Pairing: Calum Hood/Reader
Warnings: Miscarriage, language
Author’s Note: I got this idea randomly and just went with it. I’ve never experienced a miscarriage so I don’t know if my writing is correct, I tried to look up symptoms and did my best! This is a sad one for my first post, but I hope you enjoy it xx (ps. I will take requests if you enjoy this! Feedback is always welcome as well, I haven’t written a fic in a while so I’m a little rusty)
 A pain you’d never experienced before brought you out of your deep sleep, ripping through your abdomen and feeling as though you’d been stabbed. You tried to sit up, the pain sharpening as you did so and your hand immediately went to your belly. Your mind was still clouded with sleep, so you threw off your comforter to go to the bathroom when you felt your heartbeat begin to quicken.Â
Your white sheets were stained with blood, the crimson liquid smearing as you leapt out of bed. You felt your previously drowsy eyes snap open, widening at the sight before you. No, no, no was all that was running through your mind as you looked down your pants to see your blood soaked underwear. You racked your brain, going through all the information you had looked up about pregnancy the past week. Bleeding could be normal, right? But judging from the amount that covered your sheets and stained your underwear, you began to think this was anything but normal.Â
You felt your throat constrict, looking at the time on the clock resting on your bedside table- 3:15 in the morning. You swallowed the lump in your throat and went to change your pants, placing a pad in a pair of fresh underwear before sliding them on as well as a pair of your boyfriend’s sweats. It hit you like a brick wall as you pulled his baggy sweats up to rest on your hips: Calum.
Your longtime boyfriend, Calum, was touring with his band in Australia right now, promoting their brand new album along the way. You wondered what time it was there and if you should call but decided against it, walking slowly to the kitchen of your apartment to grab your car keys and put on your slippers. The pain intensified, feeling too intense to be normal cramps.Â
You felt your eyes burn with tears as you got behind the wheel of your car, driving slowly to the hospital. You could feel everything falling apart. You and Calum had been together for five years now, and you had just discovered you were pregnant a few weeks ago. You had beyond nervous to tell Calum, as this wasn’t the best timing, but he was thrilled. The two of you had talked about having children one day, and even though his schedule was crazy busy right now, he insisted that that didn’t matter and that he was ready.Â
As you pulled in the parking lot of the E.R., you bit your trembling lip to keep from sobbing. Maybe this wasn’t what you thought it was. Maybe this was normal, you tried to soothe yourself as you shuffled into the waiting room and approached the nurse at the front desk. But deep down inside, you knew that something wasn’t right.Â
“Can I help you, sweetheart?” the nurse asked you, cocking her head to the side as she took in your disheartened state.Â
“Um, yeah… I think I’m… I think I…”was all you could get out before you broke down in tears, the nurse immediately rushing around the counter to comfort you. “I think I’m miscarrying,” you sobbed as she placed her arm around your shoulders and led you to a room in the back.Â
You were thankful that it was so early in the morning and that no one else was in the waiting room to witness you experience your darkest moment, even more so that no one was there to recognize you and alert paparazzi. You sat down on the bed as the nurse told you to hang tight while she scurried to go get the doctor on call. You absentmindedly rubbed your tummy, praying to whoever was listening that your little bub was okay.Â
The doctor came in shortly after, giving you a sad smile while asking you to lie back and pull your shirt up so she could perform an ultrasound. You sniffled and nodded, laying back on the crinkly paper and lifting Calum’s sweatshirt up enough for the doctor to squeeze some of that cold jelly like substance on your tummy. As she moved around the probe, she searched the screen and you felt yourself holding your breath. You watched her instead of the screen, searching her face. You saw her swallow before switching the screen off.Â
She didn’t have to say anything.Â
You felt hot tears roll down your face as you squeezed your eyes shut, feeling as if your whole world had come crashing down. She wiped your stomach off and helped you sit up, offering her condolences and giving you a prescription to take to end the pregnancy. She gave you pamphlets on groups you could attend that helped women who suffered miscarriages and information about therapists you could see, but you had tuned her out as soon as she handed you your prescription. You nodded along, feeling empty and numb before she released you.Â
You trudged along to your car, the eerie quiet of the night almost deafening and slamming your door shut before finally breaking down in loud, heavy sobs that racked through your entire body. How could this have happened? What had you done wrong? You wrapped your arms around yourself, hugging and protecting yourself from you don’t even know what.Â
