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@alwayslearningmore-blog
Keeping to Ourselves
Frontal love: let's keep to ourselves and away for a bit
Amygdala: haha if you only had some "fore" sight this wouldn't happen.
Frontal love: shut up this is as much your fault as mine.
Amygdala: UMMM.. Okay. You make the decisions; I just influence them. Durrrr
Frontal lobe: fuck you, so done with you.
Not fit for Human Consumption
Now I’ve realize ever since then..
I legitimately have innate problems with insecurities and it’s definitely affecting my life… There’s a lot more wrong with me.. I need to find out what and why. Until then..
Vulnerable
I'm in rebound mode.. Ugh..
Guys/Girls Should be Like “This” in Relationships
Blogs and shit like this piss me off. They put high expectations on an already broken society. It should say... “Find the person that will accept you and love you for who you are.” No one should change for the person they love if you found the right person. I’m happy you found yourself someone that fits you perfectly and treats you well, but don’t expect everyone to be the same because you found your match. Different strokes for different folks. P.S. I’m not saying the gestures and ideas are bad.. just the fact they’re imposed onto society.
Give me an inch..
And I take a mile. I can’t help it. It’s someone who I am.. I’m pretty selfish when it comes down to it.
Stay in Reality
Everything is starting blur again. My mind is slowly uprooting itself from every day life and emotions. I have to keep myself grounded, or else I’ll lose myself again. I also need to make my mind a more inhabitable place again.. it hasn’t been to homey of late. Emotional Status [November 1, 2015 - 9:52]: I want mash potatoes.
🇦🇶
I'm in love with this emoji.. I really hope this is a real flag.
Dear K@&X%&3,
I walked down the wrong path. I walked down the path I was given instead of the one I wanted to. Despite every aching muscle pulling me back with every step, I forced it to go on forward towards a destination I wasn’t eager to be at. What kept me moving down this path was the thoughts: “This is what she wants.” “This is for the better, right?” “...It hurts now, but it’ll make her happy.” I should’ve have worn a fucking raincoat if I knew I was gonna be hit by an ocean of emotions! But I was completely drenched... I was completely bogged down.. and I definitely started to drown. Down here.. all you hear are your own thoughts, and lets say they’re the worst flotation devices ever! Trying to get through it was a nightmare.. It’s completely dark.. with the only sense of end were the thoughts: “This is what she wants.” “This is for the better, right?” “..It’s tiring now, but it’ll be okay.” When you’re down here.. you start to wonder why. Why am I even down here in the first place? I mean I know I can’t swim.. but I’m pretty sure I can just resurface and turn around. Why am I going through all of this? For what ungodly reason am I pushing myself? And then I realized.. near the last leg of the trip. I sincerely care for this person, and I can’t seem to stop. I’m infatuated with how they live. How the thought process between their actions and thoughts are zip to none. Their actions are so pure. I can’t stop thinking about how they try their best to make sure people are happy despite never really stopping to check if their okay. It’s freaking adorable to watch ‘em try their best.. but their methods are sometime not well thought out which often lead to conflict. At the same time.. it’s endearing. Internal conflicts, preferential treatments of others, selfish acts, brash quick judgements only to heavily regret it later.. I watched them all despite all their efforts to hide them. I never get to see a complete view.. but it’s enough. “She’s worth it.” “I can be her friend if that’s what she wants.” “She’s someone worthwhile.” New thoughts plowed me into the final part of the trip.. then I saw her. “Keep strong” I thought to myself. “Stay true to the purpose” I tried to do. I did just that.. but on Sunday.. “I can’t”... “I can’t do this” I thought. I felt empty. I couldn’t push myself anymore. She’s right here.. and I can’t have her. That whole day I spent quietly in my own world. I was sad. On that drive home: “I did it.. but why?” Why did I do it?.. That’s when I realized something even further... “I love her.” I love everything about her. Every imperfection, every decision that even turned astray, despite anything I’ve felt this past month.... I love her. I started to cry. I couldn’t take it. This was a new feeling I wasn’t ready for especially when I finished what I needed to do, but I want to be selfish. I want to take her away from everything.. I want to make her mine.. I want her to smile, to laugh, to experience life.. all of that with me. So.. It’s not too late. It’s never too late. It’s better late than never. Aren’t we.. always perpetually late people? “I love you.” That’s that.
NEW MISSION!!
I have so many people in my life.. Yet why I feel so alone? why? I need to step up my life game. I have friends.. People who care for me.. Lol I should show them I still exist and that I care for them too.
ALRIGHT! MISSION BE MORE SOCIAL! BEGIN!!
Despite what my journal says..
The letters will always be relevant to my life..
Fuck me
How do I do this? How do I do any of this? Why am I at such a lost for words? Why am I so reluctant?
I’d like to share myself more
But at the same time, I don’t want to. I feel like I’m ready to experience and meet more people. I’m not close to who I want to be yet, but I don’t think I can wait to be perfect anymore. Yet, I’m scared I’ll just end up the same way I was before. Have I really changed? I was reminded a few months ago about my past.. She reminded me of how I use to be, and then refused to look at me as who I was now. It seems I can’t ever escape who I use to be... and I don’t want to ever go back to being ostracized and labeled as something I’m not. I act like what people perceive of me is menial.. and trivial, but it seems I do really care. I hate it. “Why live for others and change myself continuously just so I can fit into society.. Why am I not good enough?” These are the thoughts I use to think. Now... I find people who accept me for who I am.. and college has done that for me.. it’s a small group, but I’m happy, so now.. maybe I’m ready for a larger group? Present myself to the world.. Hello, I’m Hung Nguyen. Nice to meet you! I’ll be ready when I post this on something people actually look at haha!
I’m slowly changing again.
Is it for the better? I have to start over again on my self analytical process..
You don’t need to ask..
I’ll be there regardless.
Most Important Decision of my Life
To be a doctor or not. I'm leaning towards no lol.. We'll see.
I think it's time.
Whether through solidarity or with friends, it's time to start up again. I'm gonna go through life with my own two feet and hope others will bump into me every now and then.
Facts About Me #2
I really really fcking love mash potatoes.. Gravy ‘em.. Butter 'em.. Ugh I need to stop.