Watch and Study yourself. You must take time to learn you. For instance, I don’t consider myself an extrovert or introvert, however what I have learned about myself is that to properly enjoy being around others I need 4 hours per day of “ME time.” Typically in my me time I’m doing some studying, writing, praying, talking to myself, or planning. My ME time critically gives me time to learn or think about what I’ll be putting effort into the rest of the day and the next day as well as to reflect on what I’ve done recently. So without ME time, I’m not really me and that’s when I start acting up, getting annoyed with people, rushing or being anxious - Mark 12:31. After reminding myself of my vision and how I want to get there I’m better able to scan situations and determine what i need to be taking/giving/doing to positively impact others and get the most benefit myself.
Another detail I’ve learned about myself is that there are three actions that a person can take when they interact with me that causes me to give them my full attention. Firstly, they ask me questions and minimize assumptions. Secondly, they listen intently to my answers to their questions. Thirdly, when I ask them questions they answer them joyfully and openly. Short of these three actions it is definitely not as easy for me to connect with people that I cross paths with.
So these are two aspects of myself that I have learned and am learning about myself. In observing ourselves we can know what situations to place ourselves into that will bring us the most enjoyment and benefit. Moreover even in the more challenging, stretching situations we can also know how to make the best of those. So learn “how you be.”
One note: Journaling and Writing are super helpful. Writing gives you a window into your spirit, heart/soul, mind and body.
When you are aware that you are facing or feeling a lot of stress and pressure I would prescribe one very simple and drastic measure. That is I would tell you to take a “ME day.” Consider this, as we help others with issues and traumas sometimes our brains and bodies can take on the ill effects of the person’s experiences. Thus self-care becomes critical - Mark 12:31. The only rule of a ME day is that you only do what you want and you don’t do anything that you don’t want to do.
So what does a ME day look like? It looks very different depending on how you do you. My ME day will look very different from my friend’s ME day. I enjoy playing tennis, basketball and connect four. So, guess what? On my ME day I’m going to do all of that. I really like eating breakfast so on my ME day I’m going to go eat a serious breakfast somewhere.
I want to emphasize that on your ME day if there is anything that you even slightly don’t want to do then don’t do it. If you don’t want to have that polite conversation that you usually do when shopping at the store, then DON’T. If you don’t want to brush your hair that day, then DON’T.
The motivation for a ME day is that most of us spend heavy amounts of time thinking about others, our spouses, children, parents, friends, students, customers and supervisors. We spend a lot of time thinking about what others are thinking about us. In general we need to limit how much we care about these thoughts of others but on a ME day we will go ahead and turn that knob that all the way down to zero. For one day you are going to think only about what you want and like. Guess what those loud yellow pants and orange tee you have - you might as well throw them on for your ME day.
One note, don’t get into sin on a ME day or not address a responsibility that needs to be addressed on that day. I mean don’t run red lights and go slap the cashier. Also, if there is a bill that is due that day then you’re going to have pay that on a ME day. So to mitigate have-to responsibilities do as much of that as possible prior to the ME day.
Being human, we have the unique ability to rationalize things. Said differently, we are able to manifest mental content that has not been hardwired into our existence. This is a great capability that comes with damning consequences if we do not moderate our mental activity accordingly. Could it be...a blessing and a curse? That is precisely what I am implying. From our thoughts come the greatest things of life; yet at the very same time from our thoughts come the unwanted perils of our being. Nonetheless, the great divide can be found in the valley of decision, and we do not find ourselves on either side of the gulf without first thinking to be there.
What does it mean to think? The definition will vary depending on who you ask. For all intents and purposes the working definition here will be the manifestation of mental content. Although this is an open-ended definition, it is of necessity, as life is open-ended and there is no defined line of content. Much like space, the human mind is vast and can never truly be sized up into one all-inclusive definition. The mental capacity and function for one person may not be the same for the next person, and as such, the manifestation of mental content is the overarching connection between us all.
When we manifest mental content, some of it may be intentional while at other times content seemingly "pops" into our mental space. These unannounced manifestations are also deemed mental content, and we undoubtedly think about these things when we become aware of them. Memories, ideas, songs, images, etc. They all have the propensity to manifest in our mind without notice. However, the average person, who is free of mental disease, more often than not has a handle on the mental content that is manifested and pondered upon. Yet, our environment undeniably has an influence on what we think about, or mentally manifest as content of the mind. This is where we find the nemesis of our peace: care.
