A Million Mondays

Reviews of me as a person: "I told my wife last night that you are the most charming disaster I have ever met."- A Co-Worker

[amillionmondays]

Decided to start a Quarantine Food Blog... I think its going pretty well already. Too lazy to retype food directions so screenshooting instead. Good luck trying to copy this gem of a recipe;)

[amillionmondays]

[amillionmondays]

[amillionmondays]

My awesome boss realized I haven't seen a lot of movies because I spend all my time watching Bravo and HGTV shows so he assigned me movies to watch and I had to write a report to prove that I actually watched them.. This is the first of many. Rough way to start.. with Deer Hunter.

[amillionmondays]

it was just a posture corrector and I gave up on this manhunt the next day. I did however obtain that sweet sweet gmail account though, so theres one positive takeaway here.

[amillionmondays]

no caption needed.

[amillionmondays]

I went for a 6 mile run/jog yesterday because apparently I think I am Usain fucking Bolt and I can just transition from couch to 6 mile run sans consequences. Nope. False. Because today I woke up and was walking around like I had Polio in both of my legs. Scooting has been my main method of transportation all morning. I did have to snap out of my polio legs pretty quickly to help an old woman though. Some old lady had fallen and was yelling “Help I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” - My first thought was obviously Oh someone is watching the Life Alert™® commercial then I realized ‘fuck no that MIGHT be a real thing people say when they have, in fact, fallen and as such, cannot get themselves up." Obviously I should run down a flight of stairs, scale a fence and look into the yard where I think this voice is coming from.. I did all those things because in my mind I’m fucking Superman. Turns out some old lady had fallen and was barely responsive so I told her not to move and I SPRINTED my ass over to her house which was a block away. The gate was a major hurdle though because it had a serious lock on it. Im trying to be a bit tighter with my finances these days so I thought I probably shouldnt go with my first instinct which is kick the gate completely down! (Please Note: My first instinct is usually always reckless and much more dramatic than it needs to be) So instead I thought fine, I will let the Firefighters have this one. I called them, they came and then I was rudely dismissed from the scene so I don’t even know how this story ends. Which for me is a kind of bummer bc now I have no idea how to end my journal entry. If I’ve learned anything from today its that my 911 calling could use a bit of work. I feel like I could have done it better and I’d like another stab at it. Oops..That came out wrong. To be clear I’m not going to stab anyone I just would like another shot at calling 911 bc I think I could have murdered it. Nope, wait that doesn’t work well either. I’m done. I’ll leave it there.

[amillionmondays]

[amillionmondays]

Ugh.

Yet another idiotic thing I just did today... The sole of my shoe slides around in my flats.. I couldnt find any crazy glue so instead I burned a candle and put candle wax underneath the sole thinking wax would be the same as glue.. Today is my first day of work and I decided to wear these flats.. Turns out wax is not at all the same thing as glue so now my soles slide around EVEN MORE inside my shoes and I smell like a fucking pumpkin spice candle today.. On my first day of work... I think I might be mentally challenged.

[amillionmondays]

Sometimes I wonder what the people I work with think of me and then I decide I probably dont really want to know. So my cousin went to USC which is close by and had to move out of the dorms for the summer. I offered to take her bike bc I live here, had room and it was a no brainer. Skip forward months later when my cousin was heading back down to school and therefore needed her bike back and was nice enough to come pick it up from me. That morning I thought I dont wanna make this a whole thing so I will just pop the bike in my car and bring it to work. So I loaded the bike in the back it was a good looking Beach Cruiser.. Lets call it a 69 Beach Cruiser bc that sounds exotic. I showed up to work and they were filming that day (its a studio lot) so the only parking spots were on the very top of the parking garage like the 5th floor. I parked, ran in to work, we had a busy busy day so I was slammed and didnt leave my desk at all. Well except to get coffee in the kitchen where I ran into our Line Producer, Grace and I said something stupid to her like “yikes busy day huh?!” And then thought boy that was an odd thing to say the entire walk back to my desk. Then after lunch time my cousin texted to let me know she was on her way to meet me just out front to get the bike. I decided not to tell anyone where I was going and instead just ran out the door, travelled the 5 flights of stairs up to my car.. Actually thats a lie I walked up the first two flights then thought screw this Im catching the elevator. Anywho got to my car and then found myself in a logistical nightmare. I originally thought oh Ill drive my car down then unload the bike from the back but now with filming going on I knew Id just be in the way and not have anywhere to park my car at the front gate, so plan B it was, take the bike out and ride the elevator down with it. That was until I kept having to let people go ahead of me bc the elevator could only fit 1 human being and the bike and I felt bad so 5-10 minutes later I thought this bad boy has 2 wheels what the hell Ill just ride it down the parking structure. That 69 Beach Cruiser was pretty sweet and it wasnt until half a floor down that I realized I couldnt find any brakes. So I started weaving to try to slow myself down. And it was around this time I realized I had at least 1 car following me down the garage and ideally (for them) trying to pass me. I continued weaving down the entire garage and those cars were just stuck following my journey the entire way down which felt like it took days. When I finally got to the bottom I pulled over and looked up as the car that was behind me the entire way was finally able to pass.. Sure enough it was my Line Producer, Grace. We made eye contact and all I could think was shit this makes me look really really fucking odd. From her perspective she saw me in the kitchen where I said the weird busy day comment and then after lunch she just sees me slowly riding a beach cruiser around the parking garage by myself. And this entire day started with me saying “I dont want to make this a whole thing.” It was in that moment that I thought its probably for the best I dont know what the people around me truly think of me maybe.

