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For the anon worried about sweating

I’m still not answering questions at the moment, but this was sent to my personal inbox! Thanks to this person for sending this and trying to encourage that anon; it’s super nice of you!

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Hey Amber! I know you're taking a break from your advice blog and you 100% deserve it for everything you do and I was scrolling through and I saw the ask about sweating and I want that person to know they're not alone! I thought I was the only one! I have really bad anxiety but even when I'm not anxious I sweat where you can see pit stains and it's gotten so bad that I can only wear black shirts in public because they cover it: At home I am perfectly fine but it's at school especially My doctor also prescribed me medicine that I specifically asked for after researching & a medical issue called hyperhydrosis but it didn't work for me. I don't know if it's my anxiety or hormones but it is so hard to live w/ & explain to my friends. My mom is the same, she sweats badly too but it's not as bad as me where her clothing options are super limited. I also don't have the $ for surgery but it may be the only option. I just want them to know they're not alone!

i keep getting told well was told long time ago that this person liked me but i was so oblivious to it because i had other priorities and didn't care as i didn't think myself interesting in that stressful time. for me i just needed to get my stuff together. but i feel stupid and bad because this person made it very obvious apparently that everybody (except silly me) knew about it. i feel like i hurt this person and am sorry. there's no way to tell this person this. feel like bad person T_T

You’re not a bad person. You didn’t do anything wrong. It can be really tough to see if someone likes you. Looking back on my relationship, it was so obvious that Peter liked me but I was too oblivious to see it. And you had other things to worry about at the time. You can’t hold yourself responsible for this. It wouldn’t be fair for him to blame you for not knowing either. If he really wanted you to know that badly, then he should have been straightforward and just told you how he felt.

Try not to worry about it. You didn’t mess up and none of that is your fault. :)

what is wrong with me? i spend a lot of time lately thinking of the people who wronged me and the loves i have missed and lost. i wake up each day replaying the same stuff over and over. what do i do?

Nothing’s wrong with you! A lot of people do this. I sometimes have days where I just can’t stop thinking about all the crappy things that have happened to me. But trust me, dwelling on it just makes things worse. Not once have I thought about these things and felt better about it afterward. It always makes me feel worse. You have to do what you can to keep yourself focused on something else. If you find yourself thinking about this stuff, shake it off and focus on something else. Play a video game or watch a show to take your mind off it. Don’t let yourself think about it. It may be tough at first, but if you continue to keep yourself busy with better things then you’ll slowly see yourself dwelling on the past less.

[forgive the language] i had a douche c""t spread rumors about me to his friends and everyone i know. and for a long time like a year they would harass me. like his friends would intentionally come near me and say they liked me but repeat the rumor. its been years but it still gets to me. :( its not true. they know its not true. i can't change anything by thinking about it. sad times

I’m sorry you had to deal with that. That’s awful.

You’re right though, you can’t change anything by dwelling on it. All dwelling on it will do is make you feel worse. This guy and his friends were terrible people. They don’t deserve to be in your thoughts. They’re out of your life now, and hopefully you’re surrounded by much better people now! I know it’s tempting to think about the awful things that have happened in the past, but it never does any good. Try to focus on the positive things in your life now.

i wish things work out between my ex and new lover. we split in 2007 but i have found my ex irresistably attractive again. total obsession. think, dream of ex all the time. tried to think of the flaws in this perfect dream i dream for us but back and forth i still think of my ex, its been 4 months now. O_O what do i do? i don't think i will get back with this person.

Focus on your current relationship. Perhaps things aren’t going as well in this relationship as you’d like, and if that’s the case you should spend more time with them and try to make things more satisfying for you! Try to distract yourself with other things when you find yourself thinking of your ex. Become absorbed in hobbies or school. If you’re friends with your ex still, it might be best to limit the time you spend around them to let your feelings die down. If you’re not friends then just make sure you don’t check up on them or anything. Give yourself some time. This is most likely something that will fade away in a little while.

difference in opinion got in the way of my last relationship. we ended pretty badlly and pretty abruptly. and things didn't go well even after. he would post things on facebook that strongly justified his opinion and mingled with new loves and friends. checked up on him i.e. facebook stalked him and things haven't changed for him. in fact things got messed up and worse for him. i still care for him in the sense i wish things go well for him because i miss him as a person. mistaken feelings?

