremely binary. People ( men and women) are very complex, nuanced, and unpredictable creatures. Never put anyone on a pedestal.
Let me know what you think, I always love to read your opinions and questions and connect with you.