The act of caring is what a person does. "I don't care" or "I do care" are actions and therefore the word 'care' in these phrases are verbs. As such, it must be stated that we are interested in the word 'care' as a noun. That is to say, interested in the person, place, or thing that is the essence of every care. These can include behaviors, situations, ideas, objects, attitudes, beliefs, etc. The point is, every instance of a care has a reason for being present in the mind, and the goal is to discover how to effectively eliminate these from our consciousness.
So...what exactly is a care? As with the word think, we will need to have a working definition of the noun care. For our purposes here lets call a care negative mental content that is retained and examined for a prolonged period of time causing the magnification of negative energy. This definition is somewhat broad, much like our working definition of think, yet it contains specific layers that must all be understood independent of each other.
Essentially, a care is negative mental content, which as previously mentioned, can manifest either intentionality or unintentionally in the mind. This is the fundamental layer of a care: negative mental content.
Secondly, the negative mental content, or care, must be accepted or rejected. What does this mean? That we have the ability to reject or accept negative mental content? Yes indeed, but in a particular manner. The fact that negative mental content can manifest either intentionally or unintentionally would be problematic if we as humans could not rationalize it out of our consciousness. Said differently, if we did not have the ability to either accept or reject negative mental content altogether, the environment could ultimately invade our mental space and completely dominate our life in a negative way. Unfortunately, there are those that do not have the understanding of the rudimental aspects of thinking, and the environment ultimately does dictate their life. Nonetheless, we do have the ability to accept or reject negative mental content in the sense of how long we allow it to stay in our mental space. It does not matter whether our mind manifest negative mental content or if the environment is responsible for the negative mental content; we have the ability to accept or reject negative mental content on the basis of time.
This brings us to our third layer of a care which is the length of time we retain negative mental content. Logic dictates that if something is accepted or rejected, it was to some extent examined for a period of time in order for this decision to be made. The significance lies in the duration of time the negative mental content is retained and examined. In other words, how slow or fast we are able to make the decision to either eliminate it from our conscious mind (i.e. reject it) or hang on to it longer (i.e. accept it). The critical aspect of the acceptance or rejection of negative mental content, or cares, is the length of time the content is examined in the mind.
For example, lets say Joe plans an outing with a good friend that he has not seen in awhile. Joe is really excited to catch up and spend time with his companion. Unfortunately, the day before the outing Joe's friend sends a text to Joe telling him that he cannot make it after all, and they will have to reschedule.
Joe was very excited to see his friend, and as such, this text message is now negative mental content. At this point, the next step is crucial to whether or not Joe has a care or simply experienced a change of schedule.
If Joe accepts the prolonged retention and examination of the care, he will then allow the negative mental content to blossom into magnified negative energy. On the other hand, if Joe rejects the prolonged retention and examination of the negative mental content, he will not allow the care to blossom into magnified negative energy. Quite the opposite, Joe will respond to his friend and move on without a care; therefore eliminating the negative mental content from his mental space altogether.
As this example shows, the subtly lies in the duration of retention. No one will live life without experiencing negative mental content. Nonetheless, we must all recognize that we have the power to reject or accept the prolonged retention and examination of this negative mental content. A failure to do so will result in the most destructive element of a care: the magnification of negative energy.
The magnification of negative energy is the last layer of our working definition of a care. To make this simple, when something is magnified, it is made larger. There is an added amount of importance given to the object of magnification, and it ultimately receives more mental space in our mind. When we fail to reject the prolonged retention and examination of negative mental content, it becomes magnified in our mind by virtue of the extended period of focus it receives.
Think of the practical example of taking a magnifying glass and putting it over an insect. The focus of the insect becomes heightened and new things are perceived that were not as clear before; which is a great resource if it is used properly. However, when we apply this concept of magnification to something that is founded on negativity, we will ultimately find ourselves with more clarity of a negative nature.
Sometimes it is a good thing to notice the bad. For instance, when we find out a person is bringing more bad than good into our life and we find out they are not who we thought they were. This magnification of negative mental content has a positive outcome if we then eliminate that person from our life. Yet sometimes it is an overzealous effort on the part of the mind, and we magnify negative attributes of things we are not willing or simply cannot eliminate from our life.
The degree of good or bad as a result of the magnification depends on the desires of the thinker. The bottom line is this: more time equals more examination which ultimately equals magnification. Therefore, when we magnify negative mental content, or cares, unless this content is used in a positive way, as with the previous example of eliminating the bad from our life, we are increasing the amount of negative energy in our life, and retaining it! That is precisely what we do not want to do. Again, the ultimate goal is to effectively eliminate cares (i.e. negative mental content) from our consciousness.
