allie @alxndrra - Tumblr Blog

it’s a shitty feeling not knowing what you do like about me when it’s very obvious what you don’t like

i don’t love them anymore.

i don’t lose sleep anymore,

i am no longer still crying

on the bathroom floor for you anymore

but i ache when i see you.

for some reason,

it hurts that i can’t be you.

it’s for the best, i’m sure

that we don’t know each other anymore.

i’m a little scared to confront this on any other social media just yet, but i feel like i do have to say something somewhere so here it is.

I can’t even accurately emphasize the rage this brings me. this is a COMPLETE LIE. this post was written about me, but COMPLETELY fabricated in lies. i’m still in shock that someone who claims they “love me” would lie about me LIKE THIS. to say i WATCHED something like this happen to someone, implying i literally just sat and knowingly let that happen hurts me more than anything else this person has said about me (a lot of bad things that I for some reason always forgave her for). this is the biggest lie that I have ever heard/seen about me. I recently within the last couple of years tried to rekindle a friendship with her before seeing this post (and others of her just straight insulting me). I can’t believe how stupid I was to think she’d ever changed. Just to be clear, I am not denying that she was assaulted, just the part where she involves me as basically an accessory. I am so fucking sick of this person trying to make everyone hate me so she can have me for herself or something. And to her: I wish you nothing but the best without me in your life. You can forget about that ever happening again.

my entire life i was the quiet shy kid. i was always told to be more outgoing, that I don’t talk enough, I talk too quiet. I wasn’t likable because I was too quiet. So I start being what I’ve always been told I “needed” to be, outgoing. Now I’m annoying, too opinionated, stubborn, the list goes on. I genuinely feel like I rarely have a safe space to be myself. I don’t know why I can’t just be myself without a flaw always being fucking pointed out.

one of the things that gets to me the most is having no solid support group. i don’t feel like people even want to be friends with me, let alone other women (which is really what i feel like i need- women friends). i used to have so many friends when i was younger. it was so easy. but the older i’ve gotten the less those people try to stay in contact with me. which i’ve accepted that they just aren’t my people. but i’ve done all the reaching out, all the “hey i miss you! how are you?”’s.. i’m tired. why can’t someone reach out to me… i need to remind myself that only having one or two friends is okay and doesn’t make me less of a person, but sometimes it really makes me wonder what’s wrong with me because everyone that i know is friends with more than two people. there has to be something wrong with me.

it’s sad seeing you like this…

who dis

i feel like i try to maintain my friendships but nobody is/wants to be as close to me as we once were and it makes me sad.