It’s normal to miss someone you used to date and to wish them the best. That doesn’t necessarily mean you still have feelings for them. I think it’d be best if you didn’t check up on him anymore. Checking up on people who aren’t in your life anymore is not a good idea, and it can cause you pain. It’s possible that checking up on him again might eventually cause your feelings to come back, and it’s much better for you if that doesn’t happen. It’s unfortunate that his life isn’t going well, but try to let him live his own life and focus on your own.

hi i m not sure if u have advise for this. i used to get bullied by kids jealous that i was smart and got good grades. i defeated them by doing well and succeeded and surpassing them through all the difficulty they created. but i still worry and live in fear of them. its ridiculous but i still worry what if i face my bullies again and will they beat me up again? what do i do with myself ? what would u do amber? i am now officially taller and bigger than them. i think if i sit on em they suffocat

Haha oh my god. Sit on them. Destroy them.

Honestly though, remember that you’re so much better than them. You’ve already succeeded where they haven’t. You’re already a better person than they are. If you do meet them again, ignore them completely. Don’t waste your time on them at all. Pretend you don’t even see them. They’re not worth a second of your time. That’s what I would do. I don’t waste my time on people who dislike me.

girl i was interested in treated me like i was inferior to her. i would hang out with the group she was in. im sure she was single, joked and fell on other guys. it didn't look cheap, just seemed fun and intereting funny. she would constantly say things that would somehow come off as though she was mocking me. once i gave full attention to someone else and ignored her, she got jealous and fought for it. so i thought i wanted to ask this person out, but left humiliated. still think of her

It sounds like she wasn’t worth your time to be honest. Someone who treats you like you’re lower than they are and constantly mocks and belittles you really isn’t someone you should waste your time on, and I’m sure that if you’d dated her it would have been a painful and stressful relationship. You deserve someone better than that. It might not feel like it now but trust me, if she’s not part of your life anymore I really do think you’re better off.

last day? am i too late? this is a question.

As long as you get it in before the end of the day and the inbox isn’t closed, it’s not too late!

This is the last day I’ll be answering questions before I take a break from the blog for a while!

hey amber! a few days ago my crush texted me just asking simple questions like what grade i'm in, if this is my number and then he asked for snapchat. i gave it to him and he read the text and didn't reply. the next day i woke up and i saw that he requested me on snapchat and i added him back. one of his friends told me that he really wants to talk to me & get to know me but if he does then why isn't he texting me? i really like this boy and i want to start a convo with him but idk what to say..

He might just be really nervous or not know what to say quite yet. He’s already taken the initiative by texting you and adding you on snapchat, so he clearly wants to get to know you! But maybe he’s afraid that you’ll be bothered if he tries too hard. The best thing to do is ease that burden by texting him first sometimes. Let him know that you’re interested too. It’ll make things a lot easier on him, and I’m sure he’ll be happy.

Hey everyone! I hope your day is going well!

I’d like to let you all know that I’m going to take a break from this blog for a little while. For how long? I don’t actually know. I’ve been super busy the last month, and it’s hard to find time/motivation to answer questions some days when I have so many other things I’d like to do.

I’ll still be answering questions for the next three days, but after that I’ll probably close my inbox. You can still reach me here at my personal blog, but try not to send me too many requests for advice. Time is an illusion in my personal inbox and I respond sometime between 5 minutes later and never.

Thanks a lot for your support this whole time! It means a lot to me, and I hope this won’t be a major inconvenience to any of you.

So I just found out that the guy I like is single, but just recently. I've only spoken to him twice and we go to different schools. I don't even know if he likes me back! I want to talk to him but I have really bad social anxiety. What should I do?!

