Warnings: Angst, talks of death and the suicide mission
A/N: Sorry this took so long. It's exam season and my degree is actually killing me. There will be a part 3 at some point, hopefully soon.
Summary: Ryland didn't initially understand what Yao meant when he said bravery was easy when you had someone to be brave for. That was until he met her.
Ryland Grace Masterlist
“Eye movement detected.”
The monotonous, feminine voice was clearly meant to be soothing, but something about it put my nerves on edge. I groaned, scrunching my eyes closed, becoming painfully aware that I was highly uncomfortable. Especially in the lower half of my body.
“What is five times three?” the voice asked. I scowled, turning my head away from the bright light and attempting to open my eyes.
“Fff… ffuummck offfff,” I mumbled, trying to bring my hand up to rub at my eyes, but my muscles protested like they hadn’t been active in a very long time.
“Incorrect,” the voice said. “What is five times three?”
I ignored it. After blinking furiously, my pupils finally adjusted to the light and I could see my surroundings. The walls were white and clean. I was lying on what I guessed was a medical bed. The air smelt like chemicals, and I would have assumed I was in some sort of hospital clean room had it not been for the clothes and soft packing boxes strewn everywhere. Oh, and the robot arm peering at me from the ceiling.
“Waa…” I slurred, trying to say ‘what’, but my tongue was too heavy in my mouth.
“Incorrect. What is five times three.”
I sighed, rolling my eyes, “Fffyftn you payyn in my aarsse.”
“Incorrect. What is five times three.”
I groaned, sitting up and instantly wincing at the shooting pain in my… pelvic area. Looking down, not only did I find that I was completely nude, but I had a variety of tubes sticking out of my body, including IV and a catheter.
Gross.
“Take these tubesss out of me, please,” I said, glad that my speech was coming back fairly quickly.
“Incorrect. What is five times three.”
For fuck’s sake.
“Fifteen!” I yelled, glaring in the general direction of the disembodied voice.
“Correct. What is the square of six?”
“Thirty-six! Will you take the tubes out of me already?”
“Correct. What is your name?”
Just as I was about to lose it completely, the robot arm shuddered into motion, sliding down and beginning to remove the tubes. A few (weird) minutes later, I had been released and could sit up properly.
“What is your name?”
“Uh… I… I don’t know,” I breathed, starting to panic. Why didn’t I know my own name? What was happening? Where was the person standing by to see the coma patient (me, duh) wake up?
Also, where were my clothes?
“Incorrect. What is your name?”
Right. First order of business. Clothes. There were countless pieces scattered across the floor, so some must be mine?
Pulling the bed sheet around myself, I tried to stand up, gasping softly when my legs trembled. It took a few tries, but I could eventually stand up without falling back down onto the bed. The next step was walking. Bracing myself and gripping the sheet tightly across my chest, I placed one foot in front of the other, testing the limits of my balance. Then I repeated the motion. To my relief, walking returned to me as quickly as speech had, and soon I was sifting through the piles of clothes and bags of possessions lying about.
“What is your name?” the voice asked again, but I just ignored it.
Then I spotted it. Sitting neatly in the corner, untouched by the rest of the mess, was a pile of clothes and a plastic bag labelled ‘Dr Y/n L/n’.
“Y/n L/n!” I yelped, looking around, “My name is Y/n L/n!”
“Correct. Welcome to the Hail Mary, Dr L/n.”
The Hail Mary? Now why does that sound-
“What is the Hail Mary?” I looked up from the proposal in front of me.
Eva Stratt was a serious-looking woman, and I admired her ability to wield her new government-given authority with the confidence of an upper class white man. It was evident from the second she’d walked into my office in Noordwijk and told me I was reassigned to the Petrova Taskforce.
“It will be an interstellar ship designed to transport three astronauts and a laboratory to the Tau Ceti system to work out why that star is not infected,” she said plainly.
I frowned, peering at the basic requirements for this ‘interstellar’ spacecraft. “Stratt, I hate to tell you, but even with infinite funding, we have no way to fuel an interstellar ship.”
“We have a plan for the fuel,” was all she said.
I paused, waiting for further explanation, but none came. “Okay… Then I suppose it’s possible. Do you have a design in mind?”
She leaned forward and placed another document in front of me, “That is where you come in.”
I looked at the document, eyes gliding over the words. It was a job offer and a contract to match. “Wait, you mean you want me to help design it? From scratch?”
“No,” Stratt shook her head, “I want you to lead the engineering team assigned to its design, manufacture and testing. You will be in control of every step of the process.”
My eyes widened. This would have been my dream job if it didn’t come with the condition of the fate of all of humanity resting on its success. “Stratt, I’m honored, really, but surely there’s someone else more qualified. I mean, I’m happy to help in any way I can, but I don’t think-”
“There are many engineers qualified for this,” she said, “I chose you because none of the others have had the career you have. I need someone who is able to make fast, but accurate decisions, without letting ego or power dynamics get in the way. I know how you can help me, Dr L/n. You can help me by accepting this position.”
I swallowed, heart pounding in my chest.
“Well?” she prompted.
“Okay,” I said firmly, picking up a pen and signing on the dotted line. “When do we start?”
“Oh… shiiiiiit…” I breathed, pushing the hair back from my face as dread settled deeply in my gut. Suddenly the weird room, orange jumpsuits and medical robot made sense. This was the Hail Mary.
I was in space.
______
Ryland was messing around with the latest message from his alien friends when he heard the noise. It had been a crazy few days, passing strange xenonite canisters back and forth across the void, collecting information on the seemingly intelligent lifeforms in the Blip-A. He had gotten so consumed by the exciting (and kind of scary) developments that he hadn’t really processed the meaning behind the noise at first.
When he did, it made him drop the canister where it was and bolt to the dormitory.
Please, please, please be awake.
Weeks alone in the endless void of space was getting to him. When he’d initially woken up with no memories, to one dead comrade and one completely comatose with no way to wake her up, he had spiralled. But then he’d started remembering, and the sleeping woman in the dorm had gone from another unknown variable to his biggest cause of distress. The more and more he remembered about his relationship with Y/n, the more he wished she would just wake up and put him out of his misery.
So the sound of her voice echoing through the Hail Mary definitely took precedent over the aliens talking to him through messages in space bottles.
Scrambling through the ship, doing his best not to trip, Ryland bruised his knee opening the hatch down to the dorm. Cursing - well, doing his kid-friendly version of cursing - he practically jumped down the ladder, stopping when he was just far enough down to look around the room. And sure enough, Y/n was awake.
And dressed in only a bedsheet.
“Oh shhh- sugar puffs…” he yelped, slapping a hand over his eyes.
“Fuck!” she exclaimed. Ryland heard something bang, and he knew she’d tripped and fallen over. “Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look!”
“Sorry!” he called, gripping tightly onto the ladder and pressing his forehead to the rung. “I didn’t see anything I swear!”
A few more curse words (actual curse words) and some shuffling noises. Then she spoke again, her voice shaking. “Uh, you can come down now.”
He swallowed and nodded, even though she couldn’t really see him. His palms had started sweating, so the climb down was almost a tumble.
“I uh, I can’t believe you’re awake,” he said, turning around to find her standing a few feet away, wearing the orange mission jumpsuit with her name embroidered on the front. “I tried everything I could, but Armando over there wouldn’t really let me near you. You okay?”
That last question was in response to the strange look on her face.
“Um,” she breathed, wrapping her arms around her waist, “Do I know you?”
Yeah, that hurt. But Ryland kind of assumed this might happen. After all, if he couldn’t remember much from his life before the coma, then why would she?
“Well, I believe so, yeah,” he said slowly, hovering awkwardly next to the ladder, not wanting to make her feel vulnerable by getting too close. “I’m Ryland Grace. You might not remember because of the coma? I was - am - in the same boat, but I woke up a few days ago so I guess I have a head start on the memory recollection.”
She nodded, eyes darting about his figure, “I think I believe you.”
His eyes widened, a spark of hope flickering in his chest, “Yeah?”
For the first time, he was able to actually look at the woman in front of him. Her hair was only a little longer than in his memories - Armando must have cut it before she woke up. And her skin was a little paler, but overall it was like she hadn’t changed. Yet somehow, possibly due to his heightened emotional state, she was more beautiful than ever. He had no doubts now about his own feelings towards her. In their past lives, he must have been hopelessly in love with her. In fact, he was pretty sure he was still in love with her, based on the way his heart went into overdrive at the sight of her and his aching desire to wrap his arms around her in a desperate hug.
But nowhere in his memories had he found any indication that she returned these feelings. He knew she didn’t hate him. Actually based on the few memories he had, he could confidently say that they had been friends. Good friends.
“A part of me recognises you,” she said, oblivious to his train of thought, “but I can’t remember where from. I think we were friends?”
Ryland felt a morsel of relief, glad that even in her state of amnesia, her brain somehow remembered that she could trust him. He nodded, letting a smile curl his mouth, “Yeah. Yes. Yes, we’re friends. I remember that too.”
“Good,” she said, body language relaxing, matching his smile with her own. “I’m glad. I also remember that we’re in space, by the way. Seeing my name on the clothes kind of triggered a small landslide.”
He laughed gently, beginning to pick clothes up off the floor and chucking them onto his bunk pushed against the wall, “Yeah, that’s usually how it happens for me too. Certain things trigger certain memories, and we just have to slowly put the pieces together. Sorry about the mess, by the way. I’ve had a weird couple of days, so I haven’t had the chance to clean up. Not to mention the existential crisis I went through in the first week. Honestly, it’s been rough, but now you’re awake, so I’m not alone anymore, which is great but now I’m talking too much and I’m pretty sure you’re not gonna want to talk to me again.”
With the last of the clothes ‘put away’, he turned back to face her, finally shutting his mouth. To his surprise, though, instead of the awkward, unimpressed expression he was expecting, she just smiled softly. Almost knowingly.
“It’s okay, I don’t mind,” she said with a laugh. “It’s actually nice. Familiar. I think we’ve had conversations like this before.”
His heart melted. “About… clothes?” he asked.
She snorted, beginning to place the sheets back on her bunk, which was now pushed to the other side of the dorm. “Yeah, Ry. About clothes.”
He would have laughed at her sarcastic comment had it not been for the nickname. A nickname he was now completely certain he’d heard from her lips before. It warmed his chest and sent a flush up his neck.
“I should um… I should probably show you the rest of the ship, right?” He asked, spinning around and rubbing the back of his neck.
“That’d be great actually,” she said.
They climbed up the ladder, Ryland in the lead. He held the trap door open for her as she came up, watching to make sure she didn’t hit her head. Then he stood aside, letting her take in her surroundings.
“Holy shit, is that an electron microscope?!” She exclaimed, darting over to the table where it was mounted.
“Yup!” He grinned, beyond delighted that she could not only recognise the lab equipment, but seemed to be nerding out over it.
“That’s incredible,” she breathed, walking through the space, eyes trailing over the various scientific instruments and equipment. “What’s that?” She’d landed on the xenonite container, and Ryland tensed.
“Ah. Yeah, about that.”
______
The alien space ship was huge. Massive. Monstrous. All of the synonyms that meant ‘big’, basically. I hovered by the window, gazing out at the void and the giant (oh look, another synonym), gold vessel taking up seventy-percent of the view. Notice how I said ‘hovering’ and not ‘sitting’? Well, after Ryland explained his newfound friendship with the aliens across the abyss, he had turned off the centrifuge in order to throw the xenonite container back. Zero gravity had been a strange sensation to get used to, but in all honestly, I kind of loved it.
Xenonite. What in the universe is xenonite? Xenon’s a gas.
I swallowed down the bile rising in my throat as I processed my impending doom. According to my companion, we were just over eleven light years away from Earth. Eleven. Light years. And there was no going back. This was a one-way trip for us. We would make contact with the aliens, work out why Tau Ceti wasn’t affected by the Astrophage, put that information on the beetle probes, and then die in space. Alone.
Well, not entirely alone. We had each other, it seemed.
The brief memory I’d recalled after seeing my name hadn’t involved Ryland in any way. But somehow, in my gut, I knew him. More than that, the sight of him down in the dormitory (after I’d put some clothes on) had sent a wave of comfort and relief through me. Like his presence had a calming effect. And then we locked eyes…
I shook my head, casting these confusing feelings aside and focusing again on the situation at hand. For some reason, Stratt had chosen me and Ryland for this suicide mission, and both of us had agreed. Whether that made sense right now or not, there was nothing I could do to change that. And with the fate of Earth resting on our shoulders, there was no way we wouldn’t at least try.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the airlock pressurising. Ryland was back.
Pushing off the window, I glided across the space and grabbed onto the opposite wall, watching through the small observation window as Ryland climbed out of the EVA suit, putting his glasses back on and ruffling his unruly hair. My eyes trailed down his forearms, heart beating in my ears.
This better not mean what I think it means.
I groaned softly, turning my face away and pretending to look at the star map on a screen nearby as he opened the door and entered the control room.
“Hey, I’m back,” he announced.
I bit my lip to control my smile of amusement, knowing that everything from the airlock pressurising to the door closing behind him made a decent amount of noise and that even if I had been in the dorm two floors below I would have heard him.
“Hey, how’d it go?”
He grinned, pushing off the door to float in my direction, stopping himself a few meters away by grabbing onto a bar on the ‘ceiling’. I swallowed nervously as his punny t-shirt (Ah, the element of surprise) pulled against his unfairly sculpted bicep. How was a molecular biologist turned middle school science teacher this fit?
“Great actually, I think my aim is getting better. The robot arm barely had to move to catch it this time.” He was so proud of himself, smile lines accentuated around his eyes and mouth. It was overwhelmingly endearing.
“Good job, Dr Grace,” I teased lightly. “So what now?”
He shrugged, “Now we wait.”
I raised a brow, crossing my arms, “How long?”
“Depends,” he mused, doing a slow somersault and stopping when upside down, his legs hooked around the bar. “They’re faster responding than I am. But it could still be a couple of hours.”
I tilted my head, smiling, “You enjoying yourself over there?”
He nodded, “Yup. Just glad not to be completely alone.”
My smile softened, “And the spiderman thing is a result of that?”
“Almost definitely,” he said, grinning boyishly and crossing his arms. I had to actively stop my eyes from lingering on the way his biceps strained against the material of his shirt. “Although, in zero gravity, it feels less like I’m upside down, and more like the room is?”
“Yeah, well. Space is weird, man.”
“Man?” he laughed, “You calling me ‘man’ now?”
I bit my lip, shrugging, “I don’t know. Maybe?” At his befuddled look, I sighed, “I’m trying to work out what our relationship was, you know? Before… all this.” I gestured around at the Hail Mary, the aliens outside, everything.
He grinned, “And you thought you’d try the gym-bro dynamic?”
Pressing my mouth into a line awkwardly, I nodded. “Mhm, yeah. I did. Regretted it almost instantly.”
“I don’t know,” he mused, “I kinda like it, dude.”
A laugh bubbled up my throat before I could clamp it down, “Oh yeah? Did that feel natural?”
He shook his head, “Nope. No it did not. Let’s just stick with the amnesia-buddies dynamic.”
“Gotcha bud.”
We only had to wait forty-five minutes before the aliens responded. Ryland spent the time catching me up on the memories he’d recollected so far. According to him, we had met on the Chinese aircraft carrier that Stratt had commandeered for the Petrova Taskforce and worked on the Astrophage fuel with a Russian scientist called Dimitri.
“I don’t remember much after that though,” he’d admitted sadly.
It was then that Mary had detected a Blip-B. My initial panic was soothed by Ryland’s assurance that it was the aliens sending another message.
“That was pretty fast, right?” I asked, hovering over the pilot chair. As well as describing his memories, Ryland had also shown me the controls he’d worked out. While that was helpful, I’d found that I already knew how everything worked. Probably because I’d been part of the design process. So once we’d worked that out, Ryland had suggested I take over the piloting role from now on.
“Yeah, wonder what that means,” he said, floating towards the airlock.
I peered through the Petrovascope set on visible light, and let out a gasp.
“Holy moly…” Ryland breathed when he reached the circular window.
The aliens had built a tunnel. It was made of a combination of flat surfaces, just like their hull, and was slowly being extended out towards our airlock door.
“Um… should we be concerned?” I asked anxiously, turning away from the Petrovascope to meet Ryland’s wide-eyed gaze. “What if it’s a battering ram?”
He swallowed, “I think it's too late to do anything about it now. They’ve docked.”
______
“So… we met an alien,” Ryland said, leaning on the desk in front of the camera. “He’s kinda growing on me. At least he’s not growing in me, you know? Which was a concern for a little while.”
I snorted quietly, listening to his log entry from the observation window which - now that we were connected to the tunnel - had a view of Rocky’s ship while still spinning at 1g. My eyes traced the gold antenna reaching out on either side of the craft, reflecting the taulight off of flat surfaces like a disco ball. It had been a few weeks since the little Eridian had been introduced to our lives, and Ryland was right: he was definitely growing on me. Not only was he an actual, real-life intelligent alien, he was also an engineer. Like me. After Ryland had gotten the voice translation working, Rocky and I had spent hours discussing our respective ships and spin drives. Turns out, even two civilisations lightyears apart could come up with pretty similar solutions to interstellar space travel. And don’t get me started on xenonite.
In addition to making a new alien friend, I had also recalled a few more memories from my life back on Earth. It was coming back in bits and pieces, but the more I remembered, the more confused I became over my relationship with Ryland. From what I could tell, we had been pretty good friends, but something about that felt off and I didn’t know why.
“Something funny over there?” he called, pulling my attention away from the window.
I grinned, standing up to join him in front of the camera, “No, nothing’s funny. I’d just like the record to show that I did not fear the possibility of Rocky planting eggs in my stomach, or whatever kind of sci-fi horror trope you’re referencing.”
He pressed his lips into a flat line, glasses perched low on his nose, “Gee, thanks.”
“I would also like the record to show that Dr Grace here ignored all safety protocols, and took his helmet off in the alien tunnel, trusting that Rocky had correctly replicated Earth’s atmosphere.”
“Record? You know we’re not in a courtroom right?” he mused, expression unimpressed, but the smile starting to curl the corners of his lips suggested otherwise. “Also, that risk worked out for the best, and I don’t see you complaining about the fact that you no longer have to put an EVA suit on every time you want to go chat with our new Eridian friend.”
I pressed my tongue to the inside of my cheek, “Yeah alright, fair enough. Withdrawn, your honor.”
Ryland just laughed, shaking his head. “Alright, prosecutor.”
The moment was interrupted by someone knocking on the door.
Wait.
We shared a confused look. Ryland practically scrambled to get to the airlock, almost tripping over his own feet in the process. I followed after him with a little less enthusiasm, pausing just outside the airlock chamber, as he opened the door.
“Hi Grace. Hi L/n.” Rocky was standing in what could only be described as a-
“You’re in a ball,” Ryland breathed. I moved to peer over his shoulder, grinning.
“So Rocky no die in Earth atmosphere,” Rocky said cheerfully. “I come up!”
“Oh, okay.”
“He’s coming up.”
We both had to jump aside as Rocky navigated the ball to roll up the ramp and into the airlock. He reached the lip of the door and crashed down, the flat surfaces of the ball making a racket as they smacked down on the metal walkway.
“Foreigh body detected,” Mary said.
“Yeah, thanks Mary, we’re kinda dealing with it already,” I said.
“Grace, L/n, Rocky big science!” Rocky exclaimed, rolling through the space. “How to kill Astrophage, together.”
“Rocky!” Ryland yelled, running after the Eridian, almost tripping over the EVA tethers hanging from the ceiling. “Stop!”
I sighed and followed after them, rubbing my temple with my fingers.
“I keep going this way?” Rocky asked, entering the screen room. “This room boring.”
“Rocky, goddamnit!” I yelled as he started smashing his way to the dormitory.
“Science, save Earth, save Erid. Good plan,” he explained, pausing outside the entrance to the lab, “What’s this out here, question?”
I groaned, leaning against the wall and watching Ryland run after the Eridian with the translator laptop.
“Amaze, amaze, amaze,” Rocky exclaimed, changing his course into the lab. “Rocky want to see human technology.”
“Oh my god,” Ryland breathed, plunging his hand into his hair. “He’s like an actual wrecking ball.”
I just took the laptop from him, “Yeah, so you go stop him, while I set this down somewhere he won’t roll over it.”
He nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”
Meanwhile Rocky was attempting to dodge all the clothes and crap lying on the floor. “Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty. Why room so messy, question?”
I held my hands up, after having attached the laptop to the zero g gimbal designed specially for this mission. “In my defense, the lab is Grace’s territory."
“Well, I wasn’t expecting company, was I?” Ryland exclaimed
“Is this room for garbage, question?” Rocky teased further, continuing his exploration of the lab. “Ooh. Dirty, dirty, dirty.”
Ryland sighed, running after him and picking up clothes as we went, “No, this is the lab. This is where the science happens.”
Rocky started repeatedly banging into one of the larger pieces of equipment kept at the back of the lab. “What’s this, what’s this, what’s this?”
“That’s the evaporator,” Ryland said, catching the expensive and irreplaceable piece of equipment before it rolled into another irreplaceable piece of equipment.
I decided he could use an extra hand, so while he followed the Eridian around, ready to put out fires, I started picking the crap off the floor.
“What’s this?” Rocky asked, pausing briefly in front of the toy disco ball Olesya had packed.
“That is the disco ball. That makes us happy,” I explained.
Seemingly satisfied with that answer, Rocky moved on further into the space, moving ridiculously quickly in that space ball. “Rocky will build workshop here. Will need much room for Rocky and much less space for Grace. Only build tunnels in control room so L/n have space to pilot ship.”
I smiled, “Aw, thanks Rock.”
Ryland just looked perplexed. “What is happening?”
“We go Petrova line. We collect Astrophage. We study it. We go home. We collect. We save Earth!” Rocky answered.
“When you say ‘we’,” Ryland asked, gesturing between the three of us, “Uh where…?”
But Rocky was neither listening, nor hearing what he was saying. He just rolled around one of the storage units, peeking out from the other side with a delighted yelp. “I see Grace!” He then proceeded to bash into the units, muttering, “Apology, apology, apology. Rocky new to ball.”
“Rocky, stop!” Ryland exclaimed, running around to stand in front of him. “Rocky, stay! Rocky, my hand is up!”
That did it, to my immediate amusement. I moved closer, leaning against the wall to watch this classroom-esque interaction.
“We cannot just show up in a spaceball unannounced and move into someone else’s spaceship, right?” Ryland continued, the gestures coming hard and fast now. I lifted my fist to my face, pressing my mouth against it to hide the grin taking over. “There has to be boundaries.”
“Both working on our distinct, individual parts of that mission.”
“Mission.”
“Separately.” This came with an extra dramatic, dividing gesture.
“Separately.”
Ryland smiled with relief, “Okay!”
To his credit, Rocky seemed to understand for a moment, but after a few seconds he turned the ball and asked, “Where my bedroom?”
Ryland shot a wildly confused look at me, “Bedroom?!”
So that was how Rocky ended up moving into the Hail Mary. Literally. He brought a whole load of crap, as well as sheets of xenonite for a system of tunnels that he instructed Ryland and I in building like some sort of mildly irritable, alien IKEA instruction manual. It included a make-shift airlock and a life support system that he’d ‘thrown together’. One of these days, I would get him to show me his thinking process.
Within a few hours, we’d constructed a plan to collect Astrophage samples from Tau Ceti’s Petrova line. I did the calculations and set the trajectory that would get us in a geostationary orbit around Tau Ceti E, right in the path of the Petrova line. After we had done the engine burn, I turned the centrifuge back on.
That gave us ten days to kill before we reached our destination. I took the opportunity to introduce Rocky to human music.
