[escuerzoresucitado]

[bearcatcatbear]

Today is the only day you can summon the energy to reblog this.

[maja-paja]

[ozempicofficial]

[pauljpeg]

I wish all the pee came out in one go like a shotgun blast

[dovv]

[shrimpkidd]

[equius]

you just dont get this on other websites

[sayorithot]

hm yes the mysterious handy tool for unusual home adventures with a twist my favorite device

[gyarutau]

Haha yeah man thats- youre gonna call who?

[doubleca5t]

Hollywood truly does always take the wrong lesson from its success stories

[doubleca5t]

Movie premises you can expect to see within the next 10 years:

Guy breaks both his arms and gets jacked off by his mom

Guy who thinks he has a mysterious stalker leaving postit notes around his house but he actually had a carbon monoxide leak and was leaving them himself

One man's quest to remove a small cylinder from a Mini M&Ms tube full of butter and mashed banana (the cylinder must remain unharmed)

The Gaycation (TM)

[lakevida]

i love poison omelette

[the-bone-thief]

-1

[skeletor-at-the-skele-store]

-1

[sanleigh]

-1

[lakevida]

got some kick to it i tell you what

[parakeet]

You will not die at the hands of quicksand. Ask me how I know this

[bearthethirdwheel]

Please, how do you know this?

[parakeet]

quicksand does not have any hands

[frankensteins-mt-dew]

[banchie]

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

[no-sharks-on-the-sun]

[no-sharks-on-the-sun]

they killed him for this

[flimflix]

[monsterlets]

[cute-catts]

[kinggizzard]

im quitting tumblr

[wwubwubwubwuubwub-deactivated20]

ok see u tomorrow

[kinggizzard]

this post is now 10 fucking years old

[xenasaur]

and ur ass is still here

[junkratsadstuck]

here at the sandwich shop, we’ve started to notice some people who are new to sandwiches aren’t used to meat and cheese between two slices of bread. they find this practice strange and confusing. that’s why we’ve decided to cut the bread out all together. from now on, we’ll just serve slices of meat and cheese on a plate.

[junkratsadstuck]

we know that many of our loyal sandwich shop customers have been coming here for years to buy our delicious sandwiches. but some people don’t “get” sandwiches, and we need to try and appeal to them with an easier-to-understand meal format. we will no longer be serving sandwiches. all of our food will just be cold cuts on a paper plate. we love our customers and appreciate your understanding <3

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Yes we know Craig's Cold Cuts down the street does cold cuts better than we do and has millions of customers. That's why we need to switch to cold cuts, to get their customers. We hope that our long-time sandwich loving customer base will be patient in this transition to cold cuts and welcome the certain influx of Craig's Cold Cut customers who will surely come here to enjoy our worse cold cuts with you, our sandwich-deprived customer base, whom we value so much.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I love how this goes around again every time the tumblr staff does something fucking stupid.

[stagbeetleboy]

Ok if we exclude Palpatine who has the gayest lightsaber?

[stagbeetleboy]

This is Palpatine’s lightsaber btw. He duel wields.

[stagbeetleboy]

Actually it’s genius. It’s is a foolproof design if you don’t want to get caught with a lightsaber

*goes through chancellor’s desk drawers and finds this*

*slowly closes drawer and never mentions it*

[wolviecat]

If you see something…say nothing and drink to forget

[saul-tortellini]

It can't possibly be that blat-

[louisegluckpdf]

“well. plays the cards i’m given” has profoundly changed something in me. litany against wallowing in an unsatisfactory situation

[louisegluckpdf]

jpgs that radically altered my worldview

[rna-world]

oh my god I’ve had the evil version of this image for like 3 years I was wondering where the original was

[byjove]

I’ve given the worst 12 years of my life to this site

[byjove]

what they don’t tell you about using a website consistently for over a decade is that you’ll have multiple internet friends you’re pretty sure have died but you’ll never know because they never gave their full name. their blog is like a monument and mortuary, a snapshot into their thoughts and a time where they could still think them. either that or they’re fine and they’re no longer into Gorillaz or whatever.