Everyone takes it for granted. Air. I did too and now it’s slipping away, leaving me with an unbearable weight on my chest and with a strange thought in the deeps of my being. We take a lot of things for granted and we don’t appreciate them enough, until the day we see ourselves without it. And then we suffer, cry and remember that probably we should have valued it while it was ours. And I made that same mistake way to many times.
My nails scratch the plastic, trying to make a little cut, but it seems impossible and it comes to the moment when I just give up. Instead of crying and fighting my fate, I just do my best to forget about my breathing – or the lack of it – and I stare at Jolie. I can see her screaming and hear her voice in the distance but I’m sadly unable to comfort her. All I want to do is to make her see that I’m going to a better place and I’ll wait for her. But see my point? I took Jolie for granted and I almost lost her once. That fight in the Ball…I screwed everything there. I hurt her in ways I know she won’t forget. And now I’m hurting her again. By giving up. I’m not going to make her cry again, I think. I command my heart to keep beating and my fingers to keep scratching the plastic. I try my best for her but it takes a long, painful second for my eyes to close.
The lack of pain and awful sight is strangely comforting. I feel nothing but, somehow, I know I’m still alive and well-known images flow my eyelids. I see my dad, teaching me how to ride and stitching me up every time I felt. I hear him telling me to always believe in magic. I see my stepmom trying to replace the apparent void my real mom left inside everyone. I see us, at my father’s bedside. My hand is over is heart and I can feel it beating faintly. “Don’t let anyone ever tell you that dreams don’t come true, Amity,” he says, before murmuring what I want to believe was a short I love you and his heart stops right under my touch. I see mom working too much, trying her best to be my mother and father. I see myself meeting Frederick and riding Snow, short before the reaping. And that’s it. The visions stop and I sense a quick strike. It’s over. I’m dead.
With the images ceased I don’t quite understand where I stand but, then, my body starts to float to the open air. No, not my body, my soul. I’m an etherial being and the soft light of the torch crosses me, so I just float, like a ghost, knowing I’m just waiting on something. Hoping it would quick come but the whole world is frozen. Nothing is happening; they are just standing in the same positions, not even blinking. Oh maybe I can save Jolie! The minute that thought comes to my head I run, I mean, float to her. She’s broken, but I think I can fix her. I can give her a chance and she can win, be happy wherever she wants up. I look at her stained cheeks and reach out my hand to place it over her heart one last time but, instead of a familiar heat, my hand trespasses her chest and those sepia images become vivid again.
The thing is they aren’t my memories now. This is a place I don’t recognize but, somehow, know exactly where it. District Six, and it gradually starts to feel like home. First I see her mom, gorgeous just like her. I see Jolie in the bookstore, holding in her hand the same book she read to me and it’s like I’m in her skin, those words taking me into extraordinary adventures. I see that boy we talked about, Philippe and I’m suddenly proud of myself. I have her and, besides, he seems mean. In fact, everyone else does. They were mean to her and to her father, saying words no one should her, especially not Jolie. My hand still somewhere lost inside her soul, I feel such fear. I’m frightened people will judge me from the smallest of things and I experience the fight she went through. All because of me. All because she loved me. Smiling, I pull my hand away and softly plant a kiss on her forehead, almost without touching her skin. It means respect. Respect for her fight and for how hard I was on her. Jolie is a survivor and I don’t need a fight against three people to tell me that. Â
Without warning the branches of the trees start to move and the wind starts to blow. In a quarter of second, this bloody battle keeps taking place, right in front of me. “This heart belongs to you, doesn’t it?” My confused self looks for the origin of the sound and I see Razoul, with a heart in his hands. A quick glare to my deceased body tells me what I was afraid to know. That’s my heart that he now hands to Jolie. Seeing her sob makes me want to cry, but I’m involved in a calming peace that I want to share with her and, by the look on all of their faces, I know I will soon. But why are they doing this? I understand they have to kill us, but why making her suffer? Why giving her my heart that stings her hands with red dark blood? Without giving it a second though, I intertwine my fingers together, close my eyes and whisper quiet prays. I pray not for Jolie and I, but for Razoul, Jaya and Sephie. I pray for their souls to be forgiven, for that I can see them in the afterlife sometime. As I mouth a restrained amen I hear the loud sound of a canon and I’m reminded of words I once wrote on that little silly diary of mine.