At this point, we have defined what it is to think, and what it is to have a care. To think is to consciously have mental content, and to have a care is to have negative mental content that is retained and examined for a prolonged period of time, ultimately resulting in the magnification of negative energy. We have essentially created a dichotomy of negative mental content and positive mental content; cares being located on the negative side of the energy spectrum. This distinction of positive and negative energy is important as we will move on to the crucial aspect of mindset: which is what ultimately determines the course of our lives.
Stay writing, keep writing, don't stop writing and getting your thoughts down on paper. Some of them might not be brilliant but many of them are. At times reflecting on a thought, some time after originally having the thought, helps one to appreciate and sharpen the idea's power. At which point you can be inspired and run with the concept. However, what often happens is that we never save the thought whether on paper or by making a voice recording to be able to process and analyze it later.
I once was a personal assistant to a writer and what I learned through observing him is he would write down all kinds of ideas and stories, growing each of his projects little by little until they were finally something. Prov 13:11, which talks about snowballing our efforts and writing down our creativity, is a perfect application of that principle.
The key is to give ourselves a chance every day to express the creativity and genius that God has placed inside of every one of us.
Purity is like a swish in basketball, a tight spiral in football or a great wedding outfit because these are best case scenarios. When an impure shot clangs around the rim and or hits the backboard, an impure pass is wobbly, and an impure wedding outfit is not a perfect fit they all work but they are not what's preferred. Purity is preferred because it goes along with a clear mind and with a clear mind we can reason better and make stronger decisions.
Contamination helps to understand purity. If I have a cup of milk and a cup of soda I would usually not want to mix the milk and soda. Milk and soda do not mix. That's how purity is. Intercourse before marriage does not mix with intercourse after marriage. Lying does not mix with telling the truth. Being intentionally nice to people does not mix with being intentionally mean to people.
Basically, we should always pursue what strong advice, insight and decision-making tells us is the right thing to do. That way we can walk in and attain our highest potential in living our lives out to the fullest.
Tell the truth at all times? Why not? In the long run being honest always makes life easier. In a fast-paced world where mistakes are magnified honesty can greatly simplify our lives.
In my high school years I became an expert deceiver, to the point that I could deceive without telling an explicit lie. What I did was to mix pieces of the truth together in such a way that the person I was talking to would be led to make a false conclusion. I know - it was complex. When you continually the situations progressively worsens, with your whole life becoming one big, ongoing lie. I saw that there were people who really cared for me and supported me who would actually believe my lies. In college this internal conflict burst through to the surface because I knew that I was not deserving of these loved ones' trust. So, I decided to stop lying and soon after people began to say to me "wow, you are so honest." It was refreshing because people's trust level with me shot up.
In a time where stress is seeking any opportunity to enter our lives, dishonesty is a perfect open door for stress to come in. When we lie, we very often have to remember the lie, telling a cover lie and more cover lies. Then when the contradiction reaches the breaking point we face fear and anxiety in anticipation of the consequences, or, quite likely, the punishments that are to follow. For instance, when my supervisor asks me if I made an error. Regardless of the company and supervisor, it is always best to just admit the mistake. I know the job or contract relationship may not still be there afterwards but the key is to learn the mistake so that on the next job or contract we get it right.
There are also lies of omission, like if I say someone robbed the bank when it was really me that robbed the bank. So more than just telling the truth it also helps if we speak simply and stick to saying exactly what is happening. Most of the people that we are around derive comfort in knowing that there is one person in the building, school or group that keeps it real, so I'm committed to being the "designated truther". Sometimes people will be caught off guard by it but I guarantee you most people increase their respect of, and trust in, you when they see that you always tell the truth. Then, when you know that people trust and respect you that gives you peace bringing down life's stress level.
Telling the truth is like hand washing a shirt, at first taking some effort, but when the shirt is clean you get to walk around in a fresh shirt. This is in contrast to just having the shirt without washing it and it getting dirtier and smellier. I think we all want to be as Outkast said "so fresh and so clean, clean."
A - Know that you don’t earn/work for it, it’s granted to you based on your potential. You don’t directly control it because it depends on the favor in someone’s heart but you can greatly influence the process.
C. Whenever you are working always be expecting. That is, expecting, radical changes (both good and bad) that lead to growth. For instance a supervisor may ask you if you want more responsibility, definitely without saying your salary will be increased because your salary won’t be increased. This is a challenge because if you accept the responsibility it will very like take more effort but in the end it will help you to grow. Then as you grow you become more qualified for a higher qualified position. After six months of working with the added responsibility, it might even be that same supervisor that recommends you for a promotion. I always think about NFL quarterbacks who went months as the backup and then one day they were called upon and they blew up with everyone like dude this guy is the real deal. Why did they do so well when they got promoted? Because they ingrained it in themselves to stay ready.