“What ‘shake off’ mean, question?” he asked, legs folded under his body and carapace resting on the xenonite wall separating us. We were sitting in the control room, me lounging in the pilot seat, scrolling through the endless database of music Stratt had illegally downloaded for the mission. Say what you want about the woman, but she cared about our mental health, even if it was because a sad team is an inefficient team. And she was incredibly thorough. I wouldn’t be surprised if every piece of music released in the past one hundred and twenty years was on this database.
I laughed softly at Rocky’s question, “It’s a human expression, Rock. It means to not let the bad stuff get to you. Shake it off and move on.”
“Is good message for mission,” he said, “Rocky surprised to enjoy human music.”
I grinned, “Yeah? You want to hear more?”
He wriggled happily, stone fingers spreading out into the Eridian jazz hands, “Yes yes yes! More human music!”
Happy to comply, I scrolled through the list of artists, looking for something to add variety to Rocky’s human music catalogue. “Hm… how about…”
I clicked on a name, satisfied with my choice. Soon, the timeless croon of Freddy Mercury rang through the dorm. “This is called Bohemian Rhapsody. It’s an Earth classic.”
I began mouthing along to the lyrics, putting on a show for Rocky, who chirped excitedly and began mimicking my actions.
“Is sad story,” Rocky said, right before the transition to the middle section where the boy is on trial. “Woah, nevermind, is confusing.”
I giggled, nodding, “Yeah, Rocky, it’s called a ‘mini-opera’. It has different styles for different sections.”
“L/n and Grace are mates, question?” he asked suddenly, making me choke on thin air.
“Um,” I cleared my throat, turning to look at the Eridian, “No, Rock. We’re not mates. Why… How did you come to that train of thought?”
Rocky clicked his carapace together thoughtfully, and the gesture was almost sad. “Music always make Rocky think of Adrian. Grace and L/n act like Rocky and Adrian used to.”
I bit my lip, not sure how to respond to this. Or what to think. Yes, Ryland I were friends, and had been on Earth. Yes, sometimes my feelings towards him bordered on something more than friendship. But how could Rocky have picked up on that?
“Ooh, are we listening to some Queen?” Ryland asked, entering the control room.
“Yup, just introducing Rocky to some Earth music,” I said, trying to keep my voice level when he leaned on the back of the chair to peer over my shoulder. We didn’t have the luxury of wearing perfume or cologne up here, but his proximity meant I was surrounded by the scent that I had come to associate with him.
And it was a little distracting.
“Gosh, Stratt really thought of everything,” he mused, the low timbre of his voice rumbling in my ear. Suddenly the small space felt even smaller.
“Yeah,” I rasped, swallowing. “Do you have any recommendations for Rocky?”
He hummed, turning to meet my gaze. The proximity didn’t seem to phase him, but it was sending me down all sorts of spirals. “Maybe.” It required actual effort to keep my eyes from dipping to his lips.
What is happening?
The memory came back to me in flashes.
Fluorescent lighting casting harsh shadows.
Ryland’s hand on his knee, knuckles brushing my thigh.
Dark blue eyes dipping to my lips, blonde hair cast across gold-rimmed glasses.
The spark of anticipation as the distance was slowly reduced.
And then it all disappeared. With a whirlwind of stumbling excuses and wide, panicked eyes, he was gone.
The rejection stung my chest just as painfully as it had all those years ago, amplified by the hopelessness of a suicide mission and the realisation that I was still in love with him. Now. In this version of our lives.
And he didn’t love me.
“Um, you know, I actually need to check on the status of the spin drives,” I said quickly, wriggling out of the pilot chair, putting as much space between me and Ryland as possible.
“Oh, okay, yeah,” he stuttered, looking a little perplexed, “D-do they need to be checked on?”
I nodded, clearing my throat and avoiding his gaze, “Yup. Yeah, definitely. They’re kinda important, so checking up on them can’t hurt.”
“Okay,” he said, sounding unsure.
“Don’t stop on my account though,” I said quickly, looking at Rocky, “You want Grace to show you his music?”
“If Grace music as good as L/n music, amaze amaze amaze!” he exclaimed, shaking his carapace enthusiastically. “Rocky can also show Grace how to shake off!”
This brought a smile to my lips, “Yeah, sounds like a good idea, Rock. He could use some dance lessons.”
I turned and began messing with the control display in front of me.
Summary: Ryland didn't initially understand what Yao meant when he said bravery was easy when you had someone to be brave for. That was until he met her.
Warnings: Angst, talks of death and the suicide mission
Summary: Ryland didn't initially understand what Yao meant when he said bravery was easy when you had someone to be brave for. That was until he met her.
Ryland Grace Masterlist
What’s taking so long?
I sighed into my coffee cup, the last dregs of mediocre cafeteria brew reflecting the white fluorescent lighting. The room was buzzing with anticipation. Stratt’s invitation email had stated the start time of the meeting as eleven hundred sharp. Considering we were on a military, naval vessel, I’d assumed things would run relatively on schedule, but it was fifteen minutes past eleven and no sign of the Dutch Director.
“Why is everyone so anxious?” I murmured, rubbing my temple groggily. I had spent the bulk of the night in the lab, redesigning the nosecone for the Hail Mary prototype. By the time I’d figured it out, it was long past midnight and I had completely forgotten about this meeting. What followed was a series of events beginning with me forgetting to set my alarm, and ending with a mad scramble out the door, pulling an old university hoodie over my head on the way.
And now there I sat, glasses perched precariously on my nose, hair twisted into a claw clip, looking fairly unprofessional amongst the group of suited government officials and other scientists.
“Didn’t you read the email?” Stratt’s other engineering specialist, Danny Something, asked in response to my question.
“I skimmed it,” came my reply, “Why? What’s happening?”
He raised a brow, that familiar, arrogant, STEM-guy smirk slapped on his face, “You should really pay attention to your inbox.”
I scowled, “Don’t fuck with me, Danny. What’s happening?”
He held his hands up in defense, “Alright, geeze. That molecular biologist that Stratt hired to see if Astrophage was alive? He’s apparently made another breakthrough.”
“Really?” This piqued my interest, and I sat up straight, finally letting my gaze wander about the room.
The group was pretty much made up of everyone with the security clearance to know that Project Hail Mary existed. Representatives from the United Nations, military officers with countless medals adorning their chests, and some of the world’s leading scientists in all things space and aliens. And Stratt, of course, sat at the head of the table, back straight and silent.
“Damn, that’s quite the crowd she’s gathered,” I muttered. Ever since Dr Grace had determined that the astrophage was alive, Stratt’s main focus had been finding a way to breed the little guys. Because no interstellar design I came up with would be worth a dime if we didn’t have the fuel to get it all the way to Tau Ceti.
And there was only one thing Dr Grace could have discovered to get this group of people together in one place. He’d figured out how to reproduce astrophage.
“He’s worked it out,” I breathed, and next to me Danny straightened.
“You think?” He asked.
“Why else would she get us all together like this?”
Before he could suggest an alternative, the door swung open and a man stumbled in. A man who — in my very professional opinion — didn’t belong on an aircraft carrier. Dr Ryland Grace was at least six feet tall, with broad shoulders hidden beneath a knit fox cardigan. His blonde hair was long enough to fall into his eyes, glasses sitting low on his nose. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I (reluctantly) admitted that he was quite attractive. In an awkward, dishevelled, oblivious way.
“Dr Grace,” Stratt said, break the silence that had fallen over the room, “How was your trip?”
“How was my trip?” Grace spluttered, eyes darting about the collection of faces, clearly confused and overwhelmed. “I got dragged across the gosh-darned world without any notice—“
Stratt held up her hand to stop him, “It was just a pleasantry, Dr Grace. I don’t actually care how your trip was.”
I had to bite my lip to stop the smile playing around the corners of my mouth. The man had barely said two sentences, but I already found him surprisingly endearing. I also felt some sympathy, being myself no stranger to the whirlwind that was Stratt’s authority overy the militaries of the world.
The Director herself stood up, turning to the rest of us, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is Dr Ryland Grace from the United States. He figured out how to breed Astrophage.”
Fucking called it.
The rest of the room had failed to come to the same conclusion I had, it seemed, as many of them gasped audibly. Murmurs rose around me. Danny, who I had forgotten about until he spoke, whispered, “Holy shit.”
Minister Voigt jumped up, eyes wide, “Are you serious? Stratt, warum haben sie—?”
Stratt shook her head and interrupted him, “Nar, Englisch.”
The arguing continued, so I let my eyes drift to Dr Grace. He was still standing awkwardly at the front of the room, watching Stratt and Voigt converse. His eyes were puffy, indicative of the many hours he’d been traveling as well as the sleeping pills he’d been administered to make the process easier on all involved.
“Doctor,” Stratt said, moving to the side and offering her chair up to Grace (a motion which almost floored me from how out-of-character it was), “have a seat and lay it out for us.”
Grace looked again around the room, and it was probably my imagination, but I could have sworn his gaze paused momentarily when it met mine. “Hold on,” he said, “Who are these people? Why am I on a Chinese aircraft carrier? And have you ever heard of Skype?!”
———
The meeting was over a lot faster than I expected. It was understandable, as Dr Grace was jet-lagged and exhausted, and therefore not much use to Stratt until he’d gotten some real sleep. She kept him in the room just until he’d explained his Astrophage-breeding process and answered any follow-up questions we all had. Then she sent him off to his bed with one of the Chinese sailors.
Afterwards, I was left to my own devices in the lab, just the way I liked it. It was a few hours before dinner when Dimitri came to find me.
“Stratt wants us in the meeting room at 9am tomorrow sharp. We’re supposed to debrief new American scientist.” he said, then with a teasing smile, “Maybe put more effort into outfit this time, yes?”
I rolled my eyes with a soft laugh, “Yes, alright. I’ll be there.”
Dimitri was one of the few male engineers I’d met who I actually liked. Maybe it was because he wasn’t English or American, but he wasn’t an arrogant arsehole.
He made to leave, but paused in the doorway. “You have good feeling about this Dr Grace?”
I shrugged, ignoring the way my heart stuttered at the sound of his name, “He’s not a typical scientist, but I think that might be a good thing.”
Dimitri grinned widely, “I agree. He made many jokes, I want to laugh but unprofessional.”
I snorted, nodding, “Yeah, same here.”
The next morning I was up early, dressed and ready to go at five minutes to nine. I know, I know, not the earliest. But it was better than being late.
The meeting room was emptier than yesterday, with only Stratt, Minister Voigt, Ms Xi and Dimitri present. And, of course, me. The others were there when I arrived, already surrounded by papers, diagrams and charts. On the credenza to the side was a selection of breakfast options and an urn of coffee.
“Ah, Dr L/n, perfect,” Stratt said, displaying a level of satisfaction from seeing me that I was unfamiliar with, “Now we’re just waiting on Dr Grace.”
I nodded, gabbing a mug of coffee and a steamed bun before sitting down in the same chair I’d occupied yesterday. “I’m assuming this is all for Dr Grace’s benefit?”
Stratt looked up from the page of data she’d been scanning, “Yes, he is quick to catch on, and showing him this data will make the explanation easier.”
She turned to speak to Minister Voigt. I shared a look with Dimitri, leaning in to murmur, “I was talking about the feast.”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “I was thinking the same.”
“Ah, Dr Grace,” Stratt said, bringing my attention back to the front of the room, “You look refreshed.”
She wasn’t wrong. The fatigued, disheveled Dr Grace from yesterday was gone. And, to my disappointment, so was the fox cardigan. He had been supplied with a Hail Mary mission jumpsuit, the logo embroidered on over his heart. Somehow, he still managed to look unfairly good and I had to actively stop my eyes from trailing down his figure.
“There is food on the cadenza,” Stratt continued, gesturing to the side.
I bit back my amusement when Dr Grace practically lunged at the food, clearly starving after yesterday’s chaos. When he’d finished dishing up and pouring a cup of coffee, he sat down at the table. I quickly averted my gaze when he looked in my direction, pretending to examine the data sheet in my hand.
“So,” he said around a mouthful of rice, “You gonna tell me why we’re on a Chinese aircraft carrier?”
Stratt shrugged, “I needed an aircraft carrier, the Chinese gave me one. Well, they lent it to me.”
He nodded, taking a sip of coffee, “There was a time when something like that would surprise me. But… you know… not anymore.”
I couldn’t help the soft laugh that left my mouth at his words, knowing all too well how he was feeling. It was true that after enough time around Stratt, the insanity that was the sheer amount of power she wielded stopped feeling so bazaar.
Dr Grace’s gaze snapped to mine and my face flushed. I bit the inside of my cheek, grateful when Stratt started talking again, if only because it pulled Grace’s attention away from me.
“Commercial air travel takes too long and is prone to delays. Military aircraft work on whatever schedule they want and travel supersonically. I need to be able to get experts from anywhere on Earth in the same room with no delays.”
Minister Voigt decided now was a good time to pitch in, “Ms Stratt can be extremely persuasive.”
“Hence the crowd of suits you met yesterday,” I added with a wry smile.
Dr Grace swallowed some food, giving me a look that felt searching, “You weren’t in a suit.”
Next to me, Dimitri snorted, so I elbowed him in the side. “I’m an engineer,” I told Dr Grace, as though it was enough explanation.
To him, it proved sufficient as he nodded, humming his understanding around a mouthful of coffee.
“Enough chit-chat,” Stratt said, all but slamming a piece of paper down in front of him, “This is what led to the Hail Mary Project.”
Voigt bristled, “You’re showing him? Now? Without getting him clearance-”
Stratt placed a hand on Grace’s shoulder. “Dr. Ryland Grace, I hereby grant you top-secret clearance to all information pertaining to Project Hail Mary.”
The next few minutes were spent explaining the problem to Dr Grace. How many of the stars in our galaxy were experiencing the same pattern of solar dimming as our own Sun, and how it was clear the Astrophage were the cause. Xi then proceeded to tell him about Tau Ceti, the miracle star that was surrounded by infected stars, yet remained unaffected.
“Why?” Dr Grace breathed, peering down at the data in his hand, frowning.
“That’s what we want to find out,” Stratt stated. “So we’re going to make a ship and send it there.”
He snorted, looking up at the Director like she was crazy, “You can’t just ‘make’ an interstellar ship. We don’t have the technology. We don’t have anything close to the technology.”
This was where Dimitri stepped in, “Actually, my friend, we do.”
Stratt began introducing them, but Dimitri cut her off. “Please, call me Dimitri.”
She didn’t look happy about the interruption, but continued. “Dimitri heads up the Russian Federation’s research into Astrophage, and Dr L/n is the best astronautical engineer in the European Space Agency.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Dimitri greeted with a smile. “I am happy to report that we can actually make an interstellar voyage.”
I just nodded next to him, knowing he and Dr Grace would probably get along better as they had similar scientific backgrounds.
“No we can’t,” Dr Grace said with a confused frown, “Unless you’ve got an alien spaceship you never told anyone about.”
“Actually,” I interjected, crossing my arms with an excited smile, “We have many. They’re known as Astrophage, been on the news a lot recently, don’t know if you’ve heard of them.”
I watched with delight as Dr Grace’s frown disappeared and that familiar look of scientific curiosity replaced it. “Oh God, please tell me you understand where the heat goes. I can’t figure out what the heck it’s doing with the heat energy!”
This was what I loved about science and science people. There was no better feeling than freaking out about a discovery with people who understood the magnitude behind it. And this discovery was almost as big as Dr Grace’s breeding method.
“We have figured this out, yes,” Dimitri said, also grinning, “With lasers. It was a very illuminating experiment.”
I snorted.
“Was that a pun?” Dr Grace asked, tone rising with pleasant surprise.
“It was!”
“Good one!”
The three of us laughed. I decided then that having Dr Grace around may actually make this experience more bearable. Unfortunately, Stratt didn’t share our mirth, and one icy glare from her had us scrambling back to the explanation. Together, Dimitri and I talked Dr Grace through the experiments we’d performed. His enthusiasm when he put the pieces together and arrived at the energy-mass conversion was contagious.
Yes, science was awesome. And it was really nice being reminded of that in such an animated way.
“That’s…! Dimitri, Dr L/n, can we hang out? I’ll buy you beers, or vodka. Or anything. I bet there’s an officers’ club on this boat right?”
I grinned, ignoring the warm feeling in my chest. “It would be our pleasure,” I said.
He leaned back in his chair, meeting my eyes briefly with a quietly awe-filled smile. The sight sent my heart into overdrive, and I was almost relieved when Stratt interrupted the moment.
“Glad you’re making friends,” she said dryly, “but you’ve got a lot of work to do before you start hitting the bars.”
He frowned, clearly still oblivious to his part in all of this. “Me? What do I have to do?”
“You need to design and create an Astrophage-breeding facility.”
This prompted a big reaction from the molecular biologist, his eyes wide as he flung his hands up into his hair, “You’re going to make an Astrophage-powered ship!”
I bit my lip, consistently amused by this man. Stratt just nodded, unimpressed by his display of enthusiasm.
“Holy cow! It’s the most efficient rocket fuel ever! How much would we need- oh. Two million kilograms, right? That’s why you wanted to know how long it would take to make that much?”
He, Ms Xi and Stratt continued to discuss the maths and logistics behind all of this. When Dr Grace was informed that he would be spending all his time on this aircraft carrier for the foreseeable future, Stratt turned to me. “Dr L/n will lead you to your lab as it is opposite hers. She and Dimitri will work on the propulsion system with your feedback to guide them while you focus on the breeding facility. After you’ve gotten acquainted with the lab, head to the hangar deck. I have carpenters building accommodations and offices as we speak. Pick some you like and lay claim.”
He nodded with a quiet sigh, pushing his glasses further up his nose and standing up, “Yes ma’am.”
With that, Stratt left, Minister Voigt and Xi trailing after her. I grabbed my coffee mug, following Dimitri to the door. Just as I reached the frame, I turned back to look at Dr Grace who was stood still at the table, looking a little dazed.
“Dr Grace,” I said, snapping him out of his thoughts, “You coming?”
He blinked, turning to me with a baffled expression. “Sorry,” he huffed a laugh, grabbing his own mug and beginning to follow me out the room. “I just can’t believe this is happening.”
I laughed, bumping his shoulder with my own, “Welcome to the club.”
______
Ryland found himself getting used to the rhythm of life on Stratt’s Vatt pretty quickly. It was quite similar to his post-graduate days, if he was being completely honest. Wake up, get ready, go straight to the lab and spend all day conducting experiments. The routine was familiar and comforting. There was just one glaring difference - Dr Y/n L/n.
The woman was unlike anyone he had ever met. Sharp as a whip and funnier than most engineers he knew, she was quick to match his geeky science jokes with her own. For most of his adult life, Ryland had avoided romantic relationships, having had a few rocky ones in his teen years and early twenties. He had found it was just easier being alone. Much safer for his heart if he never put himself in a situation where he could have it broken. So he liked to think that he’d gotten pretty good at controlling his thoughts and feelings about the opposite sex.
Up until now.
Y/n had taken him by surprise from the moment he’d laid eyes on her. That first conference meeting, her piercing gaze had stood out in the crowd of suits, that apt attention making his hands and feet sweat with nerves. Afterwards, he’d thought he’d never see her again, but to his surprise, she’d appeared again in Stratt’s debriefing. This was where he’d started learning tantalising morsels of information about her.
She was an ESA astronautical engineer, and a gosh-darned good one at that. When she spoke, her accent flowed like sweet honey to his ears. And she was funny. Funnier than anyone he’d ever met.
But he’d dealt with inconvenient feelings before, and this time would be no different.
For the next few weeks, he worked on the Astrophage-breeding facility, while also aiding Y/n and Dimitri on their propulsion system. It didn’t take long for him to get used to her random drop-ins, an interesting question always on the tip of her tongue. They often took their lunch breaks together, occasionally joined by Dimitri if he didn’t need to call his family.
“Yeah, the breeding tube’s working just fine, but I still need to find a way to feed the Astrophage all that energy,” he was telling her about a month into their new lives.
“Oh, I believe Stratt is working on that,” Y/n said, taking a bite out of her sandwich. They were sitting out on the deck today, looking over the vast blue ocean. It had become a tradition of sorts, when the weather permitted it.
Ryland had been trying not to stare at her, the sunlight and the wind catching her hair making her look ethereal. And here he sat, mere mortal in his 'I had potential' t-shirt and fox cardigan.
“What do you mean?” He asked instead.
She shrugged, “Stratt’s apparently got a plan for the energy problem. Hasn’t told anyone though,”
Ryland huffed a quiet laugh, “She seems to work on a ‘need-to-know’ basis.”
“Oh definitely,” Y/n said, lips pulling into a smile that had Ryland’s heart speeding up.
Stop. This is a bad road to go down.
He was here for one reason, and one reason only. To help fix the Astrophage problem so his kids wouldn’t have to grow up in a world ridden with famine, extreme climate change and war. A voice in the back of his head tried to remind him that they would probably have to endure that anyway, considering it would take about twenty-five years before they found a solution, but he pushed that voice aside. He was already facing the end of the world. Heartbreak and rejection were unnecessary tribulations to add to his emotional load.
But it couldn’t hurt to make friends? Right?
“Did you know that the Moon has rock tides?” Y/n said out of the blue, turning to grin up at him.
Ryland’s heart dropped to his stomach, dread filling his gut, which was a weird sensation when paired with the overwhelming rush of affection he felt at her words.
“No, I didn’t,” he said, matching her grin. Actually, he did. He was a science teacher. Weird and wacky space facts were his thing. But there was nothing in the world that could make him spoil her fun.
“It’s actually pretty incredible, and it’s the reason we only ever see one side of…”
______
“Wait, she took you to an actual prison?”
It was 6pm and the lab was quiet except for Ryland and I gathered around my work station. This had become a routine of sorts. Living on a ship didn't leave much room for hobbies or down time, so I tended to spend my evenings in the lab, tinkering with miscellaneous items, fixing and tweaking them just to keep myself busy. And ever since the microbiologist realised how late I stayed up, he started keeping me company, mostly just rambling on about an oddly specific topic.
But today Stratt had dragged him across the world to visit a prison apparently.
Ryland gave a long-suffering sigh, leaning his head on his hands. My gaze trailed up the veins in his forearms, breath catching in my throat.
“Yup. In mother-hugging Australia,” he grumbled, the childlike profanity making me smile fondly. “Do you know how many spiders there were?”
I winced, “Oh, please don’t talk about spiders. You know they make my skin crawl.”
He looked up at me over the rim of his glasses and I almost forgot what we were talking about. “Sorry,” he said, fiddling with an allen key I’d left on the lab counter. “It was just a weird few days. I think I’ve been demoted from Astrophage breeding specialist.”
“Nah, Stratt would never demote you,” I said, peering at the badly-wired circuit board I’d pulled from the latest generator model. “You’re her favourite minion.”
He laughed, “Yeah right.”
I gave him a pointed look, “It’s true. Half the ship thinks you’re sleeping together.”
Ryland jerked back, eyes wide and spluttered, “What?! Why? You don’t think that, do you?”
I bit my lip, hesitating. Truth was, in Ryland’s first few weeks on the Vat, I had suspected there might be something between him and Stratt. It just seemed like she tolerated his antics a lot more than I would have expected her to. But now that I’d become close friends with the man, I knew better.
“Oh god,” he groaned, leaning back in his chair rubbing a hand over his face. “We’re not! I swear, Y/n, you have to believe me.”
“Okay, Dr Grace, calm down,” I laughed, setting the circuit board aside and walking round to lean on the counter in front of him. “I know you’re not sleeping with her. You wouldn’t be able to hide that from me for very long. Your face always says exactly what you’re thinking.”
He swallowed, chin tilted to meet my gaze, “Oh. Good.”
“So what was the point of this little excursion?” I asked, changing the subject.
Ryland seemed relieved, and he sat up straight again, towering over me even when sitting down. “I met Dr Robert Redell.”
My eyes widened, “The solar thermal power guy? The one responsible for all those deaths?”