“Valentine helped me tonight. He said I should go and see Jolie, tell her we need to take the best of the time we still have left. And I promised him and myself that, after the scores, I would. But instead I’m sitting here, with her book pressed against my chest and writing everything that haunts me on this useless piece of paper, because I’m not sure if Frederick should read this, but I’ll still ask Blaire to send it home. If, God forbid, both Jolie and Valentine die I want a copy to be given to Jolie’s father and another to Valentine’s parents. I want them to know how their children were important to me. So, if they’re reading this, I want to say thank you with all my heart for creating such amazing human beings. Thank you.
But maybe I should be asleep since tomorrow we’re entering the area. I like to think about how the others are enjoying their last day here, to keep me busy from remembering the saddest of memories. The careers are probably excited with what’s to come. The others I can bet are a little – or more than a little – scared, just like me, but the difference is that they get to spend their last day of freedom with the ones they love. I wish for Jolie to be here so bad! She would make everything feel better and I wouldn’t be this frightened. I don’t enjoy how empty my chest feels since that stupid Ball, it’s like a big chunk of me is completely lost for never again to be found. Our first kiss comes to my mind constantly, stabbing me with an excruciating pain. It was the most perfect thing that kiss. More than I could ever imagine or come up with in the most beautiful of all dreams.
I should lay down now. If I have the Gods by my side, I’ll dream of her.”
And I did, dream of her. It wasn’t a made up dream it was simple but complex, in complicate ways I can’t even begin to explain. We’re lying down on my bed in my suite, talking, laughing and cuddling the whole night before we came here. That was it. And we didn’t get it. But we’ll have plenty of time in eternity. Is such a strange word! Eternity… But it promises the most beautiful things. I know a true love kiss won’t work to make the blood run through our veins again or bring us back to this finite life.
*Because Day 3 took over 3 OOC Days, we’re moving along. I will be deciding shortly whether to move onto the finale or make you deal with a very slow and not very active Day 4. That’s up to my final 5. In the mean time, you can react to the Fallen and go to sleep :)
Amity was sitting on the ground, legs crossed and stroking Jolie’s hair as she slept. The night was calm, without any unwanted visitors. Amity looked to the sky, biting her lip realizing how dark it was. The sun should be rising by now. With her heart beating faster than it should, she shook Jolie by her shoulders and stared as she started to wake up. “Jolie…” she whispered, with a shaky voice.
“Is something wrong? It’s still nighttime,” Jolie said, rubbing her eyes. She felt like she had slept more than she should. “No. The sun should be up by now.” They looked at each other for a while like having some kind of telepathic discussion, they’re eyes more piercing than blades. “I don’t think the sun is going to be rising today,” Jolie said with a sigh. There was the reason they had night training. “And we need to keep moving.” Amity’s face expressed nothing but fear. “Bu-but we can’t. I can barely see and-“ Jolie’s hand grabbed Amity’s and she smiled lightly, showing encouragement. “It’s going to be fine. I will make a fire, okay?” Amity nodded at her girlfriend’s proposal. “If I use rocks I can create a little flame. One of the socks will work as a torch,” Jolie mumbled, making a plan quickly. The training in the fire making station would sure come in hand.
The two girls got on her feet, their hand squeezed together. “We need to find some rocks,” Jolie informed and they started to walk in silence through the darkness. Their hands fumbled on the ground, trying to find something they could use. “Do you think this works?” Amity asked, showing a couple of rocks in her hand. Jolie picked them up and rubbed them together. A little spark filled the pitch black sky, but it quickly disappeared. “Nope,” Jolie realized with disappointment and tossed them behind her back, looking around even if she could barely see a palm in front of her nose. The girls kept looking around, searching in the under trees and leafs. “Amy, look!” Jolie had two rocks on her hands and, rubbing them together, was forming a little spark. They would finally have some light and, while she struggled to start the fire, Amity rolled a sock on the point of the staff, stopping it from moving with a bit of nylon rope. It took a while for the fire to ignite but, when it did, they could finally see what laid in front of them. Just another path that led to God knows where. “Finally we can see something!” Amity exclaimed, breathing with pure relief. “Yes,” Jolie smiled. “But if we hear footsteps or some kind of strange sound we have to put it out,” she pointed out logically and rubbed the other girls arm in a comforting gesture.
