Thank you for humanizing men and caring about us. I believe if more women adopted your loving and positive attitude things would be a lot better and less hatred towards men would exist! You're literally one of the few good ones that actually uses her brain. I enjoy following your blog, Well done!
I really want to believe that this was sent in earnest but the language U use here is troubling (”[T]hings would be a lot better”) and frankly incredibly patronizing (”You’re literally one of the few good ones that actually uses her brain … Well done!”) – either way, let this be a lesson to U:
the ultimate problem here is not women’s hatred and fear of men; the problem isn’t that women refuse to humanise and love men – the ultimate problem here is men’s violent and dehumanising modes of behaviour and thinking, which give women reason to hate and fear men
what men never seem to be able to fully grasp or internalise is that the masculine identity itself exists in relation to femininity and womanhood – it is dependent on femininity and womanhood for its own existence, and is not something separate from them; violating and dehumanizing women is an essential identity-making process for men, it is something necessary for and central to masculinity – just as being open to violation, dehumanization, and commodification is what femininity is centred around; masculinity is designed to make use of this designed openness in femininity to sustain itself; the existence of masculinity/manhood itself as an identity and a social location is detrimental and is meant to be detrimental
what U imply here is that men can continue to exist as-is, and that all that is required for “things [to] be a lot better” is for women to love and humanise them – what I don’t think U understand is that the relation between masculinity/manhood and femininity/womanhood necessitates that kind of behaviour from women anyway, just as it necessitates violence from men – it is not in spite of our loving and humanising U, but because of it that U hurt and kill us
women should not be obligated to, but more importantly literally cannot do the work of fixing/healing men – should not, because it is difficult to do so without re-inscribing the existing power relationship between masculinity and femininity (i.e., where women do emotional labour for men); cannot, because women do not have the kind of perspective needed to do the work of shifting men out of masculinity – only men and people who have insight into the subjective experience of masculine socialization/trauma can do that
so it is up to men in their respective movements, men who are indebted to feminism [particularly Black feminism] for the insight it has provided into the nature of masculinity, to change themselves and each other – ultimately, only men are able to do this work; only men have the kind of perspective, location, and resources necessary for the healing and transformation of men – so, for all of U men who have been silently watching this blog and who have found comfort in what I have acknowledged, particularly those of U who identify as leftists: this is your work; this is integral to the work U are already doing; we are all waiting for U to do it; take responsibility for yourselves and your own; nourish, heal, and validate yourselves and each other in the way that no one else can