Now, you can read that statement and interpret it two ways: the voice of others or the voice of yourself. Said differently, we as individuals have a voice and everyone else in the world has a voice. Even for those that cannot speak audible words, they too have a voice inside of their mind. This internal conversation is where we live. The external conversation is how we communicate but it is the internal dialogue that dictates the very course of our lives.
Society, Family, and Friends.
Society is such a broad term and can mean so many things to any one person. In this discussion, society refers to pop culture; mainly movies, music, and the media. For a person living in a developed country, those three areas undoubtedly have a voice. Whether or not you choose to constitute what is being said as valuable content is totally a personal choice. Just be aware that the perspectives presented in the latest movie, ideas portrayed in the hottest new album, or opinions expressed on the evening news can potentially plant the wrong seeds into your mental space. Again, these external contributions to our INTERNAL dialogue can have us believing, accepting, and acting on fallacious information. We must always analyze these outside influences and determine what is good and what is bad for our mental space.
Now, some might say it is common sense not to trust every joker and clown you see on TV or hear on the radio; technology has carved a deep place in the lives of Americans and others around the globe and as such, one should take caution as to not fall victim to pop culture. But what about the influence of our family?
Although family is an essential aspect of living a healthy life, they too must be questioned at the door of the mind. Family has to live in the same world that we do, and they also have the potential to fall prey to the ills of society. Bearing this in mind, it is okay to question the advice and counsel offered by family. Blood is thicker than water...but bad information is bad information! Be aware of the familiar voices in your inner dialogue, and make sure that the conversation is beneficial based on content and not simply family ties.
Lastly, lets look at friends. These are the people we look to for a number of things: comfort, advice, joy, exploration, etc. For a lot of individuals, friends are all they have. Even though they pull us through the craziest of situations, and offer us the best of times, even the voice of our friends must be kept in plain perspective. At the end of the day, we must live our lives. Their advice can only carry us to the bridge of a decision; it is up to us whether or not we cross over or go another way. That being said, we cannot let the voice of our friends dominate our external AND internal conversation. Knowing how to carry on the mental conversation of life by yourself is an essential skill for success.
Now OF COURSE I'm not saying we can get through this journey of life alone. What I am saying is, if we want to move towards a place of peace, we must first learn how to monitor our inner dialogue. We will not have a peaceful experience in the world until we can have a peaceful experience in our mental space.
When God placed Adam in the earth realm, God then quickly decided to put man in a relationship with another person. God did this because people relating to, connecting to and bonding to others brings God joy. In fact, jumping into the subject of other posts, relationships are incredibly key to family, a significant mechanism that God has instituted to organize humanity. Thus, if we desire to excel in relating to others we can do so by continually using observation, involvement, consistency, then commitment and intimacy to strengthen our bonds. Let's get it in.
We can begin with a question about observation. What side of the road do people drive on? Now, the answer depends on where you are in the earth. As a result, in order to stay alive and properly relate with other drivers first we must observe what side of the road to use. Similarly, with interpersonal relationships we begin with observing ourselves as well as others to find what we share in common.
Moving on to involvement, we must be a part of the important doings of others in order to hold a place in their lives. Once when I was in high school I was about to give a presentation at a laboratory about properties of the sun and was nervous. Right as I was starting one of my mentors walked in and his presence completely restored my calm. Fifteen years later I still remember that experience although he did not say one word, do you think I will ever forget my mentor's involvement? See, he didn't just sit in the room, he payed attention to what I was saying, validating the importance of my work. Similarly, I will always remember my 6'5'' (1.96 m) teacher who played basketball with us in elementary school because he took part in one of my interests.
Now, when you start to vibe with someone don't think it can be a matter of sporadically talking to or spending time with the person. In fact, the efforts to develop the relationship must have consistency in order for the person to begin to grow in trusting you. We must regularly seek to find out how those who are important to us are doing and inform them about what is going on with us. The frequency of communication or interaction depends on the closeness of the relationship but whatever frequency that is chosen must be kept.
As much as observation, involvement and interaction are key to building a relationship it is commitment that assigns a relationship to a specific course. For instance, two friends can come to an understanding that the friendship is oriented around fun or around work. As soon as the friends are on the same page then they are going in the same direction together and the relationship can be peaceful. The opposite would be if one person wants one thing the other wants something else and there is a never ending misunderstanding. Relationships must have commitment so that the tone of the relationship is established.