He nodded, pushing his glasses further up his nose, “That’s the one. Apparently he emailed Stratt anonymously a few months ago about a way to more effectively breed enriched Astrophage.”
I whistled lowly, “Okay, so you weren’t kidding when you said you’d been demoted.”
He shook his head, “Nope.”
“Wait, if he emailed her anonymously then how did she know where to find him?”
“Apparently emails from a prison computer are never really anonymous. And when you have the insane level of universal authority that Stratt has…”
I nodded, “Ah okay, got it. So he’s on Astrophage breeding now. What has our lovely Director got you working on?”
Ryland shrugged, “General science research. I think she trusts my judgement on a lot of this stuff, God knows why. I think I’ll be spending a lot more time just doing more research on Astrophage. If we’re going to be using it as fuel, we need to understand it on a much higher level than we do now. I mean a lifeform that can literally turn energy into mass? Think of the biological implications!”
I grinned. His enthusiasm was contagious. “For someone facing the end of the world, you sure seem pretty excited, Dr Grace.”
He laughed nervously, running a hand through his unruly hair, “I mean, it’s not like I’m not scared out of my mind. But we gotta find a silver lining somewhere, you know?”
I hummed in agreement. My face heated when I realised the position I’d put myself in. Ryland was sitting on a lab stool. The table I was leaning on was a lot closer to him than I’d anticipated, and now I was practically between his legs, his knees brushing my lower thighs. Suddenly my skin felt like it was on fire, but in a good way. A really, really good way.
I basically stopped breathing when his eyes dipped to my lips. His hands inched closer, looking as though they were going to curl around my waist. Was this really going where I hoped it was going? I’d been pining over this man for months, and had actually started accepting the fact that he didn’t feel the same. This gave me hope.
But just as I was convinced he would lean in, Ryland pulled back; suddenly - like he’d been electrocuted.
“Uh, sorry, I…” he began rambling, climbing off the stool and putting distance between us faster than I knew he could move. “I have… something… scheduled. Late. I’m late. For a… a meeting.”
“Ry,” I began, stepping towards him as he practically ran out the door.
“I’ll see you later?” And with that he was gone.
My heart dropped to my stomach, throat tightening with dejection.
______
I didn’t see Ryland for a few weeks after that. It felt like he was avoiding me, but I couldn’t prove it. I would catch glimpses of him around the ship, but every time I actually tried to find him, he disappeared again. I was beginning to think some of these sightings were hallucinations. Still, I felt like I was going mad with all this overthinking. I’d never understood people who said things like ‘stop stressing’ or ‘don’t think about it’ because I’ve never had the ability to shut that part of my brain off. It makes me wonder what goes on in their heads, and I want to scream at them and say if I could control it, do they really think this is the emotional state I would choose to be in?!
So I spent two weeks on edge and emotionally vulnerable. I couldn’t stop seeing his face right before and right after. How he’d gone from looking at my lips like a man starved to avoiding my face entirely while scrambling to get out of my lab. There was no logic behind that reaction that aligned with his previous behaviour. It was like he’d been in a daze that he snapped out of suddenly right before kissing me.
All of these questions swirled around the back of my head while I worked on integrating the centrifuge with the already-existing design of the Hail Mary alongside Dr Lokken (Ryland’s somewhat nemesis on this ship). She was honestly a breath of fresh air on this ship, considering she was one of the only other female project leads and an engineer. I know her and Ryland didn’t get off to a great start due to his infamous paper and all, but outside of all that drama, she and I got along really well.
So this new development, combined with Ryland avoiding me for weeks, resulted in a decent volume of surprise when the molecular biologist practically barged into my office one afternoon with that familiar, science-geeky look on his face.
“Did you hear?” he asked excitedly, sitting down in the visitor’s chair opposite my desk (not that I got many visitors).
I gaped at him, feeling simultaneously elated and confused that he was talking to me so casually. “Um, hear what?”
“It’s neutrinos!” he exclaimed happily, “Astrophage stores its energy as neutrinos! Pair production!”
I raised a brow, still trying to process what was happening, “Oh, yeah. I know. Dr Lokken told me.”
This made him pause, eyes wide and brows furrowed in confusion, “She did? Since when do you two talk?”
I crossed my arms, a little annoyed with his obliviousness, “Since we’ve been collaborating on the centrifuge design for the Hail Mary? You would know that if you’d bothered to speak to me these past two weeks.”
His expression flickered, and I caught a glimpse of the guilt he’d been feeling before he was able to control it, “Oh. You uh… you noticed that huh?”
“Yeah, Ry,” I said quietly, fiddling with the sleeve of my jumper, “Of course I noticed. You’re my closest friend on this ship. Possibly in the world.” I barely got that last sentence out, my voice dropping till I was practically mumbling under my breath.
I watched as Ryland’s face crumpled, those deep blue puppy eyes unfairly difficult to stay mad at. “Ah shoot, Y/n. You’re my closest friend too, I never meant to hurt you. Trust me, that’s the last thing I ever want to do. I was just so freaked out by what happened last time, and I guess I was avoiding the conversation.”
I bit my lip, “We were always going to have this conversation, Ry. If you’d just talked to me instead of disappearing for two weeks, this all would have been over already.”
Something like hope flashed across his face and he sat up straighter, “Really?”
“Really,” I nodded, acting a lot more certain than I felt. “It’s no big deal. Everyone’s on edge and in close quarters. Emotions are running high, and we both got caught up in the moment. I know you don’t really have those sorts of feelings for me, so there’s no reason to panic and make this a bigger deal than it actually is.”
“Right,” he said, but his tone and body language seemed a little ambiguous. “No big deal. Does that mean we can go back to the way things were? I really want to pick your brain on this particle physics stuff ‘cause it was never really my thing and Dr Lokken scares me.”
This made me laugh, head tipping back, “Only you would be afraid of someone half your size, Dr Grace.” I ignored his obvious bid to change the subject.
“And what are you implying?” he asked with faux offence. “She is a very intimidating woman, I’ll have you know.”
I bit back a grin, leaning forward on my desk, “Oh I believe you.”
The sunlight filtered through the blinds, casting streaks of gold across my office. My heart thrummed with happiness as I chatted with my friend, relieved to still have this. Even if it meant a broken heart, I could survive on this.
______
My heart thudded in my ears, tiny hairs on my arms raising as the fight-or-flight instinct took over. Standing next to the door with his arms crossed, Carl, the secret service guy Ryland was buddies with, watched me with questioning eyes.
“You ready to make a decision?” he asked, gaze darting behind me like he expected to see someone appear around the corner.
“He’s not coming,” I said too quickly, avoiding his gaze. “I didn’t tell him.”
Carl raised a brow.
“Just let me in,” I said, getting frustrated and impatient. If he made me wait any longer I might change my mind. “Please,” I added after a moment, feeling bad for snapping at him.
“Alright,” he said, sounding like he thought this was a bad idea. And it probably was. But there was no way I was going to let Ryland die on behalf of humanity.
Stratt’s office was a lot nicer than the little tinderbox I’d been given on arrival at Baikonour. Lined with good quality wooden cabinets and furniture, I half expected to find her entertaining a few Russian dignitaries. But no. It was just her, sitting at her desk, holding the fate of the whole world on her shoulders.
“Ah, Dr L/n,” she said, looking up after I’d closed the door. “Have you made your decision?”
I moved across the space to take a seat in front of her desk, adrenaline coursing through my veins. It was all I could do not to throw up as I started to realise just what kind of choice I was making.
“Send me.”
I was choosing to die.
The night air was gentle on my face as we walked through the field just outside the Cosmodrome. My lips were pulled into a smile that I couldn’t seem to shake, my cheeks aching from the near-constant laughter and joy I felt in Ryland’s presence.
“So what are you gonna do after this is all over?” he asked me, nudging my shoulder with his own.
I sighed, looking up at the millions of stars, “Oh, I don’t know. I think I’m growing sick of academia. What’s the money like in teaching?”
He laughed at that, eyes crinkling in that way that made me want to press kisses all over his face. “You joke, but… I think you’d actually make a great teacher.”
“Me?” I asked, brows raising. “The woman who got overwhelmed when she had to share a lab with two other people for a few weeks? Yeah right. I don’t have the patience to be a teacher.”
“You’re patient with me,” he said, a certain vulnerability in his tone. “I think you’re the only person I know who listens to everything I say, even when I’m rambling. Usually I’d feel awkward and like I’m annoying people, but I’ve never felt like that with you. I think the kids would love that about you.”
He stopped talking, but there was something unfinished about the way he ended that sentence. Like there was something else he wanted to say, but he stopped himself before he could say it. I looked up at him, eyes trailing over his profile. The ridge in his nose, the scruff of his beard, the way the breeze tousled his hair.
Ryland turned his head, meeting my gaze. And for a moment, I could see what he was thinking. I knew what he wanted to say, and I braced myself for the words.
But they never came. Instead, the side of his face started glowing bright orange, and before I knew it, I was on the ground, Ryland’s body on top of me, shielding me from the shock wave that passed through.
“That was fast,” Stratt said in her usual, emotionless cadence. “I assumed you would take less time to decide than Dr Grace, but I didn’t anticipate it would be a mere ten minutes after the meeting ended.”
“I don’t need to think about it,” I said firmly, pressing my shaking hands into the folds of my jumper. “It’s either my life, or 4 billion others.”
She sat back in her chair, regarding me with cool, thoughtful eyes. “That’s very selfless of you.”
I shook my head, “I have one condition though.”
“And there it is,” the words were spoken under her breath, but I heard them clear as day.
“Dr Grace will not get on that ship,” I ploughed forward, ignoring her comment. “He will not be on the crew, he will not set out on this suicide mission with me. You will find the fourth person on that list I know you have, and you will forget you ever considered Ryland as a candidate.”
I knew it was a long shot, and I knew I was asking a lot. 4 billion lives was a lot, and that should matter to me. Yet somehow, in this moment, the only life that did was that of the man I’d been falling more and more in love with over the past few years. The man who brought laughter and light to any room he entered. The man whose smile could flip my mood even on the worst of days.
“Okay.”
Stratt’s answer shocked me. Initially, all I felt was blinding relief, but then I grew suspicious.
“Okay?” I asked, frowning. “Seriously?”
She nodded, “Seriously. Dr Grace will stay on Earth.”
I gaped at her, struggling to understand how this had been so easy. Months of struggling to win any sort of argument with this woman, and now suddenly negotiating with her was easier than calculating the velocity of a stationary object?
“If he chooses to,” she finished.
I frowned, opening my mouth to argue, but a pinch on my neck stopped me.
“Ow! What the…” I turned to see a woman in a white lab coat - a doctor - step back, holding a now-empty syringe. “What did you just do to me?!”
“She injected you with something that will make you sleep,” Stratt said, her tone not suggesting anything more confrontational than a conversation about the weather. “When you wake up you will be in quarantine. So will Grace, but he will be in a separate room. The two of you will be kept apart until the launch, before which you will be put into your comas early and administered a drug that induces temporary amnesia.”
“Stratt, you can’t do this!” I yelled, trying to stand up, but the sleeping drug was already taking effect.
She just looked at me with that same, unapologetic expression. “Despite how you feel right now, this is not the betrayal you think it is. Together, you and Dr Grace will save us all, but in order to do that effectively, you cannot be distracted by your feelings towards one another.”
I scowled, struggling to keep my eyes open now. “Fuu…nck you,” I slurred before falling prey to the darkness.
Where are my fellow Project Hail Mary fans?? Would anyone be up for some Ryland Grace fics? I may or may not have some ideas brewing...
But seriously, this film was so good. I'm reading the book now because I can't get enough of these two. Definitely one of my top five films of all time, and even higher in the sci-fi list.
Warnings: Kissing, mildly steamy scene (MDNI), danger, death, creative liberties taken with the lore.
Words: 3.0K
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi was destined for infinite sadness, but an afternoon mentoring a younger padawan might just change his fate and blossom into one of the greatest love stories the galaxy has ever seen.
A/N: So, this is part one of the Citadel arc. I apologise in advance for the next few chapters, as they're all mostly filler. I'm trying to flesh out the story and characters a bit before I get to the next big plot point. I've also started a taglist (it has one person as of this post, so maybe 'list' is pushing it?). If you would like to be on it, just let me know in the comments section. And as always, enjoy :)
Obi-Wan Kenobi Masterlist
The sunlight peeked through the blinds, warming bare skin. The only sound that could be heard in the room was the hissing of sheets and soft sighs. Y/n arched her back as Obi-Wan nipped at her jaw, pressing her chest to his. He laughed softly, his beard scraping pleasantly against her skin as his kisses moved down her neck. She could barely think straight when his hands slid down her stomach, curling around her waist to hold her against him. His abdominal muscles pressed into her hip bone, tensing when she tugged on his hair.
He groaned against her shoulder, lifting his head and capturing her lips in a deep, languid kiss. She melted further into the mattress, relishing in the feeling of his weight on top of her.
It was tragic when Obi-Wan’s alarm blared, interrupting the peaceful morning. The Jedi sighed against her skin, fingers tightening on her waist briefly, as though to savour the moment, before pulling away and rolling off of her. Y/n bit her lip, sitting up and running a hand through her tousled hair, gaze darting appreciatively over his form.
“We have to be in the briefing room in thirty minutes,” Obi-Wan rasped, standing up and starting to get dressed.
She followed his lead, grabbing the bag of extra clothes she kept hidden in his quarters. She was just about to pull her undershirt on when a pair of strong arms pulled her back into a hard chest. Smiling, Y/n tilted her head to the side as Obi-Wan pressed a series of kisses to her shoulder.
“Obi,” she hummed, tone warning, “We’ll be late if you keep this up.” Even as she said it, her body ached to melt back into his embrace. Gritting her teeth, she turned in his arms, giving him a quick peck on the mouth before extracting herself.
He pouted playfully, a lock of hair falling across his forehead, “Alright. I’ll make you some caf.”
She beamed, kissing his cheek, “Thank you.”
Twenty-five minutes later, having cleaned up and downed their caf as quickly as possible, Y/n and Obi-Wan pulled their robes on, preparing to leave his quarters. Just as she was reaching for the door panel to slide it open, Obi-Wan stopped her with a hand on her arm.
She turned, colliding with his chest. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t- mmph!” He kissed her, pressing her up against the door. It only lasted a few seconds, but she knew she would be reliving it for days.
“I love you,” he said, stroking her cheekbone with his thumb.
Y/n felt her face heat, lips pulling into a grin, “I love you too.”
______
“As you are aware, the Citadel is their most isolated and impenetrable detention facility,” Master Plo started, addressing the clones and Jedi around the holo table. Y/n listened intently, arms crossed. Next to her, Obi-Wan and Anakin held similar expressions of concentration. “No one has ever escaped,” the Kel Dorean Jedi finished morosely.
“There’s a first time for everything,” Anakin pointed out, but his tone held none of his usual confidence.
“Indeed there is,” Obi-Wan agreed.
“Their security has prevented our probes from obtaining recent reconnaissance, so we’ve been forced to construct a crude map based upon data from the archives,” Plo continued, pressing a button on the side of the holotable to show a 3D replication of the hallways and passages within the Citadel.
Y/n noted that it was very vague, with a lot less information than she would usually prefer on such a high-stakes mission. She had known about this assignment for days now, unlike the troops they were debriefing, but even the extra time to process and plan did nothing to ease her nerves.
Obi-Wan turned to the clone troopers present, “And since the data is extremely old, the map will be difficult to rely on.”
“So we’re essentially going in blind,” Anakin added.
“Well, not entirely,” Y/n pointed out, “I’ve been assigned to this mission due to my Consular status. I will hopefully be able to gain a bit more information through the Force once we’re on-site.”
“Master L/n is one of the strongest Jedi Consulars in the Order. We are in good hands,” Obi-Wan assured, smiling warmly at her.
“Beg your pardon, General,” Rex said, his hologram stepping forward to address Obi-Wan, “but how do we know Master Piell is still alive?”
“The Separatists won’t dare kill Master Piell until they have what they need,” the Jedi said.
“He obtained the coordinates of a secret hyperspace lane known as the Nexus Route,” Master Plo added. “It travels into the heart of both the Republic and Separatist homeworlds.”
Y/n stepped forward, “They could prove vital in maneuvering our forces deep into remote Separatist sectors.”
“Or the enemy could use them to slip through our defenses and attack Coruscant,” came Anakin’s addition.
She sensed the weight of the information settling over the clones, satisfied when it only seemed to harden their resolve.
Master Plo continued in that same, accented, baritone, “These hyperspace lanes are of immense interest to both our sides and could tip the scale of the war to whomever is in possession of them.” He paused, turning his head to address the whole room, “That is all.”
Slowly, the company filtered out of the room, dividing naturally into groups. Y/n found herself automatically drawn to Obi-Wan’s side, walking with him and the other two Jedi through the temple hallways, their intended destination: the hangar bay.
When they had moved out of earshot of the clones, Master Plo spoke. “Based on the archive schematics, we’ve narrowed it down to three possible locations they could be holding him at.”
“My greatest concern is infiltrating their outer security,” Obi-Wan said, “The life-form scanners will not be easy to fool.” He lifted a hand to stroke his beard thoughtfully.
“I have been able to cloak one or two people from those scanners before, but never this many,” Y/n said.
“Don’t worry, I’ve got a thought about that,” Anakin assured, smirking. Y/n recognised the gleam in his eye with no small amount of apprehension.
Before she could ask him further questions, Ahsoka came running up from behind. “Master,” she greeted, a little out of breath, “I’m sorry I’m late. I just heard about the briefing. We’re going to rescue Master Piell, right?”
The four Jedi Knights shared awkward looks - Ahsoka wasn’t assigned to this mission. Anakin stopped walking and crossed his arms with a sigh. Obi-Wan shot his former Padawan an amused smile.
“You two have much to discuss,” Master Plo said gravely.
Y/n smile apologetically at the young Togruta before turning and walking off with them.
______
The hangar bay was fairly quiet, having been sealed off from any personnel not part of the assignment in order to keep it confidential. Obi-Wan walked between the gunships with Anakin, observing the activity around him and pondering on what his former apprentice had meant when he said he had a ‘thought’ about hiding from the life-form scanners. As he was doing so, his eyes caught on a beautiful sight: Y/n was standing near one of the walls, chatting with Cody, Rex and the other clones.
Maker, just the sight of her… He had hoped that after a few months together, his intense affection for her would wane a little, but it only grew stronger every day. His heart melted when she laughed at something Rex said, her smile brighter than the suns of Tatooine.
“R2,” Anakin said as the two men approached the group of blue-painted battle droids surrounding the small astromech, “Make sure they don’t stray from the flight plan.”
The closest battle droid straightened up, saluting Anakin and replying in that synthetic voice, “It’s all under control, sir.”
“I was talking to R2,” Anakin snapped, frowning frustratedly and moving past the group.
Obi-Wan couldn’t help but feel amused by this. He knew Anakin’s frustration stemmed from the conversation he’d had with Ahsoka, while barely two years ago, he would have been on the receiving end of such a conversation with Obi-Wan. It seemed the circle of life was rearing its head and the younger Jedi wasn’t happy about it.
Anakin trudged off to work on his ‘plan’, leaving Obi-Wan by himself. To his delight, it wasn’t ten seconds before Y/n appeared at his side, laughing softly at Anakin’s exit.
“You must be enjoying this,” she teased, nudging him with her elbow.
He grinned, “Oh, immensely. You don’t happen to know what this plan of his is, do you?”
She shook her head, “If I did, I would have told you this morning.” Her voice was soft to keep others around them hearing her words.
Just then, Anakin called for everyone to join him at the edge of the hangar. Obi-Wan and Y/n obeyed, making their way over together, the clones not far behind. As they got closer, Obi-Wan recognised the large, glowing structure ahead of him, steam rolling out of deep vats that dipped into the floor.
“This is your idea?” he said dryly, “Carbon freezing?”
Next to him, Y/n tensed, but Anakin just smirked. “Hey, you wanted to shield us from the life-form scanners.”
They all took their places on the descending platforms, and Obi-Wan sent a pulse of comfort to soothe Y/n’s signature. She met his gaze, nodding slightly before squaring her shoulders and gritting her teeth. Obi-Wan smiled fondly. He knew she wasn’t a fan of tight spaces, but she was also possibly the most determined person he knew.
“Are we sure this thing is safe?” Fives asked nervously, “I don’t want to end up as a wall decoration.”
“Try to relax, we’ll be unfrozen as soon as we arrive,” Obi-Wan assured.
______
Air. Light. These were things Y/n had taken for granted all her life. But now, as she was released from the confines of a carbon block, her throat feeling like it was coated in years worth of dust and sediment, she vowed she would never take them for granted again.
Groaning, the company collectively stretched and twisted their muscles as though waking up from a long slumber. Y/n caught sight of Obi-Wan next to her, pulling his arms across his chest. Anything she would have said to him was interrupted when Anakin groaned, “Hey Snips.”
The three of them froze, turning to look at the young Padawan arching her back casually, “Hey Master.”
“I must have carbon sickness, because I could swear that’s Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan said, voice hard with disapproval.
Oh Honey, Y/n mused to herself, sighing. It was just like Ahsoka to pull a stunt like this. She should have known.
Anakin gritted his teeth, “Your eyes are fine. It’s Ahsoka’s hearing that needs help.”
Ahsoka just frowned, “I received orders to join the team. I thought you knew?”
“Orders? From who?” Anakin demanded, voice rising.
“Here we go,” Y/n muttered quietly to Obi-Wan, making him laugh softly.
“I discussed it with Master Plo,” Ahsoka defended.
Y/n narrowed her eyes, analysing Ahsoka’s face and signature for any hint of deception. She couldn’t find anything definitive, but her suspicions didn’t recede.
“He didn’t tell me!”
“You were already in carbonite.”
“Well I gave you a specific order not to come!”
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from you, Master, it’s that following direct orders isn’t always the best way to solve a problem.”
Y/n pressed her tongue to her cheek, biting back a laugh. Ahsoka had him there.
It seemed Obi-Wan was feeling less merciful towards his former Padwan. “I see Anakin’s new teaching method is ‘Do as I say, not as I do’,” he teased, turning to Ahsoka with a smile, “Welcome aboard.”
Y/n shook her head fondly, turning to smile at the girl, “I’m just glad to have another woman on this mission.”
The party took off, leaving the ship behind with R2 and his battle droids. They had landed themselves in some sort of cavern, with uneven platforms and surfaces jutting out over a bright yellow river of molten rock. Y/n found the sight almost as magnificent as it was terrifying, her feet and hands clammy with nerves. Anakin led the group, taking them out of the large chamber and down a pathway along the side of the rock face, nothing between them and the drop.
Eventually they rounded a corner to reveal a familiar tower built against the cliffs on the other side of a yellow lake. Steam curled through the air, the smell of sulphur stinging their noses. They followed Anakin up to the edge of the platform where he crouched down and took a pair of macrobinoculars from his utility belt.
“I see the entry point,” he said, peering through them.
Cody nodded, “You were right. The wind conditions are too strong for jet packs.”
“Yes, we’ll have to do it the old fashioned way,” Obi-Wan said dryly, agreeing with his commander, “With ascension cables and a steel grip.”
Y/n really didn’t like the sound of that, but she knew it was the only way. She would just have to keep a clear head and trust the Force to guide her.
But Anakin sighed, “I… don’t think so.”
He turned to Obi-Wan who frowned and asked, “What do you mean?”
His next words sent a cold shiver down her spine, “Electromines. And there’s nowhere to put a grappling hook at that height. We hit one of those, the mission’s over.”
“They’ll know we’re here,” Y/n said morosely, steeling herself for the ordeal ahead.
Rex stepped forward, “I suppose that means we free-climb it.”
______
As a youngling, Y/n had dreamed of her days as a knight, relishing in imagining the exciting things she would get to do and the places she would get to see. It had been the backbone of her motivation her whole life, silently pushing her through every test and trial sent her way.