You wished Calum was here. God, you wished he was here to comfort you and hold you. As you began to think of Calum, you cried harder, realizing you’d have to tell him. You didn’t want to have to do it over the phone, but you couldn’t think of what else to do. You were in no state to fly to Australia. You attempted to calm yourself down as you picked up your phone to call him. You bit the inside of your cheek so hard you began to taste blood as the phone rang.Â
“Hi babe! It’s late there isn’t it? You feeling okay?” Calum answered, immediately beginning to wonder if everything was okay. Your screwed your eyes shut at his concerned tone, searching for the right words to say next.Â
“Cal… I don’t know how to say this,” you said quietly, your voice hoarse from crying. The silence on his end made your stomach twist.Â
“Y/N? What’s happened?” he asked, his voice soft. But you could hear it. You could hear that he was scared of what you were about to say next.Â
“Calum, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I did wrong, I don’t know what I did,” you began to cry again, speaking fast. You began to hyperventilate as your eyes darted around the hospital parking lot, the dark enveloping your car despite the lights that littered the blacktop.Â
“Love, slow down—,” Calum began but you couldn’t stand to hear what he had to say next.Â
“I lost the baby. I lost them, Cal and I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry I thought I was doing everything right, taking every precaution but I fucked up, I don’t know how but I fucked up I fucked everything up,” you cried, beginning to have a full blown panic attack.Â
On the other side of the phone, on the other side of the world, Calum’s mouth dropped. He was sitting in his hotel room with the boys as you told him the news. He felt his eyes begin to water, water at the fact that he had just lost his first baby but more so at the fact that you had to deal with it alone. He closed his mouth as the boys watched him, taking in his changed demeanor. His shoulders were rigid, his jaw clenched and his brows furrowed. He swallowed the lump that began to form in his throat.Â
“Sweetheart, no, you can’t talk like that,” he soothed, his normally smooth voice now rough with emotion. The boys exchanged glances amongst each other at hearing their best friend’s comment, worry swimming in their eyes.Â
Calum felt his heart sink to his stomach as he wished he could be there to hold you. He hated having to hear your desperate cries over the phone. He knew there was nothing he could do to make it better, but he could at least fucking be there. He looked up at the ceiling as his eyes betrayed him and a few tears spilled out. This made the boys’ concern skyrocket, as they’d only seen Calum this emotional a handful of times. They begin to put the pieces together, the fact that you were calling when it was so late back home, Calum’s end of the conversation, and his state. They looked at the ground, suddenly feeling as they were intruding on an extremely personal moment between the couple.Â
Back on the other side of the world, you had begun to calm down, staring blankly at the parking lot in front of you. Your eyes felt swollen as a couple of tears leaked out of the corners of your eyes.Â
“This is not your fault, do you hear me? You did nothing wrong,” Calum’s voice murmured over the phone. You squeezed your eyes shut once more.Â
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to do this over the phone but I couldn’t fly to you,” you whispered. “I know, baby, I know,” he responded, his voice so close but yet so far away.Â
“I need to call my mom… I haven’t left the hospital yet but I can’t drive home,” you told him, opening your eyes. You heard Calum inhale. He couldn’t help but kick himself at the fact that you had driven yourself to the hospital so late, all alone, in this kind of state. He should’ve been there, but how could either of you had known this would happen?Â
“Okay. Please call me when you get back home, okay?” Calum pleaded with you. You nodded but then, realizing he couldn’t see you, spoke a soft, “Okay.”Â
“I love you, Y/N,” he said, his emotions getting the better of him as his voice cracked. You didn’t think you could cry anymore or else you would’ve been sobbing again. “I love you,” you responded before hanging up.Â
Calum brought his phone away from his ear slowly, the boys watching his every move. Suddenly, Calum whipped the phone at the hotel wall, his head falling to his hands as he began to sob. The boys sat frozen for a split second before moving into action.Â
Michael and Luke sat on either side of the crying boy as Ashton crouched in front of him on the couch they sat on. “She lost the baby,” he cried, confirming the boys’ worst fear. They had no idea what to say. What do you say to your best friend who’s just found out his girlfriend has miscarried when he’s across the world from her?Â
Luke and Michael exchanged sad glances over their friend’s back as Ashton felt his own eyes well up with tears. “Cal, I’m so sorry,” Ash said, his voice thick with emotion as he placed his hands on Calum’s knees. Calum wiped at his eyes, before meeting his friend’s gaze. He straightened up then, fingers running through his hair and tugging slightly.Â
“I need to go home,” he said softly. The boys nodded, agreeing with him. This was more important. They didn’t have another show for a few more days, so they’d do the interviews without him and they’d manage just fine. “You should,” Luke spoke softly, placing his hand on his best friend’s shoulder. Calum nodded and stood to begin to pack his bag.