Can you speak to him online? That seems to be your best option. Add him on Facebook or something else if you haven’t already, and message him there! Ask how he’s been doing lately. If you’ve spoken to him a few times and he seems nice, I doubt he’ll be annoyed if you want to speak to him. Spend some time getting to know him, and ask if he’d like to hang out once you feel comfortable doing so! Once you know him better it might be easier to tell if he likes you back.

I sweat A LOT. I told the doctor and she gave me a deodorant for it. But it doesn't work at all really. It's not like I sweat like a normal person I could be doing nothing and have pit stains. My mom says she sweats a lot and that I'll be fine but I have never saw her have pit stains on her shirt. It's disgusting and embarrassing the only other thing the doctor told me was Botox and my mom said she isn't gonna bring me help....

I’m sorry you have to deal with this! That must be a really frustrating problem. There has to be another solution that isn’t Botox. Have you talked to your doctor about the deodorant not working and asked about other options? Maybe there’s something else she didn’t mention that would work better.

Unfortunately I have no experience with this problem so I don’t really know what options are available. I looked into it a tiny bit just now and it seems like applying deodorant at night makes it work a bit better, but the other tips I saw weren’t particularly helpful. (”Avoid light colors!” How is that practical advice for anyone, WebMD?) You might have better results by doing a more in-depth search or asking for a different doctor’s opinion.

there's a boy who hangs out w his friends in my one of my classes before 1st period starts and i dont like him or anything but i notice him i kind of want to get to know him bc he seems interesting but idk how to do that bc im REALLY shy and quiet and i think he's also the shy type. we're not in the same grade and we dont have any classes together. but i kind of really want to befriend him? but he's also kind of intimidating and gives off the come-near-me-and-i'll-kill-you vibe. what do i do?

This might be a little tough. The best way I can think of is to hang around them before class starts and find some way to start a conversation with them. Maybe you can ask the guy in your class some questions or try to talk to him first since that may be a little easier? Or you can always try complimenting the boy you want to be friends with. If he has an interesting shirt or pin on his backpack or anything else you notice, tell him you like it!

Unfortunately it can be a little tough to speak to someone irl if you don’t have a good reason to. You’ll need to push yourself out of your comfort zone to make this friendship happen, but if he seems really cool it might be worth a shot!

Hey, thanks to your advice, I've started dating my best friend! He likes to use a lot of pet names like angel, Princess, honey, etc, and I was wondering if you have any idea for ones I can call him? Thank you!

Aww I’m so happy for you and glad I could help!!

Sweetie, sweetheart, and cutie are my favorites! I actually spent an absurd amount of time thinking about different pet names for Peter when we first started dating because he used a bunch on me too haha. Sweetie and cutie are the ones I use the most, though I also occasionally yell BABE HEY BABE BABE HEY across the apartment.

so, I've known my crush for six years, but we've hardly spoke. I wished him happy birthday once over messenger. I've liked him for about a year. we were both born on the 29th of a month, and I really want to tell him I like him over messenger on the 29th of this month. I want to just put something like "I think I'm developing very strong feelings for you. I'm so sorry. x" is this a good idea? I probably won't as my anxiety will stop me. I just really want him. more than anything. :((

I usually think it’s better to get to know someone before you confess to them. It allows them a chance to develop feelings for you in return, and makes it a lot less awkward when you do confess. If you want to confess now anyway there’s nothing wrong with that! But in my experience it seems to work out a lot better if you know each other somewhat well first. I think your chances would be better if you talked to him more often before confessing.

If you do decide to tell him now though, you shouldn’t apologize for it. No “I’m sorry”s during your confession. I completely understand why you have a strong urge to apologize for your feelings. I can’t have a single episode of anxiety without apologizing 80 times. But it’s absolutely not needed here. You have no reason to apologize. Don’t feel sorry for having a crush. Own your feelings for him and don’t feel like you have to make them more appealing. If he doesn’t like you back it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. He just wasn’t the right guy.

However you decide to go about this, good luck!

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