But this particular trial might be the one to break that streak.
Wild, unpredictable wind. Electric sparks arching spontaneously here and there, the heat of the steam from the lava rising up her back. Within fifteen minutes of free-climbing the tower, her breath was shortening and her muscles began to ache. But she was already two thirds of the way up and refused to back down now. Above her, Obi-Wan grunted with each hoist, the knowledge that he was still going (albeit a struggle) kept her spirits up. Below, the clones followed, their heavier armour slowing them down.
“The entry point is just a few more metres,” Obi-Wan said, pausing to look down at the other three Jedi. Y/n watched as he covered the last stretch with the agility of a jungle lothcat, jumping to reach the lip of the platform where they planned to break in.
As quickly as he poked his head over the edge to observe the entrance, he was ducking back down again, dangling from one hand in order to hold the other to his lips in a silencing movement.
Instantly, the party froze, gripping tightly to the rock as they waited for the all-clear signal. Y/n’s heart rose to her throat as she made out the dark figure of a B2-series super battle droid looming over Obi-Wan. He was still hanging on with one hand, and she prayed that they lived long enough for him to complain about the muscle pain to her.
A few moments later, he pulled himself up again to watch the sentries retreat. “They locked the door,” he yelled down, his voice barely making it over the wind, “It’s ray shielded!”
Kriff, Y/n cursed, we didn’t plan for that.
As though he’d read her mind, Anakin exclaimed, “Ray shielded? That wasn’t part of the plan!”
“Well it’s in the plan now,” Obi-Wan pointed out.
“There’s an opening up there,” Ahsoka called, having climbed further up the rock to observe the surrounding terrain. Y/n leaned back to see what she was looking at, and identified the small ventilation opening.
“We know. The ventilation ducts. But they’re far too small for us to gain access,” Anakin said.
Y/n smiled, “That was before we knew Ahsoka would be with us,” she said. “She’s smaller than I am.”
“I think I can squeeze through,” the young padawan said, a determined look on her face.
“Well,” Obi-Wan shrugged, still only holding on with one hand, “We hadn’t planned on Ahsoka being here. Perhaps Y/n’s right.”
“Perhaps?” Y/n teased, giving him a pointed look that was met with a soft laugh.
Anakin nodded at his Padawan, giving her the go-ahead to scamper up the rock face and wriggle into the duct. By the time Y/n and the clones were joining Obi-Wan and Anakin on the platform, Ahsoka had turned the ray shield off.
“See?,” she said smugly, grinning at Anakin. “I can handle myself.”
He just rolled his eyes, moving past her into the building.
“I’m glad that part’s over,” Y/n murmured to Obi-Wan as they watched the rest of the clones make their way over the lip.
He brushed the back of his hand against hers subtly, “I’m only afraid that was the easy part.”
Just as she was starting to relax, Rex let out a cry, followed by the sound of crunching rock. The Jedi spun around to watch the last clone, Charger, lose his footing and plunge backwards. Right into one of the electromines. His scream as he was fried echoed through Y/n’s head morbidly.
Behind them, an alarm started blaring.
Obi-Wan sighed, voice grave, “Well, they know we’re here now.”
Warnings: Kissing, pining, creative liberties taken with the lore.
Words: 2.8K
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi was destined for infinite sadness, but an afternoon mentoring a younger padawan might just change his fate and blossom into one of the greatest love stories the galaxy has ever seen.
A/N: So the updates might not be as regular for the next few weeks because my engineering degree has decided to be an engineering degree... But good news is I have a month off soon, so the pace will pick up again! Enjoy xx
Obi-Wan Kenobi Masterlist
The hull of the Venator reflected the streaks left by the millions of stars streaming past as it travelled through hyperspace. Its Jedi General stood stiffly at the starboard command centre, shoulders tense and eyes distant.. The call had come the previous night — Admiral Yularen had intercepted an encrypted Separatist message, containing information that General Grievous and Ventress planned to attack the clones’ home planet of Kamino.
Obi-Wan watched as Y/n chewed her bottom lip. If they hadn’t been surrounded by clone troopers (and Anakin), he would have walked over, wrapped his around around her and nuzzled his face into her neck. The past few weeks had been the happiest of his life. He thought that if he was ever lucky enough to be with Y/n in any meaningful way, those turbulent, yearning feelings would ease up a bit. Now he knew that was just wishful thinking. It was like the mere fact that he was able to love her openly (or as openly as he could while hiding their relationship) only made his affection for her more intense.
With a fond smile, he made his way over to stand next to her.
“What are you thinking about?” He asked, nudging her gently.
Her shoulders relaxed at the sound of his voice, head turning to meet his gaze.
“Just the usual pre-mission jitters, I think,” she said, giving him a tired smile.
Obi-Wan felt a rush of affection for her, resisting the urge to pull her into his chest until all the tension in her body disappeared. He settled for wrapping his signature around her like a safety blanket, feeling satisfied when she lean into him.
“Just nerves?” he murmured warmly.
She bit her lip again, eyes glazing as she disappeared into her thoughts. “I haven’t seen Master Ti since all this started,” she all but whispered.
He was silent for a moment, considering his next words. “She will be proud of the Jedi you have become,” was what he landed on, smiling wryly, “I know I am.”
Y/n huffed, shooting him a look, “You’re biased.”
Obi-Wan just laughed, dropping his voice so only she could hear him, “So because I love you, my opinion cannot be trusted?”
He delighted in the sight of her cheeks flushing due to his words. “Well, yes,” she mumbled, smiling down at her hands.
Maker, he was so in love with her. All her mannerisms, her way of moving through the world, just drove him to distraction. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before - the intensity of his desire to be in her presence at all times. He knew it was probably because their relationship was so new, but he was now a month in and these feelings were only growing.
Half an hour later, they emerged from hyperspace, the star destroyer casting a shadow over the blue planet as it entered the atmosphere. Together, Y/n, Anakin and Obi-Wan made their way to the base of the hull. The Master and ex-Padawan trailed behind as Y/n chatted with Captain Rex. Obi-Wan could feel Anakin’s eyes on him, but he refused to take the bait, keeping his gaze to the front.
“You and Master L/n are pretty close these days,” Anakin mused quietly.
Obi-Wan gritted his teeth, keeping his voice neutral as he responded, “I suppose.”
“She’s a good friend to have,” the younger man continued. Obi-Wan didn’t like where this was going. “You’re always smiling when she’s around.”
“Is there a point to this, Anakin?” he demanded, getting a little irritated.
The smell of petrichor slowly began to fill the air as the ramp lowered, “I don’t know, should there be?” Anakin challenged, giving him a pointed look.
Before Obi-Wan could retaliate, the green light flickered on to indicate that it was safe to make their way down. The two Jedi moved forward to walk alongside Y/n, Rex and Cody falling back. Obi-Wan couldn’t stop his smile when she met his gaze.
“Here we go,” she sang as they began their descent.
He held a hand up to shield his face from the rain as they emerged from the hull of the ship. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, but soon he was able to take in his surroundings. All around, clones ran about the elevated pathways, barking orders and getting ready for the battle to come. Below, the deep, blue waves threw themselves against the support beams, the violent action grimly fitting for the military environment.
Before them, Shaak Ti waited at the base of the ramp next to a tall Kaminoan. Obi-Wan sensed Y/n’s apprehension as they neared.
“Breathe,” he murmured quietly. She listened, inhaling and exhaling with measured strokes.
“Masters Kenobi, Skywalker and L/n,” Master Ti greeted politely, “Welcome to Kamino.”
“Greetings Generals,” the Kaminoan Obi-Wan could now recognise as Prime Minister Lama Su added with a nod.
“I wish our arrival wasn’t under such circumstances,” Obi-Wan said gravely. “We believe Grievous is planning a Separatist attack on Kamino.”
Lama Su blinked slowly, the only indication of his alarm, “But the Republic blockade is far too strong. They would not dare.” His tiny mouth pulled into a satisfied smile.
“With all due respect, Prime Minister,” Y/n interjected, stepping forward, “I have fought against Grievous’s armies many times, and I cannot stress the importance of not underestimating him.”
“My old Padawan speaks wisely,” Shaak Ti agreed. “We must not let our guard down.”
Obi-Wan felt a spark of unease at the hard look in the Prime Minister’s large eyes as he regarded Y/n. “Indeed,” he drawled.
“We should let the Generals get on with the strategy,” Master Ti said.
“Yes, I will leave you to it,” Lama Su replied, turning and making his way back to the building.
“Y/n, would you walk with me?” Shaak Ti asked.
She nodded, barely glancing at Obi-Wan before responding, “Of course.”
______
Y/n had never been to Kamino. There had been holoimages of the ocean planet in the file that she’d read on the way there, with its shiny cities seeming to float above the water, but this was yet another planet she was setting foot on for the first time. Unfortunately, the context of war had a way of taking the beauty out of a new place. Still, she let herself admire the strange, domed architecture of the city, relieved to still feel that spark of awe she had always craved.
“It has been a while, my old Padawan,” Master Ti said as they walked through the facilities, footsteps echoing off the white walls.
Y/n smiled, “Yes, just over a year. How have you been, Master?”
“About as well as anyone can be during a war.,” Shaak Ti said gravely, “But this assignment does have its advantages. I have enjoyed the opportunity to teach again.”
“I always knew I was lucky to have you as my Master.”
They turned off of the hallway, entering a walkway encased in glass that looked out onto a vast space filled with towers of blue pods. Y/n peered at them, just able to make out the faint silhouettes of clone fetuses. On the floor below, clones at all stages of life marched up and down. A group of young cadets hurried past the Jedi on the walkway, greeting them appropriately.
“I have heard about your progress over the past year,” Master Ti continued, smiling gently, “You have become quite the phenomenal Consular.”
These were the words Y/n hadn’t let herself hope to hear. Shaak Ti was the closest thing she had to a parental figure, and despite the fact that Jedi weren’t supposed to seek personal validation, she couldn’t help but beam with joy under her Master’s approval.
“Thank you, Master.”
“There is one thing I am curious about,” Shaak Ti added, tone turning apprehensive. “I couldn’t help but notice how close you and Master Kenobi have become.”
This had her heart rising to her throat as she desperately tried to push the panic down, “We have always been friends. Ever since you had him help me when we were Padawans.”
The Togrutan Jedi nodded slowly, thinking her next words over. “That is true. It simply feels to me like your friendship has strengthened.”
Y/n was struggling to keep her breathing even, pressing her hands against the fabric of her robes to hide her sweating palms. “Is there something wrong with that?”
Shaak Ti stopped walking and turned to face Y/n. “Only if you are not careful. Attachments become dangerous when we let them affect our decisions.”
The younger Jedi mulled over these words as they continued their tour. Shaak was still speaking, pointing out various aspects of the facilities and explaining their purpose. Y/n listened with half an ear, taking in just enough to react convincingly, but her thoughts were still centred around their previous conversation. It wasn’t like she didn’t understand the risks that came with her secret relationship. Both she and Obi-Wan had been cautious with their affections from the start, understanding that the Council certainly wouldn’t approve. But when it came down to the true risk of attachment… Y/n had not concerned herself over that in years (because yes, she had in fact been in love with him for years at this point.)
They eventually reached a natural stopping point outside the door to Y/n’s assigned quarters. She was bracing herself for Master Ti to make her excuses and leave when Shaak turned to face her with a particularly meaningful look.
“I need you to understand something,” she said, her tone making Y/n apprehensive. “I have taught that you should be wary of attachments, and that they usually cause more harm than good.” She took a centring breath, “But that is only partly true. If the attachment remains pure, and doesn’t become wrought with possessiveness and jealousy, then it can be one of your greatest strengths.”
Y/n took her words to heart, letting their meaning roll around her head for a moment. “I think I agree with you there, Master,” she said eventually.
Master Ti smiled one last time, reaching out to place a hand on her shoulder, “Good. Get some sleep, Y/n. And may the Force be with you.”
“And with you.”
She watched the Jedi disappear around the corner, robes whispering against the white floor, before sliding the door open and entering her temporary room. It wasn’t any bigger than it needed to be, the single cot pushed against the wall, with a bedside table and just enough floor space to get dressed comfortably. Attached was a small ‘fresher with a sink and a shower. Someone had already brought her bag of clothes to the room, so she made a beeline for the shower.
Ten minutes later, back in her robes with slightly damp hair, she poked her head just outside the door into the hallway, looking around for any pairs of eyes. Satisfied at the lack of them, she padded quietly out into the hallway, letting the door slide shut behind her. Reaching out with the Force just like she’d done on Geonosis, she followed the familiar signature, coming to a stop five minutes later outside of another door.
The motions of sneaking around had become familiar to her over the past month. The nature of her and Obi-Wan’s jobs meant they had limited time on the same planet, nevermind in the same place. So whenever they found themselves at the Temple at the same time, or on the same assignment, they would take turns sneaking into each other’s quarters in order to spend the night together.
Y/n held her breath as she knocked on the door, her body already aching to be back in his arms despite having seen him less than an hour ago.
It wasn’t long before the door slid open to reveal Obi-Wan in his casual sleeping attire: a loose-fitting shirt and soft trousers. His hair was a little ruffled from running his fingers through it, and he looked tired, but his eyes lit up when he saw her standing before him.
“Oh thank the Maker,” he sighed, tugging her gently inside and sliding the door shut. She quickly found herself pressed against it, Obi-Wan’s strong arms wrapped around her as he kissed her like he would never get another chance. She sighed happily against his mouth, his beard tickling the underside of her nose.
“I missed you,” he mumbled, placing soft kisses all over her face.
She giggled, threading her fingers through his hair, “I can tell. I was only gone for an hour, Obi.”
He frowned, pouting, “And that was far too long, my dear.”
He always got like this — adorable and playful. Ever since they had both gotten over their fears and come together, it was like he had a switch in his head that flipped whenever they were alone. Gone was the serious, if sometimes sarcastic, Jedi Master that would rather drown in formalities that break the Code, and in his place stepped a softer Obi-Wab with gentle eyes and heaps of affection directed solely at her. His humour was still dry and sarcastic, but his love for her had softened those edges, and now the banter was far more playful.
Y/n didn't bother to stop the grin splitting her face as she stared lovingly up at Obi-Wan, tracing his handsome features like she was committing them to memory. “I love you,” she said quietly, stroking his beard with her thumb.
His pout melted, mouth pulling into a smile, “I love you too.”
There was nothing dark about this moment. These feelings. All her life, Y/n had been told that attachments were dangerous. That they led to the Dark Side. But right now, looking at the man she loved more than anything in the galaxy, all she felt was light. Bright, joyous, peaceful light.
“What are you thinking about?” Obi-Wan mused, his voice gentle on her ears.
She bit her lip, hand sliding down to fiddle with the material over his chest, “Master Ti warned me about my… ‘attachment’ to you.”
He hesitated, tilting his head slightly, “Oh. Does she know?”
“No, but she might suspect? I wouldn’t worry too much though, I think she might approve? In a way?” She watched his face, trying to read his expression. Right now he just looked a little perplexed.
“I don’t understand?” he said.
“Well, she initially warned me about the dangers of attachments, which I know we haven’t really talked about. And I don’t want to force you to talk about something you’re not ready to, but I’ve been thinking about it and I just want you to know that I-” She had started rambling, nerves taking over. Besides their initial conversation on that first night, she and Obi-Wan hadn’t discussed the true nature of their feelings, or even what they saw in their future.
But just as she was really starting to lose it, Obi-Wan ducked his head and caught her lips in a brief, dizzying kiss.
When he pulled away, she was still a little starstruck, and stood there blinking up at him.
“Sweetheart,” he rasped, a soft, loving smile on his face, “Breathe. What did Master Ti say?”
Y/n swallowed, “Well, she said that some attachments can be good for us, despite what the Council says. And I couldn’t help but think about my feelings for you…”
“What about them?” Obi-Wan asked, taking her hand and tugging her to sit down on the bed before joining her.
“My whole life, everyone has told me that attachments are dangerous and that they lead to the Dark Side. But when I look at you…” her voice cracked with emotion. Obi-Wan pulled her onto his lap, cradling her face between his hands. “All I feel is light,” she breathed.
He smiled, pressing his forehead to hers, “I spent years afraid of how I felt about you, conflicted with what I believed the Code told me I should feel. But I have never been so close to the Force as I am now. And it’s because of you.”
Y/n wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face in his shoulder and breathing in his comforting scent. She still struggled to believe that this was real. That she got to be with him like this.
He held her tightly against him, pressing kisses to her neck and jaw.
“Let’s get some sleep,” he said gently, shifting to lay her down on the mattress. “We need to be at full strength tomorrow if we’re going to stop Grievous and Ventress.”
She nodded, eyelids growing heavy and hands reaching out to pull him closer when he lay down next to her. Just like that, all the anxieties and stress accumulated throughout the day disappeared, her mind quiet as she let the sound of his breathing lull her to sleep.
Warnings: Violence, injury, angst, kissing, allusions to sex (closed door), creative liberties taken with lore.
Words: 4.2K
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi was destined for infinite sadness, but an afternoon mentoring a younger padawan might just change his fate and blossom into one of the greatest love stories the galaxy has ever seen.
A/N: Wow, okay. It's been a trip, but now here's the chapter you've all been waiting for!
Obi-Wan Kenobi Masterlist
Obi-Wan had come to the conclusion that he despised the infirmary. Yes, it was a place of healing, a place where the Jedi who put their lives on the line for those who couldn’t defend themselves were able to rest and mend. Theoretically, it should be peaceful. It should be a comfort to know that they had the best medical technology on hand. But these were empty assurances when he had spent the last two days sitting beside the comatose figure of the woman he loved.
It was torture. Agony. The medical droids said she was healing fine, but there was no telling when she would wake up. Obi-Wan would give anything just to see her open those beautiful eyes.
His back was stiff, and he had a twinge in his neck from sleeping in the chair, but he couldn’t care less. He let his eyes trail across her face, taking in the softness of her features, the way her hair fanned out against the pillow. She was beautiful, he had always known this, but ever since he’d accepted his feelings, the mere sight of her had had the capacity to break and heal his heart at the same time. His gaze caught on one of the many bruises littering her skin, the lingering signs of the violence in varying shades of green and yellow.
The Zillo Beast tilted its head back and roared to the Coruscanti sky, waving its various limbs about like some nightmarish apparition. In its grasp, the shape of the Chancellor’s ship could be seen, its metal walls the only barrier between the beast’s crushing grip and the people inside.
“Sir, looks like the General’s up to something,” Rex said, approaching the three Jedi standing and watching the beast. He handed Windu a pair of macrobinoculars.
Obi-Wan waited as his fellow Council member held the binoculars up to his face. “What is Skywalker doing?” he exclaimed.
Beside him, Y/n crossed her arms, “Something dramatic, I expect,” she accepted the device from Windu, peering through them before nodding. “Yup.”
She turned to Obi-Wan with a dry smile, “Have a look.”
He took the binoculars, angling them up at the beast. He could make out the faint, blue glow of Anakin’s lightsaber piercing the hull of the ship. “It seems to be one of Anakin’s improvised plans.”
“How can it be a plan if it’s improvised?” Windu drawled, unimpressed.
Obi-Wan couldn’t help but agree with the sentiment, but he reminded himself that he should have faith in his old Padawan. “Not to worry,” he assured Windu, “Just catch them when they fall.”
“A lot of the General’s plans involve falling,” Rex said hesitantly.
Beside Obi-Wan, Y/n muttered, “Why am I not surprised.”
“Distract them, Master L/n and I shall, to give Skywalker more time," Yoda croaked, tapping his cane on the ground.
Obi-Wan wanted to argue with this plan, reluctant to leave Y/n’s side during such an unpredictable situation. But doing so would reveal his feelings, and while he didn’t particularly mind if Y/n knew, he didn’t want the Council to find out.
“Yes, Master Yoda,” Y/n said politely, following obediently after the smaller Jedi.
They hopped on a nearby gunship and it took off, flying towards the beast.
Obi-Wan watched anxiously as they got closer, lifting the binoculars back to his eyes just in time to see them jump onto the Beast’s scaly head, lightsabers igniting. Just as he lost sight of Y/n’s green saber, Anakin finished cutting, the ship breaking in half and falling onto the curved roof of the Senate building. The cockpit bounced once, throwing some of the passengers out the back, leaving the Chancellor stuck by the window. Obi-Wan tossed the binoculars aside, bracing himself to bear the weight of half a ship.
“Catch it!” he yelled to Windu, and they both threw out their hands, muscles tensing under the strain. In the end, it was a close call, but they managed to overcome its momentum.
Obi-Wan could just about make out three lightsabers still on the creature. It roared in anger, throwing the half of the ship onto a nearby rooftop, the collision resulting in a small explosion. He held his breath as the beast located the Chancellor still stuck in the cockpit and began crawling towards him.
“Come on, we’re flying over there,” Windu called, running towards one of the gunships. Obi-Wan followed him, heart thumping wildly in his chest.
They took off, making a bee-line for the beast, the rest of the fleet right behind them.
“All pilots, fire,” Windu ordered down his comm unit, the words sending a chill down Obi-Wan’s spine. Y/n was directly in the line of fire.
Focus, he told himself, taking a deep breath that did nothing to calm his fears.
To his horror, the blaster bolts had no effect on the Beast, and only made it angrier. His heart dropped when it started swatting at the ships, flinging its limbs about frantically. And just as he had feared, he watched as Y/n was flung from its body, hitting her head against one of its spikes on the way down. Unconscious, she couldn’t use the Force to break her fall, and hit the roof hard.
The memory had been playing on a loop in his head for two days. Obi-Wan couldn’t stop himself from going over every detail, wondering if there was anything he could have done differently. Everytime he thought about it, all the pain and fear that rushed through his body the moment he saw her hit the ground returned in full. He didn’t know what he would have done if she’d died that day. If he lost her completely.
Shaking those images out of his head, he returned his gaze to Y/n’s sleeping form, disappointed, yet unsurprised to find that she hadn’t shifted an inch. He adjusted himself, groaning quietly at the ache in his muscles. For a moment he began considering stretching his legs, when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye.
Obi-Wan had never moved so fast. One second he was sitting awkwardly in the chair, the next he was standing alongside the bed, eyes trained on the hand that he saw twitch. He held his breath, waiting and praying to the Maker that it would happen again. That he would be granted this small morsel of hope.
And then it happened.
A soft, sleepy ‘hmph’ left Y/n’s mouth, her nose scrunching up in her sleep. Joy punched Obi-Wan in the gut, his lips pulling into a smile as her eyelids started fluttering. He leaned forward, placing a hand on hers as she stirred from her slumber, making more adorable noises. Eventually her eyes opened, her sluggish gaze meeting his.
“Obi… Obi… Wan,” she mumbled, eyelids heavy, “Obi…”
He blinked back tears, squeezing her hand gently, “Hello there, darling.” The pet name just slipped out, but he couldn’t find it in himself to regret it.
She smiled weakly, “I lufffmh… I luff-”
“Don’t strain yourself, the medical droid will be here soon,” he murmured gently, brushing a strand of hair back from her forehead.
“No, Obi… I luff… luff you. I love… you. Obi…” the second she finished the last word, her eyes fluttered shut and her breathing evened out again.
Obi-Wan stood there, frozen. Her words were echoing in his head, his heart pounding in his ears.
I love you. I love you.
Never in his life did he think that he would hear those words come out of her mouth. It was like something out of his dreams, but… There was no way he could take this seriously, right? She was delirious, barely awake after two days unconscious. And now she was asleep again.
Frantically, he jumped into action, pressing the button that alerted the medics. Within seconds a droid whirred in, mechanical voice chattering questions.
“What seems to be the problem?” it asked, pulling up next to Obi-Wan.
“She woke up for a few seconds, mumbled a couple sentences and then fell right back asleep,” he explained, running a hand through his hair. “Is it bad? Will she be okay?”