Your mother had come to stay with you in the apartment as you began to deal with your grief. Not even Duke could cheer you up, and it’s almost as if he knew what had happened. He wouldn’t leave your side, always laying on your lap and licking at your hands, your cheeks, anywhere he could in his feeble attempts to make you feel better. You felt empty and numb, often finding yourself staring into space. Your eyes seemed as though they would be permanently swollen and bloodshot, the normal light behind them extinguished.Â
You had called your mother after you got off the phone with Calum the night before, telling her what had happened and she raced to pick you up. She hugged you hard, not hard enough to hurt you but almost as if she were attempting to put your broken pieces back together. You hadn’t cried all day today, not knowing if you should consider that a good thing or bad. You just didn’t have it in you. You sat on the couch, staring at the show your mother had put on for you even though you weren’t paying any attention. She was busying herself in the kitchen, preparing your favorite dinner as the washer hummed in the background.Â
You slept in the guest bedroom with her last night, unable to return to your bed. She’d thrown the sheets in the wash as you showered, silently crying to herself as she did so. Your mom had been overjoyed at the news that she would be a grandma. She loved Calum and couldn’t be happier for the two of you. The news was hard for her, but she was strong for you.Â
Duke was curled up on your stomach, keeping you warm as you ran your fingers through his soft fur. Suddenly, he perked up, having heard something that you hadn’t registered. You focused on the small dog as he stood up, jumping off of your tummy to run to the door. You turned to look at the front door as it opened to reveal a very disheveled looking Calum. He wore his hunter green colored sweatshirt, the one you adored on him, black sweats and vans. A black beanie adorned his head, his black curls peeking out and resting on his forehead.Â
Duke yipped and seemed to dance around the boy’s feet, but for once, Calum didn’t pay him any mind. He stepped through the door, closing it behind him and dropped his bag on the ground. You felt your eyes sting with the feeling you had become so accustomed to lately as you stood, Calum reaching you in just a few strides. He pulled you in, wrapping his strong arms around your waist and nuzzling his head in your neck.Â
You were stunned at the fact that Calum would drop everything to come home to you. Of course he would, you reprimanded yourself. This album was just so important to the boys that you just weren’t expecting him to walk through the door, not so soon after you’d told him. You slowly wrapped your arms around his neck, beginning to cry into chest.Â
“Shh,” he soothed, even though you could feel his own hot tears against your skin. He rubbed his hands up and down your back, something he knew always calmed you down.Â
“I’m so sorry, Cal,” you whispered for what seemed like the thousandth time. Calum pulled back to look at you, his face stained with tears. “No more apologizing, baby. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry I couldn’t be here for you when you needed me,” he responded, hanging his head.Â
Your heart broke at the sight. You had a feeling that Calum would beat himself up for not being home, but of course you didn’t blame him. “Hey,” you said, tipping his chin up to meet your gaze. His eyes were bloodshot and there were bags beginning to form under his dark eyes. Calum was hurting just as much as you were, and he needed you like you needed him.Â
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” you mirrored his words, his lips pulling up into a sad smile. “We couldn’t have known this would happen,” you murmured, placing your palm against his cheek. He leaned into your touch, bringing up his own hand to grasp your wrist. He placed a soft kiss to your palm before he nodded.Â
“You’re here now, and that’s all that matters,” you continued, one tear escaping down your cheek. Calum caught it with the pad of his thumb. “I’ll always be here, no matter what. I love you,” he said, pulling you in again and hugging you hard. Not enough to hurt, but as if he were trying to put your broken pieces back together.Â
And as you hugged him back, you could begin to feel them returning, not fully healed but on the right track. “We’ll get through this together, baby,” he whispered in your ear, his hand coming up to cradle the back of your head. Those words were the first ones someone had uttered that had made you truly believe that you would get through this heartbreak, and you knew that Calum would be there every step of the way.
2087
snowghoul
pixelskylines
dailybridgerton
areudirty
izzy806
jacobvanloon
discoholicmusic