Lastly, over time, relationships grow towards higher levels of intimacy. The word intimate comes from the Latin word intimus, which means inmost. Thus, as trust grows between two people the relationship arrives at a place where each person knows the inside of the other person. Intimacy requires a large degree of maturity, wisdom, and responsibility to make sure that our actions are always out of a motive of love, intending to build up the other person. Part of this is forgiving quickly and completely as we bounce back immediately when someone makes a mistake. Another part of this is being willing to correct the person because you are the person who has the most understanding of their motives, as well as to receive correction for the same reason.
Relationships take a lot of work to grow through these steps. Although, very often one person leads, relationships are still a two-way street requiring input from each person at all steps: observation, involvement, consistency, commitment and intimacy. People need relationships because God has made humanity to function in various relationship settings like marriages, communities and friendships.
Being on time to functions takes commitment and preparing wisely. It is important because it is a way to show to oneself and to others that we keep our word and are trustworthy. It is easy to say that people should believe that we are truthful but when we are on time our punctuality demonstrates how strong our word is without us opening our mouth.
In fact, in committing to punctuality, sometimes it helps to couple being thirty minutes to an hour early with the practice of being "in range." For instance, when I have an appointment, I might arrive thirty minutes early and park three blocks away. Thus making it basically impossible for me to be late. With the extra time, I can do miscellaneous emailing and ordering my calendar that I might have skipped before leaving for the interview. Additionally, by being so early I also have a few minutes to review interview notes to be even more ready for the meeting.
It is not just any preparation that leads to being on time but power preparation, starting days or weeks ahead of a meeting or event and taking into account as many of the factors that seek to delay one, that leads to being on time. Factors like confirming the address, understanding the route, traffic, weather, amount of gas in the tank, construction work, car reliability, possible accidents, location of parking, availability of parking, and possible stops along the way help us to estimate how long the trip will take. From that we can settle on a departure time. Then, visualizing actually traveling to the location helps the mind and body to get ready for the journey. Preparation is so key because, "when we fail to prepare, we prepare to fail."
It's on us to be timely. Truly, "we are late if we arrive on time. We are only on time when we arrive early."
A good sign of mediocrity is if no one is trying to shoot you down with his or her mouth. I used to be surprised when people would just come up with stuff about me. I have perceived that the underlying function is to trick you into believing that they are on your level and that you should join in their lack of success. What you can be sure of when someone has ridiculous comments about you is that you are absolutely on the right track and that you better not derail your own self. No person can derail you but yourself. Regardless of what is said about you pay attention to what you say about yourself. Tell yourself that God loves you. Tell yourself that God think you are amazing. Tell yourself that you are intelligent, wonderful and strong. Don't wait for others to affirm you. You know the things that you have done in secret without seeking credit or recognition. Look, let me put it like this, You da boss!
What's the point of relationships? The aim of relationships is to create, build and strengthen trust. Think of trust like a house. It starts with the foundation, then the frames, some plumbing, next the walls, then the roof, followed by the exterior, then the interior decoration and finally the furniture. When the house is completed one can kick their feet up for a split second but only for that long because then starts the process of maintaining the house in the form of cleaning, replacing plumbing, painting, replacing roofing. Trust is the same way, always needing to strengthened.
As such a good followup question is then how is trust created, built and strengthened? First honesty, second openness. The two are distinct, someone can honestly say to a coworker they want to keep their personal life separate from work. After five or ten years of growing to trust the person they may then honestly open up about their personal life. Whatever the boundary line is, it is necessary to be fully honest about that which we does choose to talk about. Initially, when I meet someone they can sometimes be slightly uncomfortable with complete honesty but they almost always get used to it, realizing that such honesty makes me trustworthy. Every time that person sees that I tell the truth the trust gets strengthened a little more like it's being fed.
Isn't there something else to honesty? Yes, in fact, honesty is more important for the person seeking to encourage the trust than the person doing the trusting. If I want to be trusted, I have to trust myself and in seeing myself, continually, over and over, being honest that shows me that I am very trustworthy. Once I trust myself then I can believe that others should trust me.
Hi, We are Jonathan Wicks (not Wilks!) and K. Oluseyi Akinwale (Seyi, for short, and yes that is a leading initial because it's boss!). We are two dudes that love God and want to see every person on this Earth blessed. We believe that the principles God has set in motion, in the Earth, when used, allow anyone, that chooses to use them, to, in fact, become a better person. We want to explore the principles involved in living a relaxed, simple, carefree life. For example, in our SADtalks we discuss sex, alcohol and drugs. We see these as forms of recreation that people engage in without realizing the myriad of better options, for activities, available to us all, to enjoy life purely. In fact, because we believe that people can live life always activated in the right adventures we have chosen to name our whole collection of writings this. We challenge you to grow and live your life Always Activated!
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