“Do not worry, General. She is fine,” the droid assured after taking a few scans, “She is likely to wake up soon.”
Obi-Wan fell back down on the chair, feeling dizzy with relief, “How soon?”
“Probably in the next few hours.” The droid took a few more readings, beeping in approval, and wheeled out.
For the first time in two days, Obi-Wan felt like he could breathe. He let his gaze land on Y/n’s features, which suddenly looked more animated with more colour to her skin. Sighing, he leaned his head back, closed his eyes and let a tear drip down his face.
______
Her head was throbbing. The inside of her eyelids were bright red, making her squeeze them to find relief from the light. Shifting to her side, she gasped out in pain as her head protested. Slowly, she let her eyes ease open, squinting at the brightness of the room she was in.
As her surroundings came into focus, she identified the figure sleeping awkwardly in the chair next to the bed.
“Obi-Wan?” she rasped, wincing at the rough edge to her voice. It wasn’t loud enough to wake him, but as she opened her mouth to try again, something made her pause.
Ever since she’d met him, Obi-Wan had always had such a serious resting face. Yes, he could be sarcastic and playful now and then, his teasing quips often bringing a smile to her face, but he had always had this predisposition to look like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. But in sleep… Asleep all those worries lifted, his expression softening. She had always thought he was beautiful, but there was just something about how peaceful he looked. She couldn’t tear her eyes away.
Blinking rapidly, she sat up. “Obi-Wan,” she said again after clearing her throat.
He stirred, lifting his head from the back of the chair. After a moment, he seemed to process the situation, and jerked upright, eyes darting about wildly until they settled on her face. Y/n smiled at him weakly, still fighting the headache she’d woken up with.
“Hello there,” she said gently.
“Y/n,” he breathed, “How are you feeling?”
She shrugged, “I have a bit of a headache, but other than that, good as new.”
He frowned in concern, leaning forward to press the back of his hand to her forehead, “Is it bad?”
She hummed and closed her eyes, letting herself enjoy the brief comfort of his skin against hers. She couldn’t help but lean into his warmth, knowing this was probably the closest she would ever get to him.
“I’ll ring the medical droid. They said you should be discharged by tonight,” he murmured, standing up with a soft groan.
“What was that? Are you hurt?” Y/n asked, searching his figure for any signs of injury.
He shook his head, “I’m fine, just a little stiff from sleeping in the chair.”
She sighed as he left the room. She loved him more than anything, and she knew that it was pointless to hope he would feel the same, but sometimes when he fussed over her like that, she couldn’t help but wonder…
Stop, just be happy he cares.
When Obi-Wan came back there was a medical droid close behind him. It approached the bed, leaning forward to take a few scans. Y/n gave Obi-Wan a pointed look over the droid’s shoulder, mouthing “You’re hovering.” He had been watching the process like a hawk, arms crossed and fingers stroking through his beard anxiously.
He just rolled his eyes, smiling fondly. “Will she be discharged?”
The droid beeped thoughtfully, “Yes. We just have to run a few more tests.”
Y/n sighed, leaning her head back against the pillow and closing her eyes. She could feel Obi-Wan’s signature churning with fatigue and anxiety. It was becoming clear to her that he hadn’t paid much attention to his own wellbeing for the past two days, and she would be damned if she let him continue to pretend nothing was wrong.
“Obi-Wan, you need to go back to your quarters and get some rest,” she said, opening her eyes and giving him a pointed look.
He shook his head, sitting back down on the chair, “No, I will stay here while they do the tests and then I will help you back to your quarters.”
She narrowed her eyes. This infuriating man. “Fine, how about a compromise? You go back now, take a shower, have a nap. I will send a droid to call you when I’m being discharged, and you can come back to help me.”
Obi-Wan hesitated, running a hand over his beard. “I’m-”
“If you say ‘I’m fine’, Kenobi, I swear to-”
“Alright, alright,” he conceded, laughing softly, “I will be back in an hour.”
“Two.”
He smirked, “One and a half.”
Before she could reply, he made his exit, shooting her one last smile over his shoulder.
______
Y/n was delighted when four hours passed before Obi-Wan returned. She knew that, as sleep deprived as he was, the minute he closed his eyes in the quiet of his quarters, he wouldn’t wake up for at least three hours. Even if he set an alarm. So she couldn’t help but smile when he hurried in, his hair a little ruffled, clearly having just woken up.
“Have a good nap?” she teased.
He sighed, sitting down on the chair and rubbing his hands over his eyes, “I didn’t hear the alarm.”
She sat up, “Well, you’re just in time. The med droid cleared me for discharge. They’re fetching my stuff now.” She swung her legs over the side of the bed and tried to stand.
Obi-Wan shot up at the movement, holding out his hand like he was going to catch her. “Careful,” he murmured, frowning, “Are you sure you should be standing?”
She rolled her eyes, “I’m fine. You’re hovering again.”
He huffed, crossing his arms, “And if I am? You nearly died, Y/n.”
Her frustration melted away, chin lifting to peer up at him, “Obi-Wan…”
He looked away, avoiding her eyes. For a brief moment, she saw the echo of the fear and grief he had felt. The moment was interrupted by a medical droid wheeling into the room, carrying the bag that held her clothes.
“Let me just get changed, and we can go,” she said quietly, thanking the droid and accepting the bag.
Obi-Wan nodded, throat bobbing, and left to wait out in the hallway.
Five minutes later, Y/n joined him outside, having replaced the hospital gown with her usual tunic and leggings. She was a little unsteady on her feet, but the droid said it was just from lack of use and she would be back to full strength within a few days.
Obi-Wan insisted she hold onto his arm as they walked, his eyes glancing at her gait every few seconds to ensure she wasn’t about to collapse on him. Too tired to argue, she obliged, letting him lead her through the temple. If it weren’t for his concerned frown, this would be just like old times before the war.
They reached her quarters, and she braced herself to move away from his warmth, but he merely followed her inside. All Jedi Masters who chose to live in the Temple were assigned a humble living space. Two rooms with a bathroom, which included the bedroom, and a dining area with a kitchenette. Some of the higher ranking Jedi, such as the Councillors, also had an entertaining area with soft furnishings. Obi-Wan was one such Jedi, Y/n was not. He led her to the bedroom where he helped her sit down on the edge of her bed, instructing her to lean back against the pillows.
“You’re fussing,” she grumbled, rolling her eyes fondly, “I just woke up after sleeping for two days, the last thing I need right now is more sleep.”
He ignored her argument, “I’m going to make you some tea, just let yourself relax for a moment.”
Y/n shook her head with a soft smile as he disappeared into the other room. “Hypocrite,” she murmured quietly.
When Obi-Wan came back, she was out of bed and standing next to her small bookshelf, stretching high on her toes to try and reach a particular text on the top shelf.
“Here is your t- Y/n, I swear to the Maker!”
Just as her fingers brushed the spine, her legs gave out and she began to topple backwards. With an undignified squeak, she squeezed her eyes shut and braced herself for the impact, but instead of the hard, cold floor, she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist.
Opening her eyes, she was met with Obi-Wan’s cerulean gaze, barely inches from her. He had caught her, and now stood frozen, holding her tightly against him. If she had been able to think straight, she might have backed away, but his proximity was dizzying. He smelt like the standard issue soap that all Jedi received to bathe with, the ends of his hair curling slightly with the residual damp from his shower. His chest heaved against hers, eyes darting about her face checking for any sign of injury. When it became evident that she was okay, he let out a relieved sigh, lowering his head to rest his forehead against hers. She knew she should pull away, but every molecule in her body ached to melt against him.
She watched as he became aware of the situation, his eyes darting down to her mouth. The instant dilation of his pupils sent heat down her spine, her breath hitching.
Obi-Wan swallowed, nose brushing hers. “Can I kiss you?” he breathed, voice low and raspy.
Y/n couldn’t wait any longer.
Before she could stop herself, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. He tensed for a moment before relaxing into the kiss, fingers tightening on her waist. She sighed softly against his mouth, the scruff of his beard rasping pleasantly against her nose. It was all just so… him. The careful way he kissed her, the soft circles he drew on her hip. Everything about this was perfect.
But that was why it had to end.
With great reluctance, she tore herself out of his arms, pushing the hair out of her face. “We can’t!” she blurted out, cheeks burning.
It didn’t help that Obi-Wan looked absolutely devastating, with swollen lips and dark eyes. His expression flickered with uncertainty as he backed away, running a hand through his hair, “I apologise. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable.” His voice was wrecked.
Y/n frowned, having been ready to explain herself, but taken aback by his wording, “Uncomfortable? No, it was… it was wonderful but… we are Jedi and…” she sighed, looking down at her feet to avoid his gaze, “And you do not love me, Obi-Wan.”
She bit her lip, blinking rapidly to keep the tears at bay. The wait for his reply went on longer than she expected, making her fidget anxiously with her nails.
“I do not… what?” he stuttered, sounding completely befuddled.
She wrapped her arms around herself, looking back up at him, “I know you are in love with Duchess Satine.”
Obi-Wan just blinked, mouth hanging open. It would have been incredibly comical if the situation hadn’t been so life changing. “Satine?”
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. I just want you to be happy,” she assured, swallowing, “But I can’t… we can’t do this.”
Again, he was silent for an unnerving amount of time. Y/n shifted uncomfortably on her feet, gaze darting about as she waited for him to speak.
Eventually he sighed, crossing his arms with a strange look, “Why do you believe I love Satine?”
This she could answer. At least the topic had moved away from her own feelings. Taking in a breath, she explained what she had seen at the Mandalore summit. How she had noticed their close bond and proximity. “I know you, Obi-Wan. I have never seen you look at anyone the way you looked at her.”
He just sighed, thinking for a moment. Again, the wait was killing her. “Please, Kenobi, just say someth-”
“It is true that I used to have feelings for the duchess,” he interjected, stepping forward and forcing her to meet his gaze. “But we were young -- I must have been barely sixteen cycles when we parted. And I was so certain that I was in love with her, yet I still returned to the Temple when I had completed my mandate. It was only years later when I realised that what I had felt was mere childhood infatuation. It faded over time, and I found comfort in the thought that if feelings like that ever arose again, I would be able to get past them.” He paused, throat bobbing. When he continued, his voice cracked, “And then came the Chandrilla assignment. You. I had never felt anything like what I feel for you. It scared me, and the more I fought it, the stronger those feelings became. And Satine… she could see it. At the summit, somehow she took one look at the two of us and knew. That was why I was speaking with her.”
Y/n couldn’t breath, her heart thudding in her ears. “I don’t understand…”
Obi-Wan reached out hesitantly, brushing the back of his hand against her cheek, “I love you more than there are stars in the galaxy, and I will love you until the universe is dust and all that’s left in existence is the Force.” He paused, taking in a shaky breath, “And I apologise, I know this is a lot. I understand that you likely do not feel the same, but I could not go on letting you believe my heart is with anyone else.”
She couldn’t believe this was happening. She couldn’t believe these beautiful, wonderful words were coming out of his mouth. It was like every dream she had ever had was coming true in front of her eyes.
So to make sure it wouldn’t disappear like most dreams do, she took action, gripping his bearded jaw with both hands and pulling him into another kiss. Unlike the last one, he responded instantly, groaning softly into her mouth. The sound shot lightning down her spine, and she slid her fingers through his hair.
“I have loved you since I was fifteen,” she breathed, pulling away briefly. She had barely gotten the words out before he was kissing her again, bracing her jaw with a calloused hand.
This feeling was better than anything she could have hoped for, her body responding to his touch like a parched tongue to ice cold water. Obi-Wan nudged her back towards the bed, lowering her gently onto the mattress and moving his assault to her neck. She whined softly, gripping his hair as he placed open-mouthed kisses on her skin. The contrast between his soft kisses and the rough scratch of his beard was dizzying, easing her into a blissful state.
Becoming desperate for more, she pawed at the tie on his tunic, mumbling quietly, “Obi, please.”
“You want this off?” he murmured against her skin, lifting his chin to meet her gaze with those burning blue eyes.
She nodded quickly, fingers fumbling with the buckle. With a soft laugh, he moved his hands down to help her, making quick work of it. Soon she was pushing the tunic off his shoulders, revealing the hard planes of his chest. Her throat tightened at the sight, eyes drinking in the countless scars littering his skin.
“Beautiful,” she murmured, reaching out to brush her fingers over his abdomen, the lightly defined muscles tensing under her touch.
Obi-Wan blushed, leaning in to kiss her again.
When it was over, they lay tangled together under the covers, legs intertwined. Her head was on his chest, hair fanned out across his torso while he ran his fingers through it soothingly. She felt her eyes growing heavy, her breathing evening out as his scent enveloped her.
“What do we do now?” she mumbled, lifting her head to peer up at him.
Obi-Wan pushed the hair back from her face, stroking her cheek. “I don’t know,” he sighed.
“I don’t want to go on pretending this never happened,” she said, voice cracking at the thought.
He frowned, leaning down to kiss her lovingly, “We won’t. We’ll just have to keep the Council from finding out.”
“You would lie to the Council for me?”
“I would do anything for you,” he said thickly, pulling her closer.
Her heart fluttered, her love for this man consuming her entire being.
“You won’t leave before I wake up, will you?” she mumbled, resting her head back down.
He smiled affectionately, pressing a lingering kiss to her crown, “There is no where else I could wish to be, my love.”
She beamed happily, nuzzling her face further into his chest, letting herself succumb to sleep.
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi was destined for infinite sadness, but an afternoon mentoring a younger padawan might just change his fate and blossom into one of the greatest love stories the galaxy has ever seen.
Obi-Wan Kenobi Masterlist
If someone had told Y/n a decade ago that in her seventh year as a Jedi Knight she would be fighting in a war under the rank of ‘General’, with a battalion of clones following her every order, she would have assumed they were making a very strange joke. Because it was strange, these times she was living in. As a consular, she shouldn’t have a place in true warfare, but these days her lightsaber was being put to more use than it had seen in years.
She couldn’t honestly say she agreed with half the assignments the Council gave her these days either. It was understandable that she would have to step up and do the job of a guardian when so many were dying in battle these days, but there was only so much violence she could take before it started affecting her mental state. She wasn’t trained to lead an army, she was trained to negotiate peace. Unfortunately this war was a little more complicated than that.
The only bright spot in her life at the moment was the weekly calls with Obi-Wan — even in war time the two of them made sure to put an hour aside to catch up. And one silver lining brought by the war was the increased frequency of missions she had with the older Jedi. They’d spent countless hours aboard a Star Destroyer, on strange planets, leading clones and starfighters against the Separatist droids.
But this mission was different. For one, it was diplomatic, so it fell more into her ballpark than Obi-Wan’s. For another, it called for them to act in their roles as Jedi Knights, rather than military generals. The mission was on Mandalore, lasting a few days for a political summit to strengthen the planet’s ‘friendship’ with the Republic. It was also an opportunity for the Senate to learn how Mandalore functioned as a pacifist system, and potentially how the Republic could implement similar ideas. The whole ordeal had been Padme’s idea, with backing from other peaceful Senators like Bail Organa and Mon Mothma.
Personally, Y/n would be a lot more enthusiastic about the prospect if it hadn’t called for her to make the trek across the galaxy after a particularly grueling mission on Mon Cala. With barely a night to wash up and rest, she was told to get on a shuttle as soon as possible. Twelve hours later, with a twinge in her neck from sleeping in the pilot’s chair, she docked the shuttle on the Negotiator, which would take her and the other Jedi assigned to this mission the rest of the way to Mandalore.
“You look like you’ve been through hell,” Anakin stated bluntly when she stepped out of the shuttle in the landing bay.
She rolled her eyes, elbowing the young Jedi in the side, “Hello to you too, Anakin.”
“Don’t mind him, he’s glad to see you,” Ahsoka teased, grinning at her Master.
Y/n laughed, stepping forward to hug the Padawan, “I hope he’s not teaching you by example.”
The landing bay was thrumming with activity, clones and droids alike running about with purpose. The sight had become familiar to her over the past eight months of war. Before she could take it in, Ahsoka grabbed her arm and began leading her to the elevator that would take them down into the main body of the ship.
“Come on, Master Kenobi is on the starboard bridge. I just know he’ll want to see you!” she exclaimed breathlessly.
Y/n sighed, but didn’t protest, having given up on defending herself to the young tortuga ages ago. It seemed that ever since they had met after the battle of Christophsis, Ahsoka had seen right through her feelings for Obi-Wan. Y/n had been mortified at first, denying it every time Ahsoka brought them up, but now she just couldn’t find the energy to fight it.
“Ahsoka, what have I told you about formalities?” Anakin called after his Padawan.
She raised an eyebrow, turning around to face her Master, “That they’re pointless?”
“That does sound like something you’d say,” Y/n laughed.
Anakin caught up to them, falling into step beside her, “You’re not helping.”
“Hey, sometimes the truth hurts, my young friend.”
He screwed his face up in confusion, “You’re closer to my age than Obi-Wan’s!”
She just laughed.
They reached the elevator, and Ahsoka punched the level number.
“I’m just saying, you two have always been weirdly close,” Anakin stated, giving her a pointed look, “And Obi-Wan doesn’t call you his ‘young friend’.”
“That’s because Y/n isn’t as childish as you are, Master,” Ahsoka pointed out.
Anakin gaped at her, outraged. Y/n bit her lip to control her smile, “Yes, well. Let’s all just prepare ourselves to act like real Jedi Knights for once?”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” Anakin grumbled.
The elevator doors opened again and they stepped out into the corridor. Walking at a brisk pace, they made their way to the command bridge, Ahsoka still practically dragging Y/n by the arm. A group of clones marched past them, nodding and muttering a quick “Generals. Commander.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that,” Y/n murmured to Anakin.
He shrugged with a mild grin, “I don’t know, I kind of like it.”
Ahsoka scoffed, “Of course you do.”
They reached the bridge, and Y/n’s heart stuttered when her eyes landed on the familiar figure leaning over the holo table. Obi-Wan in his leather armour was something else. All wide shoulders and sharp edges… if she had any less control over her impulses, she would spend every second in his presence drinking in the sight shamelessly.
“General on deck!” Anakin’s clone captain, Rex, yelled, and all the clones on the bridge stood to attention.
“Ah, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said, before standing up straight and lifting his gaze from the table, “I was beginning to think you weren’t coming.”
Anakin crossed his arms, “Relax, I was just escorting General L/n from her shuttle.”
At the mention of her name, Obi-Wan’s gaze whipped about until he’d spotted her standing just behind Anakin. “Y/n,” he breathed, lips pulling into a delighted smile, “I wasn’t aware you were travelling with us.”
“She wasn’t, but I pulled a few strings,” Anakin said with a shrug.
Y/n whirled on him, eyes wide, “Hang on, are you the reason I’ve just had to fly for twelve hours straight, by myself, through hyperspace?”
“Oh, Anakin,” Obi-Wan groaned, rubbing his face with a gloved hand, “You didn’t.”
The young man just held up his hands. Before he could defend himself, Ahsoka stepped in, “He only did it so you would stop moping about. The both of you get kind of cranky when you’re separated for too long.”
Y/n paused, her resolve melting as she saw the pleading look in the Padawan’s eyes, “You’re lucky I missed you. All of you. Otherwise we would be having a very different conversation right now.”
Anakin grinned, “I’ll take the win.”
______
The journey to Mandalore took about five hours, and Obi-Wan would have been a lot more annoyed about it if it hadn’t given him the perfect opportunity to spend a little time with Y/n before their duties separated them again. He had decided long ago to stop fighting these feelings for her. The resistance had only made him more miserable, and when he finally admitted the truth to himself, he felt liberated. Like the fear of the attachment was the part that was making it dangerous, not the attachment itself.
Despite his acceptance, he did not believe anything would ever come out of this love he had for her. She was so pure and spirited, with a stronger connection to the Force than possibly even Anakin. He felt it was impossible for her to ever return these feelings. She cared for him - that he could see clear as day. But that was simply her nature. She cared about everyone, even those she should consider enemies. Her compassion was endless, and it was one of the reasons he had fallen so deeply in love with her.
So he continued on with his life, content in the knowledge that he would love her silently - likely until the day he died.
After the initial mission briefing they received from the Council via the holo table, Obi-Wan pulled Y/n aside.
“You looked like you were two seconds away from dozing off back there, is everything alright?” he asked gently, dipping his chin to meet her gaze.
This close, the signs of her fatigue were as clear as day. Her puffy eyes and muted expressions tugged at his heart, and he had to resist the impulse to reach out and pull her into his chest.
She smiled weakly, rubbing her temple, “I can’t hide anything from you, can I?”
At his concerned frown, she sighed, “I’ll be alright, Obi-Wan. This mission is important.”
His frown just deepened, “So is your health.” He was silent for a moment, thinking. Then he took her wrist gently and began leading her away from the bridge, “Come with me.”
She just followed, her steps coordinated enough that they would fool any outsider, but Obi-Wan knew her far too well not to notice the way she was practically stumbling. His humour was sparked when she grumbled under her breath, “It’s not like I have a choice.”
He led her to the dedicated meditation room, knowing it was the only place on the ship that would get her to relax.
“Are we meditating?” she asked, nose scrunching up in confusion. The sight was so adorable, he had to remind himself to breathe.
Obi-Wan slid the door shut behind them, “In a way. You need rest, and if I can’t get you to sleep, I can at least get you to relax.”
She let him pull her gently towards one of the cushions and they sat down, knees brushing. “Okay, talk me through it, Master Kenobi,” she teased, bumping her shoulder against his.
He laughed softly, “Alright, close your eyes, centre your breathing.”
“This feels an awful lot like meditating,” she murmured, but followed his direction.
Obi-Wan couldn’t keep the smile from his face as he closed his eyes and let his signature wrap around her. To his relief, he sensed her tension begin to dissipate. They sat there for what felt like ages, basking in the brief moment of quiet.
It could have been ten minutes or an hour later when he felt a weight settle on his shoulder. Obi-Wan opened his eyes, heart thumping wildly as he realised she had fallen asleep, head tucked under his chin. His breath hitched with the rush of affection that followed. Slowly, to prevent waking her up, he adjusted his position, moving himself closer so she wasn’t slumped awkwardly, but rather tucked into his side.
Then he just evened out his breathing and closed his eyes, letting himself indulge in this feeling a little longer.
______
The reception at Mandalore was unlike anything Obi-Wan had ever seen. The first time he had visited the planet, his mandate required a strict, covert operation in order to ensure the safety of the young Lady Kryze. The second time, he hadn’t exactly been invited. So this would be the first time he was here in an official capacity.
Crowds of blonde Mandalorians lined the rooftops all along the route to the Palace, cheering and clapping as the speeders carrying the various politicians and Jedi alike flew past. Obi-Wan stood next to Y/n, watching her awe-filled expression as she took it all in.
“The day you are unimpressed by a new planet is the day Anakin shows a little humility,” he mused.
To his delight, she snorted, the laugh bubbling out of her mouth faster than she could stop it.
The speeders streamed through the city, weaving between buildings with ease. Soon they were coming to a stop outside of the Mandalorian Palace, a greeting party of formally-dressed politicians and dignitaries already waiting on the steps. Obi-Wan’s chest tightened with anxiety when his eyes landed on the blonde woman wearing an elaborate headdress.
Satine.
Seeing her again two months ago had been an awkward experience. She had confessed that she still loved him, and he in turn had admitted that he would have left the Order for her. Which was true, but it hadn’t exactly been the time and place for him to add that he no longer felt that way about her. What would he have done? Tell her that he didn’t love her, only for her to get shot by Merrik? It seemed unnecessarily cruel.
He secretly hoped it wouldn’t come up on this mission, but if it did, he knew he had to tell her the truth. It wasn’t fair to her, and while Obi-Wan didn’t return her feelings, he didn’t want to hurt her.
