Itâs celebration time again. I rotate my body left and right to assess my medals. A big blue badge of honor on my left thigh, a few smaller badges on both calves. For a moment, victory surpasses the pain.
I think back to the day I won my first medal. I rode the elevator to the top floor of the parking garage and stepped into the windy air. I picked a corner of the lot and dutifully unpacked my bag: Long socks, speaker, and my gorgeous new roller skates. The boot was a soft orange adorned with hot pink lines; the wheels, toe-stop, and laces sported the same shade of pink. The skates, along with my pink shorts and 80s vector graphic t-shirt, gave me the appearance of an eager child at the rink. I suppose it fulfilled that fantasy in my mind, weaving and spinning and stepping to the tempo of the musicâŠ
My first steps were far from rhythmic, however. Truth be told, they werenât even intentional. After tightly lacing both skates, I shakily stood up and was immediately forced backwards by a gust of wind. Panic arose. Oh God, how do I stop, Iâm gonna fall Iâm gonna fall Iâm gonna bust my ass -
I fell. Landed on my ass, just as predicted. Yet, undeterred to a would-be onlooker, I got up.
Once again, I stood clumsily. No backwards rolling this time. Progress?
My ankles felt strange. I could slightly wiggle them in the boot to feel the edges of my wheels. I tried lifting my right foot, but my left slid back, causing me to lose balance and meet the ground. The ground and I would be well-acquainted in the coming days.
I couldâve been there for an hour, perhaps two, perhaps three. I donât remember because it didnât matter. During that time, the responsibilities, worries, and pressures of my life were nonexistent. I was focused on learning, progressing. By day three, I could control my movement via a basic stride.
In the mirror, I rotate my body left and right. I count five bruises, two of them from last practice. Iâm not afraid of people seeing them, because to me they are medals. I won against gravity, triumphed over physics. I won against the naysayer that lives in myself. I fall and fall and fall, but I get back up.
It hurts to fall. It hurts like hell when your wheel catches a rock and youâre violently propelled to the ground, or when you slip and feel the weight of your entire back smash to the ground, or when you try to lean over to one side and land with your hip to the ground - but the hurt gives way to victory.
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