They started to walk again, their feet rhythmically hitting the ground. Suddenly, as the fire illuminated the dirty floor, they could see gigantic, scary shadows. Then, they heard teeth gritting and, when they last expected, two hungry wolves jumped on them.
Caught by surprise, both girls felt with suffocated screams. Jolie, quickly grabbing the staff, that had felt and killed the fire, tried to injure the beast with it. The mutt responded by scratching her cheek with his pointed claw but jumped away when Jolie pierced his torso with the staff. Amity, still lying on the ground, was trying to take a knife out of her belt, but it was hard when the wolf was sticking his claws on her wounded shoulder. Jolie, that had manage to send the wolf that attacked her to the side, threw the staff again and watched as it hit the mutt over Amity. When it got distracted she was able to grab a knife and stick it on his eye.
Tired but relieved, the girls looked around and then they saw four other wolfs looking for something to eat. Knowing they were that something, they ran to the closest tree, the wolves right behind. One of them was faster, running quickly after them. They wouldn’t be able to climb with that wolf so, grabbing some of the knives, they threw it at it. For a few they could still hear it roaring but, after one of the knives hitting its head it felt on the ground with a hollow sound. Then, the girls were finally able to climb up, a little breathless.
On the security of the high tree, all they could do was wait. And they did, using the time to check each other wounds. Jolie had a bigger scratch on her cheek that could use some attention and Amity’s stiches were broken and they both had some claw marks. Nothing to serious.
When, finally, the wolves decided there was nothing for them in there, they walked away and the girls were able to get out of the tree. They found the three wolves, still bleeding on the ground. “We can use some meat,” Jolie suggested, knowing they would need to eat soon. Amity gulped, a little disgusted by the idea but nodded. While Jolie proceeded to cut little steaks out of the animals, looking away sometimes and cockling her nose because of the smell, Amity emptied one of the bags so that they could place the meat inside. They would be able to wash it later.
Gathering their supplies and weapons in the darkness, they started to walk once again, hoping nothing would get in their way this time. It was a slower process without the torch but they hadn’t been walking for five minutes, when they saw it. A gigantic, gorgeous castle. “Come on,” Amity said, with excitement in her voice, pushing Jolie by her hand. “I’m not sure, Amy,” she said, not moving a single inch. “We were just attacked by wolves and we don’t know what could happen in there.” The Gamemakers wouldn’t just offer a castle without a trap, like they didn’t offer the shack. “But what if we have light in-“ she wasn’t able to finish her sentence. “We probably won’t.” Now it was Jolie that pushed her girlfriend to a tree. Climbing up, they both hide on a large branch, surrounded by leaves. “But it’s so dark,” Amity wined. “I know. But it will keep us safe. I promise.” And now, all they could do was sit and wait.
i look at her going into the sleeping bag and smile, Happy not to have to fight with her for that. I stroke her hair gently, a it afraid of her proposition. Yesterday it leaded to something I wasnt sure I was ready to do again. Not in front of all panem. «I will fall asleep if I do so. I rather not. I am sorry.» I wasnt lying. If I close my eye I would fall asleep quickly. «Sorry.» I said, sure that I had hurt her feeling and she was mad a little.Â
I make a quick smile, a little sad and feeling cold. "No, that's fine." Maybe she's still feeling worried about what happened last night and I can't blame her. I had no intentions of it to happen, I just wanted to feel her close to me, cuddle with my girlfriend in what could be our last night. I sigh and lie my head on the pillow, closing my eyes. "Goodnight," I whisper. But I feel like I need to say something else. "I love you."