The arriving group all climbed out of the speeders, immediately mingling with the greeting party. Obi-Wan watched carefully as Y/n climbed out of the speeder, noticing how she was still a little unsteady on her feet. Luckily she got both her feet on the ground without even so much as a stumble.
“You’re hovering, Kenobi,” she teased gently, rolling her eyes at him.
“I don’t hover,” he defended, smiling wryly.
She just gave him a pointed look.
They made their way to the steps, and soon both were swept into separate conversations. Obi-Wan pushed the disappointment down, putting his focus on the assignment. Ironically, just as he was getting back into the routine of formal introductions and small talk, a familiar face emerged from the crowd.
“Duchess,” he greeted, bowing at the waist.
Satine smiled, letting him kiss her hand, “Master Kenobi. It is good to see you.”
He dipped his chin, “And you. How has Mandalore been faring since my last visit.”
“We’ve had far fewer explosions,” she stated dryly.
Obi-Wan winced, “Ah. Yes, I do apologise for that.”
The Duchess’s smile seemed strained, but just as he was beginning to wonder about it, he sensed a wave of anxiety pulse from somewhere to his left. Glancing quickly in the direction, he caught sight of Y/n chatting to a Mandalorian politician. Concern flooded his system, distracting him so that he didn’t hear Satine’s words.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that,” he stuttered, cheeks flushing.
Something like disappointment flashed across her face before she quickly composed herself, “I was just asking about your former apprentice. He is here today, is he not?”
“Ah, Anakin. Yes, he is here as the leader of the 501st, one of the best clone battalions in the Army of the Republic,” he replied, “I, however, am simply here to represent the Council.”
Satine just nodded, casting her gaze to the left, “And her? The other Jedi you arrived with?”
Obi-Wan swallowed, careful to keep his voice steady, “Master L/n. She is one of the best Consulars in the Order. The decision to send her to this summit was not a difficult one for the Council to make.”
“I am sure,” she mused.
They all moved inside the Palace, gathering before the dais. The Duchess made her way up the small steps to stand before the crowd. Obi-Wan caught Y/n’s gaze across the room, laughing softly when she winked at him. For a moment the people around him disappeared, and all he could see was her.
“Thank you all for coming,” Satine began. “It is a fact of life that those who band together, flourish together. I am grateful to live in a time where Mandalore’s decision to be a pacifist society is respected enough by the Republic that they wish to learn from us. Now, we all have a long day tomorrow, so I suggest everyone get situated in their accommodations. Good night and may this summit bear fruit to a better galaxy.”
The crowd applauded politely and she smiled. Obi-Wan waited for her to move back through the crowd, opening his mouth to praise her speech. But he could barely begin to formulate the first word before she interjected.
“It’s her, isn’t it?” Satine’s voice would have sounded emotionless to any outsider, but Obi-Wan knew her well enough to detect the sad edge to her tone.
“Who?” He asked, startled by her abrupt change in tone.
The duchess nodded slightly towards the centre of the room. His eyes followed the gesture and landed on Y/n. For a moment he forgot his conversation with Satine, the world around him dissolving into static as he watched Y/n brush her hair out of her face, smiling politely at the Mandalorian politician who had roped her into a conversation. He could see her fatigue in the way her shoulders were a little more slumped, her eyelids a little droopy. Her smile was a little less bright, yet somehow no less radiant. Light from the tall, arching windows framed her silhouette, the flyaway strands of her hair burning like a gold halo around her head. Obi-Wan’s breath caught in his throat, his chest aching with hopeless devotion.
“Master L/n? What about her?” He replied, wincing at the raspiness of his voice.
Satine scoffed quietly, and Obi-Wan’s gaze snapped back to see the heartbroken expression she wore. “The woman who truly holds your heart,” she said gently.
His eyes widened, excuses stuttering out of his mouth, “I do believe you have gotten the wrong impression. She and I- I am a Jedi and she-”
“Do not insult me with lies, Obi-Wan,” she muttered quietly, stopping and taking a deep, grounding breath. “The last time you and I met, you told me that, had I only asked…” she trailed off, eyes on the woman whose presence Obi-Wan could feel like a homing beacon. “Something tells me that she will never have to ask. That even without any confirmation of her feelings for you, you would choose her over the Jedi Order in a heartbeat.”
Her words rang true. Obi-Wan had been aware of this for months now — ever since Geonosis. But the pain in Satine’s voice reminded him why he had never intended to make his feelings known.
“Satine… I never meant-“
“Don’t apologise, Obi,” she interjected, stepping towards him and placing her hand on his cheek. He resisted the urge to flinch away. “We cannot choose who we love. But perhaps now I can move on, find someone with whom I can actually build a life.”
He sighed, his smile strained as she pulled away again, guilt tugging at his gut.
———
Y/n sometimes wished she wasn’t a consular. Most days it was the source of her self-worth, the centre of her identity. It was the perspective through which she could perceive and understand the world around her — the Force that flowed through and with her.
But then there were days like today, where the journey had been just about too long and too arduous for her to have any energy left to talk to people. She knew Obi-Wan could sense it. He always knew how she was feeling, even when she really wished he couldn’t. It was merely luck that had allowed her to keep the nature of her affection towards him a secret for so long.
Feeling his concerned gaze, she resisted the urge to glance at him as the Mandalorian politician droned on and on. If she hadn’t been so tired, she probably would have paid more attention to this conversation, but she could feel her eyelids getting heavier and heavier. It was all she could do to keep a polite smile on her face as she nodded along with whatever he was saying.
“…fantastic that everyone could make it…” the man was saying, his comically styled facial hair bobbing with his sprightly gesturing.
Y/n nodded along, eyes flicking towards where she knew Obi-Wan was standing. What she saw made her heart freeze.
He was standing facing Duchess Satine, a sad, almost longing smile on his handsome face as he gazed down at her. Y/n was no expert in body language, but based on the lack of space between their bodies and the way Satine was holding his face affectionately… she could pretty easily assume.
It was actually physical - the pain in her gut as her heart dropped. It wasn’t like she’d ever expected Obi-Wan to feel the same. Maker, his unwavering loyalty to the Jedi Order and the light was part of the reason she loved him. She had accepted the fact that she would silently love him for the rest of her life, never being able to tell him, but at least getting to be around him.
But this?
It had never occurred to her that Obi-Wan could love someone else.
Y/n watched Satine give him one last smile before pulling back and walking away. She saw how his eyes trailed after her, his jaw clenching with an emotion that hurt too much to name.
With a sharp inhale, she turned back to the man before her who was still speaking.
“I’m so sorry, but I should really be getting some rest,” she interjected quickly, plastering an apologetic smile on her face.
He nodded, looking a little befuddled, “Oh yes, of course, Master Jedi. Don’t let me keep you.”
With that she practically bolted to one of the ushers waiting on the side of the room, telling him her name and letting him lead her out of the chamber. Her robes hissed against the floor as she moved through the Palace hallways, mind far too distracted to keep an eye on the number of turns and stairs to her room.
“Your bags should be inside, Master L/n,” the usher informed her when they stopped outside the door.
“Thank you,” she said, forcing a polite smile.
He nodded, walking off down the hall.
Y/n let out a sigh, allowing herself to feel the ache in her heart for a moment. She sniffed, wiping the tears off her cheeks before pressing the button to open the door.
Warnings: Mentions of slavery, violence, creative liberties taken with the lore.
Words: 4.5K
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi was destined for infinite sadness, but an afternoon mentoring a younger padawan might just change his fate and blossom into one of the greatest love stories the galaxy has ever seen.
Obi-Wan Kenobi Masterlist
The night sky of the Jixuan Desert was rumoured to be one of the most beautiful sights in the galaxy. With no intelligent civilization nearby producing light, the stars would never be brighter anywhere else. Travelers who were lucky enough to see it in person boasted about how the sight had healed their souls - if they lived to talk about it at all.
It was only a pity Y/n wouldn’t get to see them, as she had spent every night she’d been on Ryloth in the underground cavern system that the Twi’leks called home. The native species had moved their population beneath the surface hundreds of years ago when the battle for survival with the lethal wildlife became too much to bear.
“I don’t know if I would be able to live here permanently,” she told Obi-Wan quietly while chatting with him over the holonet a few nights into her assignment. “I’ve come to realise I don’t fare well in enclosed spaces.”
She was sitting on her bunk in the small room the Twi’leks had managed to spare for her. Her cloak was hanging on the door, leaving her clad in her tunic and leggings.
In the hologram, the older Jedi raised a brow, mouth pulling into a bemused smile. “You cope alright on space ships,” he pointed out, his arms crossing over his chest.
She just rolled her eyes, “That’s different. At least I can see the outside of the ship through the windows. Here it’s all just thick, impenetrable rock under meters of sand and dirt. Anakin would hate it.”
“Anakin is biased when it comes to sand, and I would advise against using ‘what would Anakin do’ as a means of justification,” he said dryly. “How much longer do you have to stay there?”
“Just until I’ve worked out how the Zygerrians keep getting into these cave systems,” she sighed, rubbing a hand over her eyes tiredly. “Did you know they kidnapped ten children last week alone? Children.”
Obi-Wan sighed, rubbing his beard thoughtfully, “I wish there was more we could do for them. Those children will be long gone by now.”
She stifled a yawn into her hand, resting her chin on her palm as she scrolled through the information on her datapad. “Hopefully this information from my contact inside the Zygerrian Slave Empire will shed a little more light on who they’ve been sold to.”
“I thought your mandate was just to prevent any more kidnappings from happening?” he asked, giving her a pointed look.
Y/n raised a brow, smiling wryly, “Don’t worry, Obi-Wan I know how you feel about disobeying the Council. I’m just doing a little extra research. I probably won’t find where the kids are, but if I do, it would be against the code not to do what I can to help them.”
He sighed, massaging his temple, “I would try to talk you out of it, but we have known each other far too long to play that game again.”
She grinned, laughing softly, “I’m glad you agree. How did your Council meeting go?”
Obi-Wan lifted his head, meeting her eyes again, “Well Anakin and I have been given a new assignment. I have my doubts about it…”
“Why?”
He hesitated, “The Council has asked Anakin and I to act as a security detail for Senator Amidala.”
Her eyes widened, “Amidala, as in former Queen Amidala? The girl Anakin was smitten with ten years ago?”
“The very one,” Obi-Wan said dryly, “I am concerned he may still have feelings for her, which could complicate this assignment.”
Y/n hummed thoughtfully, “It could, but I don’t think you should worry.”
“No?”
“Trust in his training, Obi-Wan. You have taught him well, he will not fail you,” she assured him.
The hiss of a door sliding open could be heard from Obi-Wan’s end, and Anakin’s voice cut through the hologram. “Master, have you seen my- Y/n!”
She grinned as the young man came into view, muffling a giggle into her hand at the mild irritation on Obi-Wan’s face. “Hello Anakin.”
“Anakin, address her properly please,” Obi-Wan chastised, frowning at his Padawan.
Anakin smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, “Sorry, Master L/n. It’s great to see you!”
Y/n laughed, “Likewise, Annie. Obi-Wan tells me you have a new assignment.”
“Yeah, with Senator Amidala,” he said, cheeks turning pink.
“We should probably get going, the Senator is expecting us,” Obi-Wan said with a sigh, “Your lightsaber is hanging on the hook by the door, Anakin. Please keep a closer eye on it.”
“Yes, Master,” Anakin said with a smile that did not reflect his apologetic tone, and disappeared from the hologram. “Bye Master L/n!” he called over his shoulder.
Y/n smiled sadly as Obi-Wan turned back to face her, “Same time next week?”
He sighed, rubbing a hand over his beard, “Yes, I’m sorry this was cut short. May the Force be with you, my friend.”
“And with you, Obi-Wan.”
The hologram cut out, leaving her sitting in the darkness of the cavern. Y/n let the pang of disappointment sit for a few moments before casting thoughts of Obi-Wan away and getting back to her datapad.
These calls had become the highlight of her week. While they hadn’t exactly helped her get over her feelings for him (if anything they’d had the opposite effect) she was able to come to terms with them and stop being afraid. Her life as a Jedi had taught her to be cautious about forming attachments as they could lead to fear of loss, which in turn was the start of the path to the Dark Side. But if anything, her friendship with - and accompanying feelings for - him only helped her feel closer to the Light.
“Master L/n,” Otaliru, the Twi’lek leader who she had been working with on the Zygerrian case popped his head through her doorway, his lekku shifting with the angle, “There’s been another kidnapping.”
Dread filled Y/n’s gut and she sprung into action, grabbing her cloak off the hook, “Take me to the scene.”
______
It turned out the Zygerrians had taken the children to a nearby moon where they had been sold to one of the Hutts. Y/n was able to set up security measures on Ryloth to prevent further kidnappings, just in time to jump on a transport that would take her straight to the moon. The tricky part had been freeing the kids. The Hutt responsible was Aggaba, a lower-level lackey of Jabba’s who oversaw the mining operations on this particular moon. Y/n was able to charm and negotiate her way into Aggaba’s court, where she then had to resort to ‘aggressive negotiations’ - as Anakin would call them - to free the children.
Soon she was back on Ryloth, watching the families reunite with a gentle smile.
“Thank you, for everything Master L/n,” Otaliru exclaimed, hugging his own daughter who had been one of the kidnapped children, “How can we ever repay you?”
Y/n shook her head, “No need to repay me. I am just glad I was able to save these wonderful children.”
After the emotional goodbye from the Twi’leks, Y/n boarded the shuttle she had arrived on and took off, leaving the atmosphere and preparing for the jump to hyperspace. But before she could finish the process, her com light began blinking, indicating that someone was trying to get ahold of her.
Frowning in concern, she pressed the button and a hologram flickered to life, tiny blue versions of Anakin and a young woman appearing before her.
“Master L/n!” Anakin exclaimed, relief flooding his features, “Thank the Maker!”
“Anakin? What’s wrong? Is that Senator Amidala? Where’s Obi-Wan?” the questions tumbled out of her mouth like a rock slide, anxiety settling in her stomach at the way the young Padawan’s face was twisted with worry.
“Um, yes. This is Padme,” Anakin winced awkwardly, glancing down at the woman next to him who gestured for him to get to the point. “I would formally introduce you, but we don’t have much time. Obi-Wan is in trouble.”
Her heart dropped, head feeling light as she rasped, “What? Where is he?”
“He’s on a planet called Geonosis, but he’s been taken hostage. Padme and I are on our way there now, but we could really use your help,” Anakin explained.
“Wait, Anakin, you’re supposed to be protecting the Senator. You can’t just-”
“Actually, I’m the one that decided to help Master Kenobi,” Amidala said sternly, stepping forward and pinning Y/n with a determined look, “If Anakin wants to protect me he’ll have to come with. Now, I know you’re closer to Geonosis than we are, so please help us.”
At that moment, Y/n understood what Anakin saw in Padme Amidala. With a grin, she nodded, “Very well, Senator. You don’t have to ask me twice. I’ll be there.”
The woman’s expression softened and she smiled gratefully, “Thank you.”
The hologram cut out and Y/n jumped into action. Pulling up her star map, she located Geonosis and plugged the coordinates into her pathfinder. Heart hammering with worry for Obi-Wan, she slammed her hand down on the thrusters and the shuttle pulled away into hyperspace.
The journey was faster than she’d expected. Before she knew it, she was staring at a reddish-brown planet surrounded by an asteroid belt. Taking a deep breath, she directed the shuttle between the chunks of rock, forcing herself to focus on the challenge directly before her and not whether Obi-Wan was alright. Soon she had navigated her way through the belt and began guiding the shuttle into the Geonosian atmosphere.
The landscape was fairly monotonous, so she cast her mind out to see if she could feel Obi-Wan’s force signature. It took a few minutes, but eventually she was able to get a hold of it. The signature was faint, but clearly there, so she pushed the throttle and sped in the direction it was leading her. The barren desert gave way to what looked like a factory, with round terracotta buildings and large chimneys emitting dark smoke. She landed the shuttle just behind a mountain ridge, telling her astromech to stay with the ship.
“If I don’t return in a day, fly the shuttle back to the Temple,” she said, pulling her hood up and walking down the ramp.
The ridge overlooked the south wall of the factory, and provided a perfect vantage point for her to formulate a plan. She watched the pair of insect-like guards standing in front of the entrance, knowing that as soon as they walked away to rotate shifts, she would have her window. Fifteen minutes later they turned on their heels and disappeared around the corner. She dropped down into the valley, using the Force to soften the impact. Glancing around to make sure another set of guards weren’t already on their way, she darted to the door. She stopped in front of it and closed her eyes, holding out her hand and using the Force to unlock it. The mechanism beeped and the door slid open.
It was, in fact, a factory. A droid factory.
Y/n stood frozen for a moment, staring at the scene before her. The door had opened onto a platform that looked out over a huge production floor. Conveyor belts that held many kinds of military droids in various stages of manufacture ran across the length of the space, huge vats of molten metal hanging from the ceiling. The noise from the clanging and screeching of moving metallic parts pounded on her ears, and she was quickly looking for a way out. Reaching with her mind again, she searched for Obi-Wan’s signature. It was stronger now, but there was also another. Something darker. Sinister.
“I really hope that doesn’t become a problem,” she muttered, following Obi-Wan’s signature along a walkway and into a corridor. She kept her steps soft and quiet, listening out for any more Geonosian guards. The signature led her up a winding staircase and down another corridor, where she finally ran into a roadblock.
Two guards were standing in front of a door, chatting quietly to each other. They were human.
Y/n couldn’t hear what they were saying, but she knew she had to find a way past them as Obi-Wan’s signature was leading her through that door. Taking a breath to settle her nerves, she turned the corner, walking confidently towards the guards.
They spotted her approaching fairly quickly, and were understandably cautious.
“Stop right there, Jedi,” one of them commanded, pointing his blaster at her.
She did as he asked, waving a hand in the air and saying, “You will be taking your lunch break.”
The guards straightened, guns falling slack in their hands. “We will be taking our lunch break,” one of them said, and they both walked away. Releasing a breath, she focused on the locking mechanism, but before she could finish, the sound of footsteps approaching echoed off the walls.
Heart pounding, her gaze darted around to find a hiding place. She noticed a vent opening above her head, and so, using the Force, she jumped through it just in time for a group of guards and an elderly human in dark robes to round the corner. Y/n held her breath, reeling her signature in as she recognised the human. Or should she say Jedi.
Dooku.
That was the cold presence she’d felt on the shuttle. Dooku was alive, and he was a Sith Lord.
Dread filled her stomach, leaving a sour taste in her mouth. This was the man who had Obi-Wan in custody. She watched in horror as the group stopped outside the door, sliding it open to reveal Obi-Wan hanging from a containment field. Dooku stepped inside and the door slid shut behind him, the thud mimicking the sound of her heart dropping.
This couldn’t be happening. Obi-Wan had told her about the Sith Lord that had attacked him and Qui-Gon on Tatooine and Naboo ten years ago, but Y/n thought he had been killed. Were the Sith really back? And if so, how many of them were there?
Five minutes later, the door slid open again, and Dooku led a tied-up Obi-Wan out of the holding cell. Y/n’s chest ached at the state of him - bruises and blaster marks littering his skin and tunic. His lightsaber was nowhere to be seen, but he held his head up, stony determination on his face.
“Take him to the arena for execution,” Dooku ordered the guards.
They responded with a series of clicks, their wafer-thin wings fluttering. Two of them grabbed Obi-Wan by his arms and led him back the way they’d come from. Dooku turned on his heel and walked in the opposite direction, turning down a side corridor.
Y/n waited a moment, knowing better than to just reach out with the Force to sense if Dooku was gone as that would only alert him to her presence. When she felt he must be far enough away, she dropped back down into the hallway, running in the direction the guards had taken Obi-Wan. But just as she was reaching the corner, her feet were glued to the floor.
“I knew another Jedi would come looking for Master Kenobi, I just didn’t think it would be Shaak Ti’s little apprentice,” Dooku’s cold drawl sent ice down her spine.
She steeled her nerves, squared her shoulders and turned around, “I’m not a Padawan anymore, Dooku.”
The Sith Lord smiled, igniting his red saber, “Regardless, you are no match for the power of the Dark Side.”
She crouched into a defensive stance, drawing her own lightsaber, “We’ll see about that.”
______
Obi-Wan was wheeled out into the arena on a chariot, the sun shining in his face and blinding him for a moment. When his eyes adjusted he saw the three pillars in the centre of the space with chains attached to the top. The stands were packed with Geonosians, the air filled with the sound of fluttering wings and stamping feet. He braced himself as the chariot stopped in front of the closest pillar, two guards climbing up and grabbing him by the arms.
“No need to manhandle me,” he huffed, wincing as they slammed his back against the pillar and forced his arms up to clip the cuffs to the chain.
The guards just turned around and moved back to their posts along the walls of the arena.
Obi-Wan sighed, adjusting his footing and testing the strength of the chains with a few jerks. He couldn’t deny that this hadn’t exactly been part of the plan. When he had pictured the ‘execution’ Dooku had spoken about, he didn’t realise it would be such a public affair. At least it was out in the open - a fact which might come in handy if he played his cards right.
Just as he was formulating a plan to get himself out of this situation, the doors to the arena opened again, and another chariot appeared. Obi-Wan watched apprehensively as it drew nearer, identifying two figures riding inside it. It wasn’t until they got close enough to ride right past him that he recognised the prisoners.
Anakin, blast that boy!
He couldn’t help but scowl at his Padawan as he and the Senator rode past, Anakin at least having the decency to look a little sheepish. The guards chained them to the other two pillars as Obi-Wan silently cursed the Maker.
“I was beginning to wonder if you’d got my message,” he said dryly.
Anakin sighed, wincing, “I retransmitted it just as you requested, Master…” he trailed off, hesitating, “Then we decided to come and rescue you.”
Obi-Wan looked pointedly up at the chains, “Good job.”
Their reunion was cut short when the announcer’s voice cut through the chaos, “Settle down, settle down. Let the executions begin!”
The crowd roared with excitement as three new doors slid open and a trio of strange beasts were led out.
Obi-Wan watched wearily as the large, insect-like monster known as an Ackley scratched at the ground in front of him, screeching menacingly. Next to him, Anakin and Padme were facing a horned brute of a Reek and a rat-tailed Nexu with multiple rows of teeth.
“I have a bad feeling about this,” Anakin muttered.
___
Y/n watched in horror as the three beasts advanced on her friends, the crowd of Geonosians roaring their approval. Next to her, Count Dooku looked proudly over the arena, engaging Viceroy Gunray in conversation.
The battle with the Count had taken all of five minutes before a group of Geonosian guards arrived and tipped the scales. Faster than she could blink, she was handcuffed and taken with Dooku to stand in the box beside him.
“To watch your friends die,” the Sith Lord had said with dark delight.
Air hissed between her teeth when the Ackley stabbed at Obi-Wan, the Jedi ducking just in time. The beast’s pincered foot speared the chain, cutting through it with seemingly zero effort. This action had a silver lining as it freed Obi-Wan up to roll away when the beast took another swing at him.
Beside him, Anakin had managed to yank the chain from where it was anchored to the top of the pillar, and was using it to lasso the horned Reek. Padme, while the only non-Jedi in the arena, seemed to be the most resourceful, having climbed up the pillar. She was even using the chain to whip the Nexu whenever the four-eyed creature got too close. Y/n flinched when it managed to hit Padme with its claws, leaving three red scratches across her back. The Senator cried out in pain, convulsing for a moment before pushing through the agony and focusing on the beast again.
“She can’t do that!” the Viceroy whined, looking at Dooku to fix it, “Shoot her… or something!”
Y/n watched with anticipation as Obi-Wan managed to grab a spear from one of the Geonosian guards. The guard in question was subsequently stepped on by the Ackley, dying with a strangled cry. At the same time, Anakin had managed to tame the Reek, and rode it to Padme’s pillar where the Senator jumped down, landing just behind the Padawan. Y/n pretended she didn’t see the kiss Padme left on Anakin’s cheek before they rode off to help Obi-Wan.