[amillionmondays]

Moe

Made a new friend today his name is Moe and he taught me about iPhone safety. His profession is making lattes but he had great iPhone safety tips and tricks. Moises is his full name with a tilde or umlat over one of the middle letters but he told me his friends call him Moe so i could call him Moe. Score! That almost makes up for the potential friend i lost yesterday in the sassy man at the dmv. I guess its true. You win some, you lose some.

In other news, no one at work has noticed my new Beats©™ headphones yet. Im on day 3, its like come on, mention them already, right?

Another thing no one has noticed, is that I told everyone I was going up to the 4th floor to get office supplies but I decided to take the ginormous flight of stairs so by the time I got up there I was too out of breath to ask about the supplies. I returned to my desk with just a paperclip I found along the way.. Nothing else. Im sort of glad no one noticed that one though.

[amillionmondays]

I’m at the laundromat and so far I have made zero new friends.. Its not AT ALL similar to how it looks in the movies. My experience is just WILDLY different thats all Im saying. 

[amillionmondays]

So, I think I just hit a brand new rock bottom.. Worse than the time my credit card was declined after a payday at McDonalds a few months back.  I just went to Taco Bell on my way home from work and I ordered the Cantina Bowl and then I still really wanted a taco but was ashamed so I did what felt right and decided to pretend my boyfriend just texted me (mid order) and asked for a taco.. Like, I acted it all out in the drive thru. And then just because I usually make things as weird as fucking humanly possible, I pretended to not know what my imaginary bf would want on his taco eventhough there is no bf and the taco was clearly mine. The drive thru guy was like "Okay does he want the taco shell to be dorito or regular" and I was like "oh man Im not sure which one he'd want! I better just be safe and pick regular" Yeah, so new rock bottom over here. This is why I cant be left alone to make my own decisions.

[amillionmondays]

My co-workers suggested I stop communicating with them and instead started a blog. So this is my blog now. Where I communicate. About things. Going really well so far. I think this might work out. Finally.

[amillionmondays]

Soooo this was my cover letter for a job once.. And I was wondering why I didnt get the job. Wish I had better understood the standard formatting for a normal cover letter before I confidently sent this bad boy out:/

[amillionmondays]

I hate tantrums I really do. They always seem to end badly.  Im not saying what I did was tantrum per se… 

What had happened was, My parents had begun a few home renovation projects and I felt as though as a freshman in college home for the summer that I was really ahead of my time and lobbied to help out as Design consultant on the renovations. However, shortly after my one month anniversary of reigning as Design Consultant.. I was let go with a unanimous vote. Heartbreaking, really.

 I feel like I handled the loss quite well after my dramatic exit and realized It is going to be okay because I had already come to the conclusion that I no longer wanted to be affiliated with this project. I just don’t think that this particular job will be able to reflect my best work. Also, (and mostly) due to the fact that no one was consulting me on any of the design ideas for the room.

I am prepared to cite irreconcilable differences and the recent lay off earlier today allowed me to catch up on a few other things. Like, for example but not limited to, I’ve been working on my yo-yoing skills. I was also able to get a start on packing for college in the fall. Only to realize that I was 2 months early and then spent most of the day unpacking all that I had packed. 

Fortunately, I was offered my position back as Design Consultant in exchange for pretty much painting the entire room by myself. No one actually mentioned the title they just said “Hey do you want to paint the room?”. I felt the rest was implied and that’s fine. All in all, I’m gonna go ahead and chalk this day up as a win. 

Complete Sidebar but... While I was packing and then unpacking for college earlier, I watched ‘You’ve Got Mail’ and I have come to the conclusion that Tom and Meg would have had a MUCH easier time of communicating if they had just downloaded AIM. It was around back then. The movie would have lasted only 15 minutes that way and would have focused mostly on the rivalry between the competing bookstores. Could have been a short film about the people behind two bookstores.. one a Barnes and Noble type and the other an indie bookstore.. and then there could be a Where Are They Now re-release of it and spoiler alert all of the bookstores went bankrupt and no longer exist. Im sure Tom and Meg hit a series of financial rough patches.. all because the technology they were using to Catfish each other evolved and completely obliterated their industry. Irony.