I had a sad smile when she told me about her nightmare. I didnt have any. But I feel asleep totally exhausted in the middle of the night. It wasnt the same. «We were not the same last night. You might not have some tonight. » I said, caressing her hair gently. «And I’ll be here. Protecting you. I’ll wake you up if you have one ok?» I said. I knew she was as tired as me. And I wanted her to sleep. Tomorrow will be an other big day and I had the feeling we will fight. with how many people had died in two days, we wont be lucky as today.Â
I smile, looking down and grab the backpack, taking the sleeping bag out. "Okay, we have a deal," I say, extending in on the ground. Sleeping in this place sounded almost surreal, but I knew I had to. We needed energy. "Jolie," I start, getting myself inside the protection and warm of the sleeping bag. "Do you want to lie with me?" I offer, raising the side of it with an innocent smile.
«yes mom.» I chuckle, joking. I wink at her while taking a bit of a bandage in the medic pack to put water in it and start to clean her wounds. It was infected a bit but its normal, with nothing sterilize and no cream for it, its normal that it was a bit infected. Though cleaning it will help a lot. we will probably have to do the same tomorrow. «Tomorrow we will need to find water. Our canteen are nearly empty» I said motioning our last half full canteen. The other one and a half had been drank by us today. «Her we go.» I said, kissing her shoulder after cleaning her stitches.Â
I sigh when the water touches my skin and calmed the itching. That felt greater than what I thought. I nod when she says we need to find water. "But I don't want to go back, maybe we can find some water ahead;" I saw, motioning for the path in front. "Thank you, love." I smile and dress back my jacket. The arena tended to get a little cold during the night. "I don't want to go to sleep just yet." Pushing my legs against my chest, I rest my chin on my knees. "I'll have nightmares and I hate them," I say, pressing my lips together.
I smile when she agreed on staying. I was exhausted and quite frankly I couldnt move an inch more. «I had to admit I wasn’t sure if I should follow you at first.But I am glad we did.»I said,knowing that I could be still mad at her right now but I decide not to be because of where we were. Having her around was helping me. I know I would have die a little inside every time a canon would have think of her. Mad and hurt or not, I still love that girl.Â
«Yes…a lot » I sigh of hapiness. With the fallen I had forgot my wrist but looking at my brace I realize I didnt feel pain now. Which was a first since we killed Nate. «I couldn’t be more grateful of the sponsor.» I said, taking the sleeping bag of my bag and put it down for her to sleep. «And you,your stitches? Want me to clean them up before you sleep?» I was trying to avoid talking about the darkness. She might have forgotten it with everything that was around.Â
"Great," I say. "Me too, Jolie. And I wonder who our Fairy Godmother is..." I start to design a special Capitoline with colorful hair and a fluffy outfit and giggle at the idea. It's quite funny actually. I guess mom would have the money to help us, but she's...mom and I'm scared of what she even thinks of this whole situation. I want to refuse her offer, but it's to tempting to do so. "Yes, please," I smile and take my jacket off. "Be careful with your wrist. Just because it doesn't hurt that doesn't mean that it's healed," I remind her.