Gunray was not happy. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be! Jango! Finish her off!” he was yelling at the Mandalorian bounty hunter standing behind him.
Dooku held out a placating hand, “Patience, Viceroy, patience. She will die.”
The Force shifted behind her, so Y/n twisted her head around to see Master Windu emerging out of the shadows. He held her gaze pointedly, lifting a finger to his lips and nodding pointedly at her saber hanging from Dooku’s utility belt. She dipped her chin, understanding, and turned back to face the arena, twisting her wrists subtly to angle her palm towards the Count.
With a buzzing hiss, Windu ignited his lightsaber, holding it out across the Sith’s neck. At the same moment, Y/n pulled the saber to her hand, turning it on at the right angle to cut through her restraints. In the same breath, she moved to cover Windu’s flank, keeping the Mandalorian frozen under the point of her saber.
“Master Windu, how pleasant of you to join us,” Dooku mused, barely looking affected.
“This party’s over,” Windu commanded, glaring at the Sith.
Dooku chuckled, “Brave, but foolish, my old Jedi friend. You’re impossibly out numbered.”
“I don’t think so,” the Jedi Master muttered, just as all around the arena, countless lightsabers ignited. For the first time in hours, Y/n felt a spark of hope. Down in the arena below, Obi-Wan had managed to jump onto the Reek with Anakin and Padme.
Dooku tilted his head, that sinister smile curling his mouth, “We’ll see.”
Suddenly everything happened at once. Windu engaged Dooku, the Sith drawing his red lightsaber with a flourish. Y/n was able to disarm the Mandalorian, casting his gun to the arena floor. The rest of the Jedi jumped down from the stands, leaping to action against the battalion of battle droids that were marching into the arena.
“L/n, get down there!” Windu yelled, still dealing with Dooku.
“Got it!” she replied, throwing herself over the edge of the box, cutting down a couple of battle droids with the landing.
The battle was in full swing, blaster bolts flying in all directions, hitting droids and Jedi alike. Y/n set her sights on Obi-Wan fighting the Ackley in the middle of the arena. He was faring pretty well, having acquired a lightsaber from one of the other Jedi. With his weapon back, he made quick work of the Ackley, knocking the beast down and giving it a merciful death. And in that moment, he looked up, eyes finding hers across the arena.
It was inescapable, the hold he had on her. Even now, surrounded by hostile droids and impending doom, just the sight of him made time stop and her heart flutter. She saw his eyes widen, but the moment was cut short when a blaster bolt screamed past her ear.
She whirled around, spotting the group of battle droids advancing on her position. Lifting her saber, she pushed all her focus into blocking the blasts. The effort was constant because the droids just kept coming. Every time she knocked one down, another took its place. Soon the sweat was beading along her brow, chest heaving with laboured breaths.
And then he was there. In a blur of blue and auburn, Obi-Wan leapt over the droids, cutting them down with ease. Soon he had cleared a circle around her, giving them a chance to reunite.
“Not that I’m not glad to see you, but what are you doing here? I thought you were on Ryloth?” He asked, taking quick glances at her while he deflected blaster bolts.
She grinned, moving closer so they could cover each other’s blind spots, “I finished early and then Anakin called. Said you were in trouble.”
Y/n could practically see Obi-Wan roll his eyes as he muttered, “That boy. I told him to stay on Naboo.”
“Considering he saved your life, I’d be grateful he didn’t follow your orders this time,” she pointed out as they began moving through the battle towards the centre of the arena where all the Jedi were converging.
“Fair point,” he sighed, blocking a bolt that was meant for her head.
They worked their way to the middle, meeting up with the other Jedi and forming a protective circle. The droids were closing in, and more of them just kept streaming through the arena doors. Y/n locked eyes with Anakin, smiling at the boy. He just nodded gratefully, communicating his thanks without words.
Slowly, the group had to keep backing up, the circle shrinking until they all fought shoulder to shoulder. Y/n could feel Obi-Wan’s warmth next to her, and that was enough to keep her going even as she felt the impending doom drawing closer.
Then, all at once, the droids stopped. Confused, the Jedi kept their lightsabers up, prepared for a sudden assault.
“Master Windu,” Dooku called down from the box, looking proud and regal from that angle, “you have fought gallantly, worthy of recognition in the archives of the Jedi Order. Now, it is finished. Surrender, and your lives will be spared.”
Y/n glared up at the Count, despite knowing he wouldn’t care enough to look at her.
“We will not be hostages to be bartered, Dooku!” Windu declared, the rest of the Jedi nodding in agreement.
Next to her, Obi-Wan slid his palm against hers, gripping her fingers. She glanced at him, affection for this man flooding through her entire being.
Dooku sighed, “Then I’m sorry, old friend.”
The Jedi all braced themselves for the slaughter, crouching into defensive positions.
“I really am glad to see you,” Obi-Wan murmured next to her ear, holding her gaze with a meaningful expression.
Y/n smiled sadly, squeezing his hand twice, “Likewise.”
There were so many things she wished she had time to say to him, but this would have to do. At least she got to go out with the memory of his hand in hers fresh in her mind.
Just as the droids began advancing again, Padme’s shout cut through the noise.
“Look!” The Senator pointed up at the sky where dozens of gunships full of soldiers clad in white armour and helmets were descending on the arena. In the closest one, Y/n could just make out the small figure of Master Yoda, his green saber a beacon of hope. A new wave of adrenaline flooded her bloodstream, her lips pulling into a grin.
Warnings: Creative liberties taken with some of the lore
Words: 2.7K
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi was destined for infinite sadness, but an afternoon mentoring a younger padawan might just change his fate and blossom into one of the greatest love stories the galaxy has ever seen.
Obi-Wan Kenobi Masterlist
The fabric of her tunic was soft under her fingertips, the breeze from the cracked window blowing over her bare arms, grounding her further in the present. She cast her mind out like a net, letting the Force guide her through the temple hallways. It was a standard meditation technique that allowed her to strengthen her connection with the Force, which was particularly useful after a stressful mission.
Y/n could sense the class of younglings a few doors down training with safety sabers. The clacking of the wooden rods, which she never would have been able to hear with her physical ears, reverberated through the Force. In another room, a Master and Padawan were discussing their next mission. She moved on quickly to avoid eavesdropping, and that was when she sensed it. A force signature unlike any she had felt before. Impossibly strong, but youthful — chaotic. And it was just outside the door.
“If you’re going to be nosey, you might as well come in,” she called out to the person peering through the little window in the door.
Their signature pulsed with hesitation, before they pressed the button and it slid open.
Y/n didn’t open her eyes, her lips curling into a small smile.
“I’m sorry,” the boy said, his voice suggesting he was at that strange age between childhood and maturity, “I was passing by and got-“
“Curious?” She interjected, amused, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to scold you. We all get curious, even Jedi Knights.”
“I know you,” he said suddenly, moving to sit down on a flat chair opposite her.
Y/n raised a brow, “Oh? Well that gives you an advantage then because I don’t know you.”
“You went on a mission with my Master about a year ago. Your face has been appearing in his thoughts ever since,” he suddenly grew a little sheepish, “I don’t mean to see his thoughts, I just can’t control that part of my abilities yet.”
She finally opened her eyes, shock barreling through her at the realisation, “You’re Anakin Skywalker, aren’t you? Obi-Wan’s Padawan?”
He nodded.
Anakin was a tall and gangly fourteen-year-old with wide, perceptive eyes and a nervous disposition. He almost reminded her of herself when she was his age — if he hadn’t been twice as strong with the Force as she was.
“Shouldn’t you be with him?” She asked, glancing toward the door, half expecting — and hoping — to see Obi-Wan standing there. But the hallway was empty.
Anakin shrugged, “He’s got a Council meeting now. Told me to stay put but I got bored.”
Y/n laughed softly, picturing Obi-Wan’s exasperated face when he left the Council Chambers to find his Padawan nowhere to be found. And then it hit her.
“Oh Maker!” She hissed, scrambling up off the chair and grabbing her robe from the hook on the wall, “I’m supposed to be at that meeting!”
Anakin’s eyes widened, and he shot up, grabbing her hand, “I know a short cut!”
A little bewildered, but far more panicked, Y/n let the boy drag her through the temple, pulling her through countless little passageways that she had never seen before. To her relief, they emerged outside the chamber doors five minutes later.
“Have they called for me yet?” She asked the temple guards standing either side of the door.
“Not yet, Master L/n,” one of them replied, and the ball of stress in her chest evaporated as she let out a sigh.
“Thank the Maker,” she muttered, sitting down on a bench against the wall to catch her breath. Anakin sat next to her. “How did you know about those passages?” She asked, turning to look at the boy.
He shrugged, “I sometimes sneak out of the temple to take part in the speeder races. Obi-Wan doesn’t approve.”
She snorted, shaking her head, “That sounds like him. He despises anything to do with flying.”
Anakin laughed, “That’s true! Whenever we go off-world he makes me pilot the ship.”
“Of course he does,” she sighed. “I expect you do extra tricky maneuvers just to freak him out?”
The boy grinned, opening his mouth to reply, but paused when the chamber doors slid open and a robed Jedi stepped out. Y/n’s breath hitched when she saw who it was.
“Y/n,” Obi-Wan blurted, stopping in his tracks when his eyes landed on her. “You’re here.”
Y/n felt her cheeks flush, her brain buffering as she tried to find the words to respond because all she could think was Obi-Wan had a beard. It was neatly trimmed and blanketed the bottom half of his face, making him look unfairly good.
“Hello, Obi-Wan,” she said eventually, snapping herself out of it and smiling at the man. “I just came back from a mission. I’m supposed to debrief the Council.”
He nodded, eyes finally flicking to where Anakin was standing next to her. “Anakin, I’m glad to see you’ve actually listened to me this time and not run off.”
The boy hesitated, looking sheepish, “Actually-“
“He was here when I arrived,” Y/n interrupted, giving him a pointed look that had him smiling and nodding.
“That’s good,” Obi-Wan said, looking a little apprehensive as his gaze darted between them, “I take it you two have been introduced?”
“Oh that ship has sailed, unfortunately,” she teased, “Anakin’s told me all your secrets now, Master Kenobi.”
The man’s eyebrows rose towards his hairline, turning to his Padawan with a bemused smile, “My secrets? I wasn’t aware I had any?”
Anakin flushed, “Well, I wouldn’t say it’s a secret. I didn’t exactly mean to look at your thoughts, Master, you were just thinking so loudly and I-“
“My thoughts?” Obi-Wan interrupted, eyes wide with shock, “Anakin, why would you- You could have just…”
Y/n watched with amusement as Obi-Wan gave a long suffering sigh, rubbing his face with his hand.
“I should probably go into the meeting now,” she said awkwardly, beginning to slide out of the conversation, “It was nice seeing you, Obi-Wan.”
“Wait,” he said quickly, placing a hand on her arm as though to stop her from walking away, “I’m sorry. I have to talk to Anakin about this, and the Council has just given us a mission, but I really would like to catch up. When does your debrief end?”
Her chest warmed at his words, those blue eyes filled with such hope that she would say yes. “It shouldn’t last longer than an hour. When do you leave for your mission?”
He smiled, relieved, “Tomorrow morning, but I have to do some research. Shall I meet you in the Archives?”
She smiled, reaching out and squeezing his arm gently, “Of course.”
With a last nod, he stepped back and ushered Anakin down the hallway. The boy turned to wave at her, grinning cheekily, “Bye Master L/n! It was nice meeting you!”
She laughed, “You too, Anakin!”
———
The debrief ended up lasting a little longer than she would have liked. Normally this would be fine, because she never had anything more important than a Council meeting to get to. But the whole hour and seventeen minutes she was aching to be done with it so she could find Obi-Wan in the Archives.
She wasn’t stupid. She knew what the Jedi Council thought of attachments, especially anything akin to romantic feelings. But Y/n had read the Code enough times to understand that the real danger lay in possessive attachment. In a love for a single being so strong and so absolute that you would burn the world for them. In contrast, the Code actually encouraged compassion, which was really just another word for healthy attachments. She knew herself well enough to recognize that her feelings for Obi-Wan were not all-consuming and dangerous. She also knew that they were likely to remain unrequited until she eventually got over them, considering the man’s undying loyalty to the code. But that didn’t stop her from blushing every time she spoke to him.
And it certainly didn’t mean they couldn’t be friends.
So when the meeting ended, she thanked the Council Members and walked out of there as fast as custom allowed.
The Archives were quietly bustling with activity when she arrived, Jedi Knights, Padawans and Younglings alike all wandering through the isles. Holobooks drifted through the air as though suspended by the Force while light streamed from the grand windows at the end of the space.
Y/n found Obi-Wan in the planets and politics section, sitting at a reading table, beant over a stack of holopads. He looked almost ethereal with his auburn hair and beard, brow creased slightly in concentration, eyelashes brushing his cheekbones with each blink. She felt her heart twist in her chest at the sight.
“That’s quite the stack you’ve got there,” she mused teasingly, sitting down opposite him.
His head snapped up, mouth pulling into a gentle smile when he realised who had interrupted his reading, “Y/n. How was the meeting?”
She shrugged, fighting to keep the smile off her face, “It was fine. Same as you’d expect from a debrief. What are you researching?”
His gaze darted down to the holopad in his hand, “Oh, the Council are sending Anakin and I to a planet in the outer rim for a few days and I wanted to read up on their political hierarchy."
He handed her the holo, fingers brushing against hers, sending a spark down her spine. “Ipsidon? I’ve never heard of it,” she said, peering at the name displayed across the screen. The photographs accompanying it showed a dry desert environment with large arching rock formations.
“Neither had I, until today,” Obi-Wan mused, standing up and collecting the stack into his arms, “I think I’ve done more than enough reading on it for now.”
Y/n frowned, “If I am interrupting your research, maybe it’s best if I le-”
“No,” he interjected, eyes widening, “No, you aren’t interrupting anything, I assure you.”
She was surprised by his insistence, but nodded, biting her lip to keep her smile at bay, “Alright. At least hand me half the stack before you drop it.” She stood up holding her hands out.
He grinned, sliding the top few holopads into her arms, “As you wish.”
They made their way to a nearby sorting cart, unloading the holopads so they could be returned to the correct places on the shelves. Then Obi-Wan led her out of the Archives, slowing down to a stroll once they were in a quieter network of hallways.
“So,” Y/n said eventually, breaking the silence, “You have a beard now.”
He startled a little, giving her a wide-eyed look and touching a hand to his beard with a sheepish laugh, “Ah, yes. I thought it might help me look more like a Jedi.”
She nodded solemnly, resisting the smile threatening to break through the charade, “Of course. It certainly does the trick.”
“It does?” he asked, actually looking hopeful as he gazed down at her.
She bit her lip, fighting a losing battle with that smile, “Have you looked in the mirror recently?”
He flushed, sighing, “I suppose…”
“Is that a hint of vanity I hear, Master Kenobi?” she teased with a grin. “Are you afraid it takes away from your handsome face?”
Obi-Wan just laughed softly, cheeks burning red as he attempted to turn away.
“I heard about your trials through the grapevine,” he commented, clearly trying to change the subject. “Apparently you broke a few records in courage, spirit and insight. Very impressive.”
She huffed a laugh, face flushing, “You sound like Master Ti. And I didn’t exactly excel at skill and flesh.”
“Nevertheless, you’ve become quite the formidable Jedi Consular,” he said.
“Did you just lure me here to praise me, Master Kenobi?” she teased, crossing her arms.
He laughed softly, “Would that be such a bad thing?” At her questioning look he sighed, “We just worked so well together on Chandrila… Can you blame me for wanting to catch up?”
Her heart warmed at his words, quiet delight filling her chest at the indication that he cared about her enough to make an effort. “As Jedi we cannot often afford the luxury of friendships,” she said slowly, “So if I can only have a few, I’m glad you are one of them.”
The look on his face was one of shock. He clearly hadn’t expected her to put it so plainly, but she couldn’t bring herself to regret it. The knot in her chest eased as his shock softened to something more vulnerable.
“Likewise,” he rasped.
______
Obi-Wan knew this was a dangerous road to go down. He had humored feelings like these before with Satine and they had only led down a path of pain and sacrifice. But it had been near impossible to remember this when he’d walked out of the Council Chamber to find Y/n standing next to Anakin, a bright smile on her face that made his breath catch in his throat. Anakin had noticed this change in his behaviour - the Padawan had told him so as soon as they were alone.
“You have a soft spot for her, Master, just admit it,” Anakin teased as they walked back to their rooms.
“Jedi don’t have ‘soft spots’ for specific people, Anakin. It’s against the code,” Obi-Wan had said, leaving the conversation there.
He and Y/n continued to stroll leisurely through the temple hallways, chatting quietly about past missions, anecdotes from their days as padawans, and the bland quality of the temple canteen food. He could safely say he hadn’t laughed this much since he was a youngling running about with his classmates in between lessons.
“How is Anakin’s training going?” she asked eventually.
“It’s been a challenge…” he hesitated, trying to find the words, “I fear I am not cut out to teach Anakin. I don’t believe the Force ever intended for me to teach him - Qui-Gon was the one who found him and brought him to the Order. He was the one who vouched for the boy, while I remained skeptical.”
This was the first time Obi-Wan had ever voiced these fears out loud. They had been rolling around the back of his mind for the past five years, and telling Y/n about them already began easing the knot of stress in his gut.
He watched apprehensively as she just smiled, tilting her head to the side. “You amaze me, Obi-Wan.”
He paused, frowning uncertainly, “I… do?”
She stopped walking, gripping his arm gently, “Don’t you remember that you taught me? I had been struggling with my defensive swordsmanship for years, but a couple hours training with you helped me see my abilities through a different light. If anyone can train a padawan as chaotic and powerful as Anakin Skywalker, it’s you, my friend.”
If Obi-Wan had known speaking with Y/n would ease his doubts and fears this quickly, he would have done it years ago. He should have guessed she would have this effect on him. It was hard not to believe what was being said when she delivered it with such certainty. And coupled with that smile…
“You truly believe that, don’t you?” he said thoughtfully, gazing down at her.
She shrugged, turning and beginning to walk again, “It's not something to believe. It is merely a fact.”
Obi-Wan followed her lead, desperately trying to clamp down on his emotions.
“Besides,” she continued, tone deceptively casual, “if you ever need any more assurance, you have the code to my com unit.”
His breath hitched, eyes darting to her face. “That I do.”
They reached the residential section of the temple and slowed to a stop. He turned to face her, feeling reluctant to leave her just yet. But he knew he had run out of excuses to keep spending time with her.
“Good luck with your mission, Master Kenobi,” Y/n said, formally. But her eyes held a playful gleam.
He nodded seriously, playing along, “And you with your next assignment, Master L/n.”
She grinned, turning on her heel and beginning to walk away from him, but paused after a few paces, turning back. “Oh, and I suggest you keep the beard. It suits you.”
Then, in a flurry of robes, she was gone, leaving Obi-Wan frozen in the hallway, cheeks burning.
Warnings: Creative liberties taken with Chandrila.
Words: 3.5K
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi was destined for infinite sadness, but an afternoon mentoring a younger padawan might just change his fate and blossom into one of the greatest love stories the galaxy has ever seen.
Obi-Wan Kenobi Masterlist
The Temple hallways echoed with the roar of the rain outside. The chill cut through her robes, creeping into her extremities. A shiver wracked her muscles as she walked to the Council Chambers, forcing her legs to move as fast as they could without outright running. A pair of younglings barreled past her, giggling as their creche minder scrambled after them.
Y/n came to a stop outside the chamber doors. Taking a few deep breaths to even out her pulse, she ran a hand through her hair in an attempt to tame it. Her padawan braid fell across her shoulder, and she gripped it briefly to gain some comfort.
Taking one last deep breath, she let go of her nerves and knocked on the doors.
With a pneumonic hiss, they opened, and she stepped inside.
The Council Chamber never failed to intimidate her. All around the space, in large, cushioned chairs, sat the legendary Jedi Council Members. So many of these faces had littered the stories she’d heard as a youngling. Mace Windu, Ki-Adi-Mundi, Plo Koon, Yoda… To her credit, she had learnt to conceal her awe over the years, and now, at 21 standard cycles of age, she could stand before these legends with a composed, straight face.
At least, that was until today. Until she saw him.
He looked different. His auburn hair was longer - gone was the old, cropped, padawan style. It was swept back from his face, a few stray locks resting across his brow. Somehow the new look made his cerulean eyes even more striking. All in all, it was frustratingly clear to Y/n that Obi-Wan Kenobi had somehow grown more handsome in the six years they had been apart.
“Ah, Padawan L/n,” Master Windu greeted, “Have you met Master Kenobi?”
Y/n’s gaze darted between Windu and the man standing before her, “Uh, yes, Master Windu. Although this was quite a few years ago, when he was still a Padawan learner.”
Her breath caught in her throat when Obi-Wan turned his head to look at her. It was awfully distracting, the way his gaze remained directed on her even as Windu continued to speak. His mouth was pulled into the smallest of smiles, the sight making her chest tighten, those old feelings flooding back as though they had never left.
“We spent a week training together,” Obi-Wan explained, finally turning away.
“Good, this is,” Yoda affirmed, “Work well together, you will.”
“I don’t understand…?” Y/n frowned.
“It seems we have been assigned to the conflict on Chandrila,” Obi-Wan explained, the sound of his voice somehow better than she remembered, “They have requested a Jedi advisor.”
From what she had heard, the Chandrilans had recently encountered an indigenous, intelligent lifeform in the cave systems under their planet surface. Initially there had been some miscommunication between the natives and the surface dwellers, and unfortunately this had transformed into outright warfare.
“Are they looking to make peace with the natives?” Y/n asked, looking to the Councilors for the answer.
“Yes,” Windu replied, “But they are having some communication issues. They need a Jedi to act as an intermediate. We believe that our connection to the living force could help.”
She nodded, glancing briefly at Obi-Wan. “And you would like me to accompany Master Kenobi on this matter?”
“With your own Master away on a solo mission, we believe it will be good for you to gain some experience without her there to guide you,” Master Windu explained.
“Particularly strong with the Force, you are. Aid Master Kenobi in communications with the natives, you will.” Yoda added.
That concluded the meeting. Y/n found herself walking slowly through the hallways, the only sound the pattering of the rain that was beginning to die down. She paused in an archway that looked out onto the quad with the Great Tree. It’s own force signature pulsing through her soul, settling her nerves.
“It has been a while.”
She twisted her head around to see Obi-Wan slide next to her. His eyes still held the mischief she remembered. “Six years,” she said with a wry smile, “How have you been, Master Kenobi.”
He laughed softly, running a hand over the back of his neck, “I have been through a lot of change, that is for certain.”
“You have a padawan of your own now, I understand?” She asked.
“Yes, Anakin…” he trailed off, seemingly lost in thought. “He is quite the handful, but I have grown fond of him.”
Y/n was surprised to hear him admit to this attachment. From what she’d heard about Obi-Wan over the years, she knew he was practically the textbook example of a ‘perfect Jedi’. He followed the code meticulously, so it was unexpected that he would express his affection for young Anakin verbally like this.
“I’m glad,” she said quietly, a soft smile on her face as she gazed up at the older Jedi.
She couldn’t help but admire his striking profile. She let her eyes trail down the slope of his nose, and the line of his jaw. The strong set of his brow and the auburn hair that fell across it.
“I hear you are to face the trials soon,” Obi-Wan said, interrupting her from her reverie.
“Yes,” she rasped, clearing her throat and pulling her gaze back forward, “Master Ti believes I am ready. Although I am not so sure.”
“Well, if you ever need a sparring partner, I’d be happy to oblige,” he offered, “I’m curious to see how your abilities have progressed since we last crossed blades.”
