What’s A Little Bit Of Hunger?

[alyandana]

After a weekend of drinking and junk food I look like shit. My stomach is soooo bloated. I’m scared to step on the scale. Be honest, how bad is it? (Excuse the messy closet lol)

[alyandana]

Has anyone ever been in treatment, gotten better, but then relapsed? I am here to talk if anyone needs someone. Anyways, they teach your family to NEVER comment on your weight or appearance. Now that I’m relapsing I’ve lost a lot of weight and NOT A WORD. I feel like it’s not real if people don’t tell me I look thinner.

[alyandana]

Know what sucks? Being so tall that your goal weight is most people’s fear weight. 5’11 and 115lbs don’t mix. Believe me, I’ve been there. I was extremely sick and dying. And yet, despite it being horrible… part of me wants to ruin my life and go back there. F*cked.

[alyandana]

I know that I am a horrible example, but please… get the help you need! Skin and bones is not glamorous. Know what else isn’t glamorous? Hair falling out, sunken in eyes, passing out, your stomach NEVER able to digest anything, always being tired, being tube fed, have parts of your intestines removed, busies, infertility, having a HEART ATTACK. Yes. It happens. More often than you know.

And the saddest thing of all is I’m a grown ass 31 woman who is relapsing and going to ruin my life. You may get away with it now… but you won’t always. The love of my life says he doesn’t want to marry a sick girl and doesn’t always want to worry about what I’ve ate. As he should! I wouldn’t want to put up with my own shit! How do you advance in your career when your too busy focused on stupid food and almost pass out every 5 seconds? What if I can’t have kids?

Don’t be like me. It’s not cool to go to treatment 5+ times and glamorize stick thin digitally altered photos. Live your life! If not for you, live it for all the years I’ve lost.

[alyandana]

Still not there…

[alyandana]

It’s crazy that people without eds think we “just are never hungry.” Ummmm no. I think about food every second of the day. It’s not because I’m not hungry. It’s because I want control.

[alyandana]

[alyandana]

This can’t be good…