When Amity let a tear fall I squeeze her hand but continue to look the sky. I didnt know she knew them that well to cry. But, Amity was sensitive about people. A lot more than me. So i could understand her sadness. We had a moment of silence after the Fallen I was writing a new list of those still living and she was keeping her eyes shot. probably thinking and trying to stay calm. And I gave her the time she needed.Â
I got surprise when she start to talk strategy and alliance. She never talked like that since we were here. Mostly answering my question when I asked her opinion and trying to think of people in other way than who is left to kill. I let her talk, we were mostly on the same page about alliance but I couldnt see why Valentie would have ally with Leia and Julius. But she knew her district partner more than me. «probably alone too.»  I said about Farren, Sephie and Iris.«we should stay here for the night. It’s start to be late and I dont want to find any of them during night.» I said looking at my girlfriend.« What do you think.»Â
I sigh. "Yes lets do that." Resting my head on her shoulder, I keep looking at the gradually darker horizon. "Thank you," I say, after a moment of silence. "For being here with me. I don't know what I had done if you ran away for me after the bloodbath. So, thank you." I smile and give her a little kiss on the cheek. If I had to handle alone what we did together, I don't know if I would be breathing by now. And my mental sanity would sure be gone. "Are the morphling pills helping?" I ask, still so thankful for that gift.Â
She sat beside me and I took this moment to think a bit. Trying to think other possible alliance than district two and four together. Maybe Jaya and Razoul allied with district one. Normally it goes that way for career. Farren could be with Hunter since they had a spark between them. I have see a lot Julius and Leila together and if I recall gossip from Amity Valentine was flirting with Omega and Julia… Maybe those four together. Or was Omega with Hercule? Whenever James was, Scarlett was with him, that was sure. I dont understand what she saw in that shitty pirate but we can’t judge love. At least that’s what I was trying to told myself. Peyton,Hyacinth Iris and Sephie were probably alone, they were loners all week. Yeah… make sense.Â
I was writing all name left and possible alliance in the  ground, while Amity was resting her eyes for a moment. I needed to keep myself busy and I was waiting for the pain to go away. When I was done, the anthem start playing, making Amity opening her eyes and grabbing my hand. I smile to comfort her and we look to the sky.Â
My eyes widen to see Marcus face glowing. I thought he would make it to the finale. Surprise, I cross his name on the list I made, so far for the alliance I think there would be.. Seeing him dead was a relief but also scary; who killed him and how? Both district five died, which was sad. I didnt talk much to them but They were nice. I cross their name. I bite my lips seeing Hunter’s face. Thinking about Farren. She would be so sad to see him there. Was he with her. I hope yes. Dying far of someone you love is so awful. I squeeze Amity’s hand to show her I was still there. Whatever our fate wiill be. We will be together until the end. Hercule came after…. and  Hyacinth.Both had high score I am surprise too. Those two were so strong, stronger than Amity and I. So the one who were left had more than score in their favor.Â
I look at all the name cross on my list and shiver. «That’s a lot of people.» I am only able to say.Â
A single tear falls down my cheek when I see Julius and Leia on the night sky and I quickly whip it away. I sang with Julius at the Ball and we spent time in the first aid station together...And I had mandatory training with Leia. I really liked him a lot and I knew they loved each other. At least none of them was suffering without the other, they were together in a better place. Everything I could do was hope that they didn't suffer. As for the rest of the fallen, I didn't know them very well but I took a moment to think about their families. A moment to grief for being rational again. Okay moment over.
Who's alive? I ask myself. Focus on that. Looking at the list Jolie made, I start to organize my thoughts. Twelve tributes alive. "Razoul and Jaya are probably together," I start, talking aloud so I could forget about the fallen. "I think Leia and Julius were together. There's a chance that Valentine was with them and I put my money on how Omega is with him." I start to understand why Jolie was so rational sometimes. It helps to get our mind away from the rest. "James and Scarlett are probably together too, right? And I don't think Peyton is alone," I say, remembering the multiple times we talked. It was hard to see her alone in there for some reason. "Then there's Farren, Sephie and Iris."
«Oh my god Amy…» I said with my eye watering. When she putt  out not only the  four morphling tablets  but a real cast. Something strong and hard enough to keep me going and help with the pain. We hug thigh, only happy to see that twist of faith. Someone somewhere was believing enough in us to send me this. with half the tribute gone, this must have cost a fortune. «thank you.» I said, talking to the sky. Oh I wonder who send me this. We sat down for a moment, enjoying the happy feeling that gift gave us -so different than fear and remorse- and Amity help me put the wrist brace. She cut the a morphiling tablet in half and gave me some water. «I’ll take the other half before sleeping.» I told her. She nod and force me to drink again. Seeing how she was caring and nursing for me was adorable to say. Amity is a shy girl but when she’s like that she show a side of her that not many people saw I am sure. I kiss her quickly and thank her for the care she gave me and I close my eye, happy to know that soon, the pain will be gone.Â
After making her take the morphling pills I lean against the tree, smiling. Taking care of her makes me feel happy and knowing she will feel better soon...that was the improvement I needed for that day. We sit there for a while and, anyways, is to late to go somewhere. I start to get nervous has the night falls and suddenly, I hear the anthem being played somewhere. First I look at Jolie, grabbing her good hand for some kind of comfort and then I stare at the sky.Â
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