The corner of her mouth pulled up as she tilted her head to meet his eyes, “Who knows, you might get to see me in action soon, with our new mission and all.”
“Considering this is a purely diplomatic mission, I would hope it doesn’t come to that,” he said dryly, smiling.
Y/n laughed, “Fair enough.”
———
Their ship took off early the next morning. It was a Jedi shuttle with red detailing. When they boarded it, Y/n went to sit in the copilot’s chair, the familiar feeling of anticipation for the mission to come flooding her bloodstream. Behind her, Obi-Wan climbed up the ramp, the distinct combination of beeps she associated with an R2 unit trailing after him.
“This is R2-P17,” Obi-Wan introduced, sitting down in the pilot’s chair, “He will accompany us to Chandrila to look after the ship.”
Y/n smiled kindly at the little astromech, “Hello, I’m Y/n.”
The droid let out a series of beeps and chirps, conveying his enthusiasm to meet her. She laughed softly, turning to Obi-Wan, “He’s a chatty little guy, isn’t he?”
The older Jedi just smiled, flicking various switches and buttons on the control panel. The shuttle’s engines whirred to life, and they took off, blue sky turning to inky black space dotted with stars as they left Coruscant’s atmosphere.
Y/n couldn’t keep her eyes away from the windows, taking in the vastness of the space around them, as well as the shrinking grey sphere that was Coruscant.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’ve never been off-world before,” Obi-Wan stated with a bemused smile.
She rolled her eyes at him, grinning, “Of course I have. I can just never get over how vast the galaxy is, and how many worlds it contains. Thousands of different planets with completely different biomes and ecosystems. I feel so grateful that being a Jedi gives me the chance to see some of them.”
“I’ve never thought of it like that,” he mused, typing the coordinates into the pathfinder. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone else describe it like that either,” he added.
They punched into hyperspace and Y/n let herself lean back into her seat. “What is it you love about our job, then?” She asked, pulling out her data pad to flick through the information on Chandrilla.
Obi-Wan was quiet for a moment, pondering the question with a hand on his chin. “I suppose I never thought to pick something. We didn’t exactly choose this life.”
“That’s not entirely true, though. Is it?” She pointed out.
He turned to look at her, brow raised questioningly, “How so?”
“As Jedi, we are brought up under the code and its ideologies, but we are not forced to continue to live by them once we reach maturity,” she elaborated, “Most of us probably stay because the Order is the only family we’ve ever known, but I think we all get to a point where we have to actively choose to stay. Choose the code and its beliefs over a simpler life. And that’s where our true reason for staying comes into the light.”
“And you have had to make this choice?” Obi-Wan asked quietly, expression thoughtful.
She hesitated, “Well, yes. In a way. My faith hasn’t exactly been tested, but I know I don’t feel like I’m part of the Jedi Order because I have to be. I’m here because I believe in our core principles and I believe in the Force.”
He smiled wryly, “And the travel thing?”
“In addition to the travel thing,” she added with a laugh.
He laughed with her, falling silent with a faraway look in his eyes. Y/n was surprised to find she didn’t feel awkward in the silence. She could see his mind had taken him somewhere else for a moment, and she was curious to see where that train of thought ended up.
Eventually he spoke, brow creased and eyes on the millions of stars streaking past the windows, “I suppose I did choose this life. In more ways than one. Partly because it’s the only one I’ve ever known, but also because it allows me to help people in the only way I know how.”
She grinned teasingly, “With a sarcastic remark and a lightsaber?”
His serious expression cracked and a laugh burst from his lips, “Now what would give you that impression?”
———
Obi-Wan couldn’t stop thinking about what Y/n had said for the rest of the journey. He knew he should be studying his data pad just like she was, but every time he tried, he found his eyes drifting aimlessly across the page without actually reading any of the information.
After she had explained it so eloquently, he realised that he could remember the exact moment when he’d made that choice for himself. That decision between a ‘normal’ life, or a life in the Jedi Order.
Satine.
He honestly hadn’t thought about her in years. He hadn’t let himself out of loyalty to the order. Back then, young and naive as he was, he’d believed he left because she didn’t ask him to stay. It was a mantra he had unwittingly repeated to himself, as a way to make the action feel like it was out of his control, and to remove any responsibility he could feel towards it. But these were lies.
He could have easily expressed how he felt to her. He could have taken that first step, rather than wait for her to do it. But he hadn’t. And it wasn’t because he didn’t love her — in his own, youthful way, he had loved her. It was because his sense of purpose revolved around the Jedi Order, and try as he might, he couldn’t find himself to leave it behind. Even for her.
So he’d made a choice. And not once in the fourteen years since had he truly regretted it. He did wonder, once in a while, what his life would have been like. Without the Order, without the code. But he didn’t regret it.
They reached Chandrila an hour after going into hyperspace. Obi-Wan piloted the shuttle towards the blue and green sphere.
“Have you been here before?” Y/n asked, putting the datapad away and leaning forward in her seat to get a better look at the planet.
Obi-Wan glanced at her quickly, “No, but I have met their senator. Mon Mothma, I believe. She is quite young.”
They descended through the atmosphere, punching out the clouds to reveal a beautiful landscape covered in huge, snow-capped mountains and vibrant green forests. He flew the shuttle between two peaks, cresting over a monstrous waterfall. Next to him, the Padawan was making soft sounds of breathless awe as she gazed wide-eyed out the window.
“It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen,” she gasped, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear as she leaned further forward.
Obi-Wan couldn’t help but smile at her reaction. “Don’t fall out of your seat,” he teased with a hint of genuine concern in his tone as a bit of turbulence caused the shuttle to jolt which almost had Y/n sprawled on the floor of the cockpit.
Her cheeks flushed as she sat back down quickly, the sight jarringly similar to the young girl he’d trained six years ago.
Ever since he’d become reacquainted with her, Obi-Wan had been subconsciously noting the differences in demeanor between the bright, confident woman next to him and the clumsy, self-aware girl he’d befriended. When the Council had told him about this mission, he had been pleasantly surprised to find out who he was to complete it with. He’d thought about Y/n every now and then over the past six years, wondering how her training was going and whether she was still practicing her defensive abilities. But the image of her in his head had always been that of the klutzy young Padawan. So when she walked into the Council Chamber, all strong-set shoulders and determined stride, her force signature bright but gentle, he couldn’t help but do a double take.
And Maker help him, he was still catching himself letting his eyes linger on her movements — her mannerisms. Because barring the physical changes and her increased self-confidence, she was still the person he remembered. She could still catch him off guard with an unexpected joke, or a dry remark, making laughter bubble up in his throat before he could control it. She was still more inclined to smile than frown, and her words still had a way of making Obi-Wan break down his own walls for a moment.
And on a purely superficial level, it was very hard for him not to notice that she had grown quite beautiful. A thought he had shut out as quickly as it had formed.
He directed the shuttle toward a brilliant, white city built along the cliffs overlooking a vast ocean. The comms light blinked, indicating that the space traffic controllers were trying to communicate with them.
“This is Jedi shuttle 634, requesting to land,” he said, pressing down on the button.
“All clear,” the confirmation came.
They touched down on a landing bay hanging over one of the cliffs, a greeting party already waiting on the walkway alongside it.
“That’s Tanis Mothma, the Governor of Hanna City,” Y/n murmured, indicating to the tall, regal-looking woman watching the shuttle land.
Obi-Wan was suddenly more regretful of his failure to pay attention to his datapad.
“I take it that is where we are,” Obi-Wan said dryly as they got out of their seats.
Y/n gave him an incredulous look, “You flew us here!”
He grinned sheepishly, “I followed the coordinates.”
This elicited a bark of laughter from the Padawan, which in turn made Obi-Wan chuckle softly.
“Maybe I should pilot the ship next time,” she quipped teasingly as the ramp began to lower, sunlight filtering into the dark space.
“If I had known that was an option, I would have had you pilot it for this journey,” Obi-Wan muttered.
He saw her bite her lip to keep her laughter under control as they stepped out of the ship and into the view of the greeting party. He ignored the warm pride that filled his chest at the thought that he had been the one to make her laugh this freely.
Tanis Mothma was a serious-looking woman with greying red hair that was pulled back from her face into a graceful knot. She wore all white, the fabric loose and draped elegantly across her torso. Either side of her stood two handmaidens clad in cream robes, their faces hidden by hoods.
“Master Jedi,” Mothma greeted with a polite smile, holding out her hand.
Obi-Wan took it respectfully and kissed it, before backing away, “Governor Mothma, it is a pleasure to meet you. I am Obi-Wan Kenobi, and this is my companion Y/n L/n.”
Y/n bowed her head, “You have a beautiful planet, Governor.”
Mothma’s smile became a little more genuine, “It is beautiful, isn’t it? Come, I will walk you to the House where the other governors are.”
She turned and began walking back toward the city. Obi-Wan and Y/n followed after her, the handmaidens slotting in behind them.
“Thank you so much for coming, you have no idea how desperate we are for an end to this conflict,” Mothma said, slowing down to walk alongside the Jedi.
“It is our intention to find a peaceful solution for both sides,” Obi-Wan said, “Padawan L/n here is a consular, which means she is specifically trained in negotiation.”
Mothma smiled, “I see we are in good hands then.”
———
The meeting with the governors was fairly successful, and they agreed to let the Jedi help negotiate with the natives on their behalf. Soon, Y/n and Obi-Wan had been ushered onto another transport and taken to a remote farming village in a mountainous region. It was situated in a deep valley, surrounded by lush green woodland.
“It’s so peaceful here,” Y/n murmured as climbed out of the transport, spinning slowly to take it all in. The village was a cluster of buildings placed against the foot of the mountain. Most were residential houses, children running around in the street, their giggles echoing off the valley walls either side. Some of the buildings sported small shop fronts selling basic necessities. Villagers milled about the stalls, chatting and bartering and just generally going about their daily lives. The land around the village was reserved for grazing for the horned mammals that the farmers kept.
Their transport had stopped in the main square, just outside the biggest building. All about them the villagers began to notice their existence, sending the Jedi wary glances.
“They don’t look too pleased to see us,” Obi-Wan murmured, moving closer to Y/n’s side as their escort - the governor for this part of Chandrila - led them past the square.
“Their village has taken the brunt of this war,” the governor said, “Can you blame them for being skeptical of outsiders?”
Y/n looked up at Obi-Wan, her brow furrowed with concern and sympathy. The older Jedi sighed, “No, I suppose not.”
“Your lodgings are this way,” the governor continued, leading them to a building nestled against the mountainside, just beyond the square. “The warfront is just over this mountain. There is a trail that will get you there faster and safer than any main road. You should leave at first light if you want to start negotiations with the natives as soon as possible.”
“Thank you, governor,” Y/n said.
The lodging was a small inn run by a very severe-looking woman. She gave them their room keys, resistant to any small talk Y/n tried to make. Obi-Wan gave her an amused look when they were left alone in the hallway.
“You are not fond of silence, are you?” he pointed out with a barely-contained grin.
She rolled her eyes, “What makes you say that?”
He laughed softly, moving to unlock his room door, but paused when she didn’t follow his lead. “Are you alright?”
“I think I’m going to go for a walk,” she said, “Get rid of some of that nervous energy.”
Obi-Wan looked a little concerned, but nodded, “Alright. Be back before dark.”
With a nod she turned on her heel and exited the inn, the tightness in her chest finally easing with that first breath of evening air. The day had been long and a little stressful, with the combination of being around the only man who could make her heart actually stutter all the time and having the responsibility of an entire war thrust upon her shoulders. She just needed a few moments by herself, preferably not in an enclosed space.
It took her about five minutes to walk out of the village, and soon she was strolling aimlessly about the grazing fields, basking in the serenity of the sunset between the mountains and the light breeze on her face. This place was so beautiful, it made her wonder for a brief moment what a simple life would be like. A life outside the Jedi Order. But she quickly batted that thought aside. She loved her life as a Jedi. She loved the way she felt when she meditated, she loved the weightless feeling of sparring with Master Ti, lightsabers arching gracefully through the air. And most of all she loved having a purpose, feeling certain in the reason for her existence. She could never give it up for anything.
So she stood in the golden light of the sinking sun, unaware of the Jedi Knight watching thoughtfully from the edge of the village.
Warnings: Not many, just some lightsaber sparring. For clarification, there are no romantic feelings from Obi-Wan’s perspective yet as the reader is 15 and he is about 23.
Words: 2.3K
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi was destined for infinite sadness, but an afternoon mentoring a younger padawan might just change his fate and blossom into one of the greatest love stories the galaxy has ever seen.
Obi-Wan Kenobi Masterlist
Sweat beaded along her hairline, fingers tight around the hilt of her lightsaber. Y/n could feel the heat radiating from the green blade. It licked her face as she circled her opponent, legs shaking with exertion. Master Shaak Ti painted a contrasting image across the room, her composed expression and relaxed posture speaking volumes.
“Centre your breathing, my young padawan,” Master Ti advised, “Feel the force around you, let it guide you in your defense.”
Y/n let out a breath, straightening her posture and reaching out with her feelings. It was almost like muscle memory - connecting with the force had always been easier for her than swordsmanship. It was one of the reasons she was a consular rather than a guardian.
But even consulars had to be fairly competent with a lightsaber.
The force shifted, and Y/n was able to raise her saber just in time to block Master Ti’s blow. Blue and green clashed mere inches from her face. With the aid of the force, she was able to hold her own for another few minutes before her fatigue got the best of her.
“I believe that is enough for today,” Master Ti conceded after Y/n stumbled over her own feet trying to back away from an attack.
Despite the fact that she could only see compassion and kindness in her Master’s face, Y/n still felt the sting of failure as she trudged to the benches on the side of the training mat where her cloak was lying. Pushing her sweat-damp hair away from her neck, she pulled the cloak over her shoulders, her padawan braid resting across her heart.
“I’m sorry, Master,” she murmured quietly as they walked through the temple hallways, the late afternoon sun giving the air an orange hue. At fifteen years of age, she was under the impression that every failure was the pinnacle of embarrassment.
“For what, Y/n?” Master Ti asked, looking down at her with a kind, if slightly bemused smile. A group of younglings ran past, the sound of their youthful giggles echoing through the temple.
“You keep trying to help me improve my defensive swordsmanship abilities, but I keep failing to show any signs of progress,” Y/n mumbled, fiddling with the hem of her cloak sleeves.
Master Ti just laughed softly, stopping her with a gentle hand on her arm, “If that is what you believe, then you are far too harsh on yourself.”
Y/n just chewed her bottom lip, eyes on her soft leather shoes.
The older Jedi sighed, “I suppose if you feel this strongly about it, I could find you a… tutor of sorts.”
This brought her attention away from her feet. “Master?” She asked, frowning.
Master Ti began walking again, her robes rippling in her wake. Y/n scrambled to keep up. An older, robed Jedi she didn’t recognise gave her a startled look when she almost ran into him. Her face burned with embarrassment as she apologised.
“Have you met Qui-Gon Jin’s padawan?” Master Ti asked.
Y/n felt her cheeks heat, “Obi-Wan Kenobi? No, but I have heard of him and seen him around the temple. He is well-respected.”
And very handsome, her inner monologue added, quite unhelpfully.
The first time she’d seen the older Padawan had been a couple of years ago when his master and Master Ti had both been called before the council. Y/n could remember vividly how her heart had stuttered when she’d seen Obi-Wan standing next to Master Jin. For a brief moment their eyes had met and he had given her a kind smile which made her throat dry. As quickly as it had started, though, that interaction ended when Master Yoda began speaking.
Since then she had harboured a childish, and very forbidden crush on him. He was about eight years older than her, so even if these feelings weren’t against the Jedi Code, she told herself that it was a pointless exercise to entertain the notion that he might one day feel the same. Besides, she doubted he remembered her.
“He is also an excellent defensive swordsman,” Master Ti continued, oblivious to the mental battle her padawan was waging in her own head. “I believe he can provide a unique insight that might help you understand your own abilities.”
“He will be teaching me?” Y/n asked, unsure if the adrenaline hitting her system was due to excitement or anxiety.
“I need to speak to him and Master Jin first, but… yes. Hopefully.”
———
Obi-Wan didn’t know what to expect when Master Ti approached him and Qui-Gon to ask about her Padawan. He remembered the girl from a council meeting a few years ago. Her force signature had been jittering with anxiety as she stared wide-eyed at the Jedi Masters lining the chamber. It was a little endearing, actually, and Obi-Wan had instantly felt the urge to reassure her. So when those wide eyes fell on him, he smiled kindly, reaching out with his own signature in an attempt to sooth hers.
It seemed like it worked when the buzzing energy surrounding her paused, as though it was holding a breath. Before he could consider it further, Master Yoda started the meeting.
“Would your Padawan not rather you teach her?” Obi-Wan asked after Master Ti had finished explaining the situation, “With all due respect, Master Ti, I doubt there is anything I can show her that you can’t.”
She smiled, “That is very kind of you to say, but it seems my Padawan could benefit from a new perspective. You are far closer to her in age than I am, and Qui-Gon tells me you are quite adept in your defensive swordsmanship.”
“I believe this could be helpful for you, as well, Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon added, “It won’t be long before you have your own padawan to teach. And the council does not have us on assignment at the moment.”
Obi-Wan nodded, “Of course, Master. I would love to help Y/n.”
“Thank you, Padawan Kenobi,” Master Ti said, bowing her head in thanks.
So that was how he ended up in one of the temple training rooms at sunrise, meditating while he waited for the girl to arrive. When she did, he felt her signature approaching long before he heard her. She was like a hurricane, robes and padawan braid flying as she stumbled into the training room.
The sun was just peering through the windows, casting the room in that golden hour glow. Obi-Wan opened his eyes, an amused smile tugging at his mouth as she leaned against the wall and let out a breath.
“I’m so sorry I’m late, Mast- erm, Mr Kenobi?” She winced awkwardly at her own words, shrugging off her cloak and coming forward to plop down on the mat in front of him.
He laughed quietly, holding his hand out to her, “You can just call me Obi-Wan. We are both Padawans here.”
She nodded, lips pressed in a straight line as though to prevent herself from speaking. Her handshake was a little uncertain, “I’m Y/n.”
“I know. It’s good to meet you,” he said gently.
“You too.”
She started to push herself off the floor, but Obi-Wan stopped her. “I wanted to start with a meditation session today,” he said, “Since you are a consular, you might benefit from strengthening your connection to the force before we train.”
“Okay,” she breathed, settling herself back down and adjusting her posture.
He noticed her signature relax as she synched her mind with the force faster than any Jedi Knight he knew.
“Meditation comes easy to you, I take it,” he mused after a couple of minutes.
She barely flinched at his words, all traces of her previous clumsiness gone. “It’s the only part about being a Jedi that I’m actually good at,” she explained.
“I find that hard to believe. Your connection with the force should theoretically improve your swordsmanship.” he pointed out.
Y/n just shrugged, her serene expression interrupted slightly by a wry smile, “I think you’re beginning to see the problem.”
They meditated for about half an hour. Obi-Wan spent most of that time thinking about how he could help her. For someone so comfortable with the force, it was strange that she couldn’t use it alongside her lightsaber.
“Let’s begin with a simple sparring session so I can assess your current ability,” he suggested, standing up from the mat and holding out a hand to help her up.
“Very well,” she breathed, accepting his hand.
To his surprise, the second she stood, her signature retreated from the force, the anxiety and buzzing energy he was familiar with taking over again. He watched her move to the other side of the mat, her shoulders tense with nerves.
“Why have you allowed your signature to detach from the force,” Obi-Wan asked when she turned around to face him.
“I don’t understand?” Y/n frowned, fingers fidgeting with her cloak sleeves, “We are no longer meditating. I need to focus on sparring now.”
He paused, beginning to understand the underlying issue, “So you sacrifice your connection with the force? Don’t you see how that’s a disadvantage?”
Her cheeks flushed and she looked down at the mat, the walls, anything but his face, “I have always struggled to… multitask. Meditation comes easy to me, but once I am in a combat scenario, I panic and I get distracted by my fear.”
“Fear is a dangerous feeling for a Jedi to have,” Obi-Wan warned, noticing how she winced at his words. “But it is also a natural instinct. It is nothing to be ashamed of, only overcome.”
She met his gaze, uncertainty making way for resolve. He sensed the Force shift as she reached out again, bending her knees in a defensive stance.
“Alright, I’m ready.”
He grinned, fingers brushing his lightsaber at his side, “Very well.”
There was a flurry of movement along with the hum of lightsaber blades, and the sparring began. Obi-Wan was pleasantly surprised by her agility. Already a head taller than her and at least seven cycles older, he had the natural advantage, but she moved fast enough to pose a challenge. They danced around each other, trading blows. Y/n was doing well holding her own for the first few minutes, but as Obi-Wan’s attacks grew in intensity, he saw her panic start to set in and her grip on the force weaken. A couple of blows later, she tripped over her own feet and fell backwards onto the mat with a huff.
“Are you alright?” Obi-Wan asked softly, holding out a hand to help her up.
She smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes, “Physically, yes. It’s my pride that’s a little bruised.”
He couldn’t help but laugh, “I suppose that is to be expected. You did well though. I see now what our next steps are.”
“Really,” she breathed, sounding hopeful as she dusted herself off.
Obi-Wan took a few steps back and ignited his lightsaber, “Really.”
___
Y/n improved more that week than she had over the past year. Somehow Obi-Wan was able to give her an entirely new perspective on battle meditation. With the help of the Force, her defensive swordsmanship, as well as her overall saber technique, advanced faster than she could have hoped. And with it, her panic and anxiety around combat situations reduced until it was manageable.
In addition to the training, she found herself enjoying Obi-Wan’s company. He was funnier and a lot less serious than she’d initially assumed. It didn’t take long for her admiration to develop into feelings that she knew were foolish to entertain. But it was hard to be concerned about them when her days were spent sparring and chatting with him.
To her dismay, the end of the week came far too quickly, and soon Masters Ti and Jin arrived to assess the results.
“I am impressed, my young Padawan,” Master Ti praised, a rare smile on her face, “You have progressed even further than I hoped.”
“Thank you, Master,” Y/n bowed her head, “But the credit goes to Obi-Wan’s teaching.”
Obi-Wan shook his head with a smile, “I only coaxed out pre-existing abilities.”
“Still, you will make a fine Jedi Master some day,” Master Jin added, placing an approving hand on his Padawan’s shoulder.
Y/n noticed the flash of boyish pride in Obi-Wan’s eyes at his Master’s words.
“We will leave you now to finish up the session,” Master Ti said, “The Council has given us an assignment, Y/n, and we set off in the morning.”
“Yes, Master,” Y/n said.
The Jedi Knights left the room, cloaks drifting regally behind them. The second they were out of sight, Y/n spun around to face Obi-Wan, grinning widely.
“We did it,” she breathed, relief flooding through her body.
He laughed softly, nodding, “They were quite pleased, if I do say so myself.”
They finished up the training session with one last round of meditation. When it was over, Y/n found a heavy feeling growing in her gut. This time tomorrow she would be who knew where on a mission with her Master, and Obi-Wan would go off with Master Jin to complete his own training. She didn’t know when she would see him again.
“Thank you, Obi-Wan,” she said quietly as they pulled their cloaks back on. “You have helped me more than you realise.”
He paused, placing a hand on her shoulder, “I only helped you discover what you were already capable of. You will be a formidable consular one day, I am sure of it.”
She felt her cheeks heat, and she quickly looked anywhere but his face.
They left the room and parted ways. The next morning Y/n was on a ship to Ryloth.
Obi-Wan Kenobi was destined for infinite sadness, but an afternoon mentoring a younger padawan might just change his fate and blossom into one of the greatest love stories the galaxy has ever seen.
Status: Active - updates every Tuesday (NOTE: author is at uni, so updates may be subject to variation depending on how busy the